


It's Not Like They're Friends Or Anything...

by kirschhhstein



Series: It's Not Like They're Friends or Anything [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Explicit Language, Highschool/Secondary AU, M/M, Underage Drinking, and Sex i guess, mentions of bullying, violence (fist-fighting), with a capital S
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 14:36:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 117,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1095118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirschhhstein/pseuds/kirschhhstein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean has Marco.  He doesn't need anyone else.  Especially since he has the propensity to fuck up any potential relationship with every harsh word that comes out of his potty mouth.  He'd thought the feeling was mutual until Marco brought his new girlfriend to lunch.  So much for Jean and Marco vs the rest of Shinganshina Academy.  Maybe it's time for Jean to get a girlfriend of his own.  Maybe that bangin' hot Mikasa Ackerman.  Her asshole of an adoptive brother might be a bit of a problem though.  And then there's that cute blond kid they hang around with...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Jean Is Kind Of An Asshole

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I haven't written fanfiction in a really long time. And I've never written snk fanfiction before, so bear with me.
> 
> I'm from Scotland and I don't really know how the American education system works so I've pretty much stuck with how I know secondary education to be in my country.  
> And we all know how confusing the spelling can be for the characters in this fandom so I just stuck with my favourites.
> 
> Jean comes across as sort of a jerk at first (sorry, he'll get better!), but Armin's a cutie.  
> This is a mostly Jearmin fic, but I'm a huge sucker for Eremin so this might end up taking a weird route...  
> I don't know if there will be anything smutty yet. I've never written smut before and I have like zero confidence in my smut writing abilities but ehhh we'll see.
> 
> I'm a little nervous about posting this, I don't really publish anything I write. Any feedback would be appreciated ^^'

"Fuck."

Blue eyes widened in response before glancing over towards the table and back to the cussing boy in front.

"Uh, y-you wanted to tell me something, Jean?"

_Shit, I must be freaking him out. He just looked at Eren and Mikasa, oh God, I hope they don't come over. Jeez, my hands are all clammy, I'm so gross ugh he's never gonna want to hold my hand if my hands are always clammy - SHUT UP, YOU'RE NOT THERE YET. Okay, calm down, Jean. You're cool. You're the man. Who apparently likes other men. Or just one. A really cute one. Where the hell did all my saliva go?_

"Yeah, sorry, I-I just -"

_Did I seriously just fucking stutter?_

"- you see, I have this problem and it's your fault -"

"Did I do something to offend you?"

"No, oh God no, I mean it's really Eren's fault but you're the actual problem - NO wait, that's not what I meant to say -"

This was not how this was supposed to go. Actually, Jean had no freaking clue how it was supposed to go but it definitely wasn't meant to happen with Jean coming across as a socially inept asshole.

He couldn't believe how quickly he had fallen apart. It was hard to believe this was happening at all. There was only one thing Jean was absolutely certain of.

It really was that damn Eren Jaeger's fault.

 

*

 

Tuesdays were the worst. Double advanced maths with Mr stick-up-his-ass Dawk, double biology with that maniac Professor Hanji then a whopping extended double period of English with the formidable Professor Rivaille. It was hard to say which teacher frightened Jean Kirschstein more.

It could've been worse. At least Jean had Marco for the latter two periods which were arguably the worst (Professor Rivaille had propensity to use terrible toilet humour that nobody was sure were actually jokes). The ever-patient freckled angel who never had a bad word to say about anybody including his often loud and outspoken best friend. Jean knew Marco got along with everyone, and appreciated that despite having his pick of anyone, he'd stuck with Jean throughout their childhood together in their hometown Trost and Shinganshina Academy. Jean dreaded the day that someone would snatch Marco away for good. It was bound to happen eventually. Marco was popular in their year whereas Jean was...tolerated. For the most part.

Of course, that day did occur. Typically, on a Tuesday.

After a nerverwracking two hours of listening to Hanji shriek with alarming enthusiasm about the regernerative abilities of a lizard ("Imagine one day if humans evolved enough to do this too! I could chop off one of your arms and it'd grow back before sixth period! Wouldn't that be convenient? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Assuming you didn't die from blood loss first, of course."), before gingerly prodding the insides of several dead frogs, Jean was desperate to vent to his best friend who was always an attentive listener to Jean's many rants.

As soon as the bell for lunch rang, Jean bolted for the door, smacking his bag off a ducked blond head ("ow!") on his way out with a "oh shit, sorry, man" without a second glance before tearing his way down flights of stairs and down corridors to the cafeteria. Heaping a double helping of macaroni and cheese on to his tray, he made his way to his usual table in the middle of the hall.

Not a minute had past after Jean tucked into his meal when Marco dropped into the seat opposite. Swallowing a particularly cheesey mouthful, Jean began immediately:

"Hey, so you wouldn't believe the rubbish Hanji was going on about today, I swear there should be someone out there hunting them down with a net and tranq-"

A rosy-cheeked girl with pigtails slid in beside Marco.

"...uilizer. Uh, hey."

"Jean, this is Mina." Marco declared, slightly flushed and smiling widely.

"Yeah, I know. We've been in the same registration class for five years." Jean set down his fork and squinted at his freckled friend whose face was growing pinker by the minute.

_So, what about it? Wait...no way, is Mina the girl that Marco likes?_

Jean was aware that Marco had been crushing on someone for a while now after he'd blurted it out one night during a video game marathon weekend. Jean had tried to pry a name out of him with no success before sighing in resignation and saying:

"Whatever, as long as it's not Mi-"

Marco flushed.

"-kasa. Dude, tell me it's not Mikasa"

Marco assured Jean hastily that it certainly was not Mikasa and Jean had let it drop.

_He'll get over it soon anyway. He hasn't the balls to ask out anyone at our school. Nothing to worry about. It'll still just be me and him. No homo. No problem._

Until now at least.

Jean tried to keep the annoyance off his face as Marco announced that he and Mina were dating and he'd asked her to join them for lunch from now on.

"I hope you don't mind." Mina brushed her hair behind her eye shyly with a glance at Jean.

"Of course I mind. Now bugger off."

No, he couldn't say that. He's one to let his feelings known but he couldn't ruin this for Marco. He's allowed to date and befriend whoever he wants. He shouldn't be restricted to just Jean when he can be mates with whoever he wants. And possibly get some action.

"Course not." Jean forced a grin. "Table's too big for just the two of us anyway, right Marco?"

His best friend beamed in response and Jean could read the silent "thank you" in his eyes. Jean only hoped he could see the "yeah yeah, you gotta tell me all the dirty details later" in his own.

_Guess this means I can't talk about how bangin' hot Mikasa is now._

Jean's thoughts became increasingly glum to the point that he didn't notice Thomas Wagner join their already-too-busy-for-Jean's-taste table until he sat down.

"Sweep my friend away, why don't cha Marco?" he laughed and nudged the boy beside him.

_Oh no no no if he turns up -_

"There's no meat in mac and cheese!" Sasha wailed as her shoulder crashed against Jean's.

"There's bacon right there, Sash!"

"Hardly any! I'm a growing girl, Connie, I need at least half a pig of bacon in this crappy cheesey gloop."

Jean tried to control his disgust as Sasha devoured the plateful of "cheesey gloop" and demanded seconds. He glanced at Marco to exchange "what the hell" looks to find him murmuring to Mina, their heads close together, the others (and apparently Jean) forgotten.

Trying not to feel resentful, Jean bowed his head and ate in disgruntled silence. This wouldn't last, surely?

_Maybe they'll break up._

His hopeful feeling was smothered immediately. Hating himself, Jean shook his head and shovelled more food in his mouth til his cheeks were bulging.

_Don't wish for things like that. Look how frigging happy Marco is. You don't want that taken away from him. He's your best friend. Stupid happy git._

"Sure you got enough in there, Jean?"

Choking, Jean slammed his fork down and stood up abruptly.

"Fuc-guhh, fuck you Er-ehern!" he managed, glowering at the scowling dark-haired boy who had just made himself comfortable at the end of the table.

_Shit, if he's here, that means -_

Mikasa Ackerman sat next to Eren silently, her face expressionless as she took in Jean's appearance.

_Am I drooling?_

Swallowing, Jean dragged his sleeve across his mouth and deduced that yes, an unfortunate amount of saliva was dribbling down his chin.  
Mortified, he sank into his seat and felt his face reddening. It took all of his self-control to ignore the jibes of Connie and Sasha before they grew bored and lapsed into conversation with the others about whether Professor Rivaille and Principal Smith were going at it or not. Jean had a niggling feeling that they were but he was too irritable to join in with the others. Deciding it would be more embarrassing and childish to stalk off to another table and eat alone, he resigned to finish his lunch as quickly as possible and excuse himself to the library to pretend to study.

"You really like mac and cheese, don't you, Jean?"

"Huh?!" Jean turned to stare at the boy he hadn't noticed was beside him.

Armin Arlert blinked and a small smile graced his features as he nodded his head towards Jean's plate.

"I assumed that's why you tore out of biology like a bat out of hell earlier," he rubbed the back of his head ruefully. "And why you were wolfing it down when we arrived."

"Uh, yeah, that's why. Sorry I hit you by the way."

"It's alright. I'd have been the same if today's meal was baked potato!" Armin laughed, a high sweet sound that would've sounded ridiculous coming from any one other than this blue-eyed boy. It was...nice.

"Right." Jean muttered and risked a glance at his best friend and new girlfriend. Their hands were clasped on the table, Marco's thumb brushing lightly against the back of Mina's.

"Biology was really interesting today."

"What?"

"What Professor Hanji said today about human regeneration. I thought it was fascinating!" Armin's eyes shone in the way Hanji's did when they talked about anything Jean usually found gross. His eyes were _really_ blue.

"Fascinating is one word."

"I think it's something I'd like to study. I want to work with Professor Hanji one day -"

"What, so you can both be nutcases and live happily ever after together?"

"I-I don't think Hanji's a nutcase," Armin said uncertainly. "They're just really passionate about..."

Jean didn't really know Armin that well. He just recognised him as that bookish boy that was glued to Eren's side. Mikasa was usually glued to the other. Jean could never figure out what the two of them were doing with that hothead. The three of them grew up together, he knew that. But they made an odd trio. Mikasa with her cool beauty and atheletic figure and, well, she was just so badass. Way too good for the likes of Eren who Jean always thought of a rash, angry-bordering-on-psychotic-raging idiot. Then there was Armin. Small, weak Armin who always seemed so dependent on the other two. And he was just so damn pretty for a guy. Especially when he was friends with that moronic Eren.

"...and I just think that's something to really admire in a person. Passionate people are the ones that make a difference in the world..." Armin trailed off, his small hand rubbing his shoulder as he looked towards Eren and Mikasa at the end of the table.

Jean glanced over too to find Eren monologuing and gesturing furiously to no one in particular as Mikasa watched him silently. He tended to do that a lot. It grated on Jean’s nerves. Even more so when he noticed Armin observing Eren’s with a small smile on his face.

“I hope you don’t mean people like your boyfriend.”

Armin jolted and whipped around to face Jean, expression indignant and cheeks pink.

“Eren’s j-just my friend! And yes, I do mean people like Eren. He’s passionate and determined a-and morally he’s one of the most –“

“Jesus, why don’t you just go suck his dick already?”

Jean regretted saying that almost immediately. Armin's face flushed so violently scarlet that Jean thought his head was going to combust. He could've sworn he could actually feel the heat emanating from Armin's cheeks. Jean could feel the secondhand embarrassment creeping up his own neck.

_Holy shit._

"Oh my god, I was kidding, you haven't actually sucked his dick have you?"

"Keep your voice down!" Armin's squeaked as he looked towards Eren and Mikasa to make sure they hadn't heard, fanning his face with his hands. It was a very old-fashioned gesture. Jean didn't think he'd seen anybody do that who wasn't a swooning teenage girl or a lady on one of those tv period dramas whenever somebody said something inappropriate like "ankles". He'd found it more annoying than anything else. On a guy like Armin though, it was weirdly endearing.

_Not that I care._

"...to say something like that so loudly, jeez. Of course I haven't." Armin mumbled, suddenly very interested in his own untouched lunch on the table.

"It's not like I care if you have," Jean muttered. "I don't care whose dick you've sucked. But it wouldn't exactly surprise anyone at this table if you had sucked Eren's -"

"Jean."

"Yeah?"

"Please stop talking."

"Right."

No one else had noticed this embarrassing exchange between the two boys that now sat in a strained silence. Neither moved or said anything else. Jean was sure Armin was just waiting for the flush in his face to die down before engaging Jean in another conversation he couldn't be arsed having. He had to get out of there before that happened.

_Screw you, Marco, I blame you for this._

Before he could mutter an excuse and leave, Armin let out a nervous laugh.

"I don't know how it ended up like that. I was just trying to make you feel less awkward and, well, that didn't exactly -"

"What do you mean?" Jean said sharply.

"Well, you just looked uncomfortable with all of the extra company and you must feel pretty awkward now that Marco's with Mina -"

"Don't talk like you know what I'm feeling. I don't need your pity."

"I-I'm not pitying you, I just wanted to help you feel more at ease -"

"Well, I never asked for your help. I don't want it. I'm not some jealous idiot who can't handle sharing his best friend with anyone else. I can deal with it. I don't need you to comfort me. And it's not like we're friends or anything! Just bugger off back to Eren and leave me alone, alright?"

"Is there a problem?"

Jean hadn't realised his voice had steadily raised in volume as the rest of the table had quietened. Eren stood behind Armin with a hand on the back of his chair and a hard expression on his face. Jean itched to smack it right off.

"Not anymore." Scraping back his chair, Jean stood, a few inches taller than the aggressive boy glowering so intense at him.

"Jean, don't -"

"Relax, Marco, I'm leaving." Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Jean moved past Eren and headed towards the cafeteria exit. Only glancing back when he reached the doorway to check whether Marco would follow. He always had before. Never had Marco allowed Jean to get away with this kind of crap without some kind of reprimand or lecture afterwards.

Cue a punch to the gut when he saw Marco had gone back to murmuring with Mina and brushing her bangs back from her face. He wasn't coming after Jean. Maybe he wouldn't ever come after Jean again.

_Not that I can blame him. I said some pretty crappy things to Armin. Hell, I wouldn't want to be around me either right now._

After his thoughts of self-loathing churned for a moment , his gaze slid across to victim of his harsh words.

Cue another punch to the gut and the return of self-loathing when watery blue eyes met his own across the room. Chewing his bottom lip, Armin quickly looked away and blinked six, seven, eight times in succession before pulling his sleeve over his wrist and rubbing at his eyes.

_Ugh, damn it._

A dull ache settled in Jean's chest as he watched Eren roughly pat Armin's shoulder in what he probably thought was a reassuring manner and declare that "Kirschstein's an asshole".  Well, Jean already knew that.

Were the things he'd said really that hurtful to hear?  He'd said worse, he was sure of it.

With one last lingering look in Armin's direction, Jean left and made his way quietly to the library. He'd apologise to Armin later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter's a little short, but that's pretty much how I wanted it to end. I'll keep going though, it's more for my own entertainment than anything else!  
> I doubled checked for grammar and spelling but it's been a while since I've had to do that so, apologies for any mistakes!


	2. In Which Jean Is Less Of An Asshole And Armin Is The Most Forgiving Sweetie-Pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean works on his apology skills and gets embarrassed a lot.  
> (And Jean has no idea how gay he is for Marco, poor baby.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter was spent listening to ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D's Complication. It feels Jean-y. In this AU at least.  
> I have problem with tenses. I think I hecked up several times. A in Advanced Higher English my ass. Maybe I should've written in the present. The style is sort of inconsistent, sorry! And I was a little worried about the pacing, at first it seemed too fast then too slow but really, I'm blaming that on lack of sleep. So, apologies for any mistakes! Feel free to point them out cause I suck at redrafting.

Jean had never really spent much time in the library. Almost as much time as he spent studying. Not that it showed. Much to Marco's annoyance, Jean had always had a I-do-well-without-trying-hard-so-why-bother? attitude. Whenever Marco was studying Jean had always pestered him to put it off and hang out with him. Play video games. Talk. Whatever. Marco got good grades without trying either so why waste time with unnecessary school work when he could be with his buddy. His pal. His it's-strictly-a-platonic-relationship bro.

Which was why Jean found himself at a complete loss with all of his school work laid out on the table in front of him.

_There's nothing to do._

He usually completed his assignments the day they're set so he doesn't have to worry about them later, leaving him with no essential work to be finished. It seemed logical at the time. However, for once Jean was itching for something to do. A distraction from Marco's hand around Mina's, Eren's last words and Armin's mouth.

Because it was sad. A sad-looking mouth with teeth marks on his sad bottom lip. Teeth marks that Jean put there. Indirectly. He didn't literally put them there. He didn't bite Armin's soft-looking lip wait what -

_That was weird. This guilt thing is stupid. I only feel bad cause Armin's sorta cute. It's the hair. And the eyes._

Shaking his head violently to clear all thoughts of pretty blue-eyed blonds from his mind, Jean returned to glaring at his school books.  
He supposed he could study for the "spontaneous" close reading assessment Professor Rivaille was going to shove down their throats this afternoon (as if the students were supposed to be surprised when he whipped one out every week with a "I know you've been slacking off with your studying so happy Tuesday, have fifty minutes of hell").

_...how do I do that?_

Jean looked around in hopes of inspiration. A bespectacled boy with drooping eyelids thumbed through a particularly dull looking book on cotton spinners before tossing it onto the enormous pile of history books stacked up on his desk. Two first year girls silently shared intense eye contact over a game of chess whilst several surrounding boys egged them on in urgent whispers. Another pair of girls took selfies with their mobiles under the table, blatantly ignoring the NO MOBILE PHONES sign on the bookshelf behind them and the past papers spread out in front of them.

 _Past papers, huh?_   Practicing on previous years' test papers seemed like as good a place to start as any. Surely the school library stocked those. Looking around the many aisles and shelves seemed like an unecessay pain in the ass though.  
Stifling a yawn, Jean began to weave his way around the other students and desks towards the main reception desk only to stumble and retreat behind a nearby shelf when he recognised the figure at the desk.

Professor Rivaille stood with an obscene amount of books on what looked like martial arts techniques at the desk with a blank expression as the librarian Miss Ral chattered incessantly with a rising blush in her cheeks.

"...I'm not saying he's a bad assistant, of course not, it's just that he just doesn't seem to have any particular interest in the library which makes me wonder why he's here in the first place -"

"You need to have a word with the cleaning staff about the state of this library, Petra. The higher up shelves are particularly filthy."

"A-ah, see the staff have mentioned that, it's really just the books that haven't been checked out in a long time that are up there and to tell you the truth, they are so high up that neither staff nor student can reach -"

"So get a ladder."

"Even then, Professor, some of the staff struggle -"

"Then I'll do it myself, since the cleaning staff are doing such a half-assed job."

"But, Professor, your own height-"

"Jean."

Freezing in an abrupt U-turn, Jean turned back hesitantly to face his teacher. It was hard to tell, but the look Rivaille gave him clearly implied "get your ass over here".

"Uh, yes, sir?"

Even as he towered a good six inches above him, Jean couldn't deny that he found Rivaille a little (okay, very) intimidating. The unwavering stare coupled with his I-don't-give-a-shit expression made him to be a pretty scary teacher. The students respected him, but most were a little wary of him. The rumours regarding him didn't make him any less terrifying either. They ranged from "he was in the French mafia" to "he's actually an assassin sent to kill Headteacher Smith who's also an assassin". Jean didn't entirely disregard the first one, but the latter seemed a little unlikely. If so, it had turned into a Mr and Mrs Smith situation.

_Oh my god, Mr and Mrs Smith. I can't believe that worked out._

Swallowing a nervous laugh and banishing all images of Rivaille in a slinky black dress from his mind, Jean forced himself to make eye contact with the man in front.

"Here to study for the close reading, are you Jean?"

"Yes, sir."

It seemed strange for him to mention it; Rivaille was prone to acting like none of them were expecting it.

"We're going to be trying something a little different this afternoon. I expect it to be a successful exercise. You'll not disappoint me, will you?"

"No, sir."

"Excellent. See you this afternoon," Rivaille swept the heavy-looking books off the desk with surprising ease. "And Petra, if Aurou gives you any more trouble send him to me."

Rivaille left the library swiftly, as though he wasn't carried two shelves worth of books, leaving Jean with a flustered librarian.

"A-ah, right! Jean, isn't it?" Tucking her hair behind her ears in a gesture that was seemed reminiscent of Armin _(what the hell),_ Miss Ral turned to face Jean. "A close reading, did Professor Rivaille say? I'm sure we have some past papers for you to practice on!"

Once provided with a rather large stack of papers, Jean trudged back to his desk and flicked through them only to discover he had already completed all but one of them in class. One glance at the remaining paper decided it.

_I really can't be arsed._

Then rang out one of the sweetest sounds Jean had ever heard.

"Jean?"

Suppressing a triumphant grin, Jean looked up to his saviour. Trying to keep his expression as neutral as possible, he answered with an impressively passive:

"Thank god, please save me Marco."

_That didn't come out how I planned._

"Never thought I'd see this sight," Marco smiled and dropped into the seat opposite. "Jean, studying? Clearly something's wrong."

"I'm fine, man. It's you with the problem," Jean laughed nervously. "What're you doing ditching a cute girl to hang out with me for?"

"I don't know; I guess something is wrong with me. I mean she's a lot cuter than you are."

"You're talking crazy man, I am at least in the top five of cutest cuties in this school."

Jean grinned to see Marco laugh.

_Maybe it doesn't have to change._

"Well, that might be true. But if you're in the top five, then Mina's definitely number one."

Jean felt the smirk slide off of his face and ducked his head to hide it from Marco. That feeling of his heart sinking in his chest was getting old already.

"But just because she's cuter than you doesn't mean you're not still my best friend, you dork."

_Jeez, Marco._

"Shut up, I know that," Jean mumbled, embarrassed at how happy Marco's words made him. "You're the dork."

"In that case, I'll see you next period," Marco stood, that stupidly adorable smile still on his face. "Also, speaking of you being an idiot -"

"Who said I was an idiot?"

"Do you know who else is in the top five cutest at this school?"

"Mikasa, that Christa Renz in the year below and -"

"And Armin."

_Ahh, damn it._

"Spare me the lecture, Marco, I got it," Jean sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm an ass and I'll apologise to him when I see him, okay?"

"You're getting better at this, Jean."

"Better at what?"

"Better at realising when you're being an ass."

"Bugger off, you dick."

"Goodbye, Jean." Marco laughed and left with a wave.

Trying not to feel too giddy, Jean tossed aside the past papers (keeping an eye out for Miss Ral) and began doodling on his notepad.

 

*

 

English was not Jean's favourite subject. It wasn't that he found it difficult, just dull, which made it difficult to show off. Now, PE. There was an area Jean had mastered. It was always fun to completely thrash Eren on the court of whatever game they were playing that week. Especially with the girls in the court on the opposite side of the hall. With Mikasa watching. In those little shorts all the girls wore. And that weird scarf that Mr Zacharius could never persuade her to take off -

"- pairs this afternoon, and your partner will be the person you will be working with for all assignments for the rest of the term." Rivaille drawled. "Hopefully your partner will be able to show you where you're going wrong as you go, and save me the pain of marking your work later. And since I'm such an accomodating teacher, and I know you'll all behave sensibly and not like the uncivilised neanderthals you were in your first year, you can choose your own partners."

All thoughts of Mikasa vanished from Jean's mind as he registered what Rivaille was saying. Partnered exercises? That was a first in Professor Rivaille's class.

Locking eyes with a grinning Marco, Jean pulled his bag onto his lap and began edging his chair in his friend's direction.

"Except you two."

Jean froze. Surely he didn't mean himself and Marco?

Rivaille stared pointedly at Armin and Eren, the latter of which had bolted across the classroom before Rivaille had even finished speaking and practically perched himself on Armin's lap.

"I'm well aware of the strange lyrics you murmur to each other throughout the period. Eren, you have a habit of whispering in Armin's ear every time you think my back is turned and for some reason Armin lets you."

Jean tried not to snigger as Eren spluttered indignantly and Armin flushed scarlet. Eren's embarrassment never got old.

_This is pure gold._

"There was a reason I separated you both when I rearranged the seating chart last week. Which is why Eren, you'll be working with Marco instead. Maybe he can resist your _durka durk_."

_This is bullshit._

Dismayed, Jean looked over at Marco who shrugged with a _what're you gonna do?_ look on his face before greeting a glum Eren.  Scowling and throwing colourful insults telepathically at the back of Eren's head, Jean failed to notice that the remainder of the class had separated into pairs already. Leaving but one option left.

Jean sighed as he caught Armin's quick glance at him before turning his back. Clearly he wasn't going to be the one approaching him.

Groaning internally, Jean navigated his way across the classroom and dropped into the seat next to the blond-haired boy. The blond-haired boy who would not look at him.

"Look, about lunch -"

"Don't bother. It's fine. Let's just get on with the task, shall we?"

Startled by Armin's bluntness, Jean considered going along with what the other boy had said. Apologies were always awkward, so the fewer the better Jean had always thought.  However, peering around Armin's bangs at the blue eyes that were burning holes into the desk, Jean knew he couldn't get away with it.

_We're gonna be working together for a month. I can't have him not even looking at me the entire time. Argh, fuck it. I was gonna do it anyway._

"No, listen, okay? Before Rivaille comes round and tells me to shut up. I said some shitty things to you cause I was having a shitty day and you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry I was an ass, I'm working on it, alright?"

Armin said nothing, only bowing his head and allowing his hair to slip over his shoulders and block his face from Jean's view.

"Oi, didn't you hear me?" Nudging his shoulder, Jean leaned closer and flicked Armin's hair back from his face. "I said I'm sorry, c'mon, I don't want to say it again."

"Your apologies are a little rough around the edges."

Jean exhaled hard through his nose and smirked as he realised Armin was holding back a smile.

"Yeah, I'll work on those too."

After that, working with Armin was surprisingly easy. Neither had any trouble when it came to finding the answers and they seemed to be on the same wavelength when it came to discussing alternatives. The only difference was that Armin seemed genuinely enthusiastic towards the task whereas Jean was, as ever, bored.

"You know, you really are exactly the eager nerd type I pegged you for," Jean continued working on his doodled masterpiece as Armin recorded the answers they agreed on. "I don't mean that in a bad way. But I almost feel bad for you, being stuck next to Eren until last week."

"Why would you feel bad? I was quite happy beside my friend."

"Well, just think how much better your work would be if you didn't have your boyfriend whispering in your ear all -"

"You're one to talk about making your work better, Jean," Armin snapped. "And don't call him that. He's not my boyfriend."

_Oh man, landmine!_

"Relax, man.  I didn't mean anything by it," Jean ceased doodling, and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Armin was kind of slightly terrifying when he was angry.

"I know, I know.  It's just," Armin sighed, covering his face with his hands before mumbling, "With what you said at lunch, and what Professor Rivaille said earlier - I just don't want anyone, especially Eren, getting the wrong idea."

"Yeah, that could be awkward."

_Like this conversation._

"Very."

"I won't say anything like that again. I'm sorry, Armin."

Armin nodded and opened his mouth as though to say something before turning to look at Jean, eyes wide.

"Uh, what?"

"I just realised. We've been to school together for five years and you've never called me by name before."

_Wow, what a weird thing to pick up. Is that true though? Well, we didn't exactly speak a lot. But it's not like it's a big deal or anything._

"Uh, really? I never really realised either. Guess that's kind of rude of me," Jean cleared his throat. "Sorry, Armin."

"It's okay, er, actually that was strange of me to comment on. It was just strange hearing it in your voice. Sorry about that, Jean. Gosh, we're doing the apology thing a lot today, huh?" Armin laughed. That high sweet genuine sound once more.

_His eyes are doing that weird sparkling thing again._

"Wait a sec," Jean frowned. "Strange in a bad way? Wait, you say my name again."

"Am I interrupting?"

Both Jean and Armin jolted and whipped their heads up (not that they had to look far) to meet Professor Rivaille's impassive stare.

"N-no, sir!" Both boys' voices sounded a little too high-pitched for Jean's dignity.

"Hm," Rivaille arched an eyebrow. "Perhaps I was wrong about the source of the problem. Could it be you, Armin, that's distracting the other boys?"

As Armin spluttered his way through an apology, Jean risked a glance towards Eren and Marco and was grateful to see that neither seemed to have overhead Rivaille's comments.

"I see that despite your...I don't even know what to call it, that you're closer to finishing the task than any other pair. Keep up the good work, and Jean?"

"Yes, sir?"

"I know Armin has a lovely voice, but allow him to charm you on your own time."

Jean's face burned as Rivalle moved away.

_Oh my god._

"Oh my god," Armin mumbled, his face buried in his arms folded on the table. "The things he says sometimes are unbelievable."

_Oh my god. Did I really just ask Armin to say my name? There's no way to explain that without it sounding really freaking gay._

"I'm not."

"Huh?" Armin peeked up at him, his cheeks pink. "Not what?"

"Gay. I'm not gay. I'm not."

_That was super convincing, Jean. Well done._

"Um, okay," Armin murmured, turning his head to face away from Jean. "That's, uh - yeah, okay. That's fine."

_I'm not even going to think about this anymore. Power through it, Jean._

Shaking his head and willing his face to cool the hell down, Jean coaxed a reluctant Armin out from his defensive hedgehog position to continue with the task Rivaille had set them.

"So, er," Armin started off nervously after a few minutes of silence, "I've been meaning to ask...what are those drawings on your notepad?"

"Eh? Oh, just some giant monster things. Eating people."

"Oh, um, that's nice. And who's that being eaten by the giant Santa Claus, is that Eren?"

"How could you tell?"

"He looks angry."

"Well, isn't he always?"

"I suppose I'd be angry if a giant Santa Claus were to devour me too."

"I guess so."

"Maybe you should draw me rescuing him."

"Aha, what, you think you could take on Santa?"

"Maybe not on my own. Draw you in there too, we can save Eren together. It seems we make a good team."

_A good team, huh?_

"He doesn't always look like that, you know." Jean turned his head to look at Armin who kept his eyes on the paper he was writing on. "You probably don't see it often, what with the time you two spend fighting, but he has a really nice smile."

Saying nothing, Jean glanced across the classroom at the moment Marco happened to laugh together with Eren. Clearly they weren't getting much work done. Jean stared at them both, at the grin Eren directed at Marco. The smile that Armin was so fond of.

"I'll bet he does." Jean moved his arm to cover his drawing from Armin's line of sight, drawing his pencil in unmistakable gashes across doodle-Eren's limbs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! This was fun to write. At 3AM in the morning. Now I gotta go to work and return to suffer through a New Year's Eve party with the family. Pray for me.
> 
> (Hey, did that durka durk joke work? Honestly, I'm not sure how that became a thing in the SNK fandom but I enjoy it.)


	3. In Which Armin Is A Little Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean has a moment of clarity. Cute boys play basketball. And they may or may not all be gay. No, this isn't Kuroko no Basuke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of got a little stumped for a while. I had it figured out at first but I decided I'd save it for a different fic cause I wanted this to end on a happier note than I originally intended.
> 
>  
> 
> *SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA*
> 
> Then chapter 53 was released and completely wrecked my motivation to write about Armin at all. If you're caught up with the manga you'll understand because I found it very upsetting and the jokes some people made on tumblr just upset me further. Jokes about sexual assault are not okay. What's happening to Armin is not funny. I won't be making any more references about Armin resembling Christa and I've removed the ones from the previous chapters. I never felt wholly comfortable making them to begin with.
> 
> Forcing myself to write this chapter cheered me up though. Jearmin makes me happy.
> 
>  
> 
> *END SPOILERS*
> 
> Happier thoughts. Happy fluffy fic.
> 
> Also I literally know bugger all about basketball. Everything I know stems from watching Kuroko no Basuke. So that explains that. Basically I just wanted my snk boys to play and have fun for once. If it seems a bit heavy on the lead-up to the game, then yeah oops. Really, I just wrote this to cheer myself up.  
> Thought it would've been great to see Bertholdt and Reiner in there playing with the others but I'm not sure how to write them yet and if they do turn up, they'll probably be in the year above. Therefore, not in the same class as Jean and the others. Sorry!  
> Also, sorry about the lack of co-ed sport. It wouldn't be fair on the boys if Mikasa played.

Jean groaned as he tossed his bag onto the floor and fell backwards onto his bed.

_That was the worst Tuesday ever._

Between Rivaille breathing down his neck and the laughter of Marco and Eren across the classroom, Jean suffered the most stressful double English of his life. Armin's shoulder occasionally brushing against his own didn't help matters either.

_It doesn't help that he smells so freaking good. Something fruity._

Jean rolled over onto his front, pressing his face into the blankets in an attempt to suppress his embarrassment.

Keeping his mouth shut was also becoming increasingly difficult.

_Why the hell are they laughing? Eren's not that funny, Marco. Is Armin bothered by this? Is he jealous of Marco right now? Does he resent me for being here instead of Eren?_

Jean had no desire for Armin to snap at him again, so he resolved to keep his thoughts to himself for the remainder of the period. An entirely new experience he was not comfortable with.

When Rivaille ( _finally_ ) dismissed them several minutes after the bell, Armin jumped up to join Eren and leave. But not before he turned to give Jean a wave, who in turn raised his hand into the air uncertainly. Armin had giggled before Eren had grabbed him by the arm and tugged him out of sight.

 _Okay, so maybe today wasn't_ that _bad._

He knew he still would have to get used to sharing Marco with Mina and now Eren ( _the partner thieving bastard_ ), but it wouldn't be for too long. It was only English. They weren't separated in any other subjects. Wasn't PE first tomorrow morning? Then biology, in which he could brag about his victory to the awed Armin.

Jean clenched his fists and grinned.

_Bring it on, Eren._

 

*

 

"Are you alright, Jean?"

"I'm better than alright, why?"

"You just seemed more worked up than usual."

"Just looking forward to our upcoming victory, eh, Eren?" Jean paused in the act of tugging on his PE shirt to smirk across the changing room.

Eren looked up from tying his trainers and scowled. Or grinned. Honestly, Jean could never tell.

"You're pretty confident for a guy who's lost every game of football this year."

"Those last four tackles were un-fucking-necessary and you know it -"

There was a collective groan from the others.

"Not again, _please._ " Marco said with a pained expression. "Besides, we're not even playing football today."

"Huh? What is it then?"

"It's -"

"Basketball."

Jean's eyes slid from Eren to the boy beside him.

Armin pulled his shirt up over his head, tousling his hair, and turned to face the others.

_Don't look._

Jean looked.

_Shit._

"I asked Mr Zacharius this morning." Armin smoothed down his blond bangs as he spoke. "He said it should be a good change of pace."

_H-he looks so white and smooth-_

"Maybe it'll break you out of your losing streak, Jean."

_Skin's soft too, I bet - wait, what did he just say?_

"But I doubt that."

"Huh?"

Eren cackled as Armin smiled sweetly. Stumped for words and more than a little flustered, Jean only gaped back. Luckily, his freckled angel saved him once more.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, Armin," Marco threw an arm around Jean's shoulders. "Height's a pretty important feature in basketball and...well."

"Your defeat is inevitable, _Jaeger_." Jean grinned, his confidence returning. No freaking way could he lose to Eren at this sport. Jean had the advantage in every possible aspect. He was taller, stronger, with better aim and Eren was definitely clumsier than himself with all the mindless charging around he did. Plus he had his equally powerful best friend on his side.

"You're forgetting one thing, _Kirschstein,_ " Eren grabbed a yelping Armin and hoisted him onto his hip. "The number one tactician is on _my_ team!"

"E-Eren! Put your shirt on! And p-put me down!"

"Eh? What're you getting so bent out of shape for? You're not wearing a shirt either."

"Exactly!"

Suddenly it was too difficult to look at either Armin or Eren. Jean turned away without a word and began putting his stuff away in his locker.

"My gaydar is tingling."

"Connie, don't you have to be gay to have a gaydar?"

"Oh. Well something's tingling.

"I'm pretty sure you don't have to be gay to -"

The door swung shut behind Jean, shutting off the voices of his classmates.

"Idiots." he grumbled.

"I hope you don't mean me," Marco followed close behind. "Thanks for the door in the face by the way."

"You're welcome," Jean muttered as they made their way to the gym hall. "Do they have to act like that all the time?"

"Do you mean Eren and Armin?"

"Obviously!" Jean burst out. "Well, Eren mostly. Does he have to, you know, _throw_ Armin about like that? The way he parades him about like he's his property, can't he tell Armin's uncomfortable?"

"Hm, well, they've always been close," Marco cocked his head to the side thoughtfully. "And I don't think Armin really minds how Eren is about it. I think it's Eren's way of protecting him."

"I don't see how showing Armin off is protecting him," Jean snorted. "And protection from what?"

"Don't you remember? The reason Eren got into so many fights in our first year was because of Armin. Bigger guys were always picking on him for, well you can guess why, and Eren and Mikasa would always protect him. It'd been like that since they were kids. They were pretty violent, actually."

"The bullies or Eren and Mikasa?"

"Both, I guess."

_Armin was bullied? Why didn't I know about this?_

"Wait, who the hell is hurting Armin?" Jean stopped and pulled Marco back by the arm. "Which guys are picking on him?"

"It doesn't really happen anymore. Eren took care of that. Also, ouch." Marco looked pointedly at Jean's hand around his arm. Jean hadn't realised how tight his grip was. He let go and they resumed walking.

_Of course Eren took care of it. Armin's hero._

"I think the way Eren's so, uh, _loud_ about Armin is his way of saying -"

" _Don't touch him, he's mine._ "

Jean caught Marco looking at him from the corner of his eye, his expression unreadable.

"...Yeah, I'd say it was along those lines."

It was silent between them until they reached the hall and began warming up. The girls had already arrived, which was unusual, and set up on the opposite side of the room.

Jean's previous excitement for the day ahead had plummeted. He couldn't believe how unaware he had been about Armin's situation. It was strange how just not knowing earlier about someone's anguish made you feel like an asshole.

"Forgot to ask," Marco strained to say and he reached down to touch his toes. Jean looked away and concentrated on his own stretches before he got an eyeful. Not that it was an unpleasant sight. But there was something a little weird about staring at your friend's ass just cause you felt crappy, especially since his girlfriend was probably across the room. "Did you talk to Armin yesterday?"

_Oh great, more shame._

"Yeah, I apologised," Jean sighed, stretching his arms up above his head. "Maybe with a little less tact than I should've but he seemed alright about it. And he's easy to work with. Couldn't have asked for a better partner really."

"I don't have any reason to be jealous, do I?" Marco grinned up at Jean from between his legs. "No homo. Mostly."

Laughing at the ridiculous sight, Jean assured him that he definitely did not need to be jealous.

"And hey, remember Mina'll be watching," Jean clapped a hand on Marco's back as he stood up. "So try not to fuck up during the game."

"You too, I'm sure Mikasa will be looking aswell."

"Huh? Oh, right." Jean muttered as the remainder of the boys filed into the hall and crossed over to join them.

Not a moment later, Mr Zacharius burst into the hall and blew on his whistle. Everyone winced at the harsh sound and turned to face him.

"Good morning, fifth years! Don't we all smell fresh first thing on a Wednesday? I have other work that needs to be taken care of before this afternoon, so I'll only be popping in from time to time to make sure that Eren and Jean aren't killing each other. Girls, you'll be doing volleyball on the left side of the hall, I trust you can set up the court on your own. Boys, basketball. You know the drill."

Jean vaguely wondered if all the teachers as Shinganshina Academy were nutcases before joining Eren at the centre of the court. Flipping a coin, Jean called heads. The coin landed heads face up on his palm. Jean got to choose a player first.

After five years, the rest of the class had resigned themselves to Jean and Eren's weekly fight for triumph over the other. Each of them were always captain of their own team. Nobody else even campaigned to be captain anymore. The grief wasn't worth it. It had become routine. Jean would choose Marco first, Eren would choose Armin. That was nonnegotiable, everyone knew that. Then they'd watch their captains argue over who was "hogging all the good players" while trying not to feel offended.

Jean knew Eren chose Armin first out of friendship _(and now I know why else)_ , despite the fact that Armin wasn't exactly the most valuable player. Physical activities were not Armin's strong suit. However Marco was both Jean's best friend and one of the most powerful players in the year. It was both the obvious _he's-my-best-friend_ and best tactical decision. However, Jean considered what Eren had said earlier in the changing room. Armin may not be powerful in terms of strength but his quick judgement and carefully constructed plays were a worthy weapon.

 _"The number one tactician is on_ my _team!"_

Jean suppressed a smirk as he imagined the look on Eren's face as Jean took away his best advisor and friend. But...if he took Armin, then Eren would definitely take Marco in revenge. There was no way he could have both.

_Better to stick to routine. With tall players, I can easily overwhelm Eren's team._

"Marco, get your ass over here."

"I was almost worried there, you were taking so long." Marco chuckled as he joined him.

"I was making a tactical decision."

"Minus the _tact_ , you ass."

"Come on, we're wasting valuable kicking-Jean's-ass time," Eren grumbled. "Your choice, Kirschstein."

Jean was about to contradict him before noticing that Armin was already by Eren's side, bouncing lightly on his toes. His hair tied back and he was watching Jean patiently, his eyes bright. Eren hadn't even bothered to call his name, they both knew it wasn't necessary after so long. It made Jean feel momentarily guilty for considering ditching Marco.

_Armin looks excited though._

"Er, okay. Franz."

"Jean, you dick, pick me!"

"Connie, no offense but you're freaking tiny."

"Screw you, Jean."

 

*

 

Jean was screwed.

Twenty minutes into the game, and Jean's team was down by thirteen points. As it had turned out, Connie has proved to be an extremely valuable player. His shooting accuracy was far sharper than anyone else's, and although his height was a disadvantage to Jean's bigger defense, Connie was annoyingly quick to get around them.

"Bet you wish you'd chosen me now, Jean!" Connie pulled a grotesque face ("Looking good, Connie!" Sasha yelled from across the hall) as he scooted past Jean.

"Shut up!" Jean growled between pants, and used the hem of his shirt to wipe his face.

_Connie's a problem, but he's only useful cause of **this** guy -_

Jean glanced across the court to find Armin looking at him.

_-telling him what to do._

Armin had been making signs silently at Eren all game who always responded with a single nod. These exchanges were usually proceeded by a ridiculous duo play by Eren and Connie which resulted in one of Connie's three-pointers or Eren's dunks. The way they always knew exactly what to do with one hand gesture from Armin irritated Jean.

_He's the real source of the problem._

"Tom, switch marks with me."

"Eh?"

"Then switch with Marco, I don't want you covering Eren."

Eren quirked an eyebrow.

"What do you think you can accomplish by marking Armin, Jean? The gap between the scores is only gonna get wider that way."

"We'll see about that."

Marco jogged over and gave Jean a look of puzzlement.

"I know what I'm doing. Well, not really but we're not winning this way so. Handle Eren."

"You're the captain." Marco shrugged and turned to face a grinning Eren.

Jean crossed the court to join Armin, who was pink-cheeked and bright-eyed, but otherwise looked calm.

"Enjoying yourself, Armin?"

"Winning is fun, yes." he smiled up at Jean whose stomach suddenly twisted pleasantly. He resisted the urge to tug Armin's ponytail.

"Y-you little -"

"The game's already in play, Jean." Armin called as he dashed off.

_Shit!_

He was too late, Armin had already signaled to Connie. Jean watched in frustration as the ball sailed in a perfect arc into the basket. Sixteen points down.

"Franz, rebound!" Jean yelled and watched the others jump and scramble in the air only for Eren to knock the ball out of the court. So much for that.

"I may have underestimated you." Jean panted as he and Armin returned to their positions.

"People often do."

"It won't happen again. I've got my eye on you, Arlert."

"Just one eye? You're underestimating me again," Armin laughed and looked up at Jean, eyes shining and chest heaving. "I've got both my eyes on you afterall, _Kirschstein._ "

Jean wanted to kiss him.

_That would be weird though. We're in the middle of a game. He's my opponent. And people would definitely think I'm gay. Which I totally freaking am._

Typical for this moment of clarity to occur during a play by the opposing team. By the time Jean had remembered how to breathe, Armin was gone and Eren had already slammed the ball into the basket. Eighteen down.

"Jean, what the hell are you doing?!"

_Give me a minute, Marco. Just realising my intense homosexual urges._

A flash of yellow and blue abruptly brought Jean back to earth. Armin was suddenly in front of him again.

"Are you alright?" he asked, with genuine concern in his voice. "You look sort of...blissed out."

It was shocking how immediately and intensely _aware_ Jean was. Each individual strand of hair escaping Armin's ponytail were so clear, Jean could count them. Every different shaded fleck of blue in his eyes. Every short breath Armin took seemed as loud as his own.

Unfortunately Jean was suddenly entirely aware of how sweaty he was.

"Jean?"

"Sorry I'm gross."

"What?"

"Uh-"

"Oh, you mean the sweat? Don't worry, I'm pretty gross myself." Armin pushed back his fringe and exhaled though his mouth in a short puff, pulling up the hem of his shirt to wipe his forehead. Jean's breath hitched.

_You're really not._

"So, you have a plan yet?" Armin pushed his bangs aside impatiently.

_A plan? Of pursuit of you? Working on it._

"Jean!" Marco called from across the court over Eren's whooping. "Tell me you know what you're doing, this is getting embarrassing!"

That was probably code for "Mina's watching and you're making us look bad!" Jean figured. He had to pull himself together. No doubt Marco had noticed Jean behaving a little...distracted and would interrogate him later. And no way could he lose to Eren Jaeger by eighteen points.

"Implementing it now." Jean muttered, and waved Marco off to reassure him.

When the game resumed Jean stuck to Armin like glue, always face to face. Or rather, Armin's face to Jean's chest. Jean made sure to block Eren and Connie's view of Armin and Armin's view of the game.

"You're way too close!" Armin yelped, blushing and stumbling backwards. "S-step back!"

"No chance." Jean murmured as he took a step ever closer, spreading out his arms until Armin was almost encased within them.

"I'm pretty sure this is against the rules." Armin hopped up in an attempt to peek over Jean's shoulder. "Plus if you do this, you're not going to score any baskets."

"Marco has that covered." Jean smirked, as his best friend swiped the ball out of the air above a clueless Eren, shot and scored. Fifteen down.

The game continued in this manner until Franz shot his third three-pointer of the game, resulting in an equal score with only a few minutes remaining. Eren's increasingly frustrated shouts were glorious.

"You're screwed." Jean grinned down at Armin. He couldn't deny he had also been greatly enjoying how flustered Armin had become.

"Not yet." Armin looked up, panting heavily with a gleam in his eye.

Marco held the ball, however he was marked by both Eren and Thomas, and neither would allow him to shoot. Marco was a great shot under pressure but Jean knew that in his current state Eren would have an intense burst of energy and leap up to swipe the ball. Marco's best bet was to pass to Jean or Daz (the mark Thomas had abandoned).

Jean and Marco exchanged looks. Daz was a crappy shot. They couldn't afford missing a basket in the final seconds of the game.

Taking a step back from Armin, Jean received Marco's quick pass and jumped to shoot, preparing to howl in triumph only to bump into something solid which fell to the ground with a thud.

"Armin!" Eren yelled.

The whistle blew and Mr Zacharius called:

"That was charging, Jean! A free throw to Eren's team then this game is over. We're out of time."

Horrified, Jean dropped to his knees only to be shoved aside by Eren who hoisted Armin into a sitting position.

"Are you alright?! Jeez, Jean, watch where you're going!"

Armin lifted his head, rubbing the back of it and murmured:

"I'm fine, I have a free throw right? We can still win."

His hair covered his face, hiding his expression.

Jean couldn't believe it. All he could think about were the guys who had bullied Armin. That they'd hit him. Jean thought about the way he had been towering above Armin, not letting him move. And now he'd hurt him. All for a stupid win over Eren Jaeger.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

"A-Armin, I'm so sorry, believe me, I didn't mean -"

"I told you to keep both eyes on me."

"I just - wait, huh?"

Armin raised his head, clearly fighting a smile.

_What?_

"You clever little shit." Eren laughed and ruffled Armin's hair fondly.

"What the - wait, you're fine?"

Armin winked.

"How many apologies is that now, Jean? Four in two days?"

_You adorable little bastard._

Jean hid his face in his hands. He was much too relieved to be angry but didn't want to show it in front of Eren.

"Bloody hell, you scared me for a minute, Arlert." he mumbled into his hands.

"I promise I won't scare you again." Armin said softly.

Jean felt fingertips lightly brush his shoulders and looked up to find that both Armin and Eren had already gone. He turned around to see Connie pass Armin a ball who stood facing the opposite basket.

Jean watched him glance quickly from his feet to the basket before throwing. It sailed through the air and into the basket soundlessly until it thudded on the ground.

Jean's team groaned as Eren's celebrated. Scooping Armin up with a laugh, Eren paraded around the court then across the hall to Mikasa who informed him that he took basketball way too seriously.

A hand clapped on Jean's shoulder as its owner sighed.

"I really thought we had them there."

"Same."

The weight of Marco's hand was reassuring as Jean watched the others clear the gym.

"Well, I'm gonna go find Mina. She's in my next class anyway. Hope she didn't see that fumble I made in the first half."

"Okay."

"See you at lunch, Jean."

"Yeah."

The weight lifted as Marco left to join the others.

When Eren finally released his hold of Armin, Jean started towards them only to pause. Looking at the two of them caused a sharp pain in his chest.

_"Don't touch him. He's mine."_

Armin looked up to lock eyes with Jean. He mouthed something that looked suspiciously like "don't underestimate me."

_I am so fucked._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't intend for this entire chapter to take place during PE. Nor did I intend for Jean to realise his feelings for Armin in such a situation. It just happened. I'm pretty happy though.  
> And I'm not saying that Eren's useless without Armin... but I like the idea of Armin controlling the team way too much.
> 
> And thank you guys for the comments! It means a lot and it motivates me to keep writing!
> 
> Next chapter will probably be shorter again, because it'll be from Armin's perspective. I say that now, but we'll see.


	4. In Which Jean Becomes Increasingly Aware of His Pervertedness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean tries to figure stuff out in biology with little success. Armin is adorable. Hanji is adorable. That's all, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah about that chapter from Armin's perspective. I started writing it but thought it would seem kind of out of place cause I intend for the rest of it to be from Jean's view.  
> Apologies to anyone who was looking forward to hearing from Armin! But I'll probably do a oneshot from Armin's POV when this is finished so there's that.

Jean tried not to feel too much like a creep as he watched Armin change clothes out of the corner of his eye and adjusted his own pace to match.  He wasn't peeping or anything, of course not.  He was merely ensuring that they left the changing room at the same time so Jean had an excuse to walk with Armin to biology.

_As if that's less stalker-ish._

As Armin tugged his hair free from its ponytail, waved to a still boasting Eren and left, Jean grabbed for his coat and slipped out behind him only to collide with Mr Zacharius.

"Wow, you lot reek."

"Uh, thanks, sir."

"Except you, Arlert.  What is that, apples?"

"Um, yes, sir."

"Hm, very refreshing. I think more boys should wear fruity shampoo."  Mr Zacharius smiled calmly and turned to walk away, whistling something that sounded eerily like _Walking on Sunshine_.

"What is _wrong_ with the teachers at this school?"  Jean said in a hushed tone. "Can he say stuff like that?"

"Just don't question it."  Armin whispered as they backed away slowly and made their way down the corridor.

"So, uh,"  Jean cleared his throat nervously. "You're not the quiet little nerd I thought you were, are you?"

"I'm not quiet, _or_ little, _or_ a nerd. Okay, maybe that last one. You just happen to be louder and taller."

"Are you saying I'm obnoxious?"

"I said you were _loud_. But I wouldn't say you weren't a little obnoxious."

"Oi -"

"You're very honest," Armin looked up at Jean, shrugging his shoulders and hitching the biology textbooks he was carrying higher up his chest. "I find it refreshing."

"That's only cause you're a fibbing little toerag, aren't you?" Jean grinned, hurrying forward to hold open the door at the end of the corridor.

"Not necessarily!" Armin laughed, slipping through. "Oh, thank you. I may have _exaggerated_ my fall earlier. Don't assume I'm not like you and Eren; I'll do whatever it takes to succeed."

_Why does this side of Armin make him seem ten times more attractive?_

"Hey, you didn't also, uh, _exaggerate_ how annoyed you were yesterday did you?" Jean forced a laugh, trying not look at Armin's smiling mouth too much.

"...Perhaps a little."

"Wait, _what_?" Jean raised his voice as they reached the staircase, bustling with noisy students. "You faked being upset with me?"

" _Exaggerated._ " Armin's cheeks reddened as he clutched his books tighter. "I wasn't sure what else I could do to get you to talk to me."

"Huh?"

Armin was spared Jean's spluttered response as he dashed up the stairs, quickly weaving through the tide of students towards the first floor. He'd almost vanished from sight until Jean reminded his heart to keep beating and started to climb the stairs in haste.

_Did I hear that right? It's so damn noisy in here though, he could've said anything. He definitely looked embarrassed though. Was he blushing? Shit, that's so cute. Now I'm gonna blush, damn it._

Trying to restrain himself from snapping impatiently at the students moving in the opposite direction, Jean scrambled his way up the stairs. He only managed to catch up with Armin as they reached the second floor corridor. The smaller boy walked quickly with his eyes glued to the ground. Neither of them spoke as they ducked in and out a flock of some hysterical first years.

"IT COULD HAVE KILLED ME." one screamed.

"They didn't realise the frog was still alive. And they said it probably wasn't poisonous. Calm down, you twat."

"Must've been Hanji's previous class." Jean murmured as the crowd dissipated.

Armin didn't respond, but as Jean glanced down he realised that he was trying (and failing) to hold back a smile. Suddenly he grimaced and rubbed his shoulder under his backpack strap.

_He was doing that yesterday too._

Jean stopped. Armin realised and paused, turning to face him with a puzzled expression.

"Right, give me your bag."

"W-what?"

"You've probably got too many damn books in there," Jean grunted. "Hand it over."

"...Jean, we are literally fifty seconds away from our class."

"I don't care, Arlert. You just spend the last hour running around, now give it."

"So did you!"

"You know what I mean!"

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean!" Armin burst out angrily, stomping his foot. "But guess what, Jean, I'm not as weak as you and everyone else seems to think I am! I don't need your help!"

"I don't think you're weak, Armin, I'm just trying to be a freaking gentleman." Jean snapped. "Forgive me if I don't like seeing you in pain, alright?!"

Armin glowered so ferociously that Jean honestly considered taking a step back in case he needed to defend himself. Several moments passed before the blond shrugged off his backpack, shoved it into Jean's chest and stormed off without another word, still clutching his biology books to his chest.

Slightly staggering under the extra weight and replaying Armin's adorable foot stomp in his head, Jean followed him into Hanji's class.

"Armin! Jean!" Hanji charged towards them, cornering them against the wall. "Guess what'll we'll be discussing to-"

"Something awesome that lizards do, I bet." said Jean dully.

"How did you guess?!"

"I had a hunch."

"Well, you're correct!" Hanji grinned. "How does skin shedding sound?"

"To be honest, it sounds really gross."

"It is!" Hanji shrieked gleefully before bounding across the room to terrify someone else.

"Can they really base an entire lesson plan around lizards again?" Jean muttered, only to realise Armin had marched off to his seat.

Jean quirked his eyebrows as the blond slammed his books onto the desk, pulled out the seat next to his own and stood behind it to look directly at him.

"I'm being a gentleman." he said coldly.

"Does this mean we're sitting together?" Jean suppressed a smirk.

"...Well we don't have to if you don't want to."

"No, I want to! Or, I mean -"

" _Sit down, Jean._ "

Dropping into the seat provided, Jean tried not to snigger as Armin put great effort into shimmying the chair forward.

"Shut up," Armin smacked his shoulder playfully, a smile tugging at his lips. "It's not my fault you're heavy."

"It's pure muscle."

"I'll bet."

_Is this flirting? I think he's flirting back. Jesus, I've been gay for five minutes and I can't stop picturing making out with him under the desk. Wait, did he just say something?_

"...to flip out back there." Armin sighed as he took his seat next to Jean and retrieved his backpack. "It's just that I'm tired of people doing things for me, you know? I hate feeling like I can't even take care of myself..."

_Shit, okay he's talking, stop thinking about shoving your tongue in his mouth._

Jean brought his textbooks out of his bags and onto the desk, trying to subtly shift his chair closer to Armin as he did. He covered up the movement of angling his body towards him with a cough. He opened his mouth to respond before realising that he had no idea what to say.  What _do_ you say to something like that? Should he say sorry for taking his bag?  Nah, a guilty expression should do it. There was only so many times Jean could apologise to the same person in such a short period. His pride wouldn't allow it.

"...and I guess it just sort of reminded me of Eren. It's exactly the sort of thing he would do because he thinks he has to protect me from everything all of the time..."

Jean's hands curled into fists as he looked away.

_He's comparing me to that idiot **again.**_

"...I think that's why you two clash so often. You're actually very alike. Honestly, if I didn't know any better I'd say there was some unresolved sexual tension there -"

Jean almost fell out of his seat.

"Oh my god, Jean - I was kidding." Armin brought a hand to his mouth and laughed while steadying Jean with the other. "Wow, I only said it cause I thought you weren't listening but maybe I was right on the mark -"

"THERE IS NO SEXUAL TENSION WHATSOEVER BETWEEN ME AND EREN JAEGER." Jean flushed furiously as he tried to ignore the stares of the other students. Maybe his reaction was a little over the top. He quickly brought his hand up to his face to hid his blush.

"You're so easy, Jean."

"Quit being such a tease." Jean mumbled into the back of his hand, too embarrassed to really be annoyed.

"I can't help it." Armin smiled and turned to face the front of the class as Hanji finally began the lesson.

When Jean finally calmed down and had time to think (he never really listened to Hanji's ramblings), his first thought was an unsurprising one.

_How the hell am I gonna tell Marco?_

He didn't suppose there was an easy way to tell your straight best friend "Hey guess what, turns out I think boys are kind of cute and you know who is the cutest, that blond kid with the freaking beautiful blue eyes who's totally in love with that frigging gremlin Eren Jaeger."

_Also, I never realised how cute you and your freckled dimples were either._

"Damn it, Marco." Jean muttered under his breath.

"Hm?"

"Uh, nothing."

Armin frowned so slightly and so quickly that Jean assumed he must have imagined it as the blond faced the front once more with a neutral expression.

_I don't feel **that** way about Marco though. I don't think so anyway. Wouldn't I have realised by now if I thought of Marco in any way other than my best friend? Wouldn't there have been signs?_

Jean reluctantly thought back to his reaction to Mina and the others and felt his face grow warm. That might have been a hint. Not to mention his occasional accidental admiration of Marco's backside.

_That's totally passable as me just not wanting to share my friend. Completely normal. The ass thing is, well... yeah, I can't really explain that. Isn't it possible to find someone attractive in a non-romantic way?_

For experimental purposes only, Jean cast his mind back to Eren in the changing room. He mentally ran an appreciative eye down Eren's tanned and bare torso.

_...Okay, he's kinda hot. His face and personality ruin it though._

Both relieved and disgusted, Jean summarised his findings.

_So, if I'm capable of hating someone I also find attractive, surely it makes sense that I can think Marco's hot and still want to be just friends?_

Jean knew there was some flawed logic in there somewhere. He sighed. This was just too damn hard and confusing as hell. He definitely had to speak to someone about it. Ordinarily that person would be Marco but... maybe he had some stuff to figure out first.

_So, what about Armin? I'm pretty sure that little shit triggered all this._

He glanced over as the other boy made a frustrated noise and scraped his hair back into a ponytail once more.

"Does having longer hair bother you?"

"Hm, it did. Only really cause I would sometimes get crap for it, you know?"

Jean knew. His teeth clenched at the thought of a bunch of guys jeering at Armin. He knew that if he had been there they wouldn't have been laughing for long.

"It was mostly a bunch of narrow-minded guys in the years above."

"I suppose Eren took care of them?"

"He tried," Armin smiled fondly. "He was pretty small at the time though, so it didn't really do much."

"I'm surprised he didn't tell you to cut your hair like he tells Mikasa." Jean grumbled, lowering his voice as Hanji drew nearer, still babbling about lizard skin and clutching a jar full of ominous looking pink objects encased in thick liquid.

"He only tells Mikasa to cut her hair because she forgets. She does prefer it shorter," Armin reassured him. "But Eren actually talked me out of it when I wanted to cut my hair."

"Really?"

"Yes, he said that I should wear my hair however I like. That I shouldn't give the bullies the satisfaction. And..." Armin trailed off and avoided Jean's eye.

Jean sensed there was more to the story that Armin wasn't telling. He didn't ask.

"A-Anyway, sometimes I do think about cutting it at times like these when it gets in my eye or tickles my face. It's so distracting."

"Well, bear with it because Eren was right about one thing," Jean murmured, resisting the urge to reach out and brush a stray blond strand. "You definitely shouldn't cut your hair."

As Armin blushed faintly, wound the strand around his finger and stammered out an "Okay, then I won't," Jean knew he definitely had to talk to someone about this. He couldn't go on like this. Not with Armin being so adorable and making Jean feel all sorts of weird things and having no clue how to deal with them.

Jean was spared thinking about it any further when Hanji let out a shriek as they tripped and spilled what looked like reptile intestines all over his desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Armin too cheeky? I don't think so. And I have a weird thing about his hair. Like, I can't miss an opportunity to bring it up.
> 
> And can you tell I love almost every snk ship under the sun? Heck yeah I ship erejean but somehow only in the context of all the smutty fanart. Don't worry, it's still a jearmin fic.
> 
> But ugh, look at all the fluff. I keep churning out this stuff. I don't even read much fluffy fanfiction myself. Though it's only going to be like this for a little while longer. Just you wait. I'm working up the courage to angstsmut all over this. It'll be relatively mild though, I promise.


	5. In Which Jean is Constantly Flustered By Blonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean's struggling. Maybe a helping hand from a couple of sixth years will help him figure it out. Or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to user animangos for the suggestion. I'm gonna try and make Jean's bisexuality more obvious from now on. It's a little difficult to write for someone's who's never struggled with this kind of thing herself before.
> 
> BUT HEY, I welcome all suggestions! Like seriously, don't be afraid to offer. Throw them at me.

The remainder of the week proved to be a very stressful one for Jean Kirschstein.

There was not one moment during school hours that he was not on edge.  He still wasn't used to being surrounded by the new crowd at lunchtime but he never complained.  In fact he hardly said anything.  Although It was less to do with being uncomfortable and more to do with the fact that he couldn't get a word in edgewise as he was usually sandwiched between Connie and Sasha.  They were particularly difficult to shut up once they got going, particularly if they got to talking about something stupid like the viscosity of the ketchup on Sasha's four burgers which was, unsurprisingly, an every day topic.

Neither Armin, Eren or Mikasa sat with the rest of them that week.  Jean wasn't sure how to feel about that, especially when Eren started throwing him twice the usual amount of glares from across the cafeteria.  Armin didn't look over once.

Jean wondered if it had something to do with the project Rivaille had assigned them the other day.

"Okay, listen up you br- ...fifth years.  I'm giving you your first paired assignments.  The guidelines are written on the handout that Eren's about to pass out to you all.  Yes, I do mean you, Eren.  Don't expect any time in class to work on it.  I haven't set a deadline yet so you can either get started immediately to prepare or you can leave it and panic when I announce it the day before.  I'm sure you'll all pick the former."

Jean spared Marco a thought of sympathy _(fat load of help Eren'll be)_ before glancing at Armin who, to his surprise, avoided his eye.  The hopeful feeling in Jean's chest _(we'll have to see each other outside of school)_ shriveled throughout the lesson as the blond spoke little beyond what was necessary and hardly looked at Jean at all.  His behaviour didn't change for the rest of the week in the classes they had together, despite Jean's attempts to coax some conversation out of him.

_What the hell is going on?_

He tried not to feel too hurt but it was difficult when his heart kept doing that stupid _thump_ thing whenever he saw the blond and then for him to be ignored.

When Jean wasn't trying to figure out how he could have offended Armin ( _again_ ), he was desperately avoiding Marco.  It was easier than he expected it to be, what with the new addition of Mina in his life, but still a difficult task.  Partly because they walked to school together and shared classes, but also because Jean couldn't figure out whether he _wanted_ not to see him.  It was difficult enough realising your sexuality wasn't what you assumed it was without the added stress of potentially ruining up the relationship you share with your best friend.

Jean knew though that despite the distraction of Mina, his avoidance of Marco had not gone unnoticed. He tried to ignore the guilty twinge when he left the lunch table early for the fourth time that week and earned a worried look from Marco.

_He still thinks I'm uncomfortable around the others.  It won't be for long, I'll get my shit together and then... then I'll tell him, I swear._

Shooting Marco a brief apologetic look, Jean stood, allowing Connie and Sasha to bash their heads together without injuring himself, and left the cafeteria. He passed Armin's table on the way out but didn't look at him.  He didn't think he could take Armin ignoring him again.

He knew there was a possibility of Marco following him soon, and he would probably assume Jean was at the library again so he avoided going there.  He took to walking around the school campus instead, avoiding the noisily jeering first and second years with distaste ( _little pricks, they should be fucking terrified of me_ ) and eventually slumped into a crouch against a heavily graffitied wall at an emptier part of campus. He watched the few passers by for a few minutes, his mind blank.

_Now what?_

For all of Jean's skirting around Marco and inability to speak with Armin, he hadn't actually managed to figure anything out.  He knew he was just using this time to himself to pretend that none of this was happening.

He shook his head to focus himself and decided to mentally list everything he knew so far.

_I'm kind of gay.  I mean, I still think Mikasa's still really hot so I guess that makes me bi?  No one else knows.  Armin's pretty damn cute and smart and funny and I think about kissing him a lot.  He's into Eren, who's completely clueless.  Marco's my best friend who's dating a girl.  He's definitely straight._

What was he supposed to do with that information?  Pursue Armin despite his feelings for Eren? Come out?

He sighed in frustration and searched the area in front of him for inspiration. What he saw made him nearly lose his balance and tip over.

Two boys sat together at the edge of the grassy field with their heads, one dark and one fair, bowed together.  They were far away but Jean could tell by their slight head movements and entwined hands that they were not just friends.

_...is this some kind of sign?_

Then the blond one looked and noticed Jean staring.  Before he could look away in shame, the blonde beckoned to him. Did he mean Jean?

He beckoned again. Jean only blinked and still didn't move.  The blond stood and started walking over, dragging the dark-haired boy by the hand.  They were both absurdly tall.

 _What is happening?_   Jean thought vaguely.  He felt a headache coming on.

As the couple drew nearer, Jean recognised them immediately and mentally kicked himself for not realising sooner.  Approaching him was the only openly gay couple at Shinganshina Academy - Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Fubar, both from the year above.  Jean had never spoken to them, but of course he had heard of them.  Both were the most physically intimidating students at the school that no one dared pick a fight with. If any one was going to make a negative comment about their relationship, they sure as hell weren't going to do it within earshot.  They weren't going to kick his ass for staring at them, were they?

"Hey, it's Jean, isn't it?" Reiner looked down at him with an unreadable expression as they reached him.

"Uh," Jean took in their massive builds and clasped hands before standing a little unsteadily. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"We live down the street from Eren, he rants about you all the time. He calls you horse-face so when I saw you I took a chance."

"Um, Reiner," Bertholdt started nervously. "That was kind of rude."

"Eren... that bastard." Jean muttered, trying to pull his eyes away from their hands as Reiner guffawed.

"Hey, you're also the one dating that freckled one, right?"

"Reiner!" Bertholdt gasped as Jean spluttered. "You know that's not true!"

"I just wanted to see his reaction." Reiner peered at Jean's red face and grinned.

_What the hell is it with blonds?_

Jean stared in awe as Berholdt sternly reprimanded his boyfriend who only responded with chuckles.  The dark-haired boy looked mildly annoyed, however the short distance between the two never changed.  Jean could tell they were extremely close through their body language.  Bertholdt's body was angled towards Reiner's, whose bulky arm curved around his boyfriend's waist despite the half-hearted protests.  The blond always seemed to be tugging the other boy closer.  Usually seeing couples sparked feelings of both irritation and envy in Jean's chest but watching the two boys together caused a warmth to spread through his chest.  Was that sort of thing possible for him too?

Bertholdt caught Jean staring and gave a small knowing smile.

"Is there anything we can help you with?  Anything you... want to ask?"

Jean hesitated.  Clearly the couple in front of him had sensed his... whatever he was emitting.  Longing?  Confusion?  Either way, they seemed like nice guys but he wasn't sure he wanted to spill his soul out to them quite yet.  Besides, if they were friends with Eren then...  They wouldn't tell him, would they?  He _definitely_ didn't want him to find out.  Then there was Armin...

But then, who could he talk to?  Until he'd figured things out about Marco, he was out.  No way was he going to confide in his mother or siblings.  He didn't think they'd react badly but... no.  He shuddered just to think of his sister's teasing voice.  Not yet.  Craning his neck to look up at the boys in front, Jean wondered if he had any other option.  Before he could open his mouth to say anything, he heard a familiar voice shout.

"Oi!  Braun, Fubar!"

They all turned to see Professor Rivaille stalking towards them with Headteacher Smith in tow.  By the cups of coffee in their hands and Subway wrappers in bags, they'd obviously just returned from lunch.

Jean froze as they approached.  He was used to Rivaille's short and unusually intimidating stature, but he'd never been so close to Mr Smith before.  He suppressed a gulp as he realised that Mr Smith was almost as tall as Bertholdt, but without the gentle smile.  He looked away as Mr Smith's gaze fell on him.

"Where is Annie Leonhardt?"  Rivaille snapped, ignoring Jean.  "I need to speak with her immediately."

"Uh, sorry, sir.  Haven't seen her today, sir."  Reiner shifted so that the hand that wasn't holding Bertholdt's was behind his back.  "What's this about?"

"You know damn well what it's about.  That brat -"

" _Rivaille_."  Mr Smith's voice rumbled.

"- young lady has went and desecrated my car _again_."  Rivaille waved a hand towards the graffitied wall behind Jean.  "And I know this was her work too."

Jean glanced behind him at the artwork.  He couldn't make sense of the sprawled script but the scribbled drawing of a giant Rivaille crushing tiny uniformed students was pretty clear.

"D-Do you have any proof, sir?"  Bertholdt stammered.

Rivaille's eyes narrowed but he didn't say anything.  Clapping a hand on the shorter man's shoulder, Mr Smith stepped forward with a serious expression.

"We'd just like to speak to her.  If you see her, let one of us know."  His eyes flickered to their entwined hands and briefly at Jean before steering a reluctant Rivaille away.  They watched their retreating backs before Mr Smith bent down to Rivaille's ear.

"See, Rivaille?   _They_ hold hands in pub-"

Rivaille's sharp elbow dug into the taller man's ribs, effectively shutting him up.  Jean tried to pretend he didn't hear anything.

Bertholdt let out a sigh as Reiner's lips twitched.

"It's not funny, Reiner."

"Well..."

"We can't keep covering for her like this, we'll get into trouble too!"

"About that..."

Reiner raised his hand to expose paint stains over his fingers and palm.

"You-!"

"She couldn't reach the top part of the wall.  I wasn't going to refuse her again, did you see those bruises on my ass from last time?"

The two of them lapsed into an argument once more.  Jean knew he couldn't just stand around and wait for them to calm down.  He either had to leave or toughen the hell up and talk to them.  What was he supposed to say though?

_Hello there!  I know I don't know either of you but I notice that you're gay and I have a feeling I might sorta be too and some general directions on how to deal with it would be great, thank you._

Shaking his head, Jean decided to leave it.  He didn't know these guys and he wasn't about to pour his heart out to them quite yet.  He'd just have to rely on himself.

"Would you chill, Bertl?!  Oh, wait, Jean!"

Jean paused mid-turn, and faced them again.

"Just so you know, if you need anyone to talk to about... anything.  We're here, if there's no one else."

Jean felt his throat tighten and nodded stiffly before turning and walking away.  He didn't dare open his mouth incase something stupid fell out of it.  Or worse.

_Damn it!  Why are these people so kind to me?!_

 

*

 

Jean circled the campus a few more times, his mind reeling from his encounter with Reiner and Bertholdt.  He spared little thought to the confrontation with the teachers and wondered vaguely who Annie Leonhardt was.  Not that it had anything to do with him.

Heaving a sigh, he checked his watch.  Four minutes until lunch was over.  Then he would sit through history on his own and bolt home before Marco could catch him.  He'd then spend the entire weekend with only his family for company trying to figure out how to get through the next week.  Perfect.  Plan Forever Alone was a go.

Jean tried not to yelp as he felt a strong hand grip his arm and pull him back.  He found himself pinned against the wall by none other than the very person he was trying to avoid.

"M-Marco!  What the hell are you doing?!"  he tried to duck under Marco's arms at either side of his head, determindly not looking at him.

"No, you're not escaping again."

"People are gonna stare, you idiot!"

"I don't care, we need to talk."

Jean finally looked up at Marco's serious tone of voice.  His kind face was unusually stern and he was staring straight at Jean.

"Class is in a few minutes, can't we talk later?"  He mumbled, glancing down at their feet, very aware of Marco's gaze burning into his face.

"Hm,"  Marco let his arms drop to his sides.  "Stay over at mine tonight."

"Huh?"

_Not exactly what I had in mind._

_  
_ "You don't have to stay if you don't want.  But we're going to talk one way or another."  Marco's stern expression relaxed into a small smile.  "Just us."

Jean grumbled some more before agreeing.  He knew this was coming sooner or later but he'd hoped to prepare in advance.  He guessed he'd just go with it and see what happened.

The two of them headed back inside the school, but not before Jean noticed a small blond figure sitting with two others on the grass watching them leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was veryyyyyy little Armin in this chapter. And the next one's going to be mostly JeanMarco broship but we'll see Armin again soon.
> 
> I don't know how soon though, cause I'm supposed to be jobhunting and I recently got into DRAMAtical Murder... yeah, I know.
> 
> But again, thank you guys for the comments and kudos! It means a lot and I want to start responding directly to suggestions!


	6. In Which Marco Is An Incessant Tease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean takes baby steps. Marco's much cheekier than he gives him credit for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> took me a while to actually get around to writing this but i don't really have a valid excuse
> 
> and i should really start proof reading these
> 
> this chapter is mostly jeanmarco broship but yes the jearmin is creeping closer, i promise

Jean would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous.

He'd went home to pack a bag for the night, drank six glasses of water before pissing then downing four more.

_Come on, Jean, get it together. It's **Marco**. The most understanding and ridiculously nice guy I've ever met. I have to give him more credit. There's no way he would reject me if I told him how I've been feeling._

Jean knew those thoughts were perfectly reasonable and he was acting way more nervous than necessary. But the anxiety still wouldn't leave him.

Even when he knocked on Marco's door an hour later and he was greeted with the same familiar smiling face, the heavy weight did not lift from Jean's chest.  Following Marco upstairs upon an invitation to play video games, he cursed inwardly for not gathering his thoughts sooner.  He had no idea how to vocalise his feelings towards Marco at all.  Was there a way to casually drop "hey, I'm having all kinds of weird kinky thoughts about dudes now" into video game banter?

Jean realised with a gulp that he didn't have to worry about it for much longer when Marco paused the game and sat down his controller to face him.

"Okay, you're losing the game, which isn't that unusual, but you're not screaming about it which _is_ unusual, so come on then."  There was that uncharacteristically stern look again.  "I know something's been bothering you and I invited you round to talk, so let's."

Ignoring the dig at his inability to drive a virtual go-kart, Jean took a deep breath and looked hesitantly at Marco.

"This... is gonna be hard to say so, uh, bear with me while I figure out... how to actually say it."  Jean's throat suddenly felt very dry again.  "And don't... don't freak when I finally spit it out, okay?"

"Jean, believe me when I tell you that nothing you can say to me would shock me."

"What if I told you I killed Eren and wanted your help to bury his body?"

"I'd be mildly disappointed in you, but not surprised."

"What if I told you I was secretly shagging him?"

"You'd be surprised at how unsurprising I would find that."  Marco laughed.

However the smile soon slipped from his face when Jean bit his lip and didn't respond.

"Oh god, I'm right aren't I?  Okay, I lied.  I'm actually a little shocked-"

" _Oh my god, no_."  Jean groaned and dropped his head into his hands.

"-but I'll support you one hundred percent no matter your choice in-"

"Wait, what?"

"What?"

Jean looked up at his best friend, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Did you just say you'd be okay with it if I was banging Eren?"

Marco rolled his eyes as the corners of his mouth quirked up into a small smile.

"If anything I'd encourage it if it'd help you both hammer out that annoying sexual tension -"

" _Marco, I'm serious._ "

Jean didn't know whether it was his tone of voice or whatever pleading expression was on his face that made Marco stop and look at him.

"I'm listening.  I promise."  Marco's gaze was unwavering and Jean felt momentary reassurance at the meaning behind his words.

_I promise I won't freak out.  I won't judge you.  You're my best friend no matter what._

 "Right.  Well, I guess I'll just go for it.  Recently I've been looking at certain people differently and, uh,"  Jean cleared his painfully dry throat.  "When I say certain people I mean... a very large portion of the population.  That isn't to say I don't still enjoy looking at the other half of the population because wow some of them are hot but I've noticed that a few of the first portion are kind of cute too... shit, how stupid does this sound, ugh..."

He registered with some alarm that Marco's face was expressionless with the exception of the corner of his mouth which occasionally twitched.

"...and, uh, basically what I'm trying to - _why are you laughing?_ "

"I'm not!"  Marco's eyes shone as he fought to retain his calm expression.  "Go on, I swear I'm listening seriously."

Jean glared, dug his nails into his sweating palms and resisted the urge to punch his friend.  He was acting like he knew exactly what Jean was trying to say but wasn't trying to make it any easier for him.

_Wait.  He knows?  Was I that fucking obvious?_

The humiliation washed over him as he stumbled to his feet.

"No, fuck this. You know what I'm talking about, you piece it together."

"Wait, Jean, I'm sorry!"  Marco reached out and grabbed Jean's arm as he made to leave.  He'd only intended to storm off to the kitchen and down every alcoholic beverage he could find, but whatever.

"How are we supposed to talk if you keep running away?"

"Well, if you'd stop being such a dick about it -"

"Okay, okay, you're right.  I'm sorry because I think I know more or less what you're trying to tell me, and it's not funny cause you're obviously going through a hard time but... I guess I got a little nervous too."  Marco's gaze shifted away from Jean.

Startled, Jean took a step back, pulling himself free of Marco's grip, and seated himself a little further away than before.

"What the hell do you have to be nervous about?  I'm the one coming out as bisexual here."

He tried to pretend he didn't just say those words for the first time.  He'd never acknowledged it aloud before.  The word felt strange on his tongue, but not wrong.  But hearing Marco say he was nervous sent a surge of unease through Jean.  Was he... uncomfortable with him now?  That was exactly what Jean had feared.  Even if he didn't have any romantic feelings towards Marco, this would definitely put a strain on their relationship. 

"Ugh, okay look.  I can tell by the look on your face that you think my reaction is bad, but I swear it's not so I'm going to talk for a bit and clarify what I mean.  Is that okay?"

Jean nodded stiffly and warily watched Marco huff and puff for a few moments before he opened his mouth to speak.

"I guess I should start with the fact that I've known about your attraction to guys for a while.  And... I don't think you'll be pleased to hear that it's not really hard to notice.  I mean in the PE changing rooms for example or when you stay over...  Even if you didn't fully realise it, you're not exactly subtle, Jean."  Marco hastily added as Jean opened his mouth to protest, his face heating up.  "I never said anything to you because I thought that if you weren't completely aware of it then you probably wouldn't appreciate me just bringing it up out of the blue.  I didn't want to put you on the spot, so... I left it alone."

"Hang on,"  Jean interrupted, his mortification increasing by the second.  "So you just let me shamelessly check you out and didn't say anything?  Doesn't it make you uncomfortable that I think you're attractive?"

"Well, no, it's flattering."  Marco shrugged.  "A compliment's a compliment, wherever it comes from.  And I know you don't feel _that_ _way_ about me so I don't see the problem.  The only reason I was laughing is because you were acting like you were scared that it would _bother_ me.  Well, that and the direction you were heading in with the whole "population" thing."

"...and it definitely doesn't?"  Jean hardly dared breathe.  "Bother you, I mean?"

"As if!"  Marco laughed and looked directly at him.  "Jean, you idiot.  You really think so low of me that I'd hate you just because you like guys as well as girls?  Come on, you know me better than that.  Do you think I'd be such good friends with Armin or Daz if that were the case?"

Jean suddenly felt very stupid.  How could he have doubted Marco?  He'd been his best friend since nursery school.  They'd grown up together, shared everything.  Of course he'd be fine with it.  More than fine.  In fact...

"Oh, speaking of Armin,"  Marco grinned slyly as Jean stiffened.  "Can I assume that he was the one that triggered this new-found self-awareness?"

"You... you can."

Jean ducked his head to avoid seeing Marco's grin widen.  He could feel his face burning.  Marco really was more observant than he gave him credit for.  Then again, he had said that Jean wasn't very subtle...

"Wait, hang on - you said that I'm obvious when I'm, uh, w-when I'm looking,"  He really was going to punch Marco soon if he didn't stop smirking.  "Who else knows?"

"Hm,"  Marco stretched out his long legs and leaned back on his palms.  "Mikasa, probably."

" _Shit_.  Are you kidding?"

"Nope.  Pretty sure she partly dislikes you out of concern you'll steal Eren away."

"Fat chance.  Wait, why else does she dislike me?"

"Moving on."

"Right, uh, who else?"

"Mina, so probably Thomas too."

Shoving all thoughts of Marco and Mina having conversations about his sexuality to the back of his mind _(oh god, what if Mina thinks I'm a threat oh shit, we should probably talk about that)_ , Jean tried to pluck up the courage to ask the all important question.

"So... what about Eren?"  he asksed hesitantly.

Marco squinted at him silently.  Jean immediately resolved to crush all of Marco's suspicions before he could voice them and embarrass him further.

"Jesus, Marco, _no_.  Don't look at me like that, I'm not asking because I like him."

Stifling a relieved sigh when Marco nodded and smiled to reassure him, Jean was suddenly overwhelmed with giddiness.  He'd done it.  He'd admitted how he felt to himself and to the person that mattered the most.  He could finally _talk_ about it. He wondered how much he _could_ talk about it to Marco.  It might be sort of weird at first but Marco wasn't the kind of guy who wouldn't listen just because he didn't feel the same way.  After all, he listened to Jean's endless speeches devoted to the beauty that was Mikasa Ackerman when Marco clearly only had eyes for Mina.  Jean suppressed a grin at the thought of shamelessly gushing about Armin aloud for the first time.

"Eren is... not the most observant of people."

"So the dumbass doesn't know?  Well then, that's great."

Jean's smile faltered as Marco bit his lip and looked away.

"Okay, what's with that reaction?"

"What reaction?"

" _That_ reaction,"  Jean exhaled impatiently.  "The worried face, the not-looking-at-me thing you're doing."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm feeling delicate today, you have to be nice to me.  Tell me."

" _Delicate_."  Marco snorted.

"Shut up, what is it?"

"Well, Eren's hardly likely to notice that you're bisexual when he hasn't even noticed his own best friend's feelings is he?"

Jean's giddiness evaporated.  How could he have forgotten?  Armin's one-sided love for Eren was startlingly obvious to everyone _but_ Eren.  Jean wondered glumly if his gushing about Armin would merely become whining of unrequited feelings and even more ranting about Eren Jaeger.

"But keeping flirting with Armin like that during PE and even Eren'll pick it up."

"Uh-"

"Also, the staring in the changing room is a big hint.  I mean, I know he's cute but Jesus, get a room-"

"OKAY, I GET IT."

Flushing furiously, Jean grabbed Marco's pillow off the bed and threw it at his grinning face.

_Rude bastard._

He tried to be annoyed but Marco's laughter shook off the unease he was feeling.  So what if Armin was into Eren?  Jean would soon fix that.  They'd only begun talking and (he sincerely hoped he wasn't the only one feeling this way) he was pretty sure that there was at least _something_ between them.  Armin didn't flirt like that with just anyone, did he?  And that was definitely flirting, right?  He'd said before that they made a good team.  After all, they were partnered together for Rivaille's class with a project due.  They'd _have_ to spend more time together and Jean was determined to prove himself above and beyond Eren in Armin's eyes.  Baby steps.  Hopefully he'd take them quickly.

"So, when are you going to ask him out?"

_Not that quickly._

"Marco, I literally came out two minutes ago."

"Well, yeah but -"

"You liked Mina for, what?  A year before you did anything about it?"

"Hey -"

"And you just confirmed to me that Armin likes Eren."

"About that -"

"I'm not exactly ready to be rejected right off the -"

" _Jean, listen to me_ ,"  Marco interrupted hastily, sitting upright.  "I'm trying to tell you that I don't think Armin would reject you.  Even you're not that oblivious, are you?"

Struck dumb, Jean blinked.  Surely Marco wasn't implying the exact thing Jean was hoping for.

"I know Armin pretty well, and he's spoken to me about how he feels about Eren before -"

"Could you -"

"It's not my place to talk about it,"  Marco shot Jean a look, wiping the hopeful expression off of his face immediately.  "But I think I can tell you this much.  Armin isn't expecting anything to happen between them.  Even if he's not completely over Eren doesn't mean to say that he's not open to starting something with someone else.  And by someone else I mean you.  Armin isn't really that close with a lot of people but the way you two are around each other... I think a new love is exactly what he needs to properly get Eren out of his system."

"Don't throw words like _love_ around like that, idiot."  Suddenly bashful, Jean looked down and picked at the edge of his shirt.

_He's not just saying I'm a substitute for Eren, is he?  Armin definitely likes me, right?_

Looking to Marco for confirmation, he was startled to see a meaningful look on his face.  Had he said something weird?  Or did Marco...?

_"I think a new love is exactly what he needs to properly get Eren out of his system."_

Surely not.

As childhood friends, Jean and Marco were more often than not on the same wavelength so they could usually guess what the other was thinking.  Except for the times Jean was being stupid like the past week when he didn't realise Marco's feelings.  But this time his thoughts were coming through loud and clear.

" _God,_ Marco, I'm not in love with you or anything!"

"Just double checking!"  Marco leaned back and stretched.  "I'm a taken man, but feel free to check me out when I get changed later.  It's a nice confidence boost."

Jean knew without a doubt that any potentially romantic feelings he may have had for Marco were gone, if they were even there in the first place.  He loved Marco, he was sure of that, but in the way he would love a brother.  The closeness between them would never change and it was that closeness that ensured there couldn't be anything more than friendship between them.  He'd keep his wandering eyes in check.  Jean had another boy on his mind anyway.

"Does Mina know how perverted you are?"  Jean muttered before grabbing his controller, unpausing the game and promptly knocking Marco's kart off of the track.

"She will.  Also I'm four laps ahead of you, give it up already."

"Shit, _four?_   Okay, swear to tell me everything when it happens."

"Of course, in exchange for Arminformation."

"In exchange for - _fuck_ \- _Arminformation_ , are you kidding me?"

 "I thought it was clever."

"It wasn't."

 

*

 

Jean had never been so grateful for his best friend than he was that weekend.  Despite Marco's incessant teasing, he never failed to prompt Jean to talk more about his feelings and encourage him in his pursuit of Armin.  When the topic of Jean's family came up, Marco let him away with a flurry of hand gestures and a "not yet".  He seemed to fully understand Jean's hesitation to think about it and was more than happy to let Jean finally vent aloud his frustration with Armin's recent behaviour.

"It's so weird, I mean, one day we're laughing and he's looking at me like _that_ then the next it's like we're not even friends or anything.  He barely spoke to me the other day.  I just don't know if I've done something to piss him off again or if there's something up with him or..."

"Hm, well, maybe it's because he's been into Eren for so long that he's not sure how to act when he likes someone else."

"Pfft, that's all you've got?  And we don't even know if he likes me or not!"

"He _does_.  You don't need to be insecure about that much, I promise you.  Just _talk_ to him about it.  What's the worst that could happen?"

"I could say something stupid and die."

"Probably, but you won't die.  Just remember, you guys have to work together and with all the unresolved attraction it's just going to get even more awkward."

After some more persuasive words on Marco's part and a lot of grumbling on Jean's, he eventually agreed to try to speak to Armin about it the following Monday.  When he finally went home after an enjoyable weekend of video games and yet more teasing, he spent most of Sunday evening preparing what he was going to say before words completely failed him the next morning when he spotted Armin in the corridor.  He ducked into the nearest doorway and hid as the blond walked straight past without noticing him, at Eren's side with Mikasa on the other.  There was no way he was going to chance saying anything with them around.

Jean spent the most of the day watching Armin from afar; the confidence he built up over the weekend talking to Marco was disappearing quickly.  It didn't help that every time he caught the flash of Armin's eyes, his heart skipped a beat.  Usually followed by a hideous pang of jealousy when he noticed that the blue eyes locked onto emerald ones.  It was getting harder and harder to not scream insults at Eren in his head.

He found that he was also slowly getting used to the company of people who weren't Marco.  Having been cornered by his friend and his girlfriend at interval, Jean found that Mina was actually quite pleasant to talk to.  A little shy, but otherwise quite friendly.  She didn't seem to hold a grudge against Jean being close to Marco and even told her boyfriend off for lightly mocking Jean's recent anti-social behaviour.

"We can't all be social butterflies like you, Marco.  It took some time for _me_ to even get used to _you_ , you big pervert."

She looked embarrassed when Marco kissed her then and there but not at all displeased.

Jean watched them with a twisted feeling of both affection and envy.  He had to admit that they looked pretty cute together.  And Marco's happiness was definitely something he wanted, even if just Jean's friendship wasn't enough anymore.

_I can't say anything because it's Marco, and cause it's not enough for me anymore either._

He tried to ignore the twisted feeling in his chest throughout most of lunch time, once again wedged between Connie and Sasha as they constructed a miniature Jean out of mashed potatoes.  He was less annoyed by the length of his miniature face than he thought he would be.

"Armin, over here!"

Jean jolted at the sound of Mina's voice and carefully maintained eye contact with his miniature self as Armin approached their table alone.

"Hey, what's up?"

"I wanted to ask if I could borrow your notes from biology last week.  I can't make any sense of my own and by the state of Jean's, I don't think he was paying much attention to Hanji at the time..."

_What is she talking about?  I didn't show her my notes._

"Ah, speaking of Jean,"  Marco spoke with a mischievous tone.  "I was supposed to remind him to talk to you about something or other.  Do you think you could spare him a moment?"

Jean whipped his head up to stare at the couple across from him in horror.  Both Marco and Mina stared back with innocent expressions but twinkling eyes.

"Uh, sure.  Jean?"

Armin looked down at him, seemingly surprised by the look of his widened eyes.  Resisting the urge to scowl in their direction when the pair across the table gave him simultaneous winks, Jean stood and headed towards an isolated corner of the cafeteria with Armin following close behind.  When he was sure they were outwith earshot of anyone, Jean turned to face the other boy.

"Fuck."

 _This is so much harder than I thought it would be now that he's in front of me._ __Does he have to be so freaking cute all the time?  
_ _

"Uh, y-you wanted to tell me something, Jean?" _  
_

"Yeah, sorry, I-I just - you see, I have this problem and it's your fault -"

"Did I do something to offend you?"

"No, oh God no, I mean it's really Eren's fault but you're the actual problem - NO wait, that's not what I meant to say -"

_This is worse than when I came out to Marco.  I feel like I'm gonna keel over.  Or throw up._

"Do you need a minute?"

Armin looked extremely tense, his expression guarded and his shoulders stiff.  Jean couldn't imagine what was running through his mind.  Though it was probably something along the lines of _what a looney._

"No, it's okay, ugh.  I'll start again,"  Jean steadied himself and took a breath.  "I think we should -"

__Get married.  Rent a hot air balloon for our honeymoon.  Have lots of cute chubby babies._ _

"- start the project tonight."

_Jean, you suck._

"Oh,"  Armin seemed to deflate.  His shoulders dropped and his expression relaxed.  Jean didn't know whether to take that as a good sign or not.  "That's a good idea, because who knows when Professor Rivaille will drop the deadline.  Your place or mine?"

"R-right!  Uh..."  Jean tried not to think of the connotations of that question and recalled the state of his bedroom.  "Definitely yours, unless you'd rather work knee-deep in my dirty clothes."

"Hm, I guess not then.  I wouldn't want to get dirty."  A smile tugged at the corner of Armin's lips and Jean's heart stuttered as his mind wandered over the possibilities of Armin's statement.

"I'll catch you after school then?"

"I'm actually supposed to hang out with Eren while Mikasa's at her judo class but I guess I can blow him off just for you."

"It's a date then."

"It sure is."

Jean could barely conceal his glee when they exchanged phone numbers and Armin left to break the bad news to Eren.  Were they back to how they were before?  It felt like it.  Armin seemed relatively normal again.  Well, as normal as Armin got when he was talking with Jean.

And okay, so he hadn't really asked him out but there was plenty of time for that.  He was going to Armin's house tonight.  They were going to be alone together. No teachers or Eren to distract them.  Of course they were supposed to be working but... things happen, don't they?

Vaguely wondering whether his heart would combust or not, Jean grinned widely.  He couldn't wait to tell Marco.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why is the paragraph spacing so weird on this omg it's really annoying me and i apologise


	7. In Which Jean and Armin Almost Freeze to Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean's not very good at expressing his feelings. Neither is Armin, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****SNK MANGA SPOILERS****
> 
>  
> 
> ARMIN IS SAFE OH MY GOD THE RELIEF IS REAL, I WAS FREAKING THE HELL OUT ALL MONTH THANK GOD THANK GOD  
> AND JEAN COMFORTING HIM WOW MY JEARMIN SENSES WERE TINGLING LET ME TELL YOU
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ****END SNK MANGA SPOILERS****
> 
>  
> 
> i thought i should get a move on for jean's sake cause poor baby's so insecure about armin  
> but really idk what i'm doing anymore
> 
> and if you can't tell, i am such a hardcore procrastinator that i won't even acknowledge WHAT their project actually is and i have a strange feeling that they're not actually going to get it done on time

He tried so hard not to skip after Armin on the way home.  But Jean just couldn't help feeling pleased with himself when watching Armin's hair sway as they walked together.

"Do you have any idea what direction you want to take with this project?"

"Oh, uh... not really,"  Jean rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly as they approached the front door of a worn down looking house.  "To be honest, I haven't even looked at the sheet he gave us."

"Well, I've looked it over and it doesn't seem as difficult as I expected.  It shouldn't take us that long to complete it."

"Oh, is that so..."

_Straight to business then.  I guess I should've expected that._

Trying to conceal his disappointment, Jean followed Armin inside when he unlocked the door and shut it behind him.

Shrugging off his jacket and kicking off his shoes, Armin motioned for Jean to do the same.  As he did, Jean glanced around the darkened hall.

The house looked small from the front but it seemed even smaller on the inside.  The hall was narrow, leading towards a door at the end, a door on Jean's right and the worn staircase on the left.  He peered into the door on his right to see a bare looking living area.  Furniture was sparse and it seemed unused.  The walls and mantelpieces were bare.  His eyes were drawn to the dusty surfaces and peeling wallpaper.  So far the house seemed cold.  Uncared for.  It wasn't that it bothered Jean, but he found the state of Armin's home surprising.  He wasn't sure what exactly he expected but he thought it would seem... homier.  There was no evidence that someone as conscientious and warm as Armin lived here.

The mantelpiece by the front door was cluttered with odd bits of paper and pens.  Amongst the scattered objects was a single photo frame containing a picture of a young attractive couple.  Jean immediately recognised the eyes of the man in the photograph.

"Are these your parents?"

"That picture's been there forever.  Yeah, that's before I came along.  They're off touring Africa right now so most of the photographs I have of them are sent via email.  They've been across Europe already."

"How long have they been gone?"

"Almost seven years now."

_"Seven years?"_

"The world's a big place and they seem to like it a lot better anywhere else but here,"  Armin shrugged as if it didn't bother him but the way his teeth worried at his bottom lip told Jean otherwise.  "They come back for the occasional birthday.  I moved in with Grandpa when I was nine and met Eren and Mikasa who live across the road so it kind of worked out, I suppose."

"I guess so..."

"And hey, they send us their research papers for Grandpa to proof read before they're officially published so I guess that's something."  Armin said bitterly, still staring at the photo frame.

Startled by this revelation, Jean wasn't sure what to say.  He wasn't very good at the comforting thing and he couldn't exactly relate to Armin's situation.  Both his parents were at home with his siblings.  Sure they didn't always get along but at least they were there for him not to get along with.  He couldn't imagine not seeing his parents for years.

"Are you close with your grandfather then?"  he asked hesitantly.

"Not really.  He's pretty career driven too.  Not that it seems like what he does pays much,"  Armin's eyes slid away from the photo as he waved a hand behind him at the hall.  "But whatever.  He's won't come home until late if he comes home tonight at all, so let's get started on the project."

Jean could tell by the tone of his voice that the subject was now closed so he didn't inquire any further.  If Armin didn't want to talk about his family then that was okay.  If he eventually did want to speak to Jean about it then that was fine too.  Jean himself wasn't a big talker about family but he was eager to know more about the boy in front of him.  He wanted to let him know that Jean was a person he could talk to, even if only a little.  He guessed he had a while to go though before Armin opened up to him more.

He followed Armin up the stairs into an even smaller hallway and entered the door at the end.  Jean was momentarily shocked at what he saw, but soon couldn't stop the smile that sprang to his lips.

_This is more like it._

The walls were a startling array of colours.  Mismatching patches of green and purple and blue and yellow and every other colour under the sun splattered across every inch of the ceiling and walls.  Crudely painted stick men rode orange waves under a black sky and a thin red line streaking across every surface looped around and connected three familiar figures.  One blond, one with a red scarf winding round her neck and one looking pretty pissed as he slew a pink dragon.  There wasn't a single inch of of wall surface that hadn't been paint-splattered or doodled on.  Half-empty paint cans took up a small space in the corner.  The single bed's blue sheets were rumpled with pyjamas strewn across it, as though the occupant had woken up and stripped in a hurry.  Exotic-looking dreamcatchers hung from the bedposts and ceiling.  Books of every material and genre were stacked haphazardly around the room.  At first glance it looked disorganised before Jean noticed a certain logic to how and where they were strategically placed.  A computer sat surrounded by figurines on a desk in the corner, the words "ARMIN ARLERT IS A SMARTASS" printed in large font on the wall above a collage of photographs.

Armin's room was definitely not like the others in the house.  It was completely unexpected but somehow... alive in comparison to the other abandoned rooms.  It was bizarre and hard on the eyes at first, but clean and obviously cared for.  Jean was suddenly very glad he had suggested going to Armin's house instead.

"Sorry, it's, uh, sort of bright."  Armin looked apologetic and immediately took to hiding his pyjamas and straightening his duvet.

"It's sort of freaking awesome you mean."  Jean grinned at the other boy who smiled back sheepishly.

"Thanks.  It's weird having someone who isn't Eren or Mikasa in my room.  My grandpa never comes in here.  The rest of the house is so dull and I can't be bothered taking care of it all myself.  One day Eren, Mikasa and I just went out and bought a bunch of paint cans with the money my parents sent me and we just went for it.  We repaint and update it whenever we feel like it,"  Armin nodded towards the cans in the corner.  "Feel free to add to it, I know you like to doodle."

"Don't mind if I do."

Dropping his bag by the doorway, Jean searched for a piece of wall that hadn't yet been scribbled on.  He craned his neck to look at the stretching dragon across the ceiling.

"How did you even manage to paint up there?"

"Mikasa gave Eren a boost."

"I can imagine that huring his manly pride."

"He was kind of giddy actually, like a little kid."

Jean couldn't help but laugh at the image in his head of an excitable and paint-smeared Eren perched on Mikasa's shoulders.  Armin seemed to be recalling the same thing as he giggled along with him.

"The dreamcatchers are from my parents.  One for every birthday and Christmas they miss.  Do you mind if I change?  Sitting in this uniform all day is kind of uncomfortable."

"Uh, no, no I don't mind.  You go ahead."

Jean immediately turned his back and squatted in the corner beside the paint cans.  He picked up a brush, dipped it into a can and swept it across the wall.  He half expected Armin to laugh and say something like "we're both guys, you know" but he didn't and Jean felt a strange mix of relief and disappointment wash over him.  He could've said it himself; that they were both guys after all and that they'd changed in front of each other for PE before.  But he knew this time was different.  With just the two of them in Armin's room it definitely felt more intimate.  The sound of rustling clothes had never made Jean feel so tense before.  Now that he was fully aware of his feelings, he knew it would be wrong of him to look.  But he'd be lying if he said he wasn't sorely tempted to turn around.

"You can turn around now.  I'm sorry I don't have anything that would fit you,"  Jean hastily returned the brush and turned slowly at the sound of Armin's voice.  "I know how restrictive our uniform can be."

Once again grateful and disappointed that Armin had opted for trousers and a loose fitting tshirt, Jean stood to properly face him.

"Don't worry about it, I can manage a few more hours."

He loosened his tie before removing it altogether.  He felt weirdly seductive as the material slid from his collar with that _shhhish_ sound it made.  Suddenly embarrassed at the thought of stripping any further, Jean coughed self-consciously and decided to leave the top button of his shirt alone.  They were here to work, not anything else.  Unfortunately.

Armin seemed to be thinking about the same lines as he cleared his throat somewhat nervously and headed towards the desk.  He switched the computer on and announced that they had some research to do before they could properly get started.  Wondering if he should actually ask what it was they were supposed to be researching, Jean wandered over and peered over Armin's shoulder at the computer screen before checking out the photographs on the wall.  They were mostly comprised of Armin, Eren and Mikasa pulling hideous faces at the camera in various locations.  A classroom, the library, Armin's bedroom, the seaside.

"Where was this taken?"  Jean gestured at a photograph of Eren and Armin in the ocean, splashing each other with grins frozen on both of their faces.

"We saved up and went down south for a few days last summer.  Grandpa didn't even notice I was gone.  We stayed in a really crappy lodge and ate take out every night. The weather was great so we went to the beach on the last day.  It was the first time we'd seen the ocean in person."  Armin smiled fondly.

"You're kidding.  Last year was the first time you'd been to the seaside?"

"First and last.  We were going to go again at some point but there hasn't really been any time for it, you know?  Over the past year Eren and Mikasa have both been really busy dealing with... with stuff.  Anyway, they can't really afford it and I wasn't going to go on my own.  We made a promise to go again some day though when we can."

As he studied Armin's wistful expression, Jean was struck by a sudden realisation.

"You do know that Colferton beach is forty minutes away by bus, right?  I mean it's more or less pebbles and rocks instead of sand but the ocean's right there."

"I've never been.  We never found the time -"

"We have time now."

Armin shot him a _are you crazy?_ look.

"You're not serious, are you?"

"Why not?"

Jean knew he had suggested it on impulse and there were probably a hundred reasons why it wasn't a good idea.  Hell, it was actually a really dumb idea considering the circumstances.  But after hearing Armin talk about his family in such a way and knowing that he couldn't do what he wanted to on his own, Jean wanted to cheer him up.  He didn't know what was up with Eren and Mikasa or the relationship Armin had with his relatives.  And he wasn't entirely sure why he wanted to exchange being alone with Armin in his bedroom for what was sure to be an unpleasantly cold evening at a crappy beach but he did know one thing.  He wanted to Armin wear the same smile he had in those pictures.  And he wanted to be the one that put it there.

"Well, for one thing it'll get dark in a few hours _and_ we're supposed to be working on this project, not to mention what would we even _do_ when we get there because it's November and it's bloody _freezing_ outside -"

"But don't you want to go anyway?"

Armin regarded Jean silently in a way that made him feel very self-conscious and very stupid.  Maybe he had been too forward making a suggestion like that, especially when they'd only just arrived at Armin's ten minutes ago.  It wasn't like Jean had any particular interest in the ocean himself, but the way Armin's eyes lit up when he spoke about it made him care much more for it.

"You're... "  Armin hesitated.  "Strange."

"I... probably can't really deny that.  But I still want to take you there."

Armin was silent for a few more moments before he spoke in a quiet voice.

"Then... let me get my coat."

_Huh?_

Having prepared himself for a blunt refusal, Jean was momentarily shocked at Armin's words before pulling himself together with a grin.

"How does ice cream at the pier sound?"

"Horrible,"  Armin laughed as he stood.  "But I'm looking forward to it."

Jean snatched up his bag and hurried down the stairs, leaving Armin to change into something a little warmer.  As he pulled on his coat and shoes in the dusty hallway, he struggled not to laugh aloud with glee.

_I can't believe I just suggested to just take off to Colferton like this.  And I can't believe he agreed to go.  Does this count as a date?  Would Armin have agreed if he thought it was?  I mean, we both know I'm not exactly the type of guy who'd just sweep someone away to the seaside on impulse like this.  And there's no way he would've blown off schoolwork like this if he didn't like me.  Maybe he -_

"Gah!"  Jean jumped back when the front door burst open with a slam.

Eren stood in the doorway, his features twisting into a scowl when he noticed Jean leaning against the bannister (his heart still recovering from the shock).

"Shit, I forgot you were here."

"What do you want?"  Jean sneered back. 

Of course _he_ had to turn up now of all times.  It was typical Eren Jaeger behaviour, somehow always getting in the way of what Jean wanted.  But no way in hell was Jean going to let him take this day away from him.

"I'm here to see Armin, obviously."

"Well, we're busy, so if you don't mind buggering off -"

"Eren?"

They both craned their necks to look at Armin at the top of the staircase.  He'd wrapped up warmly in a light grey jumper, gloves and a blue woolen hat.  If Jean wasn't so irritated with Eren's unwelcome arrival he may have blushed at how adorable Armin looked with a bobble on his head.

"What are you dressed like that for?"

"Uh..."  Armin glanced at Jean who stared back wordlessly.  "We were just headed out to the corner shop for snacks.  You know, brain food before we get stuck into work.  What are you doing here?"

Both pleased and surprised at how quickly and easily Armin had lied, Jean relaxed a little and convinced himself that Eren's appearance was only a minor setback.

_We'll just figure out what he wants then send him on his merry way.  Does Armin not want Eren around right now either?  But they're best friends, right?  And Armin's probably still got those annoying feelings for him.  But he didn't invite him along like I thought he might.  Does this mean Armin wantsto be alone with me too?_

"You have to help me, I completely forgot about the history essay Nanaba gave me that's due for tomorrow."

"Eren, you were assigned that essay _weeks_ ago.  And how do you expect me to help you?  I don't even take history, and I told you I was working on the English project with Jean tonight."

"But you know all sorts of things about everything what with all those books you've got, and your internet connection is way better than mine."

"Didn't you take any notes in class at all?"  Armin sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.  "I suppose I can give you some books to take home that might be helpful."

"Ah, well, uh, I was sorta hoping to work on it here,"  Eren mumbled and shuffled his feet, suddenly seeming awkward and uncomfortable.  "Mikasa's at judo and... well, I just would rather not be at home right now."

He seemed hesitant to say anymore.  Jean assumed it had something to do with his being there.

Glancing at Armin, Jean watched something like understanding dawn upon on his face.  Clueless as to what that understanding was but figured it was better not to ask, Jean resigned himself to the fact that there was no chance they were going to Colferton beach today.  The obviously overly concerned look Armin was giving his best friend was proof of that.

"I guess if... if Jean doesn't mind, I could help you with your essay for a bit and we could work on the project after -"

"Don't worry about it,"  Jean waved a hand dismissively and moved to step past Eren out the door.  "He needs all the help he can get, and even with you helping him he'll spend the whole damn night writing the thing."

"But -"

"We can start the project another night.  I'll do some research for it when I get home to save us more time, alright?"

Armin hesitated before nodding wordlessly, fidgeting with the ends of his scarf.  Before Jean could say his goodbyes and leave, Eren announced that getting brain food wasn't such a bad idea.  Since the corner shop was in the direction of Jean's walk home, the three of them set off once Armin had tugged on his jacket and shoes.

Most of the short journey was spent with Armin scolding Eren for only wearing a thin hoodie over a flimsy tshirt in this weather, and Eren ignoring him.  He talked over him instead, kicking himself for not remembering to do his essay sooner.  He didn't speak about anything else but his words seemed forced, as though his schoolwork was actually the furthest thing from his mind.  Jean remained silent.

When they reached the store, Eren stepped inside immediately, scouring the aisles and scooping up the cheapest crisp packets there.  Jean paused as Armin hesitated outside the door with a sincerely apologetic look on his face.

"Jean, I'm really sorry we couldn't go.  Believe me, I really wanted to, but Eren -"

"I'm not giving up.  I'm still going to take you,"  Jean said in a low voice.  "Make some time for me, okay?"

He couldn't tell if Armin's cheeks were just pink from the cold or from the words he had just spoken.  But from the way Armin's eyes shone as he looked up and gave a single nod of his head, Jean knew he had understood the meaning behind them.

Shoving his numb hands in his pockets, Jean took off down the road without another word.

 

*

 

True to his word, Jean studied the worksheet and spent most of the night researching online for information they could use, pushing all bitter thoughts about Eren out of his head.  He surprised himself at how focused he became and how much he actually got done in only a few hours.  They might actually get this finished sooner than he'd hoped.

Tempted to text Armin and alert him to his progress, Jean stared at the contact name igniting his phone screen.  Deciding he'd rather see Armin's impressed expression in person, he resigned himself to bed and replayed the last words he spoke to him in his head before eventually drifting off to sleep.

However, to Jean's dismay, Armin was unable to turn Eren away for the remainder of the week.  Every day Armin apologised and promised that they'd find the time to work on their project together soon and each day Jean grew less and less sure of himself.  He found little comfort in the daily encouragements given by Marco and Mina.

They were speaking in low voices outside the school entrance.  It was minutes before first period on Friday morning and cold enough for their breath to visibly rise before them.  Days of awkward conversations with no mention of what was bothering Eren or of Jean's promise to take Armin to Colferton had passed since he'd been to Armin's home.  He was starting to fear Armin had rejected him after all.

"It doesn't mean anything!"

"Eren's probably just going through a rough time right now and he needs his friend,  don't give up!"

"Right, okay, thanks for your reassuring words and by the way,"  Jean threw a hard look at Marco.  "Also since when exactly has your girlfriend known about me and Armin?"

"I sit behind you in biology,"  Mina answered, looking a little embarrassed.  "Marco didn't tell me anything but I could guess what was going on from the way you... you know."

"Well, that's just great.  I'm glad it's so glaringly obvious to everyone."

"Look, Jean.  You're never going to get anywhere if you're not more straightforward with him.  I know from experience that dropping hints isn't always going to work.  He needs to know that it wasn't just a spur of the moment thing."

"But it kind of  _was_ -"

"Do you like him?"  Mina demanded.

"Well, yes, obviously -"

"Do you want to go out with him?"

"I-I suppose so, yeah -"

"Then  _tell him that._   Be direct.  Ask him out.  Let him know that you want to be more than whatever you already are, and for god's sake stop getting so hung up on whatever Eren's problem is.  Whatever it is is nothing to do with what goes on between you and Armin, so  _get on with it_."

A little taken aback at Mina's sharp tone, Jean glanced at Marco who responded with a grin and a  _isn't she great?_ look in his eyes.

Still doubtful, but more afraid of what Mina would do if he didn't, Jean resolved to do as she said.  She was right, after all.  Enough was enough and he was exhausted every day trying to figure out what was going on inside Armin's head.

By lunch, Jean had gathered the courage to march up to the blond as soon as he entered the cafeteria and pulled him to one side.  Checking that Eren or anyone was outwith sight and earshot, he spoke hurriedly.

"Do you have plans tomorrow?"

"Saturday?  I- uh, no, I don't.  Did you -"

"Do you want to go on a date with me to Colferton?"

Jean felt his face redden as Armin's mouth opened and closed in surprise, his own cheeks lighting up a rosy colour.

"A date?"

"Yeah."

"Not to work on the project?"

"No.  A date.  Like a real proper... date."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I want to go with you."

Torn between pumping his fist in the air or grabbing Armin and kissing him right there and then, Jean settled for grinning back at the shyly smiling boy in front of him.  Agreeing to text each other the details later, they parted and returned to their respective lunch tables.  Jean glanced over his shoulder and felt his heart swell at the almost-but-not-quite undetectable skip in Armin's step.

Sliding into the seat across his best friend and his girlfriend, Jean noticed their eager questioning looks.  They wouldn't say anything aloud with Sasha and the others there but he caught their meaning loud and clear.  He responded to their silent question with a nod and a grin.  Mina gestured triumphantly while Marco reached over, smiling, and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"See?  That wasn't so hard, was it?"  he whispered, to which Mina responded with a smack to his arm.

 

*

 

It was a hell of a lot colder on Saturday than it had been during that past week.  Jean had stepped out that morning with cautiously high hopes for the weather before feeling the sharp sting of cold on his exposed skin and immediately retreating indoors once more.  He emerged reluctantly with the only hat and scarf set he owned (a grossly festive green and red) and rubbed his hands together.  They stung but he couldn't ignore the opportunity for potential hand holding.  

He fumbled for his phone when he heard it bleep at the halfway point to the bus station.  He'd have met Armin at his home but the blond had insisted they meet at the station, saying there'd be no point in Jean walking more than double the necessary distance when they could meet in the middle.  He'd also said that if Jean tried anything "overly gentlemanly" again, he'd receive a slap to the face.

Armin's name lit up Jean's phone screen and he opened the message.

 

 

A little confused to what he meant, Jean quickly replied.

 

 

Embarrassed to have understood the movie reference, Jean responded saying he'd be there soon.  Tucking his phone back into his pocket, he increased his pace.

He was surprised he had slept at all last night.  He'd been on a high all afternoon and evening until he lay back on his bed around eleven o'clock and his anxiety returned.  Blissfully imagining all kinds of happy ending scenarios of what would take place on the date had warped into listing every possible thing that could go wrong.  From Armin rejecting him to somehow accidentally drowning himself in the sea, Jean had grown more restless with each minute that passed.  He had pulled on his headphones in hopes that if the music thrummed in his ears loud enough all coherent and pessimistic thoughts would be blasted from his head.  However, the noise only served to agitate him further.

He had eventually drifted off around four and woke up nearly strangling himself with his headphone cords.  He'd showered quickly and managed a half bowl of cereal, too nervous to have much of an appetite.  He also had to resign himself to the fact that no matter what he did to his hair, the wind outside wouldn't let it sit right anyway.  Hoping that the bags under his eyes weren't too noticable, he'd finally left.

However, Armin's text had settled his nerves somewhat.  Knowing that he was waiting for him only boosted his determination to make sure Armin had as much fun today as he had with Eren and Mikasa before.

He spotted the other boy immediately.  Wearing the same bobble hat as he had the other day, Armin stood leaning against the stance for the bus to Colferton, waving as Jean approached.

"I like the hat and scarf.  Very Christmasy."

"You're one to talk,"  Jean reached over and flicked the bobble on Armin's head.  "These were a Christmas present, what's your excuse?"

"I thought it was cute!"  Armin pouted slightly, his cheeks and the tip of his nose pink from the cold.

"I guess it is."  Jean smiled.

Seeing the other boy in person simultaneously quelled his unease and excited him.  Maybe he just needed confirmation that this was actually happening, and Armin's presence was proof of that.  He vaguely wondered if Armin felt the same way as the other shuffled from foot to foot until the bus arrived.

He gestured for Armin to board the bus first, ensuring that he would secure the seat by the window.  The bus was fuller than Jean'd expected, although most of the passengers were elderly which didn't surprise him.  When he dropped into the aisle seat next to Armin, he was fully aware that they were sitting much closer than they usually did.  Armin didn't shy away to the window like he expected, and Jean had a habit of taking up more space than necessary but he couldn't say he minded the fact that their shoulders were pressed together during the entire journey.  Armin had angled his body slightly towards Jean's, confessing that he usually spent car and bus journeys staring out the window, but that didn't seem to be a problem today.

One of the fears Jean had stumbled upon during his restless night was that they would have nothing to say to each other outside of school.  But to his relief, there was never a gap in the conversation.  Even if Jean faltered and failed to come up with an appropriate response, Armin would immediately dive into another related subject, seemingly having knowledge on just about everything.  They eventually circled back to Jean's progress on the task Rivaille set them, leading to Armin apologising and inviting Jean over the next day to work on it together.  Giddy at the thought of spending another day entirely in each other's company again, Jean agreed.

"Speaking of being interrupted... "  Armin shifted in his seat, his voice quieter than before.  "I, um, didn't tell anyone about today."

Jean knew without being told that "someone" meant Eren.  He wasn't sure whether to be depressed that Armin was too embarrassed to tell anyone he was spending the day with Jean or pleased that their day together was a secret just for them.  He tried his best to be the latter.

Then Jean realised with a spike of unease that Marco was fully aware of his plans with Armin.  He'd texted Marco for reassurance throughout the night about his excitement and anxiety for today, and Mina had been there when he'd asked Armin out in the first place.  Aware that Armin was probably expecting a response and knowing that he had hesitated a fraction too long, the words slipped from Jean's mouth.

"Me neither."

_Shit._

It was too late to take it back.  It would've been even worse to backtrack and confess that he had told someone after all.  Seeing the shy smile on Armin's face, Jean felt a twinge of guilt.  Armin hadn't not told anyone out of embarrassment after all, he'd only wanted today to be private.  Jean had too, but his nerves had gotten the better of him and the need to confide in Marco was too great.

_Well, Armin doesn't have to know.  It's not that big of a deal, I guess._

When they reached Colferton and stepped off the bus, Jean had to reach out and steady Armin as he stumbled sideways.  The wind was much stronger here because they were near the sea, so near they could smell it from the moment they stepped off.  Armin cast a look back to elderly people departing the bus, apparently concerned for their safety in the strong weather.  He seemed surprised when they swarmed steadily out of the station and onto the street without any problem.

"Don't worry about those folk, they're tough.  Probably here every weekend in even worse weather."  Jean assured him.

Armin didn't seem very convinced, but he pulled down his hat lower over his ears and followed Jean out of the station.  As they headed in the direction of the seafront, Jean felt obligated to apologise when Armin looked around them at the streets.  Nothing had changed since he'd last came here with his parents and siblings for their biannual "family day".  The buildings were still colourless and shabby, the inhabitants mostly bored-looking teenagers, tottering elders or predatory seagulls, and even the familiar flashing arcade across the street looking depressing.

"I know the weather's crappy because it's November so there's no chance we can go in the water and this town's pretty empty. I mean, there's a few local clothes and charity shops and I think there may be a book store up that street and maybe ten fish and chips places all within three miles of each other but I just thought that you -"

"Jean,"  Armin raised his voice over the gusts of wind and tugged on his sleeve, stopping Jean mid-babble.  "To be honest, I don't care where we go.  Of course I want to go to the beach, even if it is cold and full of rocks instead of sand, because I've always wanted to see it - but that's not the reason I wanted to come with you today."

"Oh,"  Jean blinked down at him, feeling stupid.  "What was then?"

"Well, you promised me an ice cream after all."

Laughing away the embarrassment, Jean assured him that they'd find somewhere to get ice cream later.  Trying not to think too hard about Armin's words, he led the way out of the streets and to the seafront.  The beach stretched out in front of them, dull and grey and nothing like the place from Armin's photographs.  The only other person nearby was a man walking his dog across the front.  The dog wore a tartan coat; the only speck of colour in sight besides themselves.

Nervous for Armin's reaction, Jean turned to hastily apologise once more but the other boy had already took off towards the water.  Jean immediately followed.  He knew from experience that the smoothed rocks, that looked more like giant pebbles, were often slippery and the wind wasn't helping either of them keep their balance.  Armin stumbled across the rocks and didn't stop until his toes were mere inches away from the water slapping violently against the shore.  His eyes closed as he inhaled deeply.

"It smells different.  Not bad different but... crisp?  I don't really know how to describe it."

"Smelly?"  Jean offered.

"Well, obviously.  Fresh, maybe?"

"I don't think we're smelling the same thing here."

Armin abruptly turned to face him with a determined look on his face.

"Teach me how to skim rocks."

"Eh?"

"I've never had the chance to learn.  I want to be able to do it."

"I hate to break it to you, but the water's not calm enough for it.  There's no way a rock would skim on those waves."

"Oh, you're right,"  Armin looked out to the water, biting his lip.  "I should've known that."

Panicked to see him looking so crestfallen, Jean wracked his mind for a way to cheer him up.

"Hey, there are some rock pools further up that way,"  Jean gestured along the coast.  "Wanna see if we can find some crabs or anemones?"

Armin's eyes lit up as he nodded eagerly.  He seemed so childlike in his enthusiasm when he skipped across the rocks, occasionally slipping and grabbing onto Jean for support.  Jean scolded him when he reached down to touch the seaweed and somehow got it wound all the way up his arm.  The wind had died down a little by this point and they found plenty of limpets in the rock pools.  The occasional tiny crab scrabbled over the rocks.  They spent a lengthy amount of time trying to coax out a particularly minuscule one with their frozen hands.  Jean recoiled when instead a large spider darted out from between the pebbles towards him.

"You don't like spiders?"

"Who does?"  he tried not to sound too disgusted.  He was embarrassed to admit it, but they creeped him the hell out.

He froze when Armin smirked and reached towards the spider.

"Don't you dare."

"They don't bite!  At least I'm sure this one won't."

"Oh my god, if you come anywhere near me with that thing -"

He scrambled backwards on the rocks when Armin scooped up the bug, cupped it between his hands and moved towards him.  The gleeful look in the other boy's eyes was almost as terrifying to Jean as the thought of the spider being near him.

"You're so cute when you're scared, Jean."

"Not scared, just grossed out, seriously - no, don't - no - !"

Armin stretched out his arms and opened his hands to reveal that they were empty.

"You -"

"Sorry, I couldn't help it."  Armin smiled mischieviously as Jean scowled at him.

_He tricked me **again**.  Look at that face - hell, I don't know whether to be annoyed or turned on.  
_

_  
_ A bleep from his pocket distracted him.  Fishing out his phone, he checked his inbox.

 

 

Jean flushed in spite of the cold.  It never failed to shock him when Marco said things like this out of the blue.  It was embarrassing enough just reading it on the screen.  He typed a quick response and received a reply within the minute.

 

 

 

 Opting to ignore Marco's persistent suggestive messages, Jean put his phone on silent and shoved it back in his pocket.  He looked up to meet Armin's questioning gaze.

"Uh, that was Marco.  Just asking how far we'd gotten in that English assignment."

Armin's stared hard at him for a few moments before speaking, the grin he wore only a minute ago had vanished.

"Right, of course."

He turned on his heel and marched down towards to water again.  It was Jean's turn to feel puzzled.  What was with that cold response?  Could he tell that Jean was lying?  It's not like it he wanted to keep anything from Armin but to share what Marco had said was just too embarrassing.  He couldn't help thinking about it though.  So far Jean hadn't given any explicit indication that he wanted more from Armin.  He hadn't confessed his feelings or touched Armin more than what was necessary.  It was time definitely time to fix that.

Momentarily forgetting that Armin had just given him the cold shoulder, and vaguely wondering if there was anyone around to witness this, Jean made his way over the rocks towards him.  When he reached the other boy he took him by the shoulders and spun him around.

"Wha-?"

Whatever Armin was going to say was lost as Jean kissed him hard on the mouth.  He drew back a few moments later, watching Armin carefully.  The other boy's lips were parted in surprise, his eyes wide.

"...That probably would've been better if our faces weren't numb."

"I'm sure we can find a way to fix that."  Armin murmured so quietly that the taller boy almost didn't catch it.

Elated with Armin's response, Jean pulled him into his arms and pressed his face into that stupidly cute hat.  He felt Armin's arms wrap around his back and suddenly hated the excessive layers of clothing between them.  Armin's slim shape was lost in the bulky material and Jean wanted to hold him closer.  His suggestion to find somewhere warmer was met with Armin nodding against his shoulder.

They left the deserted beach and made their way back into town.  It didn't take them long to find a shabby looking cafe and go inside.  The first thing they spotted was a large freezer holding a sparse selection of ice cream and lollies.  The owner of the cafe must've been optimistic about the weather in the town when he first purchased the freezer.

"I think I'll take a rain check on that ice cream."

"Hot chocolate?"

"Yes please."

Grabbing the table in the corner of the cafe, they removed their winter clothing and ordered two cups of hot chocolate from a bored-looking waitress.  The only other customers were a couple of teenage girls picking at the muffins on their table and pair of women with prams and gurgling babies.  But Jean paid them no mind and focused his attention on Armin.

The blond still looked flushed, his hair disheveled from when he had removed his hat.  He sipped the hot drink and Jean felt a welcome warmth spread through his body as he did the same.

He couldn't form any coherent thoughts in his head, unable to bring any words to his mouth.  He knew he had made his feelings pretty clear from the failed kiss earlier, but maybe he had better voice them aloud just in cause Armin was still uncertain.  He didn't see how he could be, but Armin's behaviour had been odd from the start.  It was confusing, and Jean didn't understand how or why Armin changed attitudes so abruptly because he himself had always behaved as an honest man.  Armin didn't.  He had deceived and withheld information from Jean before, so Jean could never tell what the other boy was thinking.  It was frustrating, but Jean knew he had to speak now before once again he lost his nerve.  He knew that actions generally speak louder than words, but if he didn't confirm it aloud it would've been like it never happened.  He didn't want to go back to that; he was tired of concealing his feelings.  It wasn't something he was good at or enjoyed doing.  He finally opened his mouth to speak.

"I like you."  Armin blurted, gripping his mug with both hands and looking directly at Jean with wide eyes.

Jean gaped back silently.  A strange mix of anxiety and determination crossed Armin's face before he closed his eyes and took a breath.

"I know what kind of person you are.  You're insecure so I know you won't believe my feelings unless I say them directly.  I'm tired of hiding them anyway.  I'm tired of trying to fool myself into thinking I don't like you, I'm sick of pretending I'm not angry at my parents and my grandfather and pretending that Ere-"  Armin sighed and opened his eyes.  "But I wouldn't be telling you this if I didn't think that you liked me too.  Am I right in thinking that?"

Slightly dumbfounded, Jean nodded and murmured a "yeah".

"Then I'm going to ask if... if you want to be my boyfriend."

Armin seemed hesitant but he didn't take his eyes away from Jean's, watching carefully.  Still startled that Armin had been the first to confess, Jean knew it was time he returned those feelings.

"I... I do want to be your boyfriend.  I mean, I know we've only really been talking for a little while but I've never really been this open with anyone that isn't Marco, but... I want to go out with you.  I want to take you places and hold your hand and hear you talk about your family and -"  Jean cut himself off before he could embarrass himself any further.

"Then... let's."  Armin took another nervous sip from his mug and cast his eyes downwards to the tabletop, his cheeks also red from embarrassment.

Jean watched him in amazement for a few moments before Armin spoke once more in a quiet voice.

"I feel like you should kiss me just to double check that we both understand."

"A-ah, right."

Scooting closer to Armin, Jean prayed that the scrape of his chair wasn't actually as loud as he thought it was, and kissed him.  It was different from before, now that he could actually feel his face and lips moving.  Not just different but better.  When Armin's mouth moved against his own, Jean thought he could taste the sweetness of the hot chocolate he'd been drinking.  It dimly registered that that was probably all Armin could taste as well.

His mind fogged, and before Jean could deepen the kiss and thread his hand through Armin's hair like he intended, a nearby giggle broke them apart.

The girls across the cafe whispered and sniggered to each other behind their hands.  Armin looked mortified while Jean, surprisingly, felt irritation more than anything else.  He'd finally managed to tell Armin his feelings and kiss him, kiss him  _properly_ , only to be interrupted again.

"Maybe we should've chosen a less public spot."  Armin muttered, raising his mug to his burning face and drinking the last of the hot chocolate.

Jean threw the girls one last hard glare before facing Armin once more when he spoke.

"I have a favour to ask... Could we keep this... us... a secret?"

Not altogether surprised by the other boy's request, Jean still hesitated to answer.  He wasn't sure how he felt about hiding it from their classmates and his family (and oh god,  _pretending_ to hide it from Marco since he already knew but Armin didn't want him to know), even if he hadn't came out publicly.

"Just for now, of course,"  Armin added hastily.  "I mean, just until how I figure how to tell the others."

Jean suppressed a gulp at the thought of Eren and Mikasa finding out.  Suddenly he was very much in favour of secrecy.

"Yeah, sure, of course.  I need to figure out how to tell some people too."

Armin nodded solemnly, as though he knew exactly who Jean was talking about.

"But, uh, since we're here... There's nobody in this town that knows us.  So for today I guess it'd be okay if -"

Jean silenced him with a quick kiss before grabbing his own mug to down what remained of his drink and pulling on his outside clothing once more.  Armin quickly followed suit and they left the cafe and the giggling girls behind to brace the cold weather once more.

With Armin's smaller, softer hand in his, Jean led him down the streets of Colferton, thoroughly exploring every dull touristy shop in the area.  They poked fun at the tacky souvenirs and mannequins in the window displays and lost all of their change playing in the arcade.  Jean discovered that Armin had never had a fish supper so they stopped at a local fish and chips shop for lunch.  Declaring the chips to be too soggy but was unable to stop eating potato fritters, Armin had to be firmly led away.  They ducked in and out of local book stores and Jean couldn't get enough of Armin's greedy expression as he poured over the worn pages.  He didn't even try to stop himself from lightly tugging at Armin's hair to attract his attention or kissing him when he thought he could get away with it.

When they reached the last of what seemed like an endless amount of charity shops, they indulged themselves in a little dress-up out of sight of the shopkeeper.  Armin pulled on a grotesquely green Christmas jumper and red shorts, the colours not unlike Jean's hat and scarf set, and twirled in a pair of cowboy boots.  Jean shrugged on a too-large trenchcoat and looked around for a mirror.

"I bet I look pretty damn dapper in this.  Shit, look at the size of this, you could flash someone in this thing."

"I could imagine Reiner Braun flashing someone in that thing,"  Armin laughed before stepping towards Jean.  "Do you know what this jacket reminds me of though?"

"Um, what?"  Jean nearly stuttered, a little flustered at how close Armin was getting to him.

"That scene at the end of the first Bridget Jones movie.  When she's running through the snow in her tiger print knickers and Colin Firth kisses her and wraps his coat around her like this,"  Armin's voice was soft as his arms slid under Jean's coat and wrapped around his torso.  "Just before the credits roll."

"Well, I'm sure there's some tiger print knickers in here somewhere if you really wanna reenact it."

Armin laughed once more, pressing a teasing kiss to the taller boy's chin and drawing back.

By the time they had exhausted every ridiculous combination of clothing the shop had to offer it had grown dark outside.  Jean recalled his promise to his mother to be home for dinner so they headed back to the bus station just as the bus returning to their hometown pulled in.  They didn't speak much on the journey home, both exhausted from the day's activities and being beaten about by the bad weather.  However Jean was comfortable with the quiet between them, all too happy just to have Armin's hand gripping his own as his head drooped onto Jean's shoulder.

"You're still coming over tomorrow, right?"  Armin murmured once they reached the station.

Now that they were back in familiar territory, Jean wondered if he was nervous that someone they knew might spot them.  However when Jean assured him that he was still coming over, Armin gripped the front of his jacket and pulled him down to briefly press his lips against his own.

"Come early."

They parted then and there, heading in opposite directions towards their respective homes.

Jean received a scolding for being late before being served dinner.  He struggled to eat, his stomach too jitterly and his mind elsewhere.  After being thoroughly queried about his day (he replaced all "Armin"s with "Marco"s and left out the kissing) and sitting through "family time" watching of the soap operas, Jean was finally allowed to retreat to his bedroom.  He changed his clothes and lay on his back, replaying the day's events in his head with a mix of giddiness and satisfaction.  He felt himself drifting into sleep before his phone screen ignited from where it had been dropped on the floor, alerting him of a message.  He'd forgotten that he'd put it on silent.  Expecting an insistent message from Marco, Jean unlocked his phone.

 

 

Unable to stop the smile from spreading across his face, Jean didn't hesitate with his response.

 

 

Still smiling, Jean texted goodnight, turned off his phone and returned to bed.  It didn't take long for him to slip into sleep.

_See you tomorrow._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was a little longer than i intended it to be but hey, no regrets  
> and this fanfic is nowhere near finished yet, i promise
> 
>  
> 
> also i dunno if any of you guys have been picturing the characters in school uniforms but they're definitely wearing them in this au and let me tell you that jean looks great in a shirt and tie in my head. rolled up sleeves... you know  
> and armin's the only one that bothers with the school blazer but damn it if he doesn't look adorable


	8. In Which Reiner's Party Sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean tries (not) really hard to keep his hands to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not really good at the whole writing people making out sort of thing.

"You know... when I asked you to come over today... this wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

"Mm?  What did you have in mind then?"  Jean murmured as his mouth trailed along Armin's jaw, enjoying the way the other boy's breath hitched as he did so.  He had realised quickly that every moment spent not touching Armin was a moment wasted.

The morning after their trip to Colferton, he'd arrived early at Armin's home with every intention to behave himself and work hard to finish their schoolwork quickly.  However when Armin had answered the door slightly flushed and panting as though he had just run a marathon, all good intentions were replaced with far less virtuous ones.

Apparently Armin had only woken up a few minutes before Jean had arrived, which was why his jumper was inside out and his hair in a tangle.  Taking his disheveled appearance, Jean knew that he wouldn't be able to restrain himself for long.  He couldn't deny that ever since he had looked, _really_ looked, at the other boy in the PE changing rooms he had often used the image of Armin stripping to relievesome pent up tension in his own body.  It had been the first time Jean had masturbated to the thought of another guy and he would never admit to anyone that using Armin as a stimulus for his own pleasure had turned out to be much more satisfying than anything else he had previously thought of.

He lasted a little over two minutes of Armin chattering in a high voice about their project before he had grabbed him and kissed him.  The smaller boy showed little resistance other than a gasp of surprise before returning the kiss eagerly, leaning back on his bed and pulling Jean on top of him.

Jean had immediately took to running his hands over every inch of the boy beneath him that he dared, vaguely wondering if he was moving a little too fast.  After all they had only confessed to one another yesterday and, he couldn't say for sure about Armin, this was the first time he'd ever gotten this... _physical_ with another person.  Not that Jean would ever admit that.  However Armin seemed to have no objection, removing his jumper and then arching his back with a sigh when Jean's hand slid under his shirt and over his stomach and chest.  His own hands reached up to curl in Jean's hair, slowly rubbing his fingertips into his scalp in a way that was driving Jean crazy.

"Well, I thought we'd at least... _pretend_ to make a start on the homework before we... before this kind of thing happened."

"So you _did_ imagine us making out on your bed though."  Jean smirked against Armin's neck before pressing his mouth down.

"Well I certainly didn't expect _you_ to be so brazen about it - ahh!"  his hands tugged lightly on Jean's hair as he gave an experimental suck against his neck.  "D-don't leave a mark anywhere visible!"

Jean hadn't expected himself to be so bold either.  Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he had fantasised about touching Armin this way almost every minute since he had realised how just badly he wanted to; and now that he finally _could_ , he seemed unable to stop himself.  Ever since Armin had confessed feeling the same towards him, Jean's anxiety had not altogether vanished, but it had definitely lessened and he'd be damned if he let himself be held back by his own insecurities any longer.  Now nothing, not even that frigging Eren Jaeger, was going to stop him from finally going after what he wanted.

"Ahh - !  Actually, w-wait a second, Jean, we should -"

Jean drew back, halting his fingertips which had just been lightly skimming across the stretch of fair skin above Armin's belt.  He looked down in confusion at the flushed face beneath him.  Hadn't he just been arching into his hands with a groan only moments ago?  He certainly looked as if he'd been enjoying it if his unfocused eyes were anything to go by.

"I-I hate myself for saying this but I think we should stop for now and... work on the project."

Jean stared at him, not even deeming it necessary to voice an incredulous "are you kidding me right now?"

He leaned back when Armin sat up and sighed, looking both adorably flustered and frustrated.

"Believe me when I say that I really _really_ don't want to stop but I know that if things went much further I wouldn't have been able to tell you no and maybe I'm a huge idiot and a nerd for saying this but I think we should get the work out of the way before we... do anything else."

"... You seriously think we should do homework instead of making out on your bed?"

"Not _instead of,_ but _before_."  Armin seemed embarrassed at his own words.  "That way we won't have to worry about it after today and we can spend the time afterwards... however we want."

Jean knew that Armin's words were perfectly reasonable but he couldn't help but feel frustrated all over again.

_Cockblocked by my own boyfriend._

"I guess you're right,"  Jean grumbled, then another thought struck him.  "Although... you know do we don't have to do anything you don't want to, right?  I mean, I'm nervous too -"

"I know, I know, it's just that... well, honestly?"  Armin sighed before a small smile rose to his lips.  "I'm still getting used to the idea that I'm with you.  If someone had told me a month ago that I'd be making out with Jean Kirschstein in my room when I should be doing homework, I'd have told them they were crazy."

"You're not the only one shocked by these turn of events, you know!  I didn't even know I was into guys too before you came along and ripped my lifelong heterosexuality into shreds."

"Wait,"  Armin cocked his head to one side, looking at Jean sceptically.  "You really had no idea?"

"WHY WAS IT SO FUCKING OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE EXCEPT ME?"

"Wow, you really didn't know!"  Armin laughed, placing a hand on either side of Jean's face to calm him.  "Well, I promise you that we can explore the other side of your newly discovered sexuality later."

"I'll hold you to that."  Jean grinned and leaned forward, only to be held back by Armin's hands.

"But until then... no touching."

"At _all?_   Seems more like you're the one who can't restrain himself."

"We can find out later if that's true or not.  But for now, let's see those notes you've taken."

Rolling at his eyes at Armin's abrupt switch of attitude, Jean did as he was told and brought out what he had done so far.

Armin had been right before when he had said that their task wasn't as difficult as they had been expecting, especially considering it was Rivaille who had assigned it.  Jean had also made more progress with the research on his own than he'd thought and was pleased when Armin said it ought to be enough preparation.  While he began writing up their introduction page, Armin checked through his numerous stacks of books for additional references.

"You know, for Romantic poets they sure wrote some pretty morbid stuff.  Did Keats talk about anything _but_ his impending death?"

"Hm, well he used a lot of nature imagery which can be quite nice.  But then again, it was mostly to show how everything eventually loses it's beauty and dies blah, blah."

"See?  Morbid."

"Well, Byron wrote some arguably romantic lyrics.  Some racy ones too.  _Thus much and more - and yet thou lov'st me not, and never wilt.  Love dwells not in our will nor can I blame thee - though it be my lot to strongly, wrongly, vainly love thee still._ Though perhaps I should mention that the title of that poem does has the word "death" in it."

"Morbidly sexy then."

"He was bisexual too, you know.  Apparently he fled to Greece to avoid the death penalty for having affairs with men."

"So he ran to Greece to have affairs with a bunch of hot Greek guys instead?"

"I assume so."

"Hm, do you know what that reminds me of?"

"What?"

"..."

"Oh, come off it, it hasn't even been ten minutes."

"Hey, you said no _touching_ , you said nothing about _implying_ -"

"Well then, you can't do that either."

"It's not my fault you just happened to catch the implications.  You wouldn't have if you weren't thinking about it too."

Smirking when he heard Armin's hastily protesting behind him, Jean continued typing on the computer, actually working hard despite the other boy's scoldings.  They both eventually fell silent as they worked, and Jean found himself close to finishing the first section.  Whenever he made a comment or attempted conversation, Armin was usually unresponsive.  He guessed that he had just really got himself stuck in looking for those references.  He didn't mind the work really, especially if doing it kept Armin happy.  Besides, the sooner they finished, the sooner he could let his mind and his hands wander again.

However, when Armin leaned over his shoulder to check the screen and his breath tickled his ear, Jean couldn't let him get away with it.

"Christ, Armin - how do you expect me to concentrate when you _breathe_ on me like that?"

"It was completely unintentional, I promise.  But... I've had an epiphany."

Jean twisted in his seat to look at him expectantly.  Armin's expression was calm as he bent down so they were eye to eye.  He cleared his throat as though to make a business proposal and spoke.

"I believe we would be more productive if we were to work individually.  And by that, I mean not in each other's company.  I said before that we make a good team but I'm beginning to think that I meant only under pressurised circumstances; for example, under the watch of a teacher or if the world were to be overrun by giant man-eating monsters."

"... Are you telling me to go home or asking me to be your sidekick during a zombie apocalypse?"

"Neither.  I'm telling you that I am finding myself very distracted and suggest that we divvy up parts of the project and work on them in our own time in our own homes instead; leaving us free today to... indulge in each other's company."

Jean couldn't believe what he was hearing.  Couldn't Armin had suggested this _before_ he had got stuck in and written near a thousand words on how the Romantic movement had shaped modern literature (i.e. not much as far as Jean could tell)?

"I swear to god, if you're telling me this just to change your mind again -"

"Jean, I am telling you to take off your shirt and kiss me."

So he did.

 

*

 

"You didn't happen to drop off the face off the earth this weekend, did you?  'Cause you didn't reply to any of my messages."

Despite Marco's nagging, Jean was unusually cheerful for a Monday morning.  Or any morning for that matter.  In fact, Jean Kirschstein was strangely and _absurdly happy_ for being Jean Kirschstein on a Monday morning.  For once, he was glad to be himself and not anyone else.

"... Or maybe you were too busy feeling up cute blonds to let me know you were still alive."

" _One_ cute blond. But yeah, pretty much.  Sorry, man."

"You should be.  I ended up spending the entire weekend with Eren trying to work on _our_ project instead of being out with Mina who was working on _her_ drama script with Thomas,"  Marco sighed dramatically.  "It was pretty stressful."

They'd agreed on waiting for the first period bell inside the school instead in their usual spot outside the entrance.  Although they preferred talking in more isolated areas, the decreasing temperature was reaching the point where being outside meant you were either really brave or just really frigging stupid.  Often Jean didn't see the difference between the two and he wasn't willing to freeze his balls off for a few minutes of semi-private conversation.

"I hope your date with Armin made up for it though, how'd it go?"

Jean cast his mind back to the day before, remembering Armin's swollen lips from kissing too much (not that Jean thought "too much" was possible) and the way he had breathed "you're so _firm"_ when his hands glided across Jean's chest and stomach.  He had blushed then and he blushed now just thinking about it.

"It went... really well."

"Really well?"

"Really _really_ well."

"Okay, you can't tell me it went _really really well_ with that look on your face and not tell me anything more."

"I've told you as much as I'm willing to tell you about my secret date with my secret boyfriend while we're in a crowded hallway."

"Ah, _boyfriend_ now is it?"  Marco grinned.  "Alright, you can fill me in later."

"Oh shit, I forgot.  Uh, by the way,"  Jean suddenly realised his promise to Armin.  "My secret boyfriend doesn't want anyone to know yet and he doesn't know that you already knew because I... didn't tell him.  So can you pretend to not know?"

"Tsk tsk, Jean.  But sure, yeah.  I'll let Mina know,"  Marco raised his voice as the bell rang.  "Time for history, ugh.  I still expect all the explicit details by the way!"

"Are you sure you're not gay?"  Jean called as Marco took off in the opposite direction, receiving only a laugh in response.

As he headed towards the maths department, he thought about how he would explain the details to his straight best friend.  He had the feeling that Marco probably thought he and Armin had gone further than they actually had.  Yes, he had eventually worked up the courage to slip his tongue into Armin's welcoming mouth, and yes, Armin's skin had felt amazing under his hands but they hadn't ventured any further than the upper parts of their bodies.  Jean had had to shift his hips so that his obvious arousal wasn't pressing against the smaller boy's thigh.  Besides, Armin had seemed quite content just to do what they were doing and Jean was feeling overwhelmed just doing that much.

He thought about all the talking they had done inbetween, lying on their sides and facing each other on Armin's bed.  It seemed like they had covered almost every topic but his relationship with Marco, Armin's family, whatever Eren's problem was, and Eren altogether.  Whenever he would get close to talking about him, Armin would abruptly change the topic to make it about Jean.  What were his family like, what did he think of Reiner and Bertholdt, did he ever take drawing seriously?  Jean was happy to tell him and Armin seemed happy to listen, but he couldn't help but feel a little frustrated when Armin swerved around his own questions.  He understood Armin's reluctance to discuss it but he was growing more and more impatient.   He'd felt rejected.  Usually he could make that go away by kissing him again, but he hadn't stopped thinking about it.

He'd struggled through a stupendously hard double period of advanced maths with Mr Dawk, only made all the more unbearable due to the fact that Armin just happened to be seated as far away from Jean as possible.  He'd made it his mission to turn and exchange shy grins whenever Dawk's back was turned, but considering Dawk's reputation as teacher most-likely-to-have-a-stick-up-his-ass this only happened rarely.

Biology that afternoon was made even more difficult now that Jean was fully aware of Mina's watchful eyes as he and Armin remainded side by side.  He assumed that Marco had texted her during history as she never said a word.

The urge to reach over and touch Armin was incredible.  He crossed his arms on the desk to complicate the means to do so, constantly wondering if the other boy was struggling just as much as he was.

They'd agreed to spent the rest of the week working on their own half of the assignment separately.  Jean had protested at first but Armin had put his foot down and insisted firmly.  They'd spent the weekend "goofing off" so now it was time to face the consequences of doing said "goofing".  Usually he refused to be bossed around but when it was Armin doing the bossing, he found that he didn't really mind being told what to do.  If anything, he was enjoying the way Armin's chest puffed up and and the way his voice got all stern when he lectured him.  That didn't make it any easier on him for the rest of the week though.  Especially on Tuesday when Rivaille had dropped the bomb that their deadline was the approaching Friday.  They'd kept themselves so busy that they hardly had time for more than the daily exchange of text messages.

 

 

 

Jean had decided not to tell him that he had already completed his parts of the project (he had a hunch that Armin had taken the more difficult sections because he felt bad about spending the week before with Eren).  Instead he chose to text Marco to see how he was getting on with his own and received a reply almost instantly.

 

 

_-_

__

 

 

*

 

__

_-_

__

 

The smiley face terrified Jean.  Armin never used emoticons, and that particular one looked especially daunting.  He tried to convince himself that he was paranoid; that Armin wasn't really annoyed with him.  When he showed the message to Marco when he arrived for their marathon a few hours later for reassurance, he was horrified by his response.

"Ooh, I hate that.  Mina does that sometimes; pretends she's fine, tags a smiley at the end and gets pissed when I don't pick up on it."

"Shit.  Should I call him?"

Marco shrugged and told him that it could go down either way but that he'd regret not at least trying to patch things up.  If there was anything _to_ patch up.  Jean decided to take his advice and pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, uh, just thought I'd call to see how you were.  I can come over later, if you want?"

"I'm fine, Jean,"  Did his voice seem a little flat?  "I'm on my way out actually."

"Oh... Did you change your mind about helping Eren?"

" _Eren_ changed his mind.  Reiner's invited us to a party tonight and Eren wants to go so I said I'd go with him."

"I see..."  Swallowing his jealousy, Jean opted for the high road.  "Well, have a good night then."

"Reiner asked me to invite you, Marco and Mina."

"He did?"

"Well, actually he said "invite the one that Eren hates, his cute boyfriend with the freckles and his girlfriend" so I assumed he meant you three."

_Uh oh._

"My cute boyfr- ah, haha."

Unsure of what to say, Jean felt silent, desperately ignoring Marco's puzzled looks.  His best friend couldn't hear what Armin was saying but Jean's own words and tone of voice were enough to alert him that something was up.

"Well?"

"W-well what?"

"Are you coming?"  Armin sounded impatient now, and Jean thought he could hear a persistant tapping noise from his end.  The hollow sound of a key tapping against a mantelpiece.

"Uh, well Mina's at drama rehearsals but Marco and I'll maybe come up later."  Jean glanced at Marco who shrugged and gave him a _I don't know what's going on_ look.

"Reiner's house is just up the street from mine if you do decide to come.  You won't miss it.   See you."

Armin hung up, leaving Jean to awkwardly put down his phone and look round at Marco.

"That sounded like it could've gone better.  Also, are we going somewhere?"

He told him about the invite (deliberately missing out the "boyfriend" comment) and Marco seemed enthusiastic about meeting Reiner and Bertholdt so they'd agreed to go later. 

Although Jean was concerned about Armin and wanted to see him, he was a little apprehensive considering the other boy's attitude on the phone.  He had passed along the invite after all but it didn't seem like Armin wanted to see him.  Was Armin really pissed at him for hanging out with Marco instead?  That hardly seemed fair considering Armin's relationship with Eren.  Jean had taken the backseat to Eren's whining all of the previous week and hadn't complained (to Armin at least) about it at all.

Soon Jean's nervous chattering got on Marco's nerves and they decided to leave a little earlier than intended.

"I can't believe you want to ditch marathon night for a _boy_."

 

*

 

They arrived a little under two hours since he had called Armin, the journey on foot taking longer than usual when they stopped to buy six-packs of beer.  They didn't want to arrive empty-handed to somewhere they had never been, and for some reason the woman behind the register didn't question Jean's age when he slipped instore to purchase them.

They passed Armin's house on the way; Jean looked at it's shabby exterior and remembered what he had told him about his parents and grandfather.  He felt sad just looking at it.  Then he remembered what Armin said about Eren and Mikasa living right across the street and looked over.  The house was just as shabby as Armin's yet somehow warmer, worn in a way that was evident people lived there.  Whereas Armin's home just looked abandoned.

However the houses on Reiner's street were a different story.  The buildings were larger, wider and generally much more appealing than the ones on Armin's and Eren's street.  They knew which one was Reiner's right away; the blaring 80s music and laughter gave it away.

A-Ha's _Take On Me_ thrummed as they approached the door and, not deeming it worthwhile  to knock, went inside.

It become obvious immediately that most of the people here were from the year above Jean and Marco's.  Recognisable, though not always by name.  A tall lanky girl they thought was called Ymir walked straight into Marco, blinked blearily at them and said she was looking for a "cherubic blonde with eyes like the ocean".

 _What a coincidence,_ Jean thought.  _So am I._

Before they could answer, she drunkenly stumbled off, breaking up an intimate looking couple on the stairs to tell them the same thing.

They pushed their way through the throng of people to the living room, only to be immediately grabbed into a rib-crushing embrace by a huge hulking figure.

"Jeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!  And the boyfriend - wow, you _are_ cute."

Desperate to correct him, but worried that he might suffocate first, Jean struggled along with Marco to escape Reiner's grip.  Only a "Reiner!" from the nearby Bertholdt spared their lives as the tall blond finally released them.

" _Not - my - boyfriend -"_ Jean wheezed.

"But thank you,"  Marco tried to grin between gasps.  "I _am_ cute."

Reiner laughed, a loud booming laugh that could probably be heard from the other side of the house even above the music.

"Time to put a name to the cute face.  What is it?"

"It's Marco.  Marco Bodt."

"Well Jean Kirschstein and not-his-boyfriend Marco Bodt, glad you could make it!  Sit that beer wherever and help yourself to whatever else you can find."

Usually Jean would be protective of his own drink (not that he had much experience) but he knew he wasn't planning on drinking much tonight so he let Marco leave the six-packs on an already overflowing table of cans and bottles.  He searched the crowd for Armin, leaving Marco and Reiner to discuss how terrible music was post-eighties.

Instead he found Mikasa in the kitchen doorway, dressed in a tight red tank top and black jeans, her usual red scarf apparently abandoned in favour for a scarlet bandanna to pull back her hair.  She was leaning against the door frame, looking tight-lipped and staring hard at something in the corner.

Although Jean's days of unrequited crushing were over, he still found Mikasa to be highly intimidating and still very attractive.  He didn't want to approach her but he knew she was the person most likely to know where Armin was.  He squeezed past more people to get to her and made sure not to stand directly in her line of view as her eyes burned holes into whatever she was looking at.

"Hey."

A nod.

"You look nice."

"Thank you."

"No scarf tonight?"

"It's with my coat."

_As blunt as ever._

"So, where's your brother?  Don't tell me he's wrecked already?"  He figured it would've been strange to ask for Armin first.  If Mikasa was still unaware of their relationship, he didn't want to give anything away.

She jerked her chin in the direction of her stare.  Jean looked to find Eren leaning against the wall, talking to a girl with her hood pulled so far over her head that he couldn't make out her face.  Eren's looked severely hacked-off, but his eyes were unfocused.  Jean could tell that he was pissed as he gestured violently and some of the brown liquid in the bottle in his hand slopped and splashed against the ground.  Moments later he was scolded by Bertholdt who seemed to be the caretaker of this particular party (and Reiner).

"Who's the girl?"

"Annie Leonhardt,"  Mikasa spat.  "Apparently someone who wears hoods indoors at other people's parties."

This coming from the girl who wore a scarf during PE, but Jean didn't comment.  Her expression was far too frightening for him to dare enrage her further.

The name rung a bell though.  He thought Reiner may have mentioned an Annie before.  Or was it Rivaille?  Either way, clearly Mikasa thought she was bad news by the way she wouldn't take her eyes off of her and Eren.

"So, you're keeping an eye on him instead of having fun on your own?"

"I'm keeping an eye on him to make sure he doesn't do anything even more moronic than usual.  I can't believe he's... "  Trailing off with a sigh, Mikasa turned and nodded her head in the opposite direction of the kitchen.  "I need to make sure _he_ doesn't do anything stupid either."

Jean followed the direction of her nod and almost toppled over at what he saw.

Armin sat up the worktop with his legs swinging beneath him, surrounded by older guys Jean didn't recognise.  It looked as though they were doing shots as a particularly broad-shouldered bloke kept yelling "one more" and refilling Armin's glass.  Armin himself looked to be enjoying himself as he kept flashing grins at the surrounding boys and downing glass after glass.  Suddenly remembering that this was Reiner's party and these were Reiner's guests, Jean gritted his teeth and glanced at Mikasa who looked ready to jump in the moment things went any further.

That moment arrived when broad-shoulders leaned forward with a leer and put his hand on Armin's thigh.  Almost instantly Mikasa's elbow was at his throat and Jean had scooped a protesting Armin off of the worktop.

"Touch him again and you'll lose these forever."  It was only then that Jean realised Mikasa's knee was pressed threateningly against the guy's crotch.

Although she was much shorter than most of them, something in her eyes and tone of voice must've scared them as they backed off almost immediately and left the room to the three of them.

Jean was still standing in front of Armin with his fists clenched and his head pounding with rage when he felt a sharp smack across the back of his head.

" _Motherfu -_ what the _fuck_ was that for?!"  he turned to face a seething Armin, his face red and his teeth clenched.

"What the fuck was _that_ for?  I was having fun!"

Jean could only gape at him, disbelieving.  Mikasa stepped towards them and placed a firm hand on Armin's shoulder.

"You were about to be taken advantage of; we only wanted to make sure that didn't happen."

"I don't need a chaperone, Mikasa."

"Clearly you do otherwise you would have let him had his way with you.  Did you forget that we -"  Jean cut himself off, suddenly aware of how overly angry he had sounded especially with Mikasa right there.

Armin's eyes widened, and Jean thought he could see guilt flash across his face before he turned on his heel and fled from the room.

Momentarily stunned, Mikasa was the first to move, shouting Armin's name before Jean caught her arm and forced her to stop.

"I'll find him.  You have Eren to watch out for,"  Mikasa looked at him so suspiciously that Jean felt the need to reassure her.  "Hey, he's my English partner and my friend, alright?  I promise I'll make sure he gets home."

Mikasa hesitated before she nodded gratefully with a sincere "thank you".

Jean searched the main room for Armin with no luck, waving off Marco's calls with a _later_ look.  He passed Eren and Annie on the way out, noticing that the pile of empty bottles around their feet was growing steadily.  He wondered how much more Mikasa could tolerate before interfering.

Armin wasn't in any of the other rooms on the ground floor either, though Jean did come across the guys from the kitchen lounging in the back room and resisted the urge to punch the smirk right off the pervert's ugly mug.

He started to panic, hoping that he and Armin just kept missing each other before remembering that there was another floor to search and made his way to the stairwell.  The couple from before had migrated somewhere else, leaving Jean free to clamber the stairs to look for his boyfriend on the next floor.  He checked the unlocked rooms, finding them either empty or occupied by people that weren't Armin.  He momentarily forgot what he was supposed to be doing when he walked in a couple tangled together in one of the beds.

_I guess Ymir found her girl._

He ducked and shut the door before any other thrown picture frames came flying his way.

The last door to check was locked and Jean assumed it was a bathroom since he hadn't come across one so far.  He knocked lightly and called Armin's name with no response.

"Look, whoever's in there, I'm gonna assume it's Armin and if he doesn't open this door within the next ten seconds, I swear to god I will kick it down."

Silence.

"Ten... Nine... Eight -"

The door sprang open.  Small hands grabbed the front of Jean's shirt and pulled him inside, slamming the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaand because i hated leaving it here, the next one'll be up later today and it'll be a little more, uh, intense? i'll write more then.  
> also the rating might go up... i'm not sure if it qualifies for a mature rating yet.


	9. In Which Armin Is a Moodkiller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin has a really low alcohol tolerance. Jean's kind of cute about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you were waiting for badly written and mildly awkward smut-ish behaviour from these two then here you go  
> (served with an extra helping of angst)

"Armin, I - "

Armin's mouth on his cut off his words.  Jean was pressed with his back against the door and Armin's chest against his own.  Having been deprived all week of much needed bodily contact, he didn't think twice about about fastening his arms around Armin's slim waist and sliding his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

He had tasted different every time they'd kissed: hot chocolate, potato fritters, mint.  It had been careful, sweet.  This time it was sloppy and all tongues; both the taste and scent of vodka was overpowering.  As Jean felt a spark of arousal in his lower regions, he tried not to think about how much Armin had drank tonight but his conscience wouldn't let him forget.

He pried Armin's arms away from around his neck and wiped the saliva threatening to trickle down his chin, intending to push him away firmly and get some water down his gullet to sober him up as soon as possible.

Those intentions vanished as Armin dropped to his knees and fumbled with the buckle of Jean's belt.  Jean stiffened as he stared down at him.

"Armin?! W-What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get these damn jeans off,"  Armin brought a hand up to his face and snorted into his palm.  " _Jean's damn jeans_ , oh my god that rhymes.  Wait, does it?  No, you're wrong, Jean.  It doesn't rhyme."

His words slurred as he finally unfastened the belt and started on the button of the jeans.  Jean's mind had gone blank, his body frozen in place against the door and his eyes glued to the blond head that was way _way_ too close to his crotch.  Somewhere in the back of his head he knew exactly what Armin was intending to do and how much he wanted to let him.  Hadn't he been fantasising about this for the past month?  Armin gazing up at him with unfocused eyes and his mouth _there_ -

_Not like this._

Jean never claimed to anything above "relatively decent" on the morality scale.  Relative to Eren at least.  He'd never compare himself to the likes of people like Armin or Marco.  But he wasn't like those creeps from the kitchen, he knew that much.  He looked at Armin's flushed face and tried not to gag on the stench of alcohol.  He didn't want to remember it happening like this.  Not when Armin was furious with him only minutes beforehand; when he had been unable to differentiate between who he should and shouldn't be letting touch him.  Not when he thought Armin might regret it.

He snapped into action as Armin's fingers slipped over the zipper, missing it entirely.  Grabbing his wrists gently, Jean told him to stop.  Confusion and hurt flashed across his face before he demanded why.

"Because if I let you do this when you're in this state, I'll be no better than those perverts downstairs.  I don't want you to, not this way."

"You... don't want me to?"

"Not like this."

Armin squeezed his eyes shut and began shaking his head.  Jean was alarmed to see tears spilling over his cheeks as he began to murmur.

"No... no, not you too.  Please don't you reject me too, not again, I can't take much more of it _\- please, I can't -"_

"Whoa, hey,"  Jean dropped to his knees and tried to speak in a soothing tone.  "I'm not _rejecting_ you, I'm just saying that for this sort of thing now's not really the best time for it."

"That's what they always say."  Armin choked out before pulling his legs up to his chest and sobbing into his knees.

Stunned at his reaction, Jean had no idea what to do.  He wasn't good at dealing with crying.  His experience stemmed from telling his bawling brother to chill a little whenever they wrestled a little too violently or hiding out in his room until his sister finished wailing about her ex-boyfriend and proceeded to find a new one.

But this was Armin.  Beautiful, smart, funny Armin sobbing on the bathroom floor of Reiner Braun's house and Jean couldn't help but feel that he was the cause of it.  His chest ached to look at him and he knew he would've done anything to have not make Armin feel like this.  Even if he had no idea what was wrong with him. 

He reached out to put his arms around him only for Armin to uncurl and reach back, pressing his damp face against Jean's chest.  He kept murmuring but Jean couldn't make out the words.

They stayed like that for a while, with the music from downstairs still blaring and the bathroom floor gradually growing warmer beneath them.  Jean briefly wondered how he had gotten into this situation.  He never would've predicted this.  Not even two months ago he hadn't looked twice at the boy currently weeping into his shirt.  But Jean knew that even if he had predicted it, he wouldn't have done anything differently.

It was only when Armin eventually quietened and his shoulders stopped shaking that Jean suggested they go get him some water and take him home.  He'd agreed with a sniffle and a nod of the head.

Jean led him down the stairs and through to the kitchen, steering clear of Eren and the guys from before.  They rescued Armin's coat from being used as a pillow by a snoring girl in the hallway.  They passed Mikasa, who gave Jean a grateful nod, standing with Marco and helped them find a clean glass to run under the tap.  Armin guzzled the water greedily, somehow suddenly desperate to sober up.  He shook his head violently when Marco offered to help Jean take him home, and ducked his head, embarrassed, when Mikasa peered at his red-rimmed eyes.

"Armin, he didn't mean it,"  her own gaze softened, speaking as softly as she could over Wham!'s _Club Tropicana_ bursting their eardrums.  "Speak to him tomorrow."

Armin only shook his head again before Jean helped him put on his coat, offered a quick apology to Marco, and led him out of the house and into the cold air.

 

*

 

It had been twenty-eight minutes since they'd arrived at Armin's empty home and Armin had spent twenty-six of those minutes in the bathroom.  Jean had immediately dragged him to the kitchen and made him drink more water.  Armin had complied before muttering that he had to pee and stumbled up the stairs into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.  Twenty-six minutes later, he still hadn't come out.

Concerned that he hadn't heard him throwing up (or heard anything at all), Jean went upstairs and leaned against the bathroom door.

"This is becoming a habit, Arm.  You alright in there?"

Only a few moments passed before the door opened slowly and Armin stood shamefaced in the doorway.

"I... I'm kind of embarrassed,"  His eyes met Jean's then darted away.  "About how I - well, you know."

Jean wondered whether he meant the way he had flirted with those guys, the attempted blowjob or the crying on the bathroom floor.  Considering how mortified Armin looked, it was probably all three.  Jean was about to tell him not to worry about it or hopefully something more comforting before he remembered.  Armin had seemed to have sobered up somewhat due to the crying and the water, but he still carried the overwhelming smell of vodka which only reminded Jean of the scene in the kitchen.

Forgetting to be consoling, Jean felt the anger quickly rising in his chest.

"You wanna tell me what the hell you were thinking?"

"I wasn't,"  Armin looked even smaller than usual as he hung his head to stare at Jean's feet, wrapping his arms around his stomach.  "I mean, I was trying _not_ to.  There are a lot of things of my mind right now that I want to not think about."

"I'm gonna need a better explanation than that."

"I know, I know,"  Armin sighed, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before looking up at Jean.  "My parents called."

"When?"

"RIght after I sent you that first message earlier."

_Ah.  That might explain the way he was on the phone._

"What'd they say?"

"The usual,"  Armin shrugged, desperately trying to seem casual but the hurt in his eyes and permanent teeth marks in his lower lip gave away how he really felt.  "They're not coming home for Christmas.  They didn't even give a reason this year, just _"now's not really the best time_ "."

"Armin..."

"I don't know why it still bothers me,"  Armin laughed, a short hollow sound that seemed loud in the otherwise silent hallway.  "They didn't come back for my birthday at the beginning of the month, so it shouldn't surprise me that they can't be bothered turning up for Christmas either.  Grandpa probably knew weeks ago and just didn't remember to tell me."

Jean was right back where he was before; dumbfounded, guilty and unable to think of a single comforting thing to say.  How about "That's really shitty, Armin,", "Your parents sound like real douchebags," or  "Want me to go fetch more vodka?"

Armin didn't seem to be expecting a response though.  He kept talking, growing increasingly frustrated, almost as if Jean wasn't there at all.

"Then when I try to talk to my best friend about it he doesn't want to listen - as if my problems don't matter in comparison to his.  Ignores my warnings about Annie Leonhardt and yells at me in the street.  Tell me that I need to grow up and that I'm too clingy.  That _I'm_ too clingy!  He spends the night at mine almost every night last week, ranting and crying and all touchy-feely, like he's been doing for the past ten years and says that _I'm too clingy._   He doesn't even know the half of it."

Jean watched him desperately scrub at his eyes; when he pulled away his fists and looked up with puffy eyes and his lower lip trembling, the only word Jean could think of to describe him was "lost".

Still wracking his head to think of something, _anything_ to say that had a chance of making Armin feel better, Jean spoke in a voice softer than he ever thought himself capable of.  Even if all he could offer was this and and a promise to listen, he would.

"Do you want me to stay tonight?"

Armin looked hesitant before nodding.  He then insisted on taking a shower before he came anywhere near Jean, which prompted him to believe that they were sharing a bed.  He'd hoped that was the case anyway but he appreciated confirmation.

Armin returned to the bathroom while Jean went to Armin's room.  He turned on the light and regretted it immediately, the harsh white reflecting off the shocking colours on the wall.  He left it on though and eventually his eyes adjusted.  He kicked off his shoes, shut the window and lay back on the bed, everything Armin had just told him swirling around his head.

The other boy came back soon after, dressed only in boxer briefs and rubbing his damp hair with a towel.

"I turned the heating up,"  he said, looking rather sheepish.  He then quickly pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms and a tshirt, to Jean's guilty disappointment.  "Most of my stuff would probably be too small for you..."

"It's fine, I can sleep in this.  But hey, this looks like it might fit."  Jean picked up a shirt from a heap of clothes at the end of Armin's bed and held it up to himself.

"Um, that's Eren's."

Jean dropped it as though he had been scalded.

"It's not what you think,"  Armin said hastily, sweeping up the pile of clothes and stuffing them unceremoniously into his wardrobe.  "He and Mikasa stay over sometimes when Grandpa's out and they can't be bothered crossing the street to get home.  There's probably some of her stuff in here too."

"Is it always both of them?  Or sometimes just Eren?"

"... Sometimes just Eren."

Jean didn't have anything to say to that (or rather, nothing he thought was appropriate to say).  Instead he stripped to his boxer shorts, discarding the tshirt he was wearing just to show off.

"Actually maybe I'd better not sleep in it if I'll need it for tomorrow.  This is fine, right?"

"R-right."

Armin moved towards  the door to turn off the light but paused, his hand hovering over the light switch.

"What time is it?"

"... Almost nine."

"Oh my god,"  Armin snorted.  "I was wrecked and it wasn't even nine o'clock yet."

He turned the light off, the room only faintly lit by the glow of the street lamps through the window, and they clambered into Armin's single bed.  Jean tried to shrink to his side as much as possible (unsure whether cuddling was on the agenda), and wondered aloud how exactly the three of them managed to fit in the bed.

"Mikasa and I sleep at opposite ends and Eren sleeps, well, wherever.  Across us, over the covers, or on the floor.  He slept _under_ the bed once."

"How'd that happen?"

"He used the spare key to sneak in after school while I was at the library and try to scare me.  He didn't realise that I was going to be gone til late and ended up falling asleep.  Imagine my surprise when I come home and hear _snoring_ from under my bed."

Jean laughed weakly, too tense for there to be any real mirth behind it.

"Nothing would happen, you know.  When it was just me and Eren, I mean.  He's not... We're not like that."

"... Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"About... Eren."

He sensed Armin stiffen beside him; apparently he understood what Jean was implying.

Perhaps he shouldn't have mentioned it, not now when Armin was so emotionally vulnerable.  Then he _would_ be taking advantage of him.  But surely Armin knew that they had to talk it out at some point.  There was only so long he could expect Jean to wait for his feelings for Eren to disappear.  Not that he'd actually admitted them yet.

"Wait, forget I asked,"  Jean sighed, knowing that he wasn't likely to get any information tonight anyway.  "But... you know that you're going to have to tell me soon about what's between you and Eren."

He waited anxiously in silence for a few moments before Armin answered in a whisper.

"Not yet."

He didn't say anymore and turned on his side, away from Jean who stared at the back of his head in dismay.

_Damn it.  I fucked up again, didn't I?  He opens up to me and I push it too far.  I'm supposed to be comforting him, not making him more uncomfortable.  Come on, Jean, say something smart or sweet._

"Don't be maaaaaad."  he mumbled, shuffling over to slip his arm around Armin and press his face into his still-damp hair.

_Genius, Kirschstein._

He felt Armin shake, and was alarmed until he realised he was laughing.

"God, I would never have expected you to sound so whiny.  I'm not mad, I just don't want to talk right now."

He turned his head to kiss Jean's bare shoulder and wriggled backwards a little to press his back into his chest.  Jean nuzzled the top of his head.

"Mm, apples."  he murmured.

"Hm?"

"Uh, nothing."

"You're really cute sometimes."

WIth Armin laughing and squirming in his arms, Jean still couldn't quite believe how it had happened.  How had he managed to make this boy like him?  This beautiful, intelligent boy who let him hold him like this and he smelled so good, and _god_ he was so _warm_ and -

"Um... Jean?"

"I know, I know, and I hate myself."

He rolled onto his back with a groan, sending a glare to his overexcited crotch.  It was hardly an appropriate time for _that._ Today wasn't going well at all.

"I... I'll go take care of it." 

His face burning, Jean made to sit up only to be prevented by Armin rolling over to straddle his hips.

"Arm - ?!"  his voice cut off as Armin gave an experimental roll of his hips.

Jean could make out his face flushing in the dim light, embarrassed but unapologetic.  His weight on his hips was heavy and warm, and the hardening pressure against his own erection was very distracting.

"A-Are you still drunk?"

Armin shook his head, a small embarrassed smile playing on his face.

"I don't have to be drunk to want to touch you, you know.  And you're not the only one who's been thinking about it."

 **_It_ ** _?  What is **it**?_

Armin must've noticed Jean's stricken expression as he hastily tried to reassure him.

"Oh god, no I don't mean sex.  Not yet anyway, I don't have anything that we need.  Oh crap, that was kind of forward.  I was just trying to be sound smooth, I didn't mean to imply... Wow, I kind of really hecked that up, didn't I?  Did that sound perverted to you?  _Crapcrapcrap -_ "

Jean sat up  and silenced him with a kiss, before pulling back to meet him at eye-level.

"I thought you said you didn't want to talk."

"I-I don't..."

He leaned forward and tilted his head to press his mouth against Armin's jaw, rocking his hips upwards as he did so.

"Then don't."

Jean was anxious that his attempt to be seductive had failed, but Armin sighed at his words and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling Jean closer before grinding his clothed erection against Jean's.

The combined friction of their bodies and Armin's breath against his neck made Jean's head spin but it wasn't nearly enough.  He felt his own hardened dick twitch impatiently.  The lack of skin-to-skin contact was driving him crazy.

Brushing his fingertips against Armin's navel, Jean tugged lightly at the waistband of his pyjamas.  The other boy seemed to have gotten the message as he briefly shuffled backwards to strip off his clothes while Jean removed his own underwear.  It took seconds for Armin to return to his lap.

He gave a breathy moan when their cocks brushed whereas Jean seemed to have forgotten how to breathe altogether.  There was now a very naked Armin in his naked lap, and the warmth that had slowly been building in his stomach suddenly burned.  Armin's bare thighs were straddling his and _jesus christ they were soft._

He could feel the nerves returning at the same time and conflicting with his desperate wants; whether it was his own inexperience or the fact that it was with a guy that was slightly panicking him, he didn't know.

But when wide blue eyes met his and fingertips brushed the nape of his neck, Jean forgot about freaking out.

_Relax, you wuss.  You know how everything works and what feels good so just concentrate on him and make sure that you -_

" _Fuck_ , Armin!"

His hips jerked upwards as Armin wrapped a hand around both of them and began quickly pumping it up and down.

"You were taking too long,"  he groaned and tightened his grip in Jean's hair.  "You can't talk in that sexy low voice and then not follow through with what the sexy low voice implies."

For some reason, hearing him say the word "sexy" in that breathless tone was an incredible turn-on, especially as his face flushed scarlet as he spoke.  Apparently Armin had a sexy voice too.

"I didn't realise you felt so strongly about it,"  Jean made a mental note to study up on dirty talk.  "I guess I'll try and make up for it."

He replaced Armin's smaller hand with his own and matched his previous pace, allowing Armin to twist both hands into his hair and kiss him hard.

As his hand grew slick with pre-cum over the two of them, Jean could feel the familiar pleasure coil in his belly; much quicker and much more intense than it wouldn't been if he was on his own.  If he hadn't been doing it with Armin.  He only wished that he had more hands (as his other was holding Armin by the hip to keep him steady), or more time to make him feel good.  He knew that he wouldn't last long like this, and if Armin's licking and panting into his mouth were anything to go by he wouldn't either.

Jean was too far gone to be embarrassed by the lewd sounds from below or his own gasping; more focused on the quiet moans that slipped from Armin's open mouth.  He wondered if they could last long enough to make him even noisier.

However when Armin moved his mouth to Jean's shoulder to stifle his moans, Jean wasn't having it.  Abandoning his own need for the moment, he quickly rubbed his thumb over the tip of Armin's cock.  He was surprised when he suddenly lurched forward and gave a muffled groan against his shoulder when he came in Jean's hand.

Unsure whether it was the the almost painful grip Armin had on his hair or the fact that his cock was twitching against his, Jean came not a moment later.

He felt Armin's chest heave against his own, his head fuzzy with pleasure and wanting to stay on this high forever.  However when Armin pulled back to look at him, cheeks red and hair tousled, Jean spoke first.

"You look amazing."

"I _feel_ amazing.  It _was_ amazing,"  Armin smiled at him before self-consciously tucking his hair behind his ear.  "I... was a little fast though."

"Hey, I was too,"  Jean kissed his exposed ear.  "Guess we were both a little pent up."

"Hm, apparently so.  I'll, uh, go get us a tissue."

Jean was a little reluctant to let him out of his arms, but he knew that getting cleaned up was probably a good idea.  Once they had, and pulled their underwear back on, they slid under the sheets and lay on their sides facing each other.  It was embarrassing being so close and so quiet especially after _that_ but Jean liked it, lifting his hand only slightly to brush Armin's hair from his face.

He could feel Armin watching him silently as he absent-mindedly twirled one of the blond strands, too blissed out and pleased with himself to do anything but.  The peace didn't last long though as Armin soon brought up what was fast becoming Jean's least favourite topic.

"Would you mind if I spoke about Eren now?"

Jean propped himself up on one elbow and stared down at him.

"The timing's a little innapropriate, don't you think?"

"I know, I'm sorry but... I just feel close to you right now and I guess I want to say everything I have to while I still have the courage."

Jean sighed, knowing he had brought this on himself.  It was him that pushed Armin to talk about it after all, even if he knew he didn't want to hear it.  Especially not now.  But it was rare for Armin to want to open up, and he wasn't going to tell him no; that would just close off Armin's feelings to him forever.

"You're kinda killing my happy vibe but go ahead,"  Jean sat up with a sigh as Armin did the same.  "I'll listen."

"Actually, I have a condition."

"A condition?"

"I'll talk about Eren if you tell me about Marco."

_Huh?_

"Huh?"  Jean furrowed his brows in confusion.  "What about Marco?"

Armin only looked at him with a sad expression and shrugged his shoulders as though to say " _you tell me."_

Abruptly recalling all of the times Armin had reacted when Marco was involved, something in Jean's brain clicked.

"No way, don't tell me you think I'm in love with Marco or something."

"It's a reasonable assumption."

"Oh my god, Armin, _no_ ,"  Horrified that Armin might think something like that, Jean shook his head and looked at him directly.  "I promise you, I don't think of Marco as anything but my best friend.  He's practically a brother to me."

"I'll believe you if you tell me that but,"  Armin shifted, retreating into a more defensive position with his knees pulled to his chest.  "The way you guys are around each other all the time and how upset you seemed when he got together with Mina... which is almost exactly the point you started showing interest in me.  I was kind of scared that I was some sort of rebound, or a way to try and make Marco jealous."

"You are neither of those things,"  Jean spoke firmly.  "You're the smart one here, Arm, can't you tell how much I like you?"

"... I guess my head gets a little muddled when it comes to things like this."

"Well, I'm here to unmuddle it,"  Jean leaned forward to lightly bump his forehead against Armin's.  "Although... I'm not gonna lie, I went for a few days being really confused about what I felt when I realised I liked guys (which was your fault by the way).  I considered that I might be in love with him, but realised that I couldn't."

Armin shook his head, looking a little relieved.

"If you were confused about it, then you probably weren't.  You'd know if you were in love with your best friend.  I feel like such a hypocrite for worrying about Marco."

Jean looked at him, glad that they had cleared the air about Marco but knew that meant moving on to a not unrelated topic.

"So what about me?  Am I a rebound?"

Armin sighed, pressing his face into his knees for a few moments before looking back up, straight at Jean.

"Have you ever met Eren's mum?"

"Eh, what?"

"She's a lot like Eren actually.  She's short-tempered but kind and pretty..."

Jean couldn't imagine anyone with Eren's face to be pretty but he didn't comment.

"... and Eren loves her so much,"  Armin smiled wistfully.  "I'm always so envious whenever I see them together.  And I'm sure that she knows how I feel about him.  She won't say anything but I can see it in the way she looks at me when we're together.  It's the same way you're looking at me now."

"I'm not - "

"You are, but it's fine.  It's the same pitying look Marco gave me when I told him.  Mikasa does it too.  I'm used to it,"  he shrugged.  "Everyone knows after all.  Everyone but Eren."

Jean bit back his "it's because he's a moron" and waited silently for Armin to continue.

"Have you ever had that feeling when you're at an amusement park and the people you're with force you on a ride you don't want to go on?  You're in the cart and it goes up a hill and you're perched right at the top before you hurtle down the track?  You panic and you can't breathe because there's a grip so tight around your heart and you think _I didn't sign up for this, I never wanted on this effing rollercoaster ride._ And you just want the cart to fall and get it over with and let it end but it never will.  You're stuck there waiting forever, hoping that the squeeze on your heart will relax but it won't.  And the person next to you has no idea how you're really feeling and they go "hey, isn't this great?" and you just say yes because you don't want to ruin it for them.  You don't want them to feel bad just because they don't feel the same as you.  So you don't tell them that you feel like throwing up every moment you're stuck there at the top of that stupid effing hill with them blissfully unaware beside you.  Instead you wait it out and pretend that you're fine even though you're anything but.  That's how it feels to be in love with your best friend."

He spoke as though he were explaining Jean's maths homework, slow and mild-toned with only the barest hint of frustration.  Jean knew that beneath the forced calm exterior Armin's heart was aching.  Probably as it had always been, whenever he spoke to or thought about or had anything to do with Eren.  Jean wondered how Armin could speak so calmly or conceal his feelings so well, before remembering with a pang of sympathy that he had had a lot of practice.

"Armin, you don't have to hide it with me.  I mean, I'm not gonna lie, it sucks to hear but don't act like I'm him.  You don't need to pretend you don't feel anything."

He shook his head slowly and Jean realised that he wasn't concealing his feelings completely as his wide eyes brimmed with tears that he refused to let fall.

"I don't want you to think I don't care about you too,"  Armin whispered.  "Because I do, I like you so much but this is something I've been dealing with for years.  I know there's nothing for me to do except get over it but I haven't yet and I don't know why.  Sometimes I'm scared that I'm just using you as a distraction and I hate myself for it.  Because when I'm with you I don't think of anything else _but_ you.  But then you leave or Eren arrives and I'm back at the top of that rollercoaster again."

Jean didn't know where to go from here.  He knew from the beginning that it would be difficult to replace Eren in Armin's heart but now he was starting to think it might be impossible.  The feelings he had just described were beyond anything that Jean had ever felt or ever could imagine having.  It didn't exactly inspire hope.

But he had just said it didn't he?  That whenever Jean was around, he took up residence in Armin's heart.  That was something.  He could work with that.  He'd just never have to leave Armin's side.

"I told you before, didn't I?"  Jean sighed and met Armin's eyes with a steady gaze.  "That I wasn't going to give up.  You can take all the time you need to get over that idiot, because I'm not going anywhere, alright?"

Armin's eyes still glistened as he stared back, his mouth parted in surprise.

"Okay,"  he breathed.  "I'll do my best."

 

*

 

Jean woke with a start a few hours later as Armin ripped out of his arms and out the door.  He heard frantic footsteps then the slam of a door before the horrible sound of retching and what was probably the splatter of vomit hitting water.

Rubbing sleep-filled eyes, he got of bed, grabbed a few hair clips from Armin's beside table and stumbled blearily down the hall.  Not even bothering to knock, he opened the door and went inside, finding his boyfriend tightly hugging the toilet like it was the last thing he'd ever do.

"I guess the hangover finally crept up on you,"  Jean perched on the cool edge of the bathtub behind Armin, sliding the hairclips into place to pull back his fringe and rubbing his shoulders.  "My bad, I forgot to bring up a basin."

"My bad, I forgot my body has an extremely low tolerance for alcohol,"  Armin whimpered, pressing his head against the seat.  "Sorry I woke you.  God, I keep killing the mood like this.  If it's not to do homework or complain about my tragic life, then it's puk - "

He lurched forward again to throw up with an awful choking sound.  Jean pulled back the rest of his hair with one hand while reaching for the toilet paper with the other.  He handed a sheet to Armin to wipe his mouth and continued rubbing his shoulder soothingly.

"Surely _now_ you're regretting agreeing to be my boyfriend,"  Armin laughed weakly.  "I mean, look at what you've gotten yourself into."

Jean rolled his eyes.  How many times was he going to have to explain this already?

"Armin, even if I had known about all of this beforehand it wouldn't have changed anything.  I knew I'd have to at least deal with your relationship with Eren and that should've been more than enough to scare me off but it wasn't.  I like you way too damn much for that.  You can chuck all the shitty parents and unrequited love at me that you want, but I'm still gonna be here holding your hair back when you throw up."

"... That was disgustingly romantic."

"I know, I might have to puke myself in a minute."

He reached for more toilet paper as Armin retched once more.

"God, I feel awful.  Never again.  Are you really sure you want to go out with me?  I'm literally a mess in every way possible right now.  This is your last chance before the real drama starts."

Jean tucked away a loose strand of Armin's hair before leaning down to press a kiss to his exposed ear.

"Do your worst, Arlert."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't think this deserves a mature rating yet?? it's gonna remain teen for now  
> also there's not ever gonna be an underage warning because both jean and armin are sixteen in this au and that's the age of consent for all genders and sexual orientations in my country sooooooo
> 
> this fic is already getting way out of hand, it's gonna be twice as long as i intended it to be heeeeeeeeeeeel(l)p


	10. In Which Jean's Only Sometimes A Shitty Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean comes out to his family. Armin sort of comes out to Eren. Sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which i hate chapter titles, why did i bother with them  
> and i find it best to be pretty blunt with summaries

Jean thought he had been a pretty dutiful boyfriend that weekend, right up to the moment Armin insisted on kicking him out that Saturday afternoon for fussing over him like a mother hen.

"I'll be fine. I won't throw up anymore but I have the basin nearby just in case.  I've eaten the dry toast you made me and taken enough painkillers to put down an elephant, so now I just need to sleep it off. But I can't do that when - _you don't need to tuck me in, Jean_."

He backed away from the bed when Armin threw him a ferocious glare, made even more terrifying with his eyes red from lack of sleep. Jeez, he was cranky when he was tired. Jean had thought that Armin might like being fussed over for once, but clearly the headache was taking all the fun out of it. But Jean couldn't say that he wasn't enjoying taking care of his boyfriend; he desperately wanted to wrap him up in a burrito of blankets and tuck that wooley hat over his ears.

_It's actually kind of embarrassing how sappy I'm becoming. I keep thinking and spewing all this soppy crap without even thinking about it. If Marco could see me now, I'd never hear the end of it._

"I have a hangover, not the flu. Now go so I can sleep. Won't your family be worried about you?"

"Alright, I'm going, I swear. But, can I ask you something first?"

"Mm. Sure."

Jean perched on the edge of the bed, fidgeting with the end of his scarf. He was hesitant to bring this up now when Armin wasn't well but he'd already made up his mind to do it today while he felt brave enough.

"I'm thinking that I'll probably tell my family today. About me being bisexual, I mean. I don't like keeping this sort of thing from them and I think they'll be alright with it so I'm not really worried. But I was wondering if it was okay if I told them about you."

"Oh, well um... " Armin began to sit up again.

"I know you wanted to keep us a secret so that's why I'm asking," Jean said quickly, recognising his hesitant expression. "If you don't want me to, I won't."

"No, no, you should tell them if you don't like hiding it from them. I've been thinking about it myself, actually. I'm pretty sure Mikasa already suspects something between us anyway..."

"I think Marco may have an idea too," Jean spoke nervously, hoping his stretching of the truth wasn't too obvious. He still couldn't admit to Armin that Marco had known all along. "But you don't have to do it right away, especially if the whole thing with Eren is still... happening."

_Shit, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned -_

"You're right, maybe I should wait a little longer," Armin shrugged with a sigh before sinking back onto the pillows. "But definitely tell your family because I know how much it'll bother you."

"Alright, I will," Jean leaned forward to push Armin's hair back and plant one last kiss on his forehead.  "What the hell, you have the cutest freaking nose, how do - "

Armin narrowed his eyes and gripped his pillow threateningly, sending Jean off of the bed with a backwards stumble.

He made it halfway to the door before looking back at him.

"Hey... you never told me about why Eren spent every night here the other week. He seemed kind of on edge when he turned up at the door. He was acting kind of weird at the party too, especially after what he said to you. Is there something going on with him?"

Armin rubbed his tired eyes and looked at Jean with a mix of weariness and uncertainty.

"Can we talk about it another time? I'm really tired and I'm not sure if it's my place to say anything about it."

Jean hesitated before nodding, knowing that he wouldn't forget about it. Maybe he'd bring it up at a better time. He left Armin's room and reached the stairwell in the hall before going back and peering his head round the door frame.

"Is the room warm enough for you? I can turn the heating up if - "

He received a pillow to the face with a _thwump_.

" _Go home, Jean_."

 

*

 

Jean was well aware that his father wouldn't be home for at least a few hours when he steered his lecturing mother to the kitchen table and sat her down. It kind of felt like cheating; telling her and letting her adjust so that she could back him up when his dad came home. But hey, gathering support wasn't a bad thing, right?

Making sure that neither of his siblings were within earshot, Jean sat down opposite his parent and looked at her directly.

Mrs. Kirschstein wasn't a particularly beautiful woman; the years of raising three children had taken its toll on her. She was often tired, strict, short-tempered and holy crap could she nag Jean's ear off. But he was very fond of her and almost never kept anything from her.

"What have you done now, son of mine? Who do I need to apologise to this time because my boy can't keep his thoughts to himself?"

"You know I'm an honest man, Ma." Jean smiled in spite of himself. "I don't hold back."

"You never heard of 'if you've nothing nice to say, don't say it at all'?" Mrs. Kirschstein grumbled. "I thought I raised my children to have some manners."

"You're one to talk, old lady. I was there when you ripped into Aunt Ellen for bringing her boyfriend to Christmas dinner last year."

"Your father's sister knew fine well not to bring her stripper boyfriend to a house full of children while he's still wearing his "sexy Santa" costume. Jingle Bells will never be the same again," she rolled her eyes, shaking her head, and Jean couldn't help but notice how grey her hair was getting. "Now, I have a lot of ironing to get through and dinner to get started so what is it?"

"I'll be blunt then. Ma, I'm seeing someone. And I really like him."

Mrs. Kirschstein blinked, but her expression didn't change. Jean wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not, but he pressed on anyway.

"I realised recently that I'm bi and I'm pretty okay with it. I'm not confused or anything, I promise. I've always felt this way, but it's taken this long to notice it. It was kind of a slap in the face at first, actually. Especially when apparently it was so obvious to everyone else. And I really wanted to tell you about it; I want you to be okay with it. Are you?"

She didn't respond for a few moments, but she didn't look at all like Jean had perhaps feared. There was no anger or disgust in her expression. If anything, she seemed... exasperated?

"I'm not surprised about what you just told me, but I didn't expect you to just come out and say it," she sighed, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "I've been okay with it for a while, Jean."

He supposed he shouldn't be shocked that she knew; nobody else had been. But there was something a little weird about his own mother being more aware of his sexuality than he was himself.

"Well, um, that's great. Glad you're okay. Does, uh, does Dad know?"

"I'm not sure how seriously he takes it but yes, he's aware."

"Right."

_That's going to be awkward._

"So, tell me about this boy you're seeing."

"Oh, uh, he's - "

" _Marco Bodt_."

The whispered words made Jean start and whip round in his seat to spot the two grinning faces peering around the kitchen door.

"What the hell, Kina - you're not supposed to be eavesdropping!"

"Oh, relax. We didn't hear anything we didn't already know."

Jean's older sister came in and leaned on the back of his chair, smirking down at him. He resisted the urge to dig his elbow into the back of her hand. He usually chalked up their relationship to a mutual irritation with each other, and a hell of a lot of teasing.

"Does this mean Marco's going to be our brother-in-law?" an impish face beamed up at him, his eyes shining with excitement.

"No, George. It's not Marco, you guys know he has a girlfriend."

"And it's a crying shame that his girlfriend isn't me. But, who else could you be dating if not Marco?" Kina wrinkled her nose in confusion. "You don't talk to anyone else."

"You don't know who I talk to," Jean snapped, feeling a bit defensive. "I could be going out with anyone."

"Well then, tell us. Who is it?"

He was still hesitant to tell them any more. Even if Armin said it was okay, he wasn't sure how enthusiastic he would be about Jean's family knowing about him. It wasn't like anyone else they knew would find out; Kina left Shinganshina High for university a couple of years ago and George was still in primary. But it still felt pretty private.

"You probably don't remember who he is but... it's Armin Arlert."

"Armin... Armin... Oh!" Kina looked excited. "Is he that adorable little blond boy that hangs around with Eren Jaeger and his sister?"

"Uh, yeah. That's the one."

"Aw, he's so cute. Not my kind of cute, and a little skinny, but still. Well done, Jean! I wouldn't have expected you to be able to bag such a cutiepatootie."

He flushed and didn't trust himself to respond. He knew she was teasing him, but he was glad that she genuinely seemed to approve. Now he just needed to keep Armin as far away from her and her mocking comments as possible.

Jean felt a tug on his sleeve and glanced down at his brother.

"Will Armin play Sonic with me like Marco does?"

"I dunno, mate. He's not really a big gamer," George's face fell and Jean hastily pressed on. "But if anyone can pick it up, it's Armin. He'd be great at it and I'm sure he'd want to play with you. He's the kindest and smartest person I know."

"If he's so smart then why's he going out with you?"

"Shut up, Kina."

"Both of you shut up," Mrs. Kirschstein interrupted. She'd been so quiet, Jean had almost forgotten she was there. "I'm sure you all have homework to do before you start all this up again. Now get out of my kitchen if you want fed later."

They all did as they were told, with the exception of Jean who paused and turned at the door when his mother called.

"Make sure you invite that boy over sometime soon. I'd like to meet him."

He nodded, unsure whether Armin would agree to that, and went upstairs to his room.

He was relieved, more than relieved, that everyone had seemed so accepting of it. He knew it wouldn't make a difference to Kina or George but knowing that his mother wasn't going to flip out on him or kick him out meant a weight lifting off his shoulders. Now there was just the rest of the world and Eren to deal with.

Thinking that he should probably attempt to study _(Crap, I can't believe prelims are in just over a month)_ , he heaved his books onto his desk and looked at the unopened covers for a bit. He whipped out his phone to set a timer, and noticed an unread text message. It had been sent only a few minutes after he had left Armin's house.

 

 

 

*

 

"So how about your dad? How'd he take it?"

"I told him when he got home but he didn't say much. Like I said, he already knew so I guess he's had a while to deal with it but I don't think it's gonna be a problem."

"Well, that's something at least. Hey, I take it you got Armin home alright on Friday?"

Jean and Marco had the lunch table to themselves for the first time in a while. Mina and Thomas had scarfed down their lunch before apologising and running off to drama rehearsals and Connie and Sasha had detention for "inappropriate behaviour in the physics lab". Jean thought it was best not to ask.

"Yeah, I mean, he was sick through most of the night and the morning then he slept for the rest of the weekend but he should be fine now."

"Wait, you spent the night?"

Jean shushed him as he spotted the familiar trio entering the cafeteria. Both Eren and Armin looked uncomfortable as Mikasa ushered them towards their usual table. Jean wondered if Mikasa had punished Eren for his behaviour at Reiner's party and if he had apologised to Armin yet.

_He bloody well ought to. Saying that shit to Armin then ditching him at the party. Dick._

"Uh, Jean are you alright? You have that nasty look in your eye again. Did Eren do something?"

"He exists," Jean gritted his teeth and watched the group sit down. "Hey, do me a favour. Pretend to go over to the dessert stall beside them and find out what they're saying."

"I'm not going to eavesdrop on your secret boyfriend's conversations, Jean."

"Come on, it'd be too obvious if I went over. I'd do it for you."

"That's the difference - I'd never ask you to spy on Mina."

"But if you did ask me to do it, I would. That's what friends do."

Marco rolled his eyes with a sigh and stood up with his tray.

"This is pretty crappy, Jean."

"If you didn't want to know too, you wouldn't be doing it. Now hurry up!"

He earned a swift kick to the shin for his sharp tone before Marco made his way over to the stall next to Armin's table. As he took his time looking over the treats and sorting out his cutlery, Jean watched the three at the table.

Eren seemed to be looking ashamed of himself as Mikasa stared at him cooly from across the table. He spoke and gestured in Armin's direction, the latter of which just seemed to be growing increasingly uncomfortable before saying something that made Eren's face go white.

Jean imagined Armin rejecting Eren's apology and refusing to ever speak to him again. He knew it was incredibly unlikely, but the thought cheered him up a little.

He turned his attention back to the group across the hall and watched Armin's mouth move. Whatever he said must've been shocking as the colour rushed to Eren's face as quickly as it had vanished before. He heard him yell "WHAT?" as Marco fumbled with the cutlery and Mikasa looked directly across the hall at Jean.

He felt the colour drain from his own face, and immediately dropped his eyes to the plate of food in front of him. He didn't hear anything after that, but he could still feel Mikasa's eyes boring into the side of his head. He didn't look up again until Marco slid into the seat opposite with a plateful of cheese cake.

"Well, that was... awkward."

"What the hell did he say?"

"Okay, first off, can I finish my lunch? And second, I think it'd be obvious what we were talking about if someone were to look over."

Jean wolfed down his meal and encouraged Marco to eat quicker so they could leave the hall as soon as possible. Before he could swallow the last bite of cheese cake, Marco was hoisted to his feet and dragged from the cafeteria and up the stairs to the library. He was plonked into a seat at the furthest away table from the entrance and subjected to Jean's eager stare.

"Spill."

"You're very dramatic sometimes, you know that? Alright, the first thing I heard was Eren apologising for something he'd said on Friday. Something about being a dick, and that he didn't really mean what he said, he'd just been having a really bad day. Armin said that he understood but it was no reason to bite his head off, because Armin had been having a bad day too. I'm assuming that you know what Armin's talking about?"

Jean nodded and gestured for Marco to continue.

_Way to go, Arm. Standing up for yourself, that's good._

"Eren asked if he wanted to talk about it and Armin said not now, so Eren suggested going over to Armin's tonight. That was when Armin said they ought to be studying for the preliminary exams in January and that he didn't think Eren should stay over anymore. Stop grinning, I'm not finished yet."

Jean struggled to rearrange his features into a less triumphant expression. He couldn't help but feel a little pleased at Armin's words though, even if he and Marco were gossiping about it like a pair of old biddies.

"Eren got all hurt and asked if it was because of what he said but Armin said no, it wasn't because of anything Eren had done. He told him that he couldn't spend the night anymore because it wouldn't be appropriate and that _his boyfriend wouldn't like it._ "

"Oh my god."

"That was when Eren yelled and I nearly dropped my spoon."

Jean replayed the moment in his head; Eren's reaction made sense now. He couldn't believe Armin had just come right out and admitted to having a boyfriend without any warning whatsoever. Wasn't Eren unaware that Armin was gay in the first place? That must've been a shock. Jean didn't want to imagine his reaction when he found out who Armin's boyfriend was. Surely Mikasa wasn't too surprised but she didn't know Armin was seeing anymore.

"Mikasa knows it's me, she looked right at me when that happened. Did Armin say anything else?"

"Nah. It was embarrassing to hear though. Eren spluttered and stammered a lot and demanded to know who it is but Armin refused to say. He just said "I don't want to talk about it" and started going on about prelims as if the conversation never happened. Eren kept mumbling "boyfriend?" as if he'd never even heard of the word before. It was hard to watch him."

"Jesus Christ."

"I know. Then I had to leave because there's only so long you can pretend to choose a dessert and the ice cream was melting."

As Marco marvelled aloud at the sheer shameless way Armin had announced his unavailability, Jean tried to figure out what it had meant. If he had spoken to Eren so firmly about it, then surely he must be serious in trying to move on from him. He did tell Jean that he would do his best, after all. Is this what that meant?

_Does he think that distancing himself from Eren and acting like it's no big deal is the right way to go?_

If this was what Armin thought was best, then Jean wasn't going to argue. Besides, why would he oppose a strategy that worked so well in his own favour? He figured that with Armin distancing himself from Eren, he would have more reason and more time to spend it with Jean. Or so he'd hoped.

"What do you mean you're actually going to study?"

"I mean that I'm actually going to study. Prelims are just after Christmas, Jean. That's only a month away and I've barely been able to do any preparation so far with what's been going on."

Jean had caught Armin as the end of last period bell rang and waited until their biology class had cleared of all other people before speaking. He'd thought that Armin would be available tonight and asked to come round. He should've expected that his boyfriend would genuinely be trying to prepare for exams, but the way he had shot Eren down at lunch had led him to believe otherwise.

"What made you so sure that I was free?" Armin looked at him cooly, making Jean shrink in his shoes.

"Uh, Marco may have overhead you say something at lunch..."

"So basically, you're telling me that Marco knows about us and you used him to eavesdrop on my conversation with Eren."

"Basically he figured it out and I'm a piece of shit, so yes," he shuffled and ducked his head, refusing to meet Armin's cold stare. "I'm sorry."

"I guessed as much. Marco's not very stealthy. He kept stirring the melted ice cream to try and look busy. And I assume he told you the other thing I said to Eren?"

"That he can't stay over anymore because your really sweet and sexy boyfriend (that you like very much and would forgive him for anything) might take issue with it, yeah."

Jean glanced up to see Armin roll his eyes, a slight smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He stepped into Jean's hopeful outstretched arms and returned the embrace.

"Well, if you see my really sweet and sexy boyfriend that I like very much, tell him that he's forgiven but I really do have to study tonight. And probably most nights until prelims are over."

"Trust me to end up with the most academically conscientious boy in the entire school. I think you're the only one that actually takes the teachers' advice to study for hours each night seriously," he rested his chin on Armin's head. "Does this mean I'm not going to see you outside of school for a while?"

"I'd suggest studying together but... that doesn't really work out well for us."

"I'd say it works out _really_ well for us. But don't forget that it was you that couldn't control yourself."

"Says the one who got a boner from just - "

" _Okay_ , so we both suck at the self-restraint thing," he took his chin off of Armin's head and ducked down to meet his mouth. "I dunno how I'm gonna last two months without getting to do this though."

"It's hard for me too... But I promise that as soon as prelims are over... I'm all yours." he murmured against Jean's lips.

"I'm holding you to that, Arlert."

Figuring they still had a few minutes before Armin absolutely had to dash off to the library, Jean wanted to take full advantage of the time they had left. He claimed Armin's mouth once more and slid his hands from the small of his back to the curve of his behind. He felt Armin lean into his touch before pulling his head away slightly.

"Jean... " his voice grew quiet, and he bumped his forehead against Jean's. "You know what I mean by that, right? When I say _all?_ "

Acutely aware of where his hands were currently residing, Jean felt his mouth go dry as he realised what Armin was implying. His voice sounded hoarse when he replied with a "Yeah" and kissed him again before Jean could say something embarrassing.

 

*

 

PE on Wednesday made Jean particularly nervous that week. He struggled with the conflicting urges to stare at Armin's undressing frame in the changing room or to cover him up to protect him from other prying eyes. Not that he'd imagine that anyone else in their class would ogle Armin but the scene from Reiner's kitchen was still fresh in his mind.

However, Eren made it difficult to look at Armin at all. He was making their classmates self-conscious as he scrutinised each one of them in turn, all of them half-dressed or less.

"Enjoying the view, Eren?"

"Shut up, Connie, I'm concentrating."

His eyes slid from a snickering Marco to settle on Jean. His eyes narrowed as he stared at him wordlessly. Jean jerked out his chin and puffed up his chest.

"Got a problem?"

Eren scowled at him silently for a few more moments before shaking his head as he turned away and muttered to himself.

"Nah, Armin has better taste than that."

Jean had to pretend not to have heard, and that he wasn't seething on the inside. Marco actually snorted into his hand and Armin seemed to be taking an awfully long time to pull his shirt over his head.

_He wouldn't be saying that if he knew who else Armin was into._

Jean had hoped to get his revenge during their dodgeball match, but Eren was especially aggressive in his attacks that morning and the members of his team were lighter, faster and generally smaller targets. Once again, the combined efforts of Eren, Connie, and Armin proved lethal. In the end, Jean's team didn't stand a chance. Eren ended the game quickly with a particularly passionate yell and a suspiciously well-aimed dodgeball to Jean's groin.

"Holy shit, I swear my life flashed before my eyes. I seriously thought I was gonna die."

He was still holding the ice pack between his legs an hour later in biology with Armin sympathetically rubbing his thigh under the desk. He pretended not to hear Mina's suppressed giggles from behind them.

"Yeah, it seemed pretty painful. You looked as if you were going to pass out," he then seemed to hesitate, stopping his hand to rest on Jean's leg before looking up at him. "I appreciate you not reacting against Eren though. I don't know what would've happened if you had."

"Honestly, Arm, I was in no condition to retaliate."

"I don't just mean at the end of the game. I know you heard what he said before in the changing room. You haven't given him any reason to think that it's you I'm dating, so thank you."

"Do you regret telling him that there is someone though?"

Chewing his bottom lip, Armin withdrew his hand and glanced at the front of the class where Hanji was scaring the life out of the substitute chemistry teacher Moblit, who had just entered the classroom, with a live chameleon on their head.

"I'm not sure. It's only been two days but I haven't seen him much since. And when I have seen him, he's been a bit on edge. Although he's been like that a lot recently so I don't know how much this is to do with it."

"Why has he been on edge though?" Jean lowered his voice. "Is he just worried about the exams? I'm guessing he's not really much of a studier."

Armin shook his head and opened his mouth to speak but before he could respond, they were approached by Moblit as he shrugged off Hanji and their chameleon.

"T-Thank you for the advice, Zoe. Armin, you wouldn't happen to know where Eren is, would you?"

"Shouldn't he be in your chemistry class right now, sir?"

"Well that's just it." Moblit frowned, looking concerned. "He didn't turn up to my class but the register says he was present first period. At first I thought it was because he was unaware we had switched classrooms again but his sister seemed worried and wouldn't let me go on teaching unless I checked with you."

Jean imagined Mikasa staring down Moblit and shuddered in sympathy. He'd been at the end of Mikasa's cool gaze before - a terrifying experience.

He glanced at Armin, watching the worry in his wide eyes increase.

"I haven't seen him since after PE. He just left the changing room without saying anything."

"Hm, maybe he wasn't feeling well and went home. If that's the case, remind him that he needs a note before he can just take off!"

"I will, sir." Armin nodded solemnly as Moblit left, narrowing avoiding Hanji's advances.

"This isn't the first time Eren's skipped," he murmured to Jean. "And Mikasa told me he's been out at night recently without telling anyone where he's going."

"Is it that big of a deal? Isn't that just typical teenager behaviour?"

Armin shook his head.

"It's not typical Eren behaviour. I just hope he's not doing anything stupid."

 

*

 

Jean had become quite comfortable in the school library. It was usually very quiet and free from distractions so he could pretend to work in peace. He figured that since Marco was cramming for his history test and Armin was working on his psychology report in the social sciences department, he should at least try this studying thing. He guessed the student's hype about prelims in January and hanging around Armin's academically driven brain had rubbed off on him. Not that he was making much progress, but he felt productive just surrounding himself with study material.

He'd just been considering pestering Miss Ral to allow him to use the computer when Mikasa soundlessly appeared before him.

" _Jesus_ , Mikasa - how do you do that? If you're still looking for Eren, he's not here."

"I need to speak with you about Armin."

Jean swallowed the lump in his throat and looked up at her. Her usual cool expression had been replaced with one of anxiety. Her eyes looked tight with concern and she was gripping the end of her scarf rather tightly.

"Uh, what about Armin?"

"I'll be more specific. I need to speak with you about your relationship with Armin and how it's going to affect his relationship with Eren."

_I was not expecting that._

"Okay... then speak."

He figured it was probably best to say as little as possible. He knew Mikasa was aware of their relationship but by the look on her face, she was none too happy about it. He didn't expect her to be jumping with joy for them, but nor did he anticipate the waves of hostility she radiated his way as she sat across from him.

"I've already spoken with Armin concerning his relationship with you. He assured me that he likes you very much and that you're not going to do anything to hurt him. Armin is not a naive person; he sees people for what they are, nothing more, nothing less. I trust his judgement but I don't know you very well. Armin been suffering for years because he has been unable to quell his feelings for Eren (which I assume you are aware of) and I don't want him to get hurt even more than he already is because he fell for the wrong person again. Tell me now if you're not serious about him."

Jean didn't think he'd ever heard Mikasa speak so much at once before. She seemed extremely serious about Armin's welbeing, and the look in her eyes suggested that Jean was going to receive a severe beating if his answer wasn't to her liking. Mildly offended that Mikasa seemed to find him to be a suspicious character, Jean knew he'd better respond to reassure her once more.

"Okay, I get it. You don't like me very much, and I'm surprisingly fine with that, but you should understand that I'm not messing around with him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. I like Armin a lot, and nothing you can say is going to make me stop wanting to see him. And if he feels the same, which I think he does, then you should just leave us be. In fact the way I'm seeing it, I stand to get hurt just as much as Armin does, if not more."

Mikasa wore an unreadable expression, surveying him for several moments before responding.

"I understand what you mean. Your words are good enough for now. But I'm still not happy about this. It couldn't have happened at a worse time."

"Alright, will someone please tell what the hell's going on?"

"Perhaps this will be a good thing for Armin," she continued as if she hadn't heard him. "He might finally move on and find happiness in a relationship with someone else but it's not going to be good for Eren. Maybe Eren will never love Armin the way Armin wanted, but he's always going to need him. They're family. And your relationship may get in the way of that."

_Are you kidding me? Armin should just cater to Eren's every need so Eren isn't lonely and miserable? What kind of bullshit is that?_

"That's pretty selfish. Doesn't Armin deserve a chance to find his own happiness?"

"It's incredibly selfish," Mikasa said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly as she stood and swung her bag across her shoulder. "And of course he does. I want Armin to be happy as much as I want Eren to be. But like I said, we're a family. We stick together."

"What if it was the other way around? What if Eren found someone he wanted to be with that made him happy. Would you want him to give them up for Armin's sake?"

Mikasa didn't respond as she gave him another icy once-over before leaving the library. Jean remained seated with his books around him, more confused and angry than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd ended up cutting it and saving the rest for the next chapter because i don't want to edit right now because i've finally hit eighteen today which means i can stop sneaking into bars and just walk through the front door and get drunk LEGALLY for the first time which has nothing to do with this fic except that yeah don't follow Armin's example in (one of) the previous chapter(s) (UNDERAGE DRINKING WOW) because seriously hangovers suck. but now my body is ready.
> 
> ...anyway, next chapter'll be up soon and i promise it'll reveal more about Eren's situation and Annie.


	11. In Which Any Opportunity To Go To Reiner's House Should Be Avoided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner is somewhat helpful for once. Mikasa is not..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Armin is so shit at studying, I don't know how he gets anything done with Jean around.

Jean knew he shouldn't have came here. He should've refused the invitation the moment he extended it, considering how the last time he visited this house turned out.

Yet here he was once again, this time nervously perched at the edge of a dark leather sofa in Reiner's living room. It looked a lot nicer now that it was daylight and there weren't drunken teenagers stumbling all over the place to a cringe-worthy 80s playlist.

"I feel bad that we never got a chance to chat at my party," Reiner had said, approaching Jean during interval at the end of the week. "Come over this weekend, and bring Marco along too."

Jean had initially protested, but Reiner's insistent hand clamped on his shoulder persuaded him to relent.

He only grew more nervous about going when Marco informed him that he couldn't tag along, claiming that between all the studying they had to do and Mina's drama rehearsals, he wanted to spend any free time he could grab with her.

Jean also appealed to Armin, but apparently rescuing his boyfriend from Reiner's clutches wasn't worth interrupting his jam-packed study timetable. No form of persuasian (verbal or... otherwise) could budge him.

Which left Jean on his own with Reiner and his boyfriend.

"So, have you applied to any universities this year, Jean?"

"Eh, no, I think I'll apply next year. I dunno what I want to do so I'd rather have the extra year to figure it out."

It felt strange, just the three of them sitting together and talking. Usually when Jean hung out with Marco there were video games and talking, with Armin there was homework and cuddling and talking; but never just _talking_.

_Is this what sixth years do? I feel all grown up._

"Gotcha. We're the same, aren't we, Bertl?" Reiner glanced over at his boyfriend, who had somehow managed to fit his large frame into one of the small armchairs he'd pulled over to sit across from them.

"Not exactly..."

"Well no, not exactly. Truth is, I don't wanna be anywhere Bertl isn't and he's the same with me, but there's nowhere that can interest both of us. Figured we'd just waste our last year at school doing nothing but figuring the rest of our lives out."

"Half the year's gone... any progress?"

Reiner laughed as Berthodlt gave a light snort. Jean couldn't decide if they were suited to each other or not. They seemed to get along well for the most part but by the sound of it, they rarely agreed on anything. At first Jean thought Bertholdt was the one tagging along with Reiner's wishes, but now it seemed as though the dependence went both ways. Neither boy was willing to do anything without the other by his side.

"Compromising's hard. I told him there's no way in hell I'm going to florist school - "

"It's not _just_ flowers," Bertholdt shot him a weary look as though they'd had this conversation a hundred times. "And there's no chance I can get into any engineering courses, or anything that Reiner's good at so we're pretty much stuck."

"I'm trying to convince him to drop out with me so we can get jobs, save up and travel for a bit, but," Reiner sighed. "He thinks we might need the grades we'll get at the end of the year. So we're gonna stick it out this last year then see where we go from there."

Their words got Jean thinking about his own future. He hadn't really considering anything beyond fifth year exams. And he'd have to choose his subjects for next year soon. He wondered if Armin had given it any thought before rolling his eyes at his own stupidity. Of course Armin would have it all planned out. Jean just hadn't thought to ask him about it yet.

He made a mental note to bring it up next time Armin could spare him a moment from his study schedule and almost missed Reiner's next words.

"Hey, I saw a STAFF WANTED sign in the Homebase store in town. How about that, Bertl? They have flowers and shit in there don't they?"

"I already checked; the shifts conflict with our basketball practice," Bertholdt gave a sigh and pulled the chair's cushion to his chest. "We'll just have to look for part-time work elsewhere. How about you, Jean?"

Startled that Bertholdt had addressed him (he didn't think he had before), it took Jean a moment to understand.

"What, a job? Nah, but now that you mention it, I should probably look into it. I'm probably gonna want the extra money soon..."

"Saving up for a Christmas present for a special someone?" Reiner gave him a wide grin.

"... I did tell you that Marco and I aren't dating, right?"

"Yes, but it's a shame. You two look so - "

"Drop it, Reiner," Bertholdt threw him a uncharacteristically sharp look. "Jean isn't even... well, he hasn't said that he... Not that I'm assuming that you're... Uh... "

Not exactly eager to share any unnecessary information with the two of them, but wasn't keen on dealing with a nervously sweating Bertholdt, Jean decided to help him out.

"Marco's straight."

They looked at Jean before exchanging small knowing smiles.

"And you're not."

"Well, sort of."

"You're sort of straight?"

"Yeah. And sort of not straight."

"So, you're bi."

"Yeah."

"Well then, why didn't you just say so?"

"I'm still not really used to saying it aloud," Jean shrugged, a little uncomfortable under Reiner's leer. "And I haven't really announced it to the world yet so keep it quiet, yeah?"

"Of course. Just ignore his creepy look right now, Jean," Bertholdt leaned over to slap Reiner's knee. "He's probably got all kinds of schemes to set you up already."

"That, uh, won't be necessary - "

"Hey, you know who's cute, gay _and_ single?" Reiner mused, playfully nudging Bertholdt's leg with his own. "Armin Arlert. You know Armin, right? Short, blond, best friend of your greatest fan - Eren Jaeger?"

"Didn't you help him home from our party last month?" Bertholdt sat up, kicking away Reiner's foot. "Armin, I mean. Not Eren."

Jean felt like nervously sweating himself. He was unsure of how much he should say since they were Eren's friends and Armin still hadn't spoken to him about Jean. But both Reiner and Bertholdt had made it clear that he could come to them whenever and he couldn't deny that he hadn't been thinking of approaching them for advice on pleasing your cute boyfriend sooner or later. He didn't think they would tell anyone if he asked them not to.

_Still, I hardly know these guys._

"Eh, yeah. He's my partner. Uh, in English, I mean. We work together. Rivaille forced us to. Not that I mind it, I mean I like the guy even if he is best friends with Eren, but I didn't seek him out or anything. And yeah, I guess you could say he's cute what with the hair and the nose - "

"And the eyes."

"Oh man, don't even get me started on - "  The words caught in Jean's throat as he realised the direction he was heading in with his unconvincing speech.

He caught Bertholdt's eyes twinkling and he didn't dare look in Reiner's direction as he cleared his throat.

"So, uh, to sum up; he's cute, but not my type." Feeling flustered, Jean kept his eyes glued to his knees, dreading Reiner's response.

When it was silent for too long, Jean risked a glance at Bertholdt who was shaking his head violently and mouthing what looked like "no" in Reiner's direction.

"To be honest," Bertholdt jolted at Jean's voice. "I'm not really looking for anything right now."

"But - "

"We understand, we won't interfere," Bertholdt raised his voice above Reiner's, giving him a meaningful look. "But just remember what we said to you before. About us being here if you ever want to talk."

_Isn't that what we're already doing? Well, I guess I haven't been completely honest (at all) with them. And it'd be pretty weird to talk about Armin when they're more his friends than mine. Besides, I have Marco. He's enough._

It wasn't that Jean didn't appreciate the offer. And he liked them both, he did, but for all of Jean's honesty he was actually rather private about his feelings where Armin was concerned. When he found that he could finally talk to Marco about how he felt, he was surprised to find that he didn't want to. The little amount that he did tell Marco was told somewhat reluctantly. Yes, he was impatient for his relationship with Armin to be out in the open already, but at the same time he liked the idea of keeping Armin to himself for a little while longer.

_First loves, huh?_

"Although, I hope you're not expecting a sex talk. I'm sure you have internet access for that."

Jean flushed as Bertholdt stuttered and smacked Reiner's knee once more.

"N-no thanks! Like I said, I'm nowhere near that stage!"

_I don't even know if that's true or not. It's not like I haven't thought about... that. About sex. With Armin. Especially since he sort of implied that he'd be up for it after prelims. I didn't expect him to be so bold about it! But the night of Reiner's party, he was the one who initiated our... the, uh... mutual masturbation session. Jeez, can I even call it that? We haven't done anything else like that since._

_Hell, I don't even know if I'm ready for full-on sex yet. But, if it's Armin... Yeah, I can definitely see that..._

_Shit! Don't think about that now, dumbass!_

"You alright there, Jean? You're a little red. Hey, if you _really_ wanna know - "

Reiner's words were drowned out by Bertholdt's and Jean's simultaneous protests.

"Well, there is something I wanna ask... "

The other two sat up a little straighter, both looking at Jean eagerly.

"You guys are close with Eren, right? I was wondering if you guys knew what's been going on with him recently."

Even before he said it aloud, Jean felt guilty. It felt as though he was going around Armin's back to garner information on Eren, and especially after the last eavesdropping incident, Jean was feeling pretty dishonest recently. He would feel a lot better if he were any good at it, but he knew he wasn't. He was a terrible liar, and he _had_ been told several times that subtlety was not his strong suit.

_But hey, maybe Reiner and Bertholdt'll just tell me off for nosying then I'll be embarrassed and they won't tell me anything. No harm done. Doesn't mean I don't still want to know though. Nobody's telling me anything. But if it's something that's bothering Armin then I sure as hell want to know about it._

They exchanged uneasy looks before Reiner spoke.

"We're not really that close anymore. A while back, when Eren was drunk, he flew off the handle at me for something I don't remember doing or saying because I was drunk too. I doubt he remembers either, but you know what he's like when he holds a grudge. Eren's kind of terrifying when he's drunk, I remember that much... "

"Then stop throwing parties and maybe the angry minors won't get mad at you," Bertholdt sighed. "And cleaning up afterward is a real pain."

"Anyway," Reiner waved off Bertholdt's words before continuing. "We're not as close, but I did notice something going on with him. We're not in his year so we don't really know what he's up to half of the time, but I have a vague idea of what might be going on."

"At first I thought it was his mum that was bothering him, cause I know she wasn't doing too good earlier this year, but as far as I'm aware she's completely healthy now.  Then I thought, "maybe it's something to do with his dad?" before I realised that I hadn't seen Eren's dad in months."

"That's not all that unusual though?  Isn't his dad a doctor though?  Wouldn't you think that he's just really busy with his work?"

"Well, yeah but it's been at least four months since I last saw him, and we're practically neighbours.  I called up Eren's house a while back to ask Mr. Jaeger to check in on Bertholdt when he had the flu but Eren's mum just said that he wasn't home.  So I went to the clinic he works at and apparently he doesn't work there anymore."

"So, what are you thinking?  Are you saying you think Eren's dad lost his job?"

"Not just that.  I don't think he's around at all.  I haven't asked or anything, cause I don't wanna pry of course, but that's the impression I'm getting."

Jean wasn't entirely convinced by Reiner's guess.  There could be a hundred reasons why Eren's dad was currently absent.  Doctors led busy lives, right?

_Still, if Reiner's right... that's pretty shitty.  If it's just Eren and Mikasa with their mum at home...  I guess that'd explain why Eren's been leaning on Armin more recently.  And why he's been an even bigger shit than usual._

He thought back to the dodgeball incident with a shudder.

_Why couldn't Armin just tell me though?_

"If that's the case, wouldn't Mikasa be acting out as well?"

"I don't know how well you know her, but she usually holds herself together pretty well.  I don't know how close she was with their dad anyway,"  Reiner leaned back on the sofa with a shrug.  "And she'd be too busy dealing with Eren to think about herself anyway."

"I guess so... "

_That doesn't really explain why he's been skipping class though.  And didn't Armin say something about Eren going out at night?_

He relayed the information to Reiner, in hopes that he might have a possible explanation for Eren's behaviour.

However, the larger boy abruptly seemed uncomfortable at Jean's words and looked to an anxious-looking Bertholdt for aid.

"Well, er, that might be something to do with... something.  Uh, Bertl?"

"I don't feel right talking about this,"  Bertholdt shook his head nervously.  "Whatever's happening in Eren's family isn't really our business.  Jean, why are you even asking?  I thought you and Eren didn't get along?"

"That's, um - "

Jean was spared from answering when the sound of the front door slamming then footsteps reached their ears.

"I like how she doesn't even bother knocking anymore."  Reiner rolled his eyes before looking at Jean and pressing a finger to his lips in a shushing motion.

Jean twisted in his seat to look towards the doorway at the small figure approaching.  His first glimpse at the yellow hair had him dumbly thinking _Armin?_  in a moment of confusion.  Of course it wasn't Armin.  The figure's hair was tied back differently, its eyes more grey than blue, and it was, well, female.

"We really ought to just give you a key, Annie."

"You should."

She barely glanced at Jean as she entered the room and walked straight through to the kitchen and out of sight.  Jean felt a chill as she stalked past.

_Ah, so that's Annie Leon -_

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Jean's head turned at the harsh voice, a familiar irritation building up within him already.

He wasn't surprised to find Eren standing in the doorway, wearing his usual glare that was reserved for Jean.  But he was shocked to see the beginnings of a bruise on his jaw and swelling under his left eye.

"What happened to your face?"

"What happened to yours?"  Eren shot back.

He should've been used to Eren's crappy insults about his looks by now, but it never failed to get under Jean's skin.  He clenched his teeth in anger.

"I meant to say, that was a pretty good shot you made with that dodgeball in PE a while back.  Ever occur to you to aim for a less crucial area?"

"Crucial?  I didn't think you needed your dick for anything important, Jean.  I only didn't aim for your face because it looks bad enough as it is."

"Alright guys, chill,"  Reiner clapped a firm hand on Jean's shoulder, forcing him to sit back down.  "You're making Bertl nervous.  Eren, go slap some ice on your eye, that's gonna be a shiner."

With one last disgusted look at Jean, Eren stormed past into the kitchen where Annie was.

Still seething at Eren's comments, Jean couldn't help but think that he was being a little meaner than usual.  Sure, they always threw insults at each other where others would exchange greetings but Jean didn't think there was any real hatred there.  Eren pissed him off more than anyone else he had ever met, but he'd never go out of his way to be cruel to him.  He had assumed the feeling was mutual, but the look Eren had just been giving him led him to believe otherwise.

_Surely he doesn't know about me and Armin.  He would've said something.  Or hit me.  I'm probably just being too sensitive.  Having a boyfriend as sweet as Armin's just made me soft._

"I see I was right about you two not getting along."  Bertholdt murmured quietly.

"Hey, Annie, Eren!  Come join us when you're done with Eren's face!"

"Reiner!"  Bertholdt hissed.

Jean whipped his head round to narrow his eyes at Reiner who wore a mischievious grin.  He should've known that he was one of those people that liked to stir things up.

_How exactly are he and Bertholdt a couple again?_

The dark haired boy looked as anxious as Jean felt, though probably for a different reason.  Both boys wanted to avoid any further conflict, whereas Jean was also wary of losing his temper and saying something he shouldn't.

He thought Bertholdt was going to start hyperventilating when Annie and Eren finally came through, the latter having apparently stubbornly refused an ice pack, and dropped onto the sofa opposite.

With Jean determindly holding his tongue for once, Bertholdt panting in the armchair on his own, Eren seemingly not in the mood to talk and Annie apparently not much of a conversationalist, Reiner carried on the conversation on his own.

Jean ignored Reiner's voice and watched Eren stare sullenly at the ground.  No explantion was offered for his injuries or for what he was doing with Annie.  None of them asked.  Jean had a feeling that Reiner and Bertholdt knew exactly what was going on, but he was too hacked off to corner one of them and interrogate.

Reiner's words were cut off mid-stream when Jean's phone rang out.  He scrambled for the mobile, checked the caller ID to see it was Armin and muttered an excuse before ducking out into the hallway (ensuring the door was shut) and answering.

"Taking a break from your study session?"

"I don't want to study biology anymore,"  Armin replied with a deep sigh that made Jean's heart jump in his chest.  "Do you still want to be rescued from Reiner?"

"Very much so.  I can be at yours in ten minutes."

"Don't be too long."  There was something in Armin's voice that made Jean feel very, very warm.

He hung up after promising to be there soon, and went back into the main sitting room.  Reiner and Bertholdt looked at him expectantly whereas Eren and Annie ignored him altogether, their heads bent together as they spoke in low murmurs.

Jean fumbled through a fib about his mother demanding he come home for dinner and that he had to leave at once.  Bertholdt and Reiner exchanged small smiles _(man, that's getting annoying)_ and said they should hang out more often, and soon.

Jean agreed hesitantly (he couldn't exactly say today had been fun) before saying goodbye, giving once last glance at Eren and the mysterious Annie before leaving.

He briefly considered informing Armin of Eren's injuries and the fact that he was with Annie, before disregarding the idea entirely.  He didn't want Armin worrying any more than he already was, and he was sure that Eren wouldn't take too kindly to Jean ratting him out.  Not that Eren would expect Jean to be talking to Armin about anything at all.

A half hour later, Jean was incredibly glad that he hadn't said anything when he was leaning on Armin's bed with the latter on all fours between his legs.

"I thought you said you didn't want to study biology?"  Jean smirked as Armin relieved him of his belt and tugged down his trouser zip.

"A chameleon's anatomy can get pretty dull, believe it or not.  Yours, however... "

Jean desperately hoped that Armin didn't hear the quiet, but still embarrassing sound that escaped his throat when Armin mouthed the thin fabric over his crotch.  His mind was going haywire when Armin finally stripped off Jean's underwear (after some lifting of the hips and wriggling on Jean's part) and ran the tip of his tongue along his hardened length.

What Eren had said before about his dick not being needed for anything important suddenly popped in Jean's head and he laughed as he imagined Eren's face if he could see just exactly what Armin was doing with it.

"What is it?"  Armin pulled back abruptly with a nervous expression.

"Sorry, I was just remembering when Eren hit me with that last dodgeball and how I thought I'd never be able to use my dick again.  Though I swear it still hurts every time I think about it."

"In that case,"  Armin settled back into position with a sly grin.  "I'd better kiss it better."

Jean's chuckle choked off into a groan when Armin kissed the tip of his cock lightly before bringing the entire length into his mouth.

 

*

 

" _Arrrrrrrminnnnnnnnnnn_. It's Christmas Day. Not even you should be working on Christmas."

"Our biology prelim is in two weeks, Jean."

"And you can't afford to miss even one day of studying to actually have fun for the first time in a month?"

"I've already told you, I don't really care for Christmas."

Jean groaned, still disbelieving that his boyfriend was actually a Grinch at heart. He supposed that spending most of Christmases on your own would do that to you.  He spared a moment to internally curse Armin's parents.

He stretched back, making Armin raise his book with an exasperated grunt, and leaned his head in boyfriend's lap. He stared at the ceiling, at the dragon and the stick figure of Eren. He followed the red line attached to its wrist to the other drawings of Armin and Mikasa, wondering when he could make his own permanent mark on Armin's wall.  He'd only doodled mindlessly in the corner, that time he'd turned his back so Armin could undress.

It had been three weeks since he was last in Armin's room.  Three weeks too many, in Jean's opinion.  Especially since he had enjoyed himself so thoroughly the last time he was here.

"And there's nothing I can do to make you feel differently?"

"No. Now hush."

"Alright, I won't say another word..."

Jean shifted into his front and inched forward, only to be smacked on the head with Armin's heavy book.

"Don't you dare. I know what you're thinking; and I'm telling you no."

"Ouch," Jean rubbed the top of his head ruefully, sitting up straight. "I didn't complain when you did it for me last time. I only wanted to repay the favour."

"I did it because I wanted to, not because I expected anything in return," Armin raised the book once more, hiding his blushing face from Jean's view. "But I'm really serious this time, I have to study. And so do you!"

"Nobody studies on Christmas, Armin," Jean tugged the book down with a sigh. "But fine, I promise I won't interfere again. But can I give you your present first?"

"I thought I told you not to bother."

"You did, and I pretended I didn't hear you," he reached over the side of the bed and pulled an envelope from his bag. "But I promise you'll like it."

Jean was prepared for Armin to be displeased. He had been pretty insistent on the whole "don't bother with presents" thing, and Jean could tell that he was annoyed that his wishes had been ignored by the way he narrowed his eyes sceptically.  But he took the envelope after glaring at his boyfriend for a few moments, and opened it warily. His expression changed to one of shock when he pulled out its contents.

"Wait, these are..."

"Tickets to that new science centre down south that you've been banging on about, yes. They don't expire until next December so we can go whenever you want. I'm thinking summer time though, because I did some research and found out that it's only a two hour journey to the nearest beach, which I think is the one you went to last year with Eren and Mikasa."

Armin's wide-eyed gaze moved from the tickets in his hand to Jean's face.

"How can you afford it?"

"I got a job at the Homebase in town," Jean tried not to sound too pleased with himself. "I'll be spending my first few wages paying my dad back for the money he loaned me for the tickets."

"...but the train fare -"

"Christ, Armin, for once just don't worry about it and let me be the fantastic boyfriend I am. I mean, those tickets are as much for me as they are for you. Maybe not so much the science centre, but if I get to go on a trip with you then I don't care where we go."

Armin let out a groan as he reached out to crush his mouth against Jean's, murmuring "thank you"s and "I don't deserve you"s.

Jean didn't bother holding back his grin as Armin pushed him down onto the bed beneath him, tugging off his shirt to immediately graze his hands over his chest.

_Thank **you** , National Museum of Science._

He returned Armin's kisses eagerly, hands already at work at the hem of his jumper. He pulled it up and off, getting it tangled in Armin's hair before discarding it to join his own.

"Oh, no wait," Armin sat up, straddling Jean's waist and staring down at him in dismay. "I didn't get you anything!"

"What?! You're a terrible boyfriend, get off of me immediately."

Armin gave him a scathing look that Jean couldn't help but laugh at.

"Jesus, Arm, I'm kidding. Remember what I said about not worrying about it? And what you said about wanting to do something without expecting anything in return? That applies here too."

_I just wanted to make you happy._

He didn't say it aloud but he hoped Armin could read it on his face. It seemed that he could when he bent down, his face so close to Jean's that his hair and breath tickled his skin. Jean felt dizzy.

"Why are you so good to me?"

"Because I - " Jean stiffened, the tip of his tongue pressed to the back of his front teeth. " - l-like making you happy."

_What?_

He didn't say anything else, instead choosing to kiss Armin to shut them both up. He was relieved that Armin didn't seem to notice anything out the ordinary about his words as he resumed roaming Jean's torso, his fingertips lingering at his navel before dipping below the waistband of his jeans.

"Armin."

Jean held back a strangled yell as Armin bit down hard on his tongue.

"Oh _crap_ , oh my god, I'm so sorry Jean!" Armin sat up immediately, withdrawing his hand and cradling Jean's contorted face instead. "Are you okay? _God_ , Mikasa, that key is for emergencies only!"

"You weren't answering the door," Mikasa answered cooly from the doorway. "Now I see why."

Torn between cursing in frustration or covering himself up, Jean opted to spit the blood into his hand and allow Armin to keep fussing over him.

"You're lucky that I volunteered to come get you before Eren did. I'm not sure how he would've reacted if he walked in on you two doing that."

Armin flushed as he reached for his jumper and tugged it back on before handing Jean a tissue.

"We weren't doing anything!"

" _Yet_." Jean muttered, earning a smack to his bare shoulder.

He hadn't quite forgiven Mikasa for her words from before. How she'd ignored his questions and acted like he was the cause for whatever unhappiness Eren was having. For her to arrive and interrupt them before they could do anything of that kind didn't make Jean feel any warmer towards her.

"Why are you even here?"

"To offer you your annual invitation to come over for Christmas dinner, of course."

"That's not necess - "

"You'll politely decline as always until I drag you across the street by the ear," Mikasa gave Armin a once-over, watching him squirm under her gaze. "Or I could go fetch Eren."

Armin's eyes widened in alarm as Jean shook his head.

"She's bluffing."

With narrowed eyes, she turned to look at Jean.

"Why aren't you with your own family on Christmas day?"

"It takes my lot all day to travel down here," Jean meet Mikasa's cold stare with one of his own, stretching back on Armin's bed once more. "My aunts and cousins won't arrive until tomorrow, so we'll celebrate then. So today I'm celebrating with Armin since he's on his own."

"He's not on his own. He has Eren and he has me."

"Does he?"

Jean wasn't sure where all this sudden boldness was coming from. Bigger, braver men than he had quivered under the look Mikasa was giving him now, but Jean's irritation overcame his usual nerves.

"Look, I can't just send Jean packing when he came over just for me, Mikasa,"  Armin's words were in Jean's favour, but he shot his boyfriend a withering look.  "But I'll come over later, I promise."

Mikasa's eyes swept across Jean's figure once more before nodding sharply and leaving without another word.  Neither boy spoke until they strained their ears to hear the front door shut with a click.

"Why did you do that?"  Armin whirled on the spot to stare down at Jean.  His furrowed brows and hands on his hips gave Jean the impression that he was pissed.

"Do what?"

"You know."

"I didn't mean to have a go at her, I'm not really - "

"Not that,"  Armin huffed impatiently.  "The way you stretched across the bed, all topless and muscled and... urgh.  She's a straight woman, you know!"

Jean couldn't stop the snort from slipping out.  The moment it did, Armin tossed his hands up in the air with an annoyed expression before dropping onto the edge of the bed and crossing both his arms and legs.

"What, did you think I was trying to  _seduce_ her?"  Jean sat up and moved over to behind him.  "Jesus Arm, if I thought that would work I would've whipped off my kit in PE long before now.  I was just trying to show her that I didn't care what she thought about me and you.  That she can't scare me away."

"...You didn't have to flex to show that."

"I didn't flex, and if I did then I assure you that it was unconsciously done."

Armin grumbled under his breath a little more as Jean pulled him back into his chest.

"But hey, does that mean I looked seductive?"

Armin didn't say anything, choosing to respond with a sharp exhale through his nose.

"What was it you said?"  Jean grinned as he started pulling Armin's jumper up once more.  "All topless and muscled and...  _urgh._ "

"Okay, my "urgh"was a lot more annoyed and a lot less erotic than that sound you just made."

For all of Armin's sullen comments, he let out a deep sigh when Jean softly kissed the nape of his neck before turning his head to meet his lips.  He raised his arms automatically as Jean tugged up his jumper before abruptly wrenching it out of Jean's hands and stumbling to his feet.

"Wha - ?"

"I can't.   _We_ can't."

Perplexed, and annoyed once more than Armin was out of his reach, Jean swung his legs over the side of the bed and stared up at him.

"Can't what?"

"Do anything even remotely sexy.  Because then I'll want to keep going and this time we  _can_ keep going because I got the condoms and the stuff - "

_Wait, what?_

"- but I know that if we do  _do_ it and I go over there to have dinner with Eren and Mikasa and their mum, I'll be thinking about it the whole time and I really don't want to have to do that so we can't."

Seeing Armin become so flustered and knowing that he had gone out of his way to procure the means for them to have sex wasn't doing anything to dampen Jean's arousal.  But he knew that Armin had a point, and obediently put his shirt on when Armin tossed it at him and said "I can't concentrate when you're not wearing it."

"Do you...  _have_ to go over there?"

"I should.  I want to.  I also don't want to, but that's only because of you.  But they want me there, and Mrs. Jaeger's been so good to me so I can't just refuse them.  Besides, it's the first... Never mind."

"Nah, I get it,"  Jean sighed.  "It's their first Christmas without their dad.  They'll want all the family they can get."

It didn't occur to Jean what he had just said until he stood up to face Armin whose own had abruptly gone from red to white.

"How do you know that?"

_Wow, Reiner was right._

"Uh... I'm really good at guessing - "

"No, don't try to lie or sugar coat it.  You're not any good at it."

Jean could've sworn that the temperature in the room had dropped twenty degrees.  He hated the way Armin had just spoken to him and the way he was looking at him.  As if he'd done something terrible.

"I asked Reiner about Eren.  Reiner suggested it and I thought maybe it was likely but... "

"You asked Reiner about this when?"

"When I went over there last time."

"So, what, you found out three weeks ago and you never thought to ask me about it?"

"Whenever I asked, you'd always say "not now" or "it's not my place  to say" or whatever so how else was I supposed to find out?"  Jean was feeling pretty annoyed himself by now.  He hadn't done anything wrong, not really.

"You weren't  _supposed_ to find out because it's none of your business."

"It's my business whenever something's bothering you!  I'm your boyfriend, shouldn't I know what's going on?"

"What's going on with Eren is nothing to do with you - "

"The hell it isn't!"  Jean scoffed.  "I deserve to know why you ditch me for Eren every chance that you get.  I was fine being second best for a while, but it's like you're not even trying to get over him!"

"Wow.  I don't even know what you're talking about anymore,"  Armin shook his head in disgust.  "I'm just trying to support my best friend through a hard time.  Your jealousy is unnecessary and frankly, it's pathetic."

_"Pathetic?"_

"For you to go behind my back to Reiner and Bertholdt to gossip about Eren when you don't even know what he's been going through -"

"Well no one else would freaking tell me,"  Why did it feel like they were going in circles?  "It's been how many months since his dad took off?  Shouldn't he be used to it by now?  I get it, it sucks, but you need to stop babying him and making excuses for him.  It's not going to help him get past it."

"No, you  _don't_ get it.  You've never been abandoned by your parents so how could you  _possibly_ understand?"

It would've been better if Armin had shouted instead of talking in this awful cold voice.  It was as though Jean wasn't worth the effort to raise his voice.

"You have a whole family waiting for you at home.  Maybe you should go to them."

Jean stared at him, aghast.  Was Armin really that angry at him?

"You want me to leave?"

"I'm going over the road for dinner anyway.  It's not like you can come with me."

"...I guess not."

Jean reached for his coat and scarf, his skin cold and his head numb with disbelief.  How had this happened?  How did the air between them change so intensely?  He couldn't think it through properly, nothing but a flurry of  _What just happened?_ s streaming through his mind.

The other boy didn't say a word, didn't even look at him as Jean pulled on his shoes.  He just stood there with his arms folded tight across his body, staring at his own feet.  Jean moved past him towards the door, stopping midway to wish Armin a merry Christmas before leaving the room, going down the staircase and out the front door.

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, things took an abrupt turn there. Good going, Jean. You have some reflection to do in the next chapter.
> 
> Also, Armin's grandfather is suspiciously (and conveniently) absent like all the time. But he does exist, I promise. And he'll pop up at some point.
> 
> (I don't like this one as much, I somehow got lazy at all of the important parts and I don't really think my excuse is valid. But we still don't have the whole story yet, so.)


	12. In Which Marco Is More Like Jean Than He Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean's still working on not being an asshole. Armin's still trying to be mad at him. Basically no one is happy except for Marco. Mostly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, maybe I should slow down with the updates. This fic ended up a lot longer than I intended it to be.  
> I spent the day at the library trying to hide from my parents and I ended up blurting this out.
> 
> Sorry that some of you guys were mad/sad at the end of the last chapter but maybe this is more hopeful? ...ish.

"Jean! There's a beautiful girl at the door for you!"

"...There is?"

"Hey, I'm as shocked as you are."

Jean pushed his sister aside with a scowl on the way to the front door before stopping dead in his tracks.

Indeed there was a beautiful girl at the door, and she just happened to be the last person Jean wanted to see. A chill ran through him, and it had nothing to do with the weather.

"How the hell do you know where I live?"

"What did you do to Armin?"

He was alarmed to see the fierce look in Mikasa's eyes; identical to the one she had given to the guys from Reiner's kitchen.

Tempted to shut the door and retreat inside, he instead stepped out and closed the door behind him; knowing Mikasa would just kick it down if he chose to hide.

"What did he tell you?"

"He didn't tell me anything but he didn't have to," Mikasa didn't step back to give Jean room, the two of them almost nose-to-nose, sharing the awkwardly small space on Jean's doorstep. "I watched you leave about five minutes after I did on Christmas day but Armin didn't come over for an hour at least."

"So?"

"So that's unusual. When he finally came over, he was quiet and pale and I could tell he had been upset. What did you do?"

"I-I didn't - "

"Did you try to force him do something he didn't want to do?"

"What? Wait, _no_ , god no. Nothing like that. Do I seem like the kind of person who would do that?"

Mikasa stared at him silently.

"...Wow, thanks," Jean muttered, shifting on the doorstep to put some space between the two of them. "I'm glad you think so little of me."

He was sincerely glad that they were out of earshot from his family. They were all inside, helping prepare food for the last dinner of the year (not that Jean would get any of it since he was off to work in twenty minutes) and unable to hear Mikasa accuse Jean of hurting Armin.

_I did though, didn't I?_

Armin hadn't spoken to him since Christmas day. All of Jean's texts had been ignored and his calls unanswered. He wasn't sure what this meant or what to do next. He thought about approaching Armin in person but he had a feeling that it wouldn't be well received at the moment. The lack of response via mobile phone made it pretty clear that Armin wasn't up for dealing with him at the moment.

He considered asking Marco for advice, but that would mean telling him what he knew about Eren and he didn't need to be told that that would be a very bad idea if he ever wanted Armin to forgive him. It would also lead to admitting he had gone behind Armin's back and he didn't want another lecture. Marco was the most experienced at making him feel ashamed and Jean had had enough of disappointing others (having the friendliest, kindest guy as your best friend could be a pain sometimes).

"We argued about something, and yeah it was my fault," Jean straightened up and forced himself to look Mikasa in the eye. "But I'm going to fix it."

"Maybe it'd be better if you didn't."

"What?"

"You told me yourself that the last thing you wanted to do was hurt him. Then you went ahead and did just that. Perhaps it'd be for the best if you didn't speak anymore."

"Look, yeah I fucked up one time... okay, maybe twice, but I also told you that I wasn't going to give him up. He needs someone other than you and Eren."

"I don't think he does."

"You're wrong. Neither of you can give him what I can and I don't think he wants to give that up either. You're unreliable, both of you, when it comes to what Armin needs."

Despite his firm words, Jean wanted to take a step back when Mikasa's expression changed from one of irritation to outright anger. He spotted her fingers twitching by her sides as though they itched to throttle him.

"...You're just dying to try those judo moves out on me, aren't you?"

"I only practiced for self-defense but I'm tempted to make an exception for you."

_"Practiced?"_

"I don't go to judo any more." Mikasa turned on the spot and stormed down the pathway leading away from the front door.

Jean couldn't stifle the relieved sigh he gave when he watched her retreating figure. He'd expected her to argue more, or to punch him. He'd never been on the receiving end of one of Mikasa's blows but he'd seen them been dished out to others and he had no desire to experience them.

"Oi," Jean paused at Mikasa's voice, his hand on the door handle, and turned back to face her standing at the end of the path. "You said you're going to fix it?"

"Yeah."

"Then fix it. Prove to me that your word actually means something."

 

*

 

Hours later, rearranging the flower display under close supervision of his hawk-eyed manager, Jean was still thinking about what Mikasa had said.

_"Perhaps it'd be for the best if you didn't speak anymore."_

_Bullshit. What does she know? Just because she and Eren don't have anyone else outside the three of them doesn't mean that Armin can't. It's not healthy. I'm right about Armin needing me. Right?_

"I gotta head over to the cash desk, but that display better be perfect when I get back."

"Yes, Keith." Jean mumbled.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, _sir_."

He rolled his eyes as his manager strolled off with a face like thunder (which tended to be his usual expression).

Jean didn't mind working there really. Due to the vigorous chores his own mother had forced him to do, all the heavy lifting and rearranging of stock was nothing new to him. And since he was encouraged to talk to the customers as little as possible (an incident with a customer over a lawnmover on his first shift led to Keith realising that Jean was not a "people-person" as he had claimed on his job application), Jean was more than happy to just stack shelves and play with the flytraps when Keith wasn't around.

_Maybe I should try calling Armin again on my break. He can't ignore me forever. I already apologised so he'll get over being pissed and forgive me soon. The good stuff I've done should sorta weigh out the bad, right? ...I guess that's not how it works. I don't know how it does work. I've never done this before either._

_But surely he knows that I didn't do anything I did with bad intentions. He's the most important thing going on in my life right now. I don't wanna screw this up. After all, I do lo-_

There it was again. He nearly admitted that thing that was definitely way too early to admit.

_It hasn't even been two months yet since we started going out. It's crazy to think this way. I'm not a fucking twelve year old girl, I'm not going to fool myself into thinking I feel more than I do. There's no chance that I'm in -_

Jean stumbled forward, his train of thought interrupted, as something solid collided hard with his back.

"What the - ?"

He twisted his head to see what had grabbed him.

"Armin?"

Jean could only see the top of his head, his face pressed into Jean's back and his arms crushing Jean's chest.

"Don't talk," his voice was muffled. "I'm still mad. You'll make it worse if you talk."

_Uh..._

Not sure how to take that, Jean stood there awkwardly with Armin half-hugging/half-bruising his ribs. Confused, but determined not to scare him off, Jean didn't say a word as he twisted in Armin's arms to hold him from the front instead.

_He told me not to talk but... is this us making up? Is this one of those "I still don't forgive you but I still wanna be with you anyway" situations? I should pay more attention when Kina and mum are watching those soap operas._

He hesitantly raised a hand to Armin's head and entwined it in his hair, the way he was so fond of doing because he knew Armin liked it. The only response he received was a sniff into his shoulder. He could've sworn that Armin was trembling were he not holding him so tight.

Suddenly aware of where they were, Jean whipped his head up to look around them. He could see over the top of the plants display to the cash desk where Keith was disciplining another member of staff.

"Um, Armin?" Jean whispered. "I know you told me not to - "

"Shh."

"Yeah, but my boss is gonna string me up by my ass if he catches me not working."

"'Nother minute. Please."

Jean gave a sigh but didn't say any more. He kept peering over the display to check on Keith's whereabouts but he didn't try to remove himself from Armin's grasp. At any rate, he was better off doing whatever Armin said if he wanted back in his good books. Nor was he going to complain since he hadn't been able to hold Armin for days.

It didn't feel like he was just embracing him (usually it wasn't so difficult to breathe when he did), but more like he was trying to bury himself in Jean's chest and hide away from the world. It wasn't the first time it had felt like that; Jean remembered how he'd held him in Reiner's bathroom, and how upset he had been.

It was well over "'nother minute" before Armin released him. To his mortification, his hand and watch got caught in Armin's hair as he tried to let go.

"Uh, sorry. Your hair's a bit..."

"It's windy outside." Armin muttered, batting Jean's other hand away to untangle it himself.

Jean ducked his head to get a glimpse of his face but Armin looked away before he could. Instead, he returned to moving the wilting lilies to the back of the display, glancing at Armin who kept his head facing away from Jean.

"I actually came here to yell at you and... " he tugged at the petal of a particularly depressed-looking lily, seemingly having calmed down. "... well, I don't know what else I was going to do. I thought I'd figure it out when I got here."

"And did you?"

"Not really," Armin's shoulders gave a small shrug as he raised his hand to his lips. "I got distracted on the way over."

His hair swung forward as his head bowed, his bangs covering his eyes from Jean's view. But Jean could see him nibbling nervously at his fingertips. He had often winced at the bloodied state of the skin around Armin's fingernails, and never hesitated to tell him off about it, but he knew that it would be smart to keep his trap shut this time.

"Distracted?"

"Yeah, I saw someone that... I didn't expect to see."

"Someone from school?"

"Sort of."

"Armin, stop," Jean reached out to gently pull Amin's hand away from his mouth. So much for shutting up. "It'll get infected."

"Mm."

Armin didn't say anything else, still staring at the wilted flowers. Jean quickly let go of his wrist.

"Do you remember Roald Coburn?"

_Roald Coburn? I guess that name sort of rings a bell. Did he used to go to our school? Is he an old crush or something?_

"Er, not really. Is that who you saw?"

"Ah, of course you wouldn't remember. You weren't really paying attention to what was going on back in our junior years."

Armin handed him up the next pot and before bending down to shuffle around the plants on the lower shelf.

_Our junior years? Is he talking about when those boys bullied him before Eren and Mikasa scared them off? I guess he's right though. I really had no idea what was going on before Marco told me. I wouldn't have cared back then either._

"Armin, is this guy someone who used to bother you?"

He stopped to stare down at Armin who had once again started chewing on his thumb.

"...Kind of."

"Did he say something to you when you saw him?"

"No, I'm not even sure he saw me. I just kind of ran here as soon as I noticed him across the street. I never used to run away, but seeing him after all this time just gave me a fright and... here I am."

"Armin..."

He guessed that explained Armin's anxiety. He couldn't imagine the shock of unexpectedly seeing someone who had bullied you so harshly after so many years, but by the look of Armin's white face and quivering lips it must be terrifying. He wondered if it was one of the ones that had hit him.

"It's stupid for me to freak out a little because it's not a problem anymore. He hasn't bothered me for years," Armin stood up abruptly. "And I still haven't figured what I want to say to you so I'm just going to go home now."

"Arm, wait," Jean gripped the sleeve of Armin's coat. "My break's in twenty minutes. Hang around for a bit and I'll walk you some of the way home."

"It's fine, I overreacted. He's probably gone by now anyway," Armin dragged the sleeve of his other arm across his face as he sniffed. "Crap, I think I've caught the cold."

"Armin, you shouldn't - "

"I don't feel up to coming over tonight. Apologise to your family for me."

Jean would've pulled Armin back if Keith hadn't stormed over in that moment to lecture him on not having finished the display. By the time he had finished chewing his ear off, Jean turned to see that Armin had gone.

 

*

 

He texted Armin the minute his shift ended, receiving no response even as he made it home and ate the leftovers from his family's New Year dinner. It was a simple "did you get home alright?" message, so even if Armin still wasn't in the mood to speak with him then a one-word confirmation would do.

Even so, there was no word from him, and Jean was growing anxious. He made an excuse for Armin at the party, much to the disappointment of his siblings and parents and aunt and cousins and every other bloody relative he had in the country that had come to stay.  Then reluctantly followed everyone out to the garden when the clock struck midnight to watch the fireworks display originating at the park in town. He wondered if Armin was watching the same sky he was, and if he cared as little for fireworks as Jean did.

He couldn't hear his phone over the sound of the overhead bangs and his family cheering, so Jean was grateful that he restlessly checked his phone every thirty seconds when he realised that it was ringing.

"Armin?" he clapped one hand over the opposite ear to muffle the noise. "You get home alright?"

"Yes, I did. Sorry, I wasn't looking at my phone so I didn't notice your message until now."

"You watching the fireworks?" Jean batted away a persistent Kina as she tried to grab the phone away from him. "Oh, happy New Year by the way."

"Happy New Year to you too. And yes, I can see them through my window. It's much quieter watching from here."

"You're not out with... with Eren? And Mikasa?"

"I told you already that I didn't feel up for it," Armin sounded annoyed. "So I turned them down too. I have a headache, after all."

"Phew, I thought you were just avoiding me."

"Don't get the wrong idea. I'm still not speaking to you."

"...Obviously."

As if to prove his point, Armin didn't say any more for a while. Jean couldn't hear any sound through the phone due to the noise on his own end, but he checked the phone screen to see that Armin still hadn't hung up. He wondered if Armin was listening to the obnoxious cheers of his family and the crackling sounds in the sky.

"Jean... do you like fireworks?"

Jean glanced up as a startlingly pink firework shattered the sky with a boom.

"Eh... not really."

"Me neither."

They fell silent again, but Jean didn't mind not speaking. Even if Armin was still pissed at him, he knew he was still there listening. Out of all the people he could've called, he choose to call Jean despite everything.

"I like these."

"Hah? That god awful noisy green and pink thing that just went off?"

"Ew, not that one. The ones that just started. The white ones that kind of look like shooting stars and don't make any noise. They're kind of pretty."

Jean looked up and spotted them. Streaking up across the pitch-black sky without a sound. Even his family quietened down to watch them, silent enough that Jean could hear Armin breathing through the phone.

"Yeah, I guess they're not too bad."

 

*

 

"Have you spoken to him since?"

"Nope."

"And you're still not going to tell me what it is you two fell out over?"

"Nope."

If Jean squinted, he could see Marco frowning at him through the dark. He knew that he was still annoyed at not having been filled in ("Jeannnnnnnnnnn, you promised me Arminformation!") but Jean wasn't caving this time.

"Well, I guess it is prelim time. He's probably too focused on exams to worry about you."

"Wow.  Thanks, man."

Neither one of them were focused on their own studying at all. Jean was too preoccupied thinking about how he could make it up to Armin and (not that he'd admit it to anyone else) wondering what the hell Eren was up to. Whereas Marco had dragged Jean along to the drama department, sneaking into the studio where Mina was about to perform her practical prelim. They had to resort to hiding backstage amongst the forgotten props and peering through the curtains, hoping that no one would need the space they were squatting in.

"Are we even allowed to be here?"

"Uh, no we're not, so keep it down. Mina doesn't even know I'm here," Marco sounded sheepish. "But I wanted to see her perform her monologue thingie. She doesn't even let me come to rehearsals."

"Why not?"

"...She gets too embarrassed if I'm there."

"Embarrassed? But she goes onstage in front of loads of other people doesn't she?"

"Don't get me started."

Marco then hushed him as the spotlights onstage lit and Mina walked out in an elegant costume and immediately began to speak.

Jean's mind wandered as she monologued. He was still listening; he could hear her voice go up and down according to the script, and watched her cross the stage as she gestured dramatically. He didn't know much about drama or whoever she was quoting, but he could tell that she was good. Her voice was soothing, so he let himself think of other things. Like Roald Coburn.

Was he someone that went to Shiganshina Academy? He couldn't be if Armin had been so shocked so see him. Maybe he was older and had left school already. What was it he had done to Armin to make him so frightened of him?

He figured that Marco would know about him, since he was the one that informed him of Armin's past with bullies in the first place. He hadn't gotten around to asking him yet, and he couldn't very well ask him now; not with that awestruck expression on his face as he watched his girlfriend drop to her knees and wail out the final lines of her monologue, clutching her chest as she did so.

However, Jean decided to take advantage of the subsequent applause as the lights went down to speak to Marco about Coburn.

"Hey, do you remember a guy called - "

"Crap, she's coming backstage. Move, move - "

Marco tripped over Jean's crouched form in his haste and ended up sprawled across the floor with an _"Oof!"_

"M-Marco?!"

"Uh, hey sweetie," Marco grinned up at her bashfully. "You were amazing."

Even in the dim lighting, Jean could see red blossoming fast on Mina's cheeks. He wondered how he could've ever disliked her before as he complimented her on her performance and she stammered a thanks with a smile just for him before shooing them further backstage.

"You can't be here! Shouldn't you be in class?"

"We're only missing revision and we can do that at home. We may as well be here!"

"But you shouldn't! I have to be back on in twenty minutes for that scene with Thomas, you know!"

"It's okay, no one else knows we're here. We'll be quiet."

"That's not the point! It's _the_ scene."

"I already told you, I'm fine with it!"

"But you don't need to watch! It's embarrassing!"

"It doesn't matter! I want to see you perform and support you!"

Marco refused to relent, so Mina gave up on forcing them to leave; mostly because she had to change her costume and be back on stage soon.

"The way you two argue... " Jean followed Marco as they shuffled back into their original positions. "It's like _happy_ arguing. It's weird. So, what's the deal with the scene with Thomas?"

"Oh, that. Apparently Thomas has to throw her against a wall then kiss her."

"Whoa, like an angry make-out session? Hot. It doesn't bother you?"

"Why should it?" Jean felt Marco shrug against him, neither of them had much space where they were positioned but it was the only place they could see onstage without being spotted. "It's crucial to the scene, they're only acting, and I know it's more awkward for them than anything else because they've been friends for so long."

"So you're totally fine with the fact that Mina's _closest guy friend_ is going to _make out_ with her _onstage_ in front of _loads of people_ after they've probably rehearsed this scene _a hundred times on their own_ before now?"

There was a pause before Marco replied.

"...Yes."

"You don't sound so sure," Jean grinned, leaning forward slightly to whisper directly in Marco's ear. "You know, I think you're partly here just to make sure that he doesn't grope her any more than necessary onstage."

Marco didn't say anything, which led to Jean to believe that he was right on the mark. He knew Marco would hate to be seen as a petty boyfriend. He could almost hear the cogs of his mind whirring frantically to come up with a response to persuade him otherwise.

"But hey, I'm sure Thomas is totally professional," Jean clapped a hand a little harder than necessary on his back. "There's no way he'd take advantage of the situation, even if he's under the impression that you are far away and unaware."

"Okay, so I don't necessarily like what they have to do and fine, I'm a little bit concerned about the placement of Thomas's hands but I do trust him and I trust Mina. And I swear, I'm here just to support my girlfriend. I'm not you who gets jealous over every little thing."

"Ouch."

"Don't pretend it's not the truth."

He had a point. The generally good-natured Marco was only a little anxious over the situation, whereas Jean knew that he himself wouldn't be able to contain his petty jealousy if it were Armin up there kissing someone else. And he knew how much it would piss Armin off. But Marco's slight concern only proved how much he did care for Mina.

"Hey, Marco... do you love her?"

Marco, who had been peering out of the gap in the curtain at the examiner in the audience, turned back to face him. A thin strip of light from the gap lit his face as his eyes widened in surprise.

"Why are you asking?"

"Because I think that you do."

Marco stared at him, the murmurs of the audience growing louder as they waited for the next scene.

"I do love her. I'm surprised that you noticed. But I haven't told her yet."

"Why not?"

"Well," Marco shuffled back on his heels to lean the back of his head against the wall with a sigh. "Because we've only really been dating a short while. She might not think that I'm being serious. People our age tend to throw the word "love" around like it's nothing, like they don't really mean it. Or sometimes they think they mean it but really, they love that person no more than they love their favourite band, or hot chocolate, or something trivial like that. I don't want her to think that she's something trivial to me. I haven't figured out how to tell her that she's the most important thing that's ever happened to me in a way that'll make her believe that I mean it. It's precisely because she is the most important thing to me that I don't know how to say it. Does that make sense?"

It did, in a strange way. Marco's words were clumsy but his meaning was clear to Jean.

Jean had often scoffed at the couples around the school that had pretended they were in love. He could see that some were trying, trying to desperately to fall in love but they couldn't. He didn't know why they bothered since it was impossible. He'd never seen a pair that had lasted more than a few months before calling it quits. He had convinced himself that it just didn't happen at their age, it couldn't. They were all too immature, too selfish to care that much about another person.

But Marco was in love. He'd confessed it and Jean believed him. Even if Marco wasn't sure that Mina would believe him, Jean didn't think anyone else would need much convincing of how he felt about her. And from the moment he'd first met Reiner and Bertholdt, he had no doubt that they loved each other too. Even if they did make a strange pair.

And Armin was in love, wasn't he? He had described it in a way that sounded extremely painful but it was real. Jean had known that from the beginning, even before he knew how he felt about Armin himself. Maybe it wasn't so crazy to think this way after all.

"Yeah, I guess it makes sense. But if it makes you feel any better about it, I'm pretty sure Mina feels the same way."

He could see Marco smiling at him appreciatively.

"Thanks, Jean."

He was relieved when Marco didn't push the subject any further. He didn't think he could come up with a response if Marco had asked "So what about you?" Especially with the way things were between himself and Armin at the moment. He had other things to think about.

"Hey, I tried to ask you before. Do you remember a guy called Roald Coburn?"

"Coburn? Yeah... I'm pretty sure he was one of the bigger guys that gave Armin a lot of trouble in our junior years."

"Was he in our year?"

"Nah, I think he was older. He moved schools in our second year though."

"Did Mikasa and Eren scare him off that badly?"

"No, actually he was more or less the only one that they couldn't frighten away," Marco shook his head sadly. "He ended up getting expelled. God, he was awful though. I ended up hearing more than I saw but I know what he was like. He hit the hardest, said the worst things... Frankly, I was really relieved for Armin's sake when Mr. Smith finally kicked him out."

Even though Jean knew it had all happened years ago, and there was nothing more to be done about it, he felt himself growing angry. Not just at Coburn but at the school itself.

"Why didn't any of the staff do anything about it before if it was that bad?! Surely one of the teachers noticed that something was going on?"

"Of course, but I'm pretty sure that most of it was outside of school so they couldn't do much about it, especially since I don't think Armin said anything either. It wasn't until Eren's mum ended up coming in personally to do something about it, which was what probably led to Coburn finally getting expelled. Hey, there's no point being angry about it now. It's been dealt with."

Marco reached over to rub Jean's shoulder as he gritted his teeth.

_It ended up being Eren's mum that protected Armin. I bet his parents and grandfather weren't even aware of what was going on. They should've been._

"Still, for them not to be able to say do anything about it until Mrs. Jaeger stepped in. Our school's protection system sucks."

"I think that's what Rivaille said when they expelled him."

"How do you know so much about it?"

"You're forgetting that I've been Armin's friend for a long time. You just never noticed that he was there."

Leave it to good old Marco to make Jean feel even crappier.

 

*

 

Jean wondered what it was like to be a nervous wreck for an entire month. Taking a good look around at his classmates, he figured that it sucked.

They were all gathered outside of the exam hall, waiting to be let in by the invigilators that would ensure they were all properly equipped and informed of the rules of the exam. Today was English, and Jean's fourth exam out of seven so he was used to the procedure by now. He turned to look at Marco who was gripping perhaps eight pens in his hand with a nervously determined look on his face.

"You never know when they're going to run out." He said defensively when Jean quirked an eyebrow.

Sasha and Connie stood nearby with no utensils whatsoever, tucking into what was their third party-sized packet of crisps since they had arrived. Sasha seemed reluctant to share.

"I'm a nervous eater."

"My god, Sasha."

Jean glanced over to where Armin stood with Rivaille by the exam hall doorway, having a futile last minute discussion about what questions were likely come up. He looked eager; with work to be done and no Jean to distract him he seemed to be in his natural habitat.

They were three weeks into the new year, and three weeks since they had last spoken during the fireworks display on January 1st. Jean tried not to be too upset by it since Armin had made it clear that he was putting everything on hold until prelims were over. He knew that nothing had ended, just... paused for the time being.

_It paused at a really crappy time, but there's nothing I can do about it now. It sucks but Armin wants the space so I'm not gonna screw it up just cause I'm selfish. I'm gonna keep my word to Mikasa if it kills me._

Mikasa hadn't spoken to Jean since the day she turned up on his doorstep and almost strangled him. She hadn't so much as looked in his direction.

His gaze swept over his panicking classmates until he spotted the dark-haired girl in the corner, pressing pens insistently into the reluctant hand of her brother.

Eren seemed more restless than usual, which was saying something for Eren. The swelling around his eye and jaw from before Christmas seemed to have gone down, only to have been replaced with fresh bruises. Whoever was beating the hell out of him seemed to be doing a good job. Jean was surprised that none of their teachers had pulled Eren up about it.

He looked exhausted, and annoyed as he swatted away Mikasa's hands when they attempted to pull his face towards her. The concern on her face was so severe that Jean had to look away. It wasn't his business.

Still feeling pretty calm, unlike his classmates, Jean followed everyone into the hall as the primary invigilator opened the door. Marco shuffled behind him to hiss in his ear.

"Did you even study for this?"

"Of course I did. I looked over our essays last night."

"You only started studying _last night?!"_

"Worry about your own exam, _Mum_."

They separated into their assigned seats on opposite sides of the room. Jean looked towards the front of the hall to see Armin sitting only a few seats away, straightening his exam paper and pens side by side before staring straight ahead and waiting to be told to flip the paper.

_He's gonna ace it._

Jean gave an impatient sigh as the primary invigilator gave them the usual warnings. Talking is prohibited. Mobile phones are prohibited. If you cheat, you are given an automatic fail. If you do not have a pen, one will be provided to you. The exam is two and a half hours long. You may not leave until one hour has passed but we urge you to use the whole time at your disposal.

There was a universal sound of fluttering paper as they were all told to open their booklets. Jean grinned as soon as he read the first essay question as it was almost identical to the one Rivaille had set them just before the Christmas holiday. Jean had just been looking at the previous night.

_I guess I'll ace it too._

After a short time, he risked a glance in Armin's direction to see his hand blurring across the desk, cramming in probably twice as many words as everyone else in miniscule handwriting. It wasn't long before his hand shot up to ask an invigilator for more paper.

When they were informed that an hour had passed and there was no longer any formal obligation to stay, immediately the crude sound of a chair scraping against the floor echoed throughout the hall. Many heads, including Jean's, turned automatically at the noise.

They watched Eren stalk up to the front of the hall, thrust his paper into the invigilator's hand before leaving the hall without so much as a backwards glance.

_No way in hell did he finish in only an hour._

He spotted Armin staring at the exit after Eren with a worried expression for a few moments, before looking back to his desk and writing much slower than before.

Forcing himself to forget Eren and concentrate, Jean returned to his own paper.

An hour and a half later, Jean followed the remainder of his classmates out of the hall. It was now well into lunch time and he was starving. The loud rumbles from his stomach echoing through the room had been embarrassing. He had finished his paper forty minutes before, but he knew Armin would lecture him later for not staying the whole two and a half hours. He spent the last forty minutes, not checking over his work like he would've been expected to, but fantasising about kicking Eren's ass (gently since he seemed to be in a delicate state) and reuniting with Armin.

He got caught in the crowd and, unable to move, ended up (unintentionally this time) overhearing Rivaille's words as he ambushed Armin and Mikasa the moment they exited the hall.

"Is it true that Eren left only an hour into the exam?"

"I think so, sir."

"Apparently he darted off with that Annie girl in sixth year that I've been trying to speak to for months," Rivaille scowled. "I know that you all think that prelims don't matter, but they do. And I'm not saying your friend is dumb, but he can't afford not to use the full time for the exam."

Armin winced as Mikasa audibly gritted her teeth as she usually did whenever Eren was (almost sort of) insulted.

"We know, sir, but it's not like we could have stopped him."

"Putting aside the exam for now, his behaviour in general has been odd lately. His attendance is waning, and his attitude in class has been getting worse for some time now. And that's not to mention his physical state. I haven't seen him look this bad since..."

Rivaille looked at Armin who immediately dropped his head to stare at his feet.

"I swear that it's not like before. I don't know what's been going on, or why Eren's hurt but it's nothing to do with me this time."

"Whatever it is, it's our family's business, not the school's," Mikasa scowled down at Rivaille before grabbing Armin by the arm and leading him away. "We'll take care of it."

Ignoring the grumbling in his belly, Jean broke away from the crowd to steady himself and walked straight into a relieved Marco. He nodded constantly, not really listening to his friend's chattering and musings over whether he'd understood the questions properly. The exam was the furthest thing on his mind.

The moment Armin had dropped his head with that ashamed expression on his face, Jean had resolved to figure out what the hell was going on with Eren once and for all.

Maybe Armin would be pissed at him for interfering again, and would never speak to him from then onwards but Jean was sick of seeing him look so miserable over Eren. He deserved better than either of them anyway.

Jean hadn't the slightest clue where Eren and Annie had run off to or even where he would begin to look. But he knew exactly who he could ask that would likely know more than anyone else.

He immediately headed towards the cafeteria, much to the excitement of his stomach, and ignoring Marco's confused shouts from behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reckon the next chapter will be the last in this arc. I say the word "arc" like that's what I've been doing all along. But I'm hoping I can resolve Eren's situation (for the most part) in the next chapter before I move on to tackle something else (can you guess what) which will probably be the last thing Jean and Armin have to deal with before this fic ends.  
> Which still isn't for a while, so if you're still willing to bear with me until the end...


	13. In Which Eren is Having a Really Bad Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much everything is out in the open. Not that it makes the relationship between Jean and Eren any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys probably don't know that I actually write huge chunks of this fic while watching Game of Thrones.  
> It goes like "Oh wow that guy was just brutally stabbed in the face ouch that looks painf - ooh i just thought of some cheesey one-liner for Jean later on!"
> 
> Uh, warnings for some mild violence? Maybe it's more than mild actually but it's nothing too detailed, just in case. Surprisingly, I was NOT watching Game of Thrones during this chapter.

Jean scanned the cafeteria hall and, once he had spotted them, marched straight over to their table.

"Jean! We were just talking about you. Guess who _else_ is - "

"What is Eren involved in with that Annie girl? And don't pretend that you don't know, because I know that you do."

Reiner blinked up at him while Bertholdt opened and closed his mouth wordlessly.

"Uh... " Reiner glanced at his boyfriend. "Eren Jaeger?"

"Yes, Eren Jaeger. Angry and scrawny, with a face like a horse's backside. Doesn't know when to shut up."

"... Neither of them tell us anything, you know. Eren doesn't talk to us much anymore, and Annie's pretty private - "

"But you can take a guess."

Jean could tell by the anxious looks they swapped that they had a pretty good idea of what Eren and Annie were up to. What he didn't know was why they seemed so reluctant to tell him. Were they trying to protect their friend from something?

"Look, I don't give a toss about Eren," Jean placed both of his hands on the table and leaned over so he was at eye-level with both of them. "For the most part. But he's going out at night, cutting class, and turning up black and blue everyday and it's scaring the hell outta Mikasa and Armin. They deserve to know what's going on. And I know you don't want to see Eren hurt as much as they don't."

They stared at him in surprise. Whether they were shocked that he was being so bold in confronting them, or that he was actively displaying concern for Armin and Mikasa, Jean couldn't tell. He didn't care either.

Neither of them responded to his words until Bertholdt murmured something in Reiner's ear, to which the latter made a noise that sounded like a cross between a sigh and a groan and stood.

"Well, if you're going to guilt trip us like that... Fine. If you don't mind skipping last two periods, I can take you to where they might be. Coming, Bertl?"

Bertholdt shook his head, staring down at the table so Jean could see his expression.

"I'm not going back there."

A look of mixed understanding and concern crossed Reiner's face.

"Alright, love. I'll see you later."

He leaned down to tenderly cup Bertholdt's face and kiss his forehead, and Jean had to look away. Not out of discomfort or disgust, but of consideration. It was only a moment, but he felt like he was intruding on something private.

"I hope you have change for the bus," Reiner shrugged on his jacket and led the way out of the cafeteria hall. "'Cause I just sat my Advanced Higher PE exam this morning, the journey's at least forty minutes on foot, and I really can't be arsed walking right now."

 

*

 

Luckily Jean did have money for the bus, but only enough for a single trip. He guessed he'd be walking home.

Neither of them had said much on the way to the station. Jean had just followed closely behind Reiner's broad back with a hundred different scenarios running through his head.

_Maybe it's drugs. God, Armin and Mikasa are gonna freak if it is. Doesn't really explain the bruises though. Or he could be in a gang. Annie seems to be the type that could be in a gang. I know she's a vandal at least. Rivaille seems to dislike her, and Armin seemed suspicious of her in the first place. Though that might have less to do with her being terrifying and more to do with Armin's feelings for Eren. Was he jealous of Annie? ... Damn it, I don't know._

He prodded Reiner to give him a proper explanation a few minutes after they had been seated (it was rather a tight squeeze what with Reiner's larger frame) and the bus began to move.

"I only know about it because it's something I used to be involved in years back. It started out small at first. Where we're going is a really rough area, and fights would break out all the time. I was a brat, and the older kids always liked to challenge me because of my size so of course I'd be in the middle of it. I wanted to be in the middle of it. Then it started to get organised - someone would arrange fights to take place at a particular place and time so others could bet on the outcome. It was kind of like duelling. Before I knew it, they were drawing up scoreboards and nicknaming the regular winners."

Jean tried to imagine a younger Reiner brawling with adults in the streets and couldn't picture it. His size and strength were certainly nothing to scoff at, and even though Jean didn't know him well, he was struggling to imagine someone as friendly and affectionate as Reiner being involved in something that violent and enjoying it.

"Were you a regular winner?"

"Yeah," Reiner smiled grimly. The _Armoured Titan_ , I was."

"Eh? The what?"

"The "Armoured" part is pretty obvious if I do say so myself," Reiner slapped his bicep as the bus shuddered over the uneven road. "And Shiganshina's sports team members are called Titans. Don't you know anything about our school?"

"Not really. Didn't take an interest."

"Anyway, that's how I ended up meeting Annie. I was so close to taking up that championship title, if you can call it that, until she kicked my ass. It was brutal."

"You're kidding. That tiny girl beat _you_?"

"Looks can be deceiving, my friend. Her dad taught her all that martial arts stuff about using her opponent's weight against her before he took off. And she's weirdly fast, kind of like a cheetah."

_Her dad left her too, huh?_

"So, you're telling me that Annie's dragged Eren into this?"

"I wouldn't say dragged. More like, he probably pestered her to teach him some moves so he could jump in himself and blow off some steam. This is gonna sound bad, but it's kind of stress-relieving if you're any good at it."

_It's stupid is what it is._

Jean grinded his teeth as he turned away from Reiner to stare out of the window at the unfamiliar streets.

This was the reason Eren was coming home beaten bloody to Armin and Mikasa? He was going out of his way to get hurt and hurt others just so he could feel a tiny bit better about his dad leaving? Jean had been trying harder recently not to judge others so much but... he was pretty pissed that Eren was being so selfish. He couldn't imagine how being anyone's punching bag would be stress-relieving, because that's exactly what Eren looked like when he turned up at school with his face painted black and blue.

"So it makes you feel better to beat the crap out of someone and have people cheer you on and make money off of it while you do it?"

He was still facing away, but he could sense Reiner's eyes on the side of his head. He felt a little cowardly for not looking at him directly, but it was hard not to feel nervous when confronting Reiner in such close quarters, especially after what he had just told him.

"I'm okay with you judging me for it. Hell, I judge me for it. But I got out, didn't I? And I haven't laid a finger on anyone since."

"How did you get out? Why'd you leave if you were enjoying it so much?"

"'Cause of Bertl."

Jean turned to face Reiner who looked back at him solemnly.

"I'd never interacted with him at all until they put us against each other to fight one day. He didn't want to be there. Some guys had forced him into participating, thinking they could make some money off of him just because he was tall and strong. He couldn't fight though, he hates it. He'd never hurt a fly, I swear to god. But I just kept hitting him, thinking why isn't he hitting back, wusses don't come in this size, until I saw the way he was looking up at me, with his face all swollen and bloody, like I was a monster. It scared the hell outta me when I realised it. So I picked him up, got him outta there and never went back."

"... and you ended up dating?"

"Not right away obviously," Reiner laughed quickly as he ducked his head, seemingly embarrassed. "It was a long pursuit on my part. I can't say I blame him for running away; his first impression of me was pretty terrible. But I couldn't give up. He makes me better. He reminds me of what I have to do to stay better and want to. It's all 'cause of him, you know?"

Jean did know.

"And what you said in the cafeteria about not wanting Eren to get hurt... you're right. Bertholdt tried to tell me to intervene before now and I ignored him. I shouldn't have let it happen, because Eren's my friend no matter what. But Jean, why are you getting involved?"

_Why AM I getting involved? Aren't I just doing exactly what I did before? I'm probably doing this for selfish reasons after all. I'm deliberately sticking my nose in again after Armin explicitly told me not to. He hasn't forgiven me for the last time I did it, so I don't know how he'll react if I force Eren to come clean and apologise to everyone. He won't thank me for it._

_What Reiner said before about wanting to be better... does that really apply here? Won't dragging Eren out into the open just make me appear worse in Armin's eyes? If I leave it, will the situation resolve itself on its own? Probably, but not soon enough._

_I don't even know how to answer Reiner. I guess I can just tell him what I do know in the simplest terms possible._

"'Cause of Armin."

Reiner gave him a small smile and didn't enquire any further, as if that was the answer he was expecting.

*

 

It didn't take long for them to reach their destination. Jean followed his silent companion off the bus at the next stop and walked with him through the streets.

Reiner eventually spoke up to point out his old primary school. Jean gave it a cursory glance then, realising that it had been Armin's school too, looked a little closer. It was what he had expected; a building desperately in need of a repainting or remodeling in general, keeping in tune with the rest of the buildings in the area. The crude graffiti was reminiscent of the wall at Shiganshina that Jean had leaned against when he first met Reiner and Bertholdt. At first glance the graffiti might have seemed pretty, but Jean thought that the artwork was nothing compared to the creative displays on Armin's bedroom walls.

More than a few windows were boarded up, probably until the broken glass could be replaced. Litter was strewn across the grounds, despite numerous bins scattered here and then stamped with the local council's logo. Lunchtime was over by now, though Jean could still hear the children's shouts from inside.

"How was it there?"

"Rough, I guess," Reiner grunted. "You might not believe it, but Shiganshina's a big step up from this place."

Jean imagined Armin, Eren and Mikasa running around the playground, probably getting into all sorts of trouble with their classmates and seniors. He wondered how Armin felt about this place, and what sort of memories it held for him.

Eventually Reiner led him to a set of stairs leading down to what used to be a skate park, a loud buzzing emanating from its centre. The ramps were few, and all surfaces had been tagged as thoroughly as the primary school. However, Jean's eye was immediately drawn to the source of the buzzing sound; a growing crowd in the middle of the park. They formed a ring around two figures, a third darting around the inner circle as though to get a better angle of the other two. The jeers and yells increased in volume as the two figures in the centre collided.

"Is that... are they doing it now? Out in the open in broad daylight? Don't the police ever get involved?"

Reiner only gave a snort before gesturing for Jean to follow him down the steps towards the crowd. With everyone's attention of the figures in the centre, Jean and Reiner scanned the array of teenagers for Annie and Eren.

A can crushed under Jean's foot as he pushed though a particularly rowdy group of younger boys. He glanced down to see clear liquid trickling from the tear in the can, and covered his nose and mouth when one of the boys breathed in his direction. Jean hated to be a killjoy but he thought it was a bit early in the day to be drinking. Particularly when it looked as though most of the surrounding people were of secondary school age.

"That skinny guy's got no chance," the boy grinned. "How much did ya bet on Roald?"

_How old is this kid, anyway?_

Jean was relieved when he was spared answering the drunken boy when Reiner pulled him away and towards the inner circle of the crowd. They finally spotted Annie watching the fight with a clear view, as the surrounding people seemed to give her a wide berth. Despite this, she wore an unmistakable frown. If she looked surprised to see either of them, she didn't show it.

"Annie! As popular here as ever, I see. Where's Eren?"

In a manner that, for a split-second, reminded Jean of Mikasa, she jerked her chin towards the centre of the area.

Jean hadn't been paying the two brawling figures any mind, and apparently neither had Reiner, as both let out simultaneous groans when they recognised the one swaying on his feet.

Eren had never looked worse as he started forward with a yell only to be slammed back into the ground by his much larger opponent. He was back on his feet in a second, spitting blood onto the ground before holding up his fists once more. His knuckles were cracked open, his fingers looked swollen, and there seemed to be more bruised skin than not. As he wore long sleeves and trousers that covered most of his body, it was difficult to tell how far his injuries extended.

The inflicter of these injuries grinned lazily down at him. He seemed to be as tall as Bertholdt, with the strength behind his huge frame though he wasn't nearly as broad as Reiner. The only indication that Eren had caused him any damage at all was a slight swelling under his eye and a thin red line of blood leading from the corner of his mouth to drip from his chin in a grotesque vampire-like fashion. He probably would've been extremely handsome if it weren't for the arrogant sneer marring his features. Perhaps it was on purpose; he deliberately masked his flawless face with ugly expressions to prove that his personality was just as hideous.

He spoke, though it must've been quietly as Jean could only catch the odd word over the excited yells of the crowd. He was clearly taunting Eren, as Jean heard "little punk" and "pretty boy".

_"Pretty boy?" In what universe does Eren fit into the category of "pretty boy"? And did he just call him a "punk"? Am I in a freaking cop show?_

Eren responded with words that Jean was pretty sure were "fuck you." The other boy only grinned before his fist sank into Eren's stomach before his foot kicked into his chest, knocking him backwards. There was a sickening crunch as Eren's head smacked against the concrete. He jumped up immediately, staggering a little before steadying himself to face his opponent. Jean didn't know how he had the energy to keep getting up. He wondered if the constant agony of being beaten again and again had sobered him.

"I dunno what to tell you, folks. Looks like the _Rogue Titan_ is fucked."

It was only then that Jean paid attention to the third person that had been circling the other two from a safe distance. A girl with a malicious grin and a shoddily-made megaphone (the origin of the buzzing sound) skipped excitedly on the spot as Eren's knee connected with the other boy's chin with a loud crack.

"Ohoho, maybe not! The rookie might be making a comeback here, folks. Though some of his moves are strangely similar to our previous champion, the _Female Titan_ , if any of you remember."

The girl flashed her teeth in a twisted smile in Annie's direction.

"I see Hitch hasn't changed." Reiner muttered.

Annie only stared back at the girl coldly, though Jean could only watch Eren whose grunts and yells as he got hit seemed louder than the entire crowd.

"This is stupid. This is so fucking stupid."

Both blonds turned to look at Jean.

"What is he trying to prove? I don't _get_ it," Jean spoke through clenched teeth as he watched Eren and the other boy collide and wrestle. "What's the point?"

"It's nothing to do with you," Annie's gaze returned to Eren's darting figure. "Whoever you are."

"It's our business if Eren is getting hurt," Reiner cut in before Jean could retort. "It doesn't look like he's been doing too well."

"He's never lost a fight yet. He's been getting better but... apparently he holds a grudge against the one he's currently up against. He had a few drinks before they started," Annie shrugged. "I told him it was stupid but he's not a big listener when he's angry."

"We should stop this."

A vice-like grip on Jean's wrist startled him as he made to move towards Eren. He stared down at Annie.

"You can't intervene. If he doesn't fight on his own, he won't win the prize money."

_Prize money?_

Jean watched Eren keel over with a gasp, clutching his arm, before staggering to his feet much slower than he had before.

"He won't win if he's unconscious either."

To his surprise (and relief - he didn't think he could take on Annie if she tried to stop him), her expression softened slightly as she followed his gaze to Eren (one arm now limp by his side, his expression no less determined), and let go of Jean's wrist.

Jean had never felt so reckless, or rather so incredibly stupid, as when he charged forward and pulled Eren back by his collar. He couldn't help but feel a little afraid as well. He ignored the annoyed yells of the crowd and the "Ohoho!"s blaring from Hitch's microphone.

"What the f - _Jean?_ "

Eren seemed to be too in shock to be angry, though he yelped when Jean tugged him further away from his nonplussed opponent.

"We're leaving."

"What? Get off of -"

"You're gonna go home. You're gonna explain to your family just what the hell you've been doing and then you're gonna apologise for scaring the hell out of them for something so pointless."

Eren gaped at him. Jean was pretty surprised at himself too, though it didn't quell his anger.

" _Pointless?_ What the hell are you even doing here, you're gonna get me kicked out - "

"Good, it's better than risking your neck for just a few quid."

"Is there a problem, boys?"

Jean ignored the innocently-toned question from the tall boy behind him, shoving Eren back as he started forward with a growl.

"Don't get in my way, Kirschstein. Do you have any idea who that bastard is?"

"I don't care who is is, we're leaving."

"Get the hell off of me -"

Jean tried to force Eren back into the crowd towards Annie and Reiner, hoping they would give him a hand as Eren squirmed, much to the displeasure of the crowd.

"Aw, screw this - just kick both their asses!"

"Yeah, Coburn will still win and we'll still get our money."

"Come on, Roald, you promised us a show didn't you?"

Jean paused, the words of the spectators ringing in his ears. Eren stopped trying to get away from him as he looked at his face. Jean turned to face the boy behind him.

"Roald? Roald Coburn, is that your name?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

"You're pretty good at this aren't you? Beating people up," Jean dragged a struggling Eren towards the centre of the space again. "I mean, look at the state of this moron. It's practically a work of art."

"Aw, shucks. Thanks." Roald grinned.

Now that Jean was closer he could see that the split on his had lip widened and more blood had trickled down to his chin. Other than that, his face really was flawless.

"Really though, this is nothing. You should've seen his pretty little friend back in the day though, I'm real proud of that one. I think he actually pissed his pants once."

Jean's grip on Eren's shirt tightened as Eren hissed.

"Yeah. I can imagine. You know, he's actually a friend of mine."

"So what, are you Jaeger's bodyguard or something? Or are you screwing Arlert too -"

Jean didn't think when his arm snapped forward and hit the centre of Roald's almost-perfect face with a crunch.

Nothing else registered, not the sudden roar of the crowd, not the cheers from Hitch's megaphone or Eren reacting with an immediate kick to Roald's gut. All Jean could focus on was drawing out as many gasps of pain from Coburn as possible. He'd never wanted to hurt someone so badly in his life.

He fought against Reiner's grip as he tried to pull him away, only vaguely aware that Annie was already dragging away a struggling Eren. Roald looked much worse off than before, and much angrier, though he was still steady on his feet. Despite Jean getting in almost as many punches as Eren, he felt extremely unsatisfied that Coburn wasn't crumpled in a bloody heap on the ground.

His ears ringing and his head pounding, the words from Hitch's megaphone sounded muffled but Jean got the gist of what she said. Eren had been disqualified for receiving aid. He would not be allowed to reenter the competition this term. The two hundred pounds would go to Roald Coburn who would proceed to the next round and receive the money of all of those who had bet against him.

Jean found himself pushed to the stairs leading out of the park. He gripped onto the railing tightly to stop his hands from trembling, his knuckles splitting open as Eren's had. Eren sank onto the top step, his head in his hands and his face hidden from view. It seemed that neither Annie or Reiner had any words to offer, both waiting silently for either of the other two to react.

Neither did, not even when Hitch appeared without her megaphone and skipped up the steps towards them.

"Shame about that, Eren. You might've actually won there. Though probably not."

She turned to bare her teeth at Annie.

"I really wish you'd entered this term, Annie. Though I suppose you were too busy training your new protégé. Not well enough, it seems. You must be so disappointed. And Reiner! I've missed you. How's old _Colossal_ doing, eh?"

"A right side better than you, Hitch." Reiner spoke in a low tone, sounding angry for the first time.

"Glad to hear it," she showed no sign of offense, and kept on smiling. "I'd better go back. I left Marlowe in charge of the funds and he's practically useless. The next round will be starting soon, so you should stick around. Though I'm not expecting much."

She flounced off, seeming much happier than she did before.

They waited in silence a little longer, until Annie eventually spoke up.

"I have to go see my stepmother. I'm sorry it turned out this way, Eren."

She swept past them onto the main street and began walking in the opposite direction from which they originally came. Jean turned to face Reiner, who looked to be in conflict with himself.

"I, uh, actually have some business here too. But I don't wanna leave you guys - "

"We'll be fine," Jean's voice came out a lot steadier than he expected it to. "I'm sure Eren knows the way back."

Reiner gave a nod, still looking guilty, and gingerly clapped them both on the shoulder before he too left.

_Now what?_

The cheers and shouts from the park escalated once more. The next fight had begun.

Despite his exhaustion and aching limbs, Jean resolved to get Eren as far away from those people as possible.

"Come on, school will be over by the time we get back. We'd better head off soon."

Eren didn't move. He didn't give any sign that he had heard Jean at all.

"Your family will be worried. You'll wanna get cleaned up before they see you."

No response.

"Look, I'm sorry that I interfered, alright? But you wouldn't have won anyway -"

"I could've," Eren's head snapped up to give Jean a look of rage. "I was almost getting -"

"You were drunk. He would've destroyed you."

Jean didn't step back as Eren jumped to his feet, the two of them almost nose-to-nose. He expected this, though he wondered how Eren still had the strength to pull such a furious expression and stand steady. Maybe he could've withstood Coburn's blows after all.

"Why are you even here?" Eren spat.

"Good question," Jean snapped back. "But I think you're the one who owes an explanation."

"I don't owe _you_ anything."

"No, you don't. But you owe one to your family. To Armin and Mikasa."

"Ha! Don't think you're gonna get in Mikasa's pants in exchange for helping me, cause you won't."

"You don't understand anything, do you?"

"It's you who doesn't understand anything!"

Both boys seethed at each other silently, neither willing to be the first to back down. At first it seemed no different from their usual bickering, but the hatred in Eren's eyes and the clenched fists at his sides let Jean know that Eren was sorely tempted to finally hit him. Neither had gone beyond harsh words before, but Jean couldn't deny that he was itching to smash his fist into Eren's scowling face right now. Eren was no Roald Coburn, but he definitely got under his skin more than anyone else he had ever met.

_Don't think about him, or Coburn. Think about Armin and Mikasa and how they're probably waiting for Eren to come home. Think about how worried they'll be. Think about Armin. Armin. Armin._

Jean took a deep sigh and a step back. Feeling a little calmer, he climbed the last step onto the main street.

"Let's go. We can talk on the way back."

Eren's furious expression turned incredulous, as though he couldn't believe Jean's nerve, before following Jean reluctantly onto the street. He winced slightly when he placed his weight on his right foot, quickly covering his momentary show of weakness with a scowl. Jean didn't comment or make any offer to help him. He knew they would only be met with anger and a refusal. Although he stuck close by as they walked down the street, just in case.

Jean felt like groaning himself, his ribs aching and hands stinging and a mixture of sweat and blood already congealing on the back of his neck (he didn't remember hitting his head at any point, though the throbbing pain and blood trickling from his scalp seemed to suggest otherwise). He was kicking himself for not bringing extra change for a bus journey home to spare him the walk. However, he knew that Eren was in far worse shape than he, and he refused to give any indication that he was in pain if Eren wasn't going to.

"Do you have any idea what you cost me back there?"

It sounded as though it took a great effort for Eren to speak, however there was no less anger in his voice than before.

"Do you know how much that money could've helped my family? So many of those people betted against me, and all that money would've been ours too. I would've gotten even more if I'd won more rounds."

"...I thought you just wanted revenge on Coburn."

"I didn't realise I would be up against him. I only got involved in all that for the money. Finally being on even footing with him and beating him would've been a personal bonus."

"You wouldn't have won, I already told you. You would've lost the money and been in far worse shape than you already are. What do you need the money for anyway?"

Eren didn't reply, trudging alongside Jean silently and glaring at the ground in front of him.

"Is this something to do with your dad?"

Jean regretted it as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He'd been down this road before and still hadn't learned from it. He couldn't help himself; he had to know.

"...Yeah."

Eren still didn't look up. Jean kept his mouth shut and waited for him to say something more.

"It's his fault we're in this mess. He's the one that fucked up, not me. If he hadn't fucked up, we wouldn't have to -"

Eren's voice finally cracked, and Jean looked away to spare him further embarrassment. He still caught the motion of Eren's arm, the one that wasn't swaying limply at his side, dragging across his face. He should've expected that Eren cried when he was angry.

"I dunno what he did. I dunno what stupid, dodgy, illegal thing he did but he did it. Lost his medical license, took the savings he and mum had put by and left. Left us with nothing but a shitload of debt we had no idea we had and not so much as post-it note to explain. Mikasa had to quit all of her clubs because we couldn't pay for them anymore. Mum had to get a second job even though she's still not completely recovered yet. She's so exhausted all the time, and I know she still misses him and -"

Eren scrubbed at his eyes furiously, as though it would stop the tears from leaking out.

"I hate him. Wherever he is, I hate him. But Annie helped me. She's been in this sort of situation before, so she helped me out. She helped me get stronger."

"Why didn't you try to get a part-time job?" Jean asked, his head throbbing from the information on top of his injuries. "Or full-time since you're on your way to getting kicked out for your crappy attendance."

"You think I didn't try?" Eren's eyes were now red-rimmed from crying as well as the swelling from Roald's punches. "You think I didn't scour the town looking for _anything?_ It's not as easy as you think. I have a record. No one wants to hire the kid that can't stop "flying off the handle at every little thing"."

Eren's bitter tone suggested that those words were not originally his own. Though Jean supposed he had a point. Eren had been getting into fights all of his life; of course it would show on his school and criminal record. He doubted whether any of their teachers would give him a great reference either.

"You wouldn't understand. You never have to worry about stuff like this. You with the rich parents, you probably get anything you want at the drop of a hat."

"I actually have a part-time job," Jean said hotly. "I don't get everything free of charge despite what you think. My family might be better off than yours, and both my parents are still around, and there's no way I can possibly understand what you're going through but don't assume to know anything about me or my family."

Eren didn't immediately fire back with an insult as Jean expected, but he didn't apologise either. He didn't say anything at all, instead walking just a half-step behind Jean while making no attempt to keep up.

They walked in silence for a little longer, until they reached a street that Jean recognised. He knew there was a small supermarket with public bathrooms not too far ahead, and suggested that they go clean themselves up before they went home. Eren agreed with a tired nod.

Jean was a little concerned about the security staff just inside the entrance of the store, however both men seemed to be busy dealing with a woman whose bulky handbag seemed to have set off the store's alarms. Jean and Eren slipped past them and into the store's restroom, relieved to find that it was empty.

Eren grabbed onto the nearest sink and stuck his face under the running tap with a groan. He rubbed his face with his hands, clearing it of dirt and blood, until the water in the sink become an alarming mix of red and black. However, with his face and hands clear of any blood, he looked a lot less frightening than before. There was nothing he could do about the bruises and open cuts though, nor the stains on his shirt.

Jean wiped the back of his head and neck with a wet paper towel, grimacing as he pulled it away and looked at it. He hadn't realised the numbness ins his jaw either, and the cuts on his knuckles didn't seem to want to close.

_Armin's gonna kill me. **Mum** 's gonna kill me._

Both boys now dripping water on to the bathroom floor, they each leaned against the sinks to properly catch their breath. Jean couldn't think of anything to say. He felt awkward, far more uncomfortable than he had felt when he had been speaking to Reiner or Armin before. He couldn't tell what Eren was thinking. Surely he must be kicking himself for spilling his problems out to one of the last people he would've wanted to talk to about it. Especially when Jean had interfered in his plan so recklessly. Or maybe he just thought it didn't matter any more. He had far more important things to worry about than Jean.

_I shouldn't say anything about it. I should just make sure he gets home and not get involved any further. I shouldn't have gotten this far in in the first place. Armin was right -_

Jean was mortified when his stomach suddenly gave a low rumble. He'd forgotten than he had skipped lunch straight after his exam. It had been only been just over an hour ago. And his maths prelim was tomorrow afternoon.

Eren gave a strained laugh, still leaning his weight on the sinks opposite from Jean.

"I'm pretty hungry myself. Don't suppose you have any cash on you?"

"I spent it on the bus here."

"Oh. That sucks," Eren rubbed the back of his neck, looking extremely uncomfortable. "So what were you doing there? It's the least you can tell me since I've gone and told you nearly everything about my family. I know you came with Reiner, but you don't usually hang out there do you?"

"No, I... I don't. I've never been to that part of town until today."

"I don't blame you. It's a hellhole," Eren muttered. "Why then?"

Jean couldn't think of any excuse. Or rather, he was too tired and sore to come up with one. So he gave an honest answer.

"I wanted to find out what you were doing. Then I wanted to stop it."

"...Why do you care about me?"

"I don't. Not really. I'm not trying to get you into trouble or anything like that either. I was just... concerned. For your family's sake."

Eren gave a snort, then winced as though it had been a painful effort.

"If this has something to do with you getting in Mikasa's good books then - "

"It's not. I mean, yeah of course I can see how miserable and worried she is about you but it's not just about her. Armin's just as freaked out as she is."

"...I didn't think you were so concerned about Armin."

"He's... a decent guy. He deserves better than how you treat him."

Eren's eyes narrowed. Jean could feel the sweat trickling down his neck.

"Armin's my best friend. I'd never do anything to hurt him."

"Well, you did already."

"What do you mean?"

_For the love of god, Jean, shut your damn mouth._

"You know exactly what I mean. Endlessly using him for support then rejecting him when he asks for only a little in return. I know you're going through a hard time, but you're being selfish. Armin's not someone you can walk all over, I thought you were trying to protect him."

"I _am_ protecting him," Eren hissed. "Do you know who that Coburn guy was? What he did? Do you have any idea how many times I've stood between him and Armin? I'd fight him again in a heartbeat if it meant keeping Armin from him. Don't you dare try and tell me I don't care about Armin, because you have no idea what I'd do for him."

Jean swallowed, unable to respond. He shouldn't have said anything. Maybe he didn't have any right to tell Eren off about Armin. Who was he to question a lifelong friendship when he had only noticed Armin himself a few months ago? Eren _was_ there when Armin needed him the most. Jean wasn't. He was an outsider to all of this.

"But you did know who he was, didn't you? The way you reacted when you heard his name and then laid into him when he was talking about Armin... I've never seen you like that."

Jean kept his eyes firmly trained on the ground, unable to watch Eren face screw up in concentration as he tried to piece it together.

"I've never seen you get so mad about something that didn't have anything to do with you... And you just now, acting like you give a damn about Armin when you've only started paying attention to him in the last -"

Eren's voice cut off, and Jean still couldn't look up. He'd known that this would've come eventually, but not under these circumstances. Nor did he expect his heart to hammer so hard in his chest he thought he it might suddenly stop.

"It's you, isn't it? You're the guy Armin's been seeing. The one he wouldn't tell me about."

_I'm sorry, Armin. What good would it do to lie now?_

"Yeah."

The word seemed to ring in Jean's ears. Despite the inescapable feeling that he was about to die, a mild feeling of relief washed over him. There was no one else to tell. No one that mattered anyway. It wasn't a secret anymore. He was free to be with Armin out in the open for the first time.

_If Armin still wants to be with me after today, that is._

He should've expected what happened next. Though he was already slightly dazed when Eren's fist smashed into his face.

He buckled over with a groan, his hands reaching for his nose to check it hadn't been broken.

"Alright, I guess I deserved that," he straightened up, wiping his bloody nose again the back of his hand. "So I'll let you away with -"

The force of Eren's next punch sent Jean's head back to smack against the mirror. The impact rattled Jean's skull, and he reflexively grabbed Eren's shirt with one fist while hitting him with the other. He couldn't help the little thrill of pleasure ( _finally_ ) when his fist connected with Eren's jaw. Though he immediately felt guilty, and prepared himself when Eren grabbed for him once more.

The bathroom door opening stopped both of them in their tracks. An irritable looking security guard stood, apparently having been informed that two beat-up hooligans had just slouched into the door and left a bloody trail all the way to the restroom.

They allowed themselves to be kicked out without protest. Jean hadn't the energy to fight anymore, and Eren didn't seem to care about looking presentable any more.

They walked the remainder of the journey, ignoring the fearful look from passers by. Jean tried not to listen to Eren's angry and confused mutters; he didn't understand, how did this happen, why was it _him_?

His patience stretched to the limit, Jean snapped as they neared Eren's home.

"Armin and I aren't what important right now. He's more worried about you than me at the moment. Who knows, he might end it with me after this anyway. So wipe that tragic look off your face and go talk to your family."

Eren looked enraged at Jean's words, furious that he dared talk about Armin then tell him what to do. Jean prepared himself for another attack. However, when Eren's house came into view he gave an audible swallow, suddenly much more nervous than he had been before.

"Don't tell Armin about Coburn. It'll only bring up bad memories for him and I don't want him to be reminded of them."

"It's too late for that. Armin saw him in town just before New Year. He was terrified."

"...I didn't know that." Eren's voice was quiet. "He never told me anything."

"He probably just didn't want to burden you any more than you already were."

Jean glanced across the street at Armin's house, noticing that all the lights were out. Armin must've still been at school.

He pushed Eren towards his front door, the latter predictably shoving him away. However he didn't tell Jean to leave. Before he could open the door, it flung open. Both boys were stunned to see Mikasa in the doorway, her eyes wide with shock as she whispered "you idiot" and pulled Eren inside.

With every intention to turn and leave, a firm grip on Jean's collar yanked him inside after Eren with a yelp. They were both dragged to the kitchen, forced to stand before Armin and a woman who looked remarkably like Eren.

Jean guessed that they both looked pretty bad when both Armin and Mrs. Jaeger clapped their hands to their mouths in horror. Though he knew Eren looked far worse when Armin sobbed out his name.

"I, uh, have to talk to you guys." Eren shuffled from foot to foot, grimacing as he forgot the pain on his right.

Mikasa's hold on both of them didn't loosen as Eren spoke. He told them about the fighting in the street for money. He confessed how useless he had felt, unable to help provide for the three of them and resorting to the only thing he thought he was good at. His body didn't matter to him. He wanted to help, even if only a little bit. He was sorry for scaring them.

To Jean's horror, Eren's voice began to crack again. Armin and Mrs. Jaeger had been crying the entire time Eren was speaking, their eyes almost as puffy as his. Jean glanced behind him and was shocked to see that Mikasa looked just as tearful.

_I take back what I thought in the restroom. This is way more uncomfortable than anything else I've sat through so far._

Mikasa released him when Mrs. Jaeger pulled Eren out of her grasp and into a tight embrace. He grunted as she squeezed his aching body, but didn't complain and hugged her back just as hard. He nodded wordlessly as she forbid him to do anything so careless and stupid ever again.

Now that Jean was free of Mikasa's grip, he wondered if it would be appropriate for him to slip away now. He didn't want to be here, especially as Eren broke free of his mother to pull Armin close and murmur in his ear. Jean looked away as Armin's arms slid around Eren's neck, his head on his shoulder.

"I should go." Jean muttered to Mikasa who stepped aside to let him pass. She barely seemed to notice him.

_I've done my bit, right? This is family stuff, I've already intruded way more than I should have. They'll be alright now. They'll work something out._

Despite knowing this, Jean still felt miserable as he reached the front door. He couldn't help it. He knew nothing had been fixed, not really. But it wasn't as though he could do anything for them. He remembered the look on Eren's mother's face; Jean didn't think he'd seen his own mother look so terrified as she had. Even Mikasa's brave face had crumbled. And Armin. He couldn't imagine how helpless he had been feeling about all of this.

Resigning himself to go home and sleep for a solid ten hours, Jean reached for the door handle only for a smaller, paler hand to cover his own.

"Where are you going?" Armin's voice was hoarse, as though his throat ached to speak.

"Uh, home. I'll only be getting in the way if I stay here."

"You should at least get cleaned up first."

He watched Armin bring his hand up to inspect the damage, both of them grimacing at the bloody scrapes.

"Did you two fight?"

"Sorta. I only hit him once though. He got me twice, though I guess I deserved it. These are mostly from... well, it doesn't matter."

He could read the questioning look in Armin's eyes, but Armin didn't press it any further. Instead he reached up and softly kissed him.

"Don't do anything like this again." Armin murmured against his mouth.

Jean could only nod, wanting nothing more than to go across the street and curl up in Armin's bed to fall asleep with him. They did just that, when Mrs. Jaeger finally let them leave. However, not until Jean had been thoroughly scrubbed clean and given fresh clothes to change into. He tried not to feel too embarrassed when Eren's mother thanked him for bringing her son home.

He was very aware of Eren's hard gaze upon them when Armin wrapped an adhesive bandage around his hand and inquired concernedly about his head injury. He assured him that it was nothing to worry about and avoided looking in Eren's direction who was being thoroughly tended to by both his mother and sister. He was glad when they finally left.

"Ow, ow, ow," Jean lay down underneath the duvet, wincing when his aching limbs made contact with the bed. "Is it your turn to nurse me back to health, because I will have no complaints."

Armin gave a small smile as he slid in beside him and gingerly lay his head on Jean's shoulder, wary of worsening his injuries.

"I already nursed you. Who do you think put on your bandages?"

"But I'm still in so much pain, ouch. Ow. Help me."

He was relieved to be back in Armin's room. It had been far too long since he'd been here, since he'd been with Armin outside of school. He smiled faintly at the familiar bright walls and closed his eyes, humming contentedly.

He had been half-convinced that Armin would be furious at him again, almost sure that he wouldn't be forgiven this time. However, Armin didn't seem to be angry with him for interfering at all. Of course he was pissed that he had gotten himself hurt in the process, but Jean liked that he got mad about that. He was happy that Armin cared enough to get angry about it.

He hummed again when Armin shuffled slightly to press his face against his neck. He mumbled something that Jean couldn't hear, he could only feel the vibration against his skin.

"Huh? What was that?"

"I said that you're so hot."

He felt Armin's skin heat up against his own as he blushed.

"What, do you have a thing for beat-up guys? Or is it the band-aids?"

"No, I just have a thing for you," Armin's fingertips traced lightly over his chest. "And it's a shame that I can't do anything about it what with you being in so much pain and all."

He laughed over Jean's protests and tucked himself under his arm instead, apparently having finished teasing him for the time being.

Jean wasn't sure how much of Armin's lighthearted attitude was real. Surely he couldn't be feeling as happy as he seemed. Despite Jean's own relief, he was still struggling to get Armin's initial stricken expression out of his head.

"Hey... you want to tell me what happened today? Specifically?"

_I guess I was right. Of course he's still thinking about it._

"I... interfered in the fight. Maybe I shouldn't have, but Eren was losing. I didn't want to bring him back if he was gonna end up unconscious."

"Is that why he hit you?"

Although glad that Armin didn't inquire as to who Eren had been fighting, Jean knew he couldn't lie about this.

"No, he hit me because he found out about us."

Armin's hand, which had been smoothing the bandage around Jean's, stilled. He took a deep breath before resuming.

"I guess it would've been kind of obvious by now."

"He kind of figured it out, yeah. I guessed it would've been worse if I tried to deny it."

"He won't have much time to think about it right now. It's not really his business anyway. It's ours."

Jean was surprised at his words, but not definitely not displeased.

_He's not over it yet... is he?_

Even in his head, Jean struggled to acknowledge Armin's feelings for Eren. He'd always just thought as Armin had said; when they were alone there was nothing else, but with everyone they couldn't think about it. Even when they were alone Jean had felt Eren's shadow looming over them. But now that their relationship was out in the open, it didn't have to be that way anymore. Is that what Armin was implying?

_Damn it, I don't think that made any sense. My mind's all muddled. Maybe I hit my head harder than I thought._

"You should sleep," Armin mumbled, sounding tired. "You can stay tonight if you want."

"Mm, I'll call my mum later. Tell her we're studying."

"You say that as if we won't be studying when you wake up. We do have a maths exam tomorrow, you know."

Jean groaned.

_I can't believe I'm in love with this nerd._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, it feels good to finally get that out and over with. I didn't actually start this one for ages because I was really unmotivated and there was a lot going on. But two days ago I gave myself a kick up the arse and just blurted this out. I'm not sure when I'll get around to updating it next, but I'm never gonna abandon this fic so bear with me!!
> 
> I think Eren needs more hugs though.


	14. In Which...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean's a big paranoid baby but Armin still likes him so it's okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a bit of a time skip here (again), it just fast-forwards to just over a fortnight when they've finished their exams. basically nobody has had time to do anything other than study (and heal their wounds) during that period, so we haven't missed much.
> 
> um, I don't think I need to put up any warnings here since this fic IS rated explicit and it's really not that graphic a description. although I was THIS CLOSE to chickening out and just going USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

Mrs. Kirschstein still hadn't forgiven her son for coming home with bandaged hands and a swollen nose. He had hastily told her that some idiot jumped him for his wallet on the way home and that his injuries looked a lot worse than they actually were (at least the idiot part was true). Of course she didn't buy it, but no way was Jean going to admit he had been involved in street fighting no matter the reason. She would have strangled him herself. Instead she demanded that he invite Armin over as soon as exams were over for compensation.

He was surprised when Armin accepted his invitation so readily, though that might have been more to do with avoiding Eren and Mikasa for a while than a desire to meet Jean's family.

Jean knew that Armin had probably thought that it would be easier now that everyone who needed to know know (Connie and Sasha didn't seem to think it was a big deal, whereas Reiner and Bertholdt were ecstatic), however sometimes it just seemed that much harder now that their relationship was under the scrutiny of their friends. Every move they made towards each other was met with good-natured but embarrasing comments, or stifled giggles. Marco and Mina were often the source of their embarrassment.  Somehow, even Rivaille seemed to know as he gave them a knowing smirk and made remarks that made Jean want to shrivel up and die right there in the classroom.  It wasn't as though they were holding hands under the table or anything, but perhaps they just gave off that couple aura that their abnormally perceptive teacher could detect.

Although Jean wasn't usually a big fan of public displays of affection, he found himself reaching for Armin's hand in the hallways, or absentmindedly leaning against him and pressing his face into his hair. When he realised he no longer needed to wrack his brain for excuses to touch Armin, he took every opportunity to be as close to him as possible. He loved the bright smiles Armin now openly gave him from across the corridors, and felt his heart swell everytime Armin's fingers squeezed around his. It was okay to do this. It was more than okay.

But it didn't always seem that way. Not with those hardened green eyes watching them across the gym hall, or the English classroom. He never said a word, but his feelings about their relationship were clear.

Armin gave no indication that he was uneasy about Eren's behaviour towards them. But Jean knew better than to think Armin was as comfortable as he was pretending to be. His boyfriend was very experienced in burying his true feelings when it came to Eren.

Jean assumed that he was just doing as he himself was trying to do; convincing himself that Eren would get over it, that there was nothing to do but wait for him to accept it. He'd almost gotten used to Eren's silent stare following them all around the school; nearly resigning himself to the fact that Eren wasn't going to ease up on making the situation as tense as possible any time soon. However, soon Eren's attitude seemed to take on a slight shift that freaked Jean the hell out.

They had all taken to sitting at the same lunch table now, a change that Jean had steadily grown used to. It was hard to mind much, since he was usually seated between Marco and Armin. It was easy and comforting, if he could ignore Eren's unrelenting stare from across the table.

Even Mikasa seemed to have grown a little warmer towards Jean since the day he had brought Eren home to them. She had begun acknowledging him with a nod whenever they met, and she no longer gave him "what-I-wouldn't-give-to-rip-your-testicles-off-with-my-bare-hands" look each time they passed each other in the corridor. She even inquired as to how he was one day, though it was clear that she wasn't much interested in what he had to say. Still, it was progress.

They had received their exam results that morning and, surprisingly, everyone but Armin was talking about it. Since he had, unsurprisingly, passed every subject with top grades, he was more concerned about what was to happen later that day.

"I'm just glad I won't have to change out of my uniform, I was freaking out over what to wear."

Today was the day Armin was to come over to Jean's for the first time. They were going straight after school, and Jean had been startled by Armin's anxiety about meeting his family.

"Arm, you dress better than I do. Do you think they'll turn you away at the door if you turn up in anything other than formal wear?"

"I'm just nervous, okay? I've never met a boyfriend's parents before and I want to make a good impression as the first one that stole their son's heterosexuality from him."

Jean caught Eren stiffen out of the corner of his eye, his fork hovering in the air halfway to his mouth. He waited until Eren moved again before responding.

"Seriously, don't worry about it. Honestly, I'm more worried about my sister -"

"Hold on, you've got some ink on your face."

Eren's eyes widened as Armin licked his thumb and brought it up to rub against Jean's jaw. Embarrassed (and a little pleased) to have Armin fussing over him, Jean refused to react as though this was anything out of the ordinary, determined that Eren get used to the change as soon as possible. He couldn't help but pay attention to his reaction though.

"There, all clean." Armin lightly kissed the spot on Jean's jaw he had just scrubbed and continued talking as though nothing strange had just happened.

Eren's gaze trailed along Armin's outstretched arm, past his neck and settled on his face. His recently hardened expression was gone, replaced with a mix of confusion and discomfort. He wasn't moving or saying anything, and his stare went unnoticed by everyone except Jean.

Then for a split-second, something that looked a lot like longing flashed across Eren's features.

_Nononononononononono._

Eren noticed Jean's wide-eyed stare, and he immediately dropped his gaze to his plate of food on the table. His face reddened slightly before he bowed his head and lifted a hand to to shield his face from Jean's view.

_What the hell was that?_

Armin calling his name insistently brought Jean back to earth, and he pushed what may or may not have just transpired to the back of his mind. He had other things to worry about today.

 

*

 

"That was awful."

"It wasn't awful."

"They hate me."

"No, they don't -"

"They never smiled at me, not once!"

"My parents aren't naturally smiley people! Trust me, it may not have seemed like it but they like you, I promise."

"I bet they smile at Marco."

Armin's last words were muffled as he buried his face in his arms, but not so muffled that Jean couldn't make them out and then roll his eyes.

The moment they had been released from the Kirschstein family after dinner, they had trudged up to Jean's room, exhausted, and collapsed on the floor to lean against the bed. Jean had shut the door quietly, hoping no one would come barging through it and question why it was closed.

"Speaking of Marco, that's probably him." Armin fished his phone out of his bag as it _ping_ ed and quickly scanned the screen. He suddenly blushed, quickly typed a reply and returned the phone to his bag.

"What'd he say?"

"J-just... nothing important."

Jean cocked an eyebrow but let it go. He was too tired to inquire at this point, and had learned his lesson about nosying in Armin's business by now.

"George and Kina like you too, you know."

Out of all of the Kirschstein family members, Kina was definitely the most enthusiastic about meeting Armin. She had constantly bombarded him with questions about himself, Jean, their relationship, and what conditioner he used.

"Kina's lovely, and... very inquisitive. She's beautiful."

"Ehh, I guess so."

"You don't look like her at all."

"Oi, are you saying I'm not beautiful?"

Armin laughed and kissed away Jean's frown, telling him that he thought George looked a lot like him though. Jean supposed that they did look alike, as both shared the same straight nose and light-brown eyes. If it weren't for George's shoulder-length hair and gentle smile (and the eleven years between them), they could've been almost identical. Although the difference in personalities may have given them away.

The first thing George had done when Jean and Armin had arrived was to tug on his brother's sleeve and whisper in his ear that Armin was very pretty.

"I know." Jean had smiled down at him.

_Maybe we're not so different after all._

"I've always wondered what it was like to have real brothers and sisters. Though I guess Eren and Mikasa fill those roles."

"You think of them as siblings?"

"More than anything else, yes."

The cautious hope that Jean had been holding on to grew a little. Armin had confessed that he viewed Eren as a brother; surely that meant his romantic feelings were no longer weighing on him, or perhaps they were gone entirely. He hoped he could confirm his theory soon; he had something he wanted to say to Armin and refused to say it until he was certain of his feelings.

However, his brief elation was disturbed as he suddenly recalled the look on Eren's face that afternoon. He'd almost forgotten about it until now. Although hesitant to bring it up for the fear of Armin's reaction, Jean knew it would eat away at his self-confidence if he didn't clear the topic with him as soon as possible.

"Speaking of Eren... How do you think he's adjusting?"

Armin sighed wearily, running a hand through his hair as he slouched against the bed.

"Still no luck with the job hunt, but he's dead set on staying as far away from that fighting circle as possible so that's something. If you're asking how he feels about us... I don't know. I spoke to him about it and told him that some things might change but it shouldn't affect our friendship. He said he'd try to accept it but... I don't think he's trying as hard as he could."

Jean didn't think so either. The way Eren hadn't said another word about it to either of them but kept an intense watch on them suggested as much. And Jean couldn't get the look on his face out of his head.

"Do you think it's because -" Jean bit his lip as Armin looked at him, but couldn't hold back his worries. "He might be seeing _you_ differently?  Because you're with someone?"

Armin looked momentarily confused before understanding abruptly dawned on his features. He shook his head and opened his mouth to speak but Jean cut him off immediately.

"Okay, you probably think I'm paranoid or crazy but I could've sworn he was looking at you funny today and it just freaked me out a little -"

"Jean," Armin's voice was gentle as he moved to sit between Jean's legs and place his hands on either side of his face. "You're being paranoid. Don't panic over nothing."

"But he -"

"Eren just isn't used to sharing me with anyone but Mikasa. He'll come to terms with it eventually, but I promise you that he's not seeing me any differently than he did before. I'm his best friend, that's how it'll always be.  Believe me when I say that, I know him better than anyone."

Armin's reasonable words eased Jean's anxiety, though not entirely. He knew that Armin had never had any real hope for more than friendship between him and Eren, so there was no way he could consider it now. But if there was any chance that Eren was reconsidering his own feelings... Jean didn't want to think about it.

Jean's thoughts must've been clear on his face, as Armin smiled sadly.

"What, did you think I'd just abandon you in a heartbeat if Eren told me he liked me that way?"

"You're the one that was in love with the idiot." Jean muttered.

"...Well, now I'm in love with an even bigger idiot."

There was a pause.

Before the words could even register in Jean's mind, Armin rocked back to sit on his heels, letting out a groan and covering his face with his hands.

"I can't believe I just came out and said that, it was much more embarrassing that I thought it would be, and I said it so tactlessly, oh my god -"

"Wait, wait -" Jean sat up and pried Armin's hands away to reveal his red face. "You love me?"

There were a few moments of Armin staring silently at him with wide eyes before he nodded, his hands trembling in Jean's grip. And Jean knew that he meant it. He didn't know how he knew, but he did.

"Oh thank god. Thank god. I love you. Damn it, I love you."

"I-I love you too, Jean -"

"I love you, I love you, I love you -"

"Oh my god, stop saying it!" Armin pitched forward to press his face into Jean's shoulder. "I'm going to die of embarrassment if you don't shut up."

Jean knew he ought to be mortified at how outspoken he was being, but he just couldn't bring himself to be anything other than overwhelmingly happy. He thought his heart was going to explode out of his chest.  Was it possible for someone to be this happy?  He let out a laugh, dizzy with relief, then wrapped his arms around Armin and said it one more time.

It took a while for him to convince Armin to let him see his face again. He emerged from between Jean's arms, still blushing slightly and muttering that his boyfriend was a complete dork. Jean kissed his pink face.

"Since I couldn't possibly be any more embarrassed than I already am... I want to ask you something," Armin shifted between Jean's knees and swallowed, his gaze trained on Jean's throat to avoid looking him in the eye. "Do you remember what I said to you before Christmas about... about after exams?"

Jean tried to remember and drew a blank. Armin said a lot of things.

His lack of idea must've shown on his face as his boyfriend gave an impatient sigh, growing increasingly flustered once more.

"Okay, then do you remember what we were doing right before Mikasa interrupted us on Christmas day?"

Jean remembered very well, and then immediately recalled the conversation they had had before Christmas, but kept his expression blank and didn't say anything.

"Oh my god, Jean, I'm talking about us having sex."

"Yeah, I know, I just wanted to hear you say it." Jean couldn't prevent the grin from spreading across his face, and didn't stop even when Armin smacked his arm in annoyance.

"Jerk."

"Love you."

"I know already!"

"You're adorable."

"Shut up!"

Jean was having way too much fun teasing Armin for once instead of it being the other way around, but when Armin shot him a nervous look Jean knew he'd better cut it out.

"Of course I remember. If you're asking if I want to, then yeah, I do. Do you still want to?"

"I wouldn't have brought it up if I didn't."

"Then let's do it. I mean, not now obviously." Jean hastily retreated as he realised how his words must've sounded.

"Obviously," Armin smiled shyly. "But if you're not doing anything tomorrow, you could come over and we can... figure it out."

"I've got a few things I have to do in the morning, but I'll be over early." Jean tried not to look or sound too excited. It wouldn't do if he got all worked up now, not with his parents downstairs and his siblings god knows where in the house.

_A quick preview won't hurt if we're quiet though, right?_

When Jean caught Armin's eye he knew that he was thinking the same thing. When their lips met, Armin gave a sigh into his mouth as though he'd been waiting for this. Jean tightened his grip on his waist and pulled him closer against his chest to let him know that he'd been dying for this too.

His relief was short-lived, as a quiet knock startled them out of their skin and Armin scrambled back from between Jean's knees until there was a good five feet between them.  When George peeked his head around the door, Jean gave an irritable grunt.  Blood relation or not, he was going to string up the next sibling to interrupt them.

"Do you guys wanna play Sonic?"

"We'd love to!" Armin chirped before Jean could refuse.

"Great!" George's face broke into a wide smile. "I'll go set up the console."

When he left, Jean gave his boyfriend a thoroughly deserved glare.

"It's probably for the best that he interrupted us," Armin shrugged sheepishly. "Besides, he's so cute that I couldn't say no."

Jean rolled his eyes skyward and cursed the irresistible Kirschstein genes.

 

*

Jean dreamt of Colferton that night, which wasn't unusual for him recently. At night he had often relived the time he took Armin there (not that he'd ever admit that, of course) and had memorised the scene well in his head.

It started out the same way each time, exactly how he remembered it. The easy conversation on the bus journey, freezing their asses off walking through the town, searching for rockpools on the beach while they tried not to slip on the wet pebbles.

Jean had just received Marco's text, and Armin had stormed off to the edge of the water. Jean now knew it was because Armin had been jealous.

It was still extremely cold, and Jean could swear that his teeth were chattering.

_This is it, this is where I kiss him for the first time._

Jean followed Armin to the water, stopping dead when he noticed a familiar figure standing next to him.

_He's not supposed to be here._

Eren took Armin's hand and looked back at Jean.

"You're not supposed to be here." he said.

Armin glanced over his shoulder at Jean and frowned, as though he wasn't quite sure why he was there.

"It's Jean, isn't it? You're Marco's friend. Why are you all the way out here?"

_Armin._

"Armin?"

His call was ignored as Eren threw his arm around Armin's shoulder as though to shield him. His eyes seemed to gleam like a cat's.

"You're not a part of this," Eren whispered, his voice somehow carrying above the wind to reach Jean's ears, the words chilling him in a way the weather doesn't. "Nobody wants you here."

Jean stumbled backwards on the rocks in horror. He knocked into something solid, and tore his eyes away from the two in front of him to discover that Mikasa was behind him. She looked at him the way she had on New Year's Eve; in disgusted fury.

"It seems there's no use for you after all. I've brought someone with experience along to get rid of you for good."

She stepped aside to reveal Annie Leonhardt who gave an unapologetic shrug before lunging at Jean.

He woke with a stab of misery in his chest, convinced for an instant that Annie really had struck him. He shook his head to clear his mind, determined to forget what he had just dreamt. He had already resolved to put his paranoia behind him today, and planned to make a few stops before he went to Armin's.

To his own embarrassment, Jean agonised over what to wear before realising that it likely didn't matter whether he wore the blue or the black hoodie.

_If today goes how I hope it goes, I probably won't be wearing anything for long anyway..._

Jean stared at the line of tshirts and hoodies lined along the rail in his wardrobe, most of them plain and only a slightly darker shade of colour than the next.

_...Maybe I should get some new clothes soon._

He resigned himself to showering, opting for the blue hoodie, and checking that his underwear was clean with an unembarrassing pattern. Superman symbols weren't embarrassing, right? (He hastily swapped the boxers for an plain pair.)

Jean wondered if Armin was as anxious this morning as he was, before shaking his head to remind himself that he had other things to think about first. It took him a great effort not to imagine his boyfriend freaking out over his own underwear. Armin was cute when he fretted.

Saying what was hopefully an unsuspicious goodbye to his mother, and hastily shoving a leering Kina away from his face, Jean left his home and headed for his workplace. He had a favour to ask Keith.

It wasn't long before he had succeeded in receiving his favour and then hurrying to Armin's street. He gazed wistfully at his boyfriend's home before turning his back on it and going directly to the house across the road. He hesitated before knocking, praying that the right person would come to the door.

He stifled a sigh of relief when Eren appeared, looking taken aback to find Jean on his doorstep.

"Um, what?"

"I think we should probably talk about Armin."

Eren stiffened. It was clear by the look on his face that this was the last thing he wanted to talk about.

"Come on, you gotta stop pretending like it isn't happening."

"It's kind of hard to pretend what with the way you two act." Eren muttered bitterly, his tone immediately pissing Jean off.

"Yeah well, you're gonna have to get over it. I'm sick of being the one to telling you to get your act together all the time."

Eren's gaze dropped to his feet, a mix of shame and anger in his eyes. Jean crossed his arms to tuck his hands under his armpits; partly because it was still pretty cold out, and partly to steel himself to say what he really came here to say.

"And another thing.  If you have any feelings for Armin, I'm gonna have to ask you to keep them to yourself."

He refused to let his blank expression waver under Eren's shocked stare. He had decided to be blunt since it was what he was good at, and he had learned from experience that subtlety did not always reach Eren.

"You've had your chance, now it's mine. I'm not gonna let you screw this up for me."

"My _chance?_ Wait, stop -" he seemed to have finally found his voice and was speaking hurriedly. "- I-I think you've taken it the wrong way. I don't have any of _those_ kind of feelings for Armin, alright? He's like a brother to me, and I'm just not used to seeing him be so _into_ someone and just the fact that it's _you_ he's into just makes me wanna hurl or -"

"Yeah, alright." Jean cut him off before he could finish, a little irritated and more than a little relieved.

_Armin was right, I was getting all worked up over nothing. I need to stop being so paranoid.  So, like a brother, huh? Where have I heard that before?_

Eren's words were more or less the same explanation Jean had given Armin when he had questioned him about his relationship with Marco. Jean felt stupid for even considering that Eren's feelings were anything more than familial possessiveness. Of course seeing your best friend with someone else all the time was difficult to deal with; Jean had gone through it himself and it had sucked. He supposed he ought to cut Eren some slack.  Or find him a girlfriend.

_God, what the hell would I have done if he had admitted that he **did** like Armin? Beg, probably. Or punch him again._

He was mortified at having jumped to conclusions yet again. He really was too insecure for his own good. He'd have to work on that since he knew how much his jealousy would have irritated Armin, especially when he had already insisted that there was nothing for him to worry about. Of course his anxieties wouldn't disappear overnight, but at least with Eren's confirmation he wouldn't have to freak out over it as much for long. Armin had said it himself; he loved Jean now. That was all that mattered.

"Glad we're clear on that. Now let's not talk about it ever again."

"Agreed." Eren nodded.

"But one more thing. Head over to Homebase today and ask for Keith. There might be a job there for you."

"Wha - Wait, are you serious?"

"Yep."

Jean recalled the conversation he had had earlier with his manager, and decided not to tell Eren any details.

 _"_ _You've got some nerve asking me for a favour when you're only worked here for barely two months."_

 _"_ _I know, it's a lot to ask of you but I'm begging you, Keith - uh, sir. He does have a crappy record but it's all behind him now. He really needs this job so I can guarantee that he'll work his ass off."_

_"What if I only needed one part-timer? Would you give up your own position for him?"_

_"...Yes."_

_"Hm. You're loyal to your friends, Kirschstein. That's a trait we want in our staff. Fine, send him in later for an interview and a trial shift. We need more help around here anyway so you can keep your own position."_

_"Thank you, sir. By the way, if you do give him a job, you should probably put us on different shifts. We're not really friends, and we definitely don't get along."_

_"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU' DEFINITELY DON'T GET ALONG?"_

Yes, it was definitely best not to tell Eren about it, especially when Jean had seriously considered giving up his own position.  No need for Eren to view his actions as charity.  Eren needed it more than he did after all. He just hoped that his pride would allow him to take it.

An intense array of emotions ranging from confused gratitude to indignant fury collected on Eren's face. Jean thought he might explode as he watched him struggle to find words. He decided to make it easier for him.

"Don't worry about thanking me or anything, it's not guaranteed yet. Besides, it's my fault you lost out on that prize money before so think of this as us being even."

He thought it wise not to mention the fact that his interference wouldn't have affected the outcome of the match anyway, and the fact that his actions reconciled Eren with his family. The last thing he wanted was another argument, and he had somewhere more important to be right now.

"I've been meaning to say this... " Eren rubbed the back of his neck, looking awkward. "But you're not... as completely shitty as I thought you were."

"Christ, well don't sugar coat it or anything." Jean sounded irritated, but he was actually resisting the urge to smile a little. "So, we're good?"

"Not completely. I mean yeah, you're only maybe seventy-six percent horse shit now and you seem to make Armin happy for some reason, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna be watching your ass every minute of every day that you're with him. You might be his... boyfriend, but I'm his brother and I'm never gonna stop looking out for him."

"Can't argue with that."

"Also, he stays on my team during PE."

"What, _every_ week? Afraid I might beat you without your greatest little tactician?"

"As if either of us could do a damned thing without him." Eren scoffed. Jean could at least agree with that.

"Anyway, make sure you turn up after lunch. Keith's happiest once he's been fed. Right, see ya."

"Where you headed?"

_Fuck._

"Um," Jean swallowed. "Just across the road. 'M going to Armin's."

"Yeah?" Eren took a step forward outside the door so both of them were crammed onto the same step. Jean had a vague sense of déjà vu. "You guys just hanging out, or what?"

"Pretty much, we usually study together a lot."

"But we just finished our exams. You're gonna go study now? Right now?"

"Well, uh, you know Armin!" Was he sweating? He was probably sweating. He tried to take a step back. "He's nothing but relentless when it comes to school work. He was even studying on Christmas day, you know!"

"How do you know he was studying on Christmas day?"

"I gotta get away - shit, I mean Armin's expecting me so I'd better get head - _headed_ over there before he thinks I've changed my mind about -"

"About what?"

"What? I have to go. Don't forget about your interview later!" He stumbled backwards down the steps and fled down the pathway, deliberately not looking back at Eren's face to see whatever expression he had on. He struggled to keep an inconspicuous pace as he crossed the street and up to Armin's door, knocking insistently and feeling green eyes boring into his back from across the road.

"Jean, what are you -?" He pushed inside, taking the startled blond in with him and shutting the door with a slam.

"Armin, tell me this door has a freaking bolt because we'd better freaking bolt it right now."

His boyfriend quirked an eyebrow at his panicked tone, before reached up and sliding the bolt in place.

"Satisfied? What's going on, why are you all jumpy?"

"I just spoke with Eren. We didn't fight or anything, I promise," He added hastily at Armin's stricken expression. "We just cleared the air a little."

"That's... good, I guess. But why the bolted door -?"

"He and Mikasa have a spare key, right? I just... don't want to be interrupted again."

"Oh."

They both fell silent, understanding the implication behind Jean's words. Armin looked to be considering something before he reached behind Jean to pull the security chain across the door and turning the key in the lock with a _click_.

"Then shall we go upstairs?"

Jean didn't know what he had expected to happen when he arrived at Armin's home. Obviously he didn't think that they'd immediately jump into bed, but he had no idea how to proceed from this point. How were they supposed to lead up to it? How had they built up to getting physical with each other in the past? They walked up the stairs in silence and Jean knew he had to say something, anything to disperse the awkward atmosphere.

"So what were you saying to Marco yesterday?"

He could've kicked himself. What the hell was he thinking to bring Marco up at a time like this? Maybe he really was the biggest fucking moron alive.

"We, uh," Armin gave a nervous laugh as he led Jean into his room. It looked the same as ever. "We were talking about you, actually."

"... Should I be worried?"

"I want to say no, but it's probably something that you would freak out over anyway." Armin climbed onto his bed and moved over to sit cross-legged in the centre. Jean watched him as he did so, his eyes drifting to Armin's shoulder blades shifting under his tshirt as he crawled. In an attempt to seem as casual as possible, Jean shrugged off his hoodie and flopped onto his back beside him, causing the mattress to dip and Armin's body to bounce slightly.

_Good one, Jean. Very sexy._

"Well, we won't know until you tell me." Jean looked up at Armin, pleased to see his boyfriend smiling down at him so fondly despite his clumsy attempt to be casual.

"He was asking me when I was going to make a move."

"Ha, he was asking me the same thing the other day. I meant to say to you before, I didn't realise you two were so close."

"We're not as close as the two of you obviously, but we're good friends I'd say. Besides," Armin laughed again, the sound much more relaxed than before. "Did you really expect me to talk about sex with Eren or Mikasa? Especially when it's you. I can't imagine that conversation going well at all."

"I guess not," Jean grumbled. "Though Marco's a sneaky bastard for trying to hear both sides of this. I can't believe how freaking nosy he is."

"But it's nice to have someone to share this stuff with. Even if it's a little weird because he's friends with both of us... "

"I've an idea, maybe you should take Reiner and Bertholdt as your go-to love life consultants instead. Save me the embarrassment telling Marco stuff when he's heard it from you already."

"No way, do you have any idea what Reiner's like when he gets going about stuff like this? And Bertholdt's the opposite, he gets absolutely _mortified_ whenever anybody broaches the subject."

Jean grinned as Armin laughed again. That beautiful high sound that he didn't think he could go a day without hearing now. He smiled up at his giggling boyfriend with every intention to playfully argue further, until his eyes caught something out of place on the ceiling above him.

_Eh? That's new. What is that?_

Armin glanced up to pinpoint where Jean was squinting and his cheeks lit up a rosy pink as he found it.

"Oh, that. I, um, I'm not as good an artist as you or Mikasa (she's the one that painted the dragon) so it's nothing too detailed and I was bored when I got tired of studying during that time we weren't speaking so I just sort of..."

Jean realised what he was looking at. The use of similar dull colours made it hard to identify at first but he quickly recognised the scene displayed on the ceiling. It was obviously Colferton beach. The range of grey smudges as pebbles and a wide streak of white (Armin had either ran out of paint or preferred to remember the water differently) for the sea showed that clearly. There were even black rings for rockpools and, if Jean squinted very hard, a tiny brown speck which he assumed was the spider Armin had teased him with. There was even the figure of a man walking his dog in its tartan coat along the coast. It turned out that Armin was as talented with a paintbrush as Eren was (i.e. not very), but Jean felt absurdly happy looking at the artwork above him. It was directly positioned above Armin's pillow, so he would have a clear view of it when he went to bed at night.

"... and when Eren saw it, he thought it was boring but it's not to me," Jean snapped back to attention and stared at Armin, who had become still without taking his eyes away from Jean. "I wouldn't change anything about that day.  Not where we were, not what we did, nothing."

"Oh, I don't know," Jean sat up and re-positioned himself so that he and Armin were almost nose-to-nose. "That first kiss attempt was pretty crappy."

"Hm, but you've gotten better at it since." Armin murmured, his breath tickling Jean's lips. Jean felt his mouth smiling against his own as he kissed him.  

He instinctively raised his arms as Armin immediately grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged it up, their lips separating briefly before colliding once more as soon as his shirt was past his head.  It seemed to have become routine for Armin to run his hands all over Jean's torso before he let them do anything else; and sure enough, as soon as Jean's upper half was bare Armin pressed his warm palms flat against his stomach before grazing them up his sides.

"Arm, you do know that I'm not actually all that built."  Jean mumbled between kisses, not sure why he felt the need to point this out.  Especially when he could feel himself grow hotter under Armin's touch.  Eager to return the favour, he relieved him of his own upper clothing and reached for him.  But his fingertips only brushed Armin's slim waist as Armin pulled back, flushed with either arousal or frustration.  He was inclined to believe it was the latter when the blond gave a little huff.

"In comparison to me, you are."

Jean stared in bemusement as Armin crossed his arms over his slender chest and looked away.  He wasn't feeling self-conscious, was he?  It never seemed to have been a problem before as far as Jean could recall.  If anything, Armin was usually the most confident and initiative out of the two of them.  So why was he now shrinking before him?  Was it because they intended to go further this time?

He cast his mind back to the last time they were in this position.  It was a week ago, and they had caught a moment to themselves in the library after school when Miss Ral had asked Armin to watch the desk while she popped out to collect the newly arrived stock.  With all the other students gone to study at home, they found themselves alone for the first time in a while.  And for some reason Jean couldn't fathom (though he wasn't about to argue against), Armin was thrilled to have the opportunity to fool around amongst the books.

Under the pressure of time and the possibility that any teacher or student could walk in at any moment, Jean had gotten excited fast and wasted no time in pressing his boyfriend against the shelves and pushing every inch of his body against his.  He had kissed him hard enough for their teeth to occasionally clash, not that either of them seemed to mind.  It had been too long since they'd been able to be alone together.  To his surprise, Armin hadn't protested either when Jean took to tugging off his school tie and unbuttoning his shirt; he'd just stared up at him, his hair disheveled, breathing hard as the red flush spread from his face down to his chest.

Dizzy with arousal, Jean hadn't thought before he'd blurted out that Armin was beautiful.  The other boy had then frozen in response, and at the time Jean wasn't sure whether that was good or bad.  He hadn't the chance to find out before they heard Miss Ral's footsteps approaching from the corridor and hastily composed themselves.

Perhaps it was Jean's comment that had made Armin so suddenly shy.  Though there appeared to also be annoyance mixed in with his self-consciousness.  Had he not been happy with what Jean had said after all?

_But he is beautiful.  Maybe he just thinks that boys shouldn't be, or he's ashamed of it.  Makes him feel less masculine, or something.  I'd imagine his looks are part of what led to him being teased by those guys in the first place. _I really need to start thinking before I open my damn mouth.__

Making up his mind to somehow convince his boyfriend that he had nothing to feel embarrassed about, Jean knew that he wouldn't be able to properly today.  For now he'd comfort him a different way, if his own confidence would allow it.

"Hey, I never did tell you,"  Jean pulled a reluctant Armin towards him and skimmed his hands up his back, marveling at the smoothness of his skin.  "About how great you were during that basketball game in November.  Those hand signals you developed, all those plays you created on your own.  It was incredible.  You're so freaking smart, Arm.  That team couldn't do a damned thing without you."

He felt Armin shiver against him as his teeth grazed his collarbone, moving his mouth up to suck lightly against his neck.  He pulled back a little, pleased at the pinkening mark he had created, and continued talking as Armin's hands lifted to grip onto his biceps for support.  He resisted the urge to tense the muscles there.

"It was driving me crazy knowing that I couldn't beat Eren because of you, but not just cause you were the brains behind it.  You were so distracting wearing those dumb little shorts and that dumb little ponytail and fucking teasing me every minute of the game.  God, I'm hard just thinking about it.  You were so sexy, Armin."

He didn't have to lie about any of it.  Just remembering the way Armin had deliberately manipulated him throughout the game and _enjoyed_ it made him flustered all over again.  He curved his arms around his waist and lifted Armin so he was perched on his leg, wondering if it was be too early to grind his thigh upwards.  He did so, and Armin let out a soft moan into his mouth, hardening against him.

_Nope, perfect timing._

"Ahh, you w-weren't the only one distracted, you know."

"Oh?"  Jean lifted his head up from Armin's shoulder to grin at him.  This he definitely wanted to hear.

"Everytime you'd stretch your arms to make a shot, your shirt would ride up a bit and I'd see some of your stomach or your back and I'd try not to stare,"  he'd started rubbing himself against Jean's leg now, his slightly uneven breaths tickling his ear.  "But it was even worse when you started marking me instead of Eren.  You were so close to me, I couldn't think straight."

"You got me in the end though with that fake injury stunt of yours.  But man, being in the changing room must've been really tough for you then."

Armin gave a shaky laugh.  "You have no idea.  Even before we finally started speaking to each other, I always thought that you had the nicest body out of everyone.  Not that I was looking, of course."

"Eh?  Really?  Even nicer than Eren's?"

"You have broader shoulders."

"God, I love you."

Deciding that he had had enough talk, and frustrated that his own need wasn't receiving any attention at all, Jean kissed Armin on the mouth to silence his spluttering.  He shifted their positions again so that Armin's hips and chest were pressed against his own.  Armin's reluctance to allow Jean to touch him seemed to have faded as he gave quiet sighs, which Jean took as encouragement to continue kissing along his shoulders and neck as his hands roamed his back.

He wasn't sure where to go from here.  Well, he knew where he  _wanted_ to go, but he realised that he had been subconsciously waiting for permission.  Armin had always been the one to initiate going further in the past, and Jean thought it should stay that way.  He knew the reason why he felt like he ought to be careful with Armin, though he was sure as hell not going to divulge it.  His boyfriend would pitch a fit if he knew Jean viewed him as fragile in any way.

_He's not though, is he?  In some ways, he's actually lot stronger than I am.  In a lot of ways, actually.  Jeez, he'd kill me if he knew I was thinking about this._

Trying to push all conflicting thoughts out of his head, he decided that it'd be best if he acted on instinct.  After all, he tended to overthink situations a lot and it never worked out well for him in the past.  Though he didn't have to think for long as Armin suddenly wrenched himself out of his arms and rolled to the side onto his back, raising his hips to wiggle out of both his trousers and underwear, muttering an impatient "so annoying" as he did so.  Jean surveyed him in awe, unconsciously flicking out his tongue to wet his lips and reaching for his own belt.  He'd seen Armin without his clothes before of course, but the sight of him lying bare before him never failed to send a thrill through Jean's own body.  However the glorious view was brief as Armin noticed his stare and sat up with a laugh.

"What, do you need a hand?"

Jean followed Armin's gaze down to where his hands rested unmoving on his belt buckle, having been apparently too transfixed by the display to do anything about it.  He was more than happy to let his boyfriend take over for him.

"So,"  Armin flushed slightly as he tugged down Jean's trousers with less grace than when he'd tackled his own.  "Have you considered how we should, um... I mean our, uh, blocking?"

"Positions, you mean?"

"Y-yeah."

"W-would you prefer being on your back?"

Armin's expression changed from nervous excitement to deadpan in an instant.  Jean instinctively swallowed, preparing himself for whatever shitstorm was about to come his way and wondering what he had said to cause it.

"You're being a little presumptuous, don't you think?"

"Huh?"

"You're assuming that I'll be on bottom, aren't you?"

"Uh... won't you?   _Ouch,"_ Jean winced as Armin ripped off his underwear with a little more force than necessary.  That blank expression was starting to get unnerving.  "Arm?"

"I hope this isn't anything to do with me being shorter than youor something equally ridiculous."

Jean suppressed a frustrated groan as Armin leaned back once again, just outwith arm's distance.  Why was he being so difficult today?  Jean was dying here, half-hard and not having done anything to relieve any of his own tension.  He gave Armin a look of desperation and caught the blank expression on his face wavering slightly.

_He's nervous._

He appeared to have noticed Jean cottoning on as he brought his knees up to his chest and hunched over them.  He bowed his head, preventing Jean from seeing his impassive facade crumbling.

"I'm sorry I'm being so difficult,"  he mumbled into his knees.  "I keep interrupting every time we seem to be getting somewhere by using these dumb excuses that I don't even care about.  It's so frustrating but I can't help it."

Dismayed, Jean watched as Armin's slight frame curled further into itself.  To him it seemed pretty clear why Armin was deliberately interrupting the flow of things.  As disappointed as he was, he knew he couldn't keep pushing Armin any further.  His first instinct to wait for Armin's permission had been right; and there was no way he was going to be  _that_ douchebag.

"Armin, it's okay.  You have every right to be difficult.  We don't have to do this if you're not ready -"

"But I am, I want to!"  he wailed, whipping his head up to stare at Jean longingly.  "It's just so much harder than it was before."

_Than it was before what?_

Bewildered, Jean wracked his brain to remember what had changed and came up with nothing.  If it wasn't what he said in the library, and it probably wasn't because their relationship was common knowledge now, then what was it?  It was definitely something he had done, but with all the dumb things Jean had done in the past it was kind of hard to narrow it down.

"You look like your head's about to combust,"  Armin muttered.  "It's because I love you, dummy."

_Oh._

He had always known somewhere in his mind that Armin usually encouraged the physical contact as a way to distract himself.  He used it to push himself away from the worries that constantly plagued him:  his studies; Eren; his loneliness.  Now that there was nothing to separate himself and his feelings from Jean, he had no idea how to behave.  He'd admitted that he loved him, and now that the distance between them was pretty much closed he had become scared.  Between his family's absence, Eren's obliviousness and Mikasa's aloof manner of showing her own affection, Armin just wasn't used to displaying his own feelings or receiving those of others so openly.  Bottling up his own intense affection for Eren had become routine for him, and now that that wasn't a problem anymore and he was free to openly love Jean...

Jean hoped he had understood this right.  It must've been, otherwise his head wouldn't be hurting thinking so much about it.  It was difficult to think in this... position.  Although, with this revelation, he wasn't sure how to act either.  He decided to just open his mouth, clumsily verbalise his thoughts, and hope for the best.  

"Well, I guess I can kind of see where you're coming from,"  he rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh.  "Even if it doesn't really apply to me since I've been more or less feeling how you're feeling right now from the beginning, assuming that I'm understanding this right.  I know it's scary doing this stuff with someone you really like, especially when you didn't think you ever would with that person.  I mean, who could've predicted that me and you would end up together?  And I don't wanna go any further if you're unsure about it.  But if you still want to, then I do too.  If it gets too intense, you tell me and we'll stop.  Alright?"

From the way Armin stared at him, it was clear that that wasn't what he had expected Jean to say.  However, he gave a slight nod and quietly murmured an "alright" as he slowly uncurled his body and reached for Jean.

Jean let himself be led forward and pulled into a kiss, hesitating before placing his hands on Armin's waist once more.  He was surprised that Armin had suddenly relaxed so easily when his own words made him more conscious of his own actions than ever, but his need to be with Armin had by no means lessened.  Though when he lay back and pulled Jean down to hover over him, Jean took the opportunity to attempt to say something reassuring.

"Also, this thing about me being on top..." Jean supported himself with one hand on the mattress and the other sliding down and around Armin's curves.  "I can't help that your butt is cuter than mine."

"Mm, I can't argue with the facts,"  Armin breathed a laugh, lifting his hips and and hooking his legs around Jean's waist.  "But that doesn't mean that the roles won't be reversed at some point."

Trying not to think too much about that, Jean gave a non-committal grunt before ducking to meet Armin's lips with his own once more.  He was almost content just to stay like this, with Armin sucking and nibbling on his lips before gasping as Jean licked into his mouth in retaliation.  It had come as a surprise to him when he discovered how much he liked kissing.  He liked it a lot, actually.  But he couldn't ignore Armin's foot constantly trailing up and down his leg or the occasional brush of his cock against his abdomen.  Or the fact that Armin's foot was against his skin was more ticklish than arousing.

 "You forgot to take off your socks."  Jean pulled away from Armin's mouth before reaching back to slip off the white cotton pair that halted around his ankles.  He could have laughed at how well they suited him, and was momentarily tempted to leave them on.  Though when Armin wriggled in embarrassment, he wasted no time in returning to his position above him and grinding his hips downwards.  Emboldened by the subsequent gasp he received from the boy below, Jean repeated the motion and allowed a grunt of his own to slip out.  He continued to rub against him, occasionally losing himself in how good it felt and barely remembering to kiss Armin through it.  It wasn't until Armin reached up, pressing his mouth against Jean's ear, that he snapped back to attention.

"I think we can move along now... if you want."

Jean gave a pleasant shudder at the low undertone; he could already feel himself throbbing in anticipation.  Armin directed him to the top drawer of his dresser, and he quickly pulled out what they needed.  He ignored the bright packet for now and gave the bottle a curious glance.

"Uh, Arm?  It's open already."

"Oh, um, that was me.  I might have used some to... practice."

"...Oh."

"S-shut up."

" _Ohhhhh."_

_"Shut up."_

Jean smirked as Armin flushed furiously, propped up on his elbows and glaring over at him.  As much as he enjoyed teasing Armin, imagining his boyfriend preparing himself for today just for him made him more flustered than he let on.  Obviously Armin had been thinking of him when he had spread himself open, but when?  How recently had he touched himself like that?  Or had he done it more than once since there was a lot less left in the bottle than Jean had thought there would -

"Jean,quit staring already and get over here."  Armin's blush deepened at Jean's focused gaze.

Jean quickly scrambled over, bottle in hand, and leaned over him.  He raised the bottle questioningly, as though to ask if it was still alright to proceed.  Armin nodded then hesitated, having reached for the bottle only to stop his hand mid-way.

"Do you... do you want to do it instead?"

"Can I?"  Jean asked quietly.  As eager as he was to see Armin do it for himself, he couldn't pass up the opportunity to be the one to make Armin feel good.  After all, he needed the practice too if they were ever going to get any better at this.

"Of course,"  Armin shuffled backwards to grab a pillow, lie back, and stick it under his hips with his knees apart.  Jean blinked, his face reddening at the display, to which Armin only muttered "It's easier this way."

Trying to pull himself together, Jean preoccupied himself with lathering his fingers with the lubricant from the bottle.

_Is that enough?  It looks more than enough, but it'd be better to have too much than too little, right?  In that case I'd better really make sure -_

_"Jeaaaaan."_ Armin gave an impatient whine.  "It's enough, just start already."

Hastily snapping the bottle cap shut and discarding it, Jean placed one hand on Armin's hip to steady him while pressing a finger against his entrance.  He could feel Armin tense beneath him as it pushed inside, though he didn't look as pained as he had feared he would.  He shifted slightly in discomfort before noticing Jean's concerned look.

"If it gets too intense for you, tell me and we'll stop."  he grinned up at him.  A laugh burst out of Jean at Armin's teasing tone, relieved that he was fine after all.  He carefully added another finger and began to move them.

"Don't make me laugh at a time like this, I was being serious before."

"If we can't laugh at a time like this, when can we?  I mean, I must look pretty ridiculous,"  Armin gave a restrained laugh, breathing harder than before.  "And it's because you were looking so worried that I tried to lighten the mood.  It's my fault after all, for -"

He suddenly jerked and let out a high sound that made Jean pause.

_Well, that was a nice sound.  Did **I** cause that?_

He experimentally moved his fingers in a beckoning motion before brushing them against the spot they had just been.  Armin's back arched as he moaned again.

"Okay, I think we're done,"  he gasped.  "But take a note of where you just were because it'll come in handy in a minute."

"Are you sure?  I still think that -"

" _Jean."_ He wavered under Armin's  _do-not-contradict-me_ stare he had used so often against him.  It usually made its appearance while they were studying, but apparently it could be applied here too.

He withdrew his fingers and removed the pillow from underneath Armin.  He tore open the packet and rolled on the condom, sincerely hoping he had remembered how to do so correctly from that one sex education class he had in second year.  With one last glance at Armin's face, he lined himself up to Armin's entrance, grasped his hips and slowly pushed inside.

 _O_ _h my god.  I-Is it supposed to be this tight?  Probably not.  I knew he wasn't ready yet.  God, it feels amazing though._

He willed himself to halt, breathing hard through his nose, and looked down.  Armin's face was strangely contorted, as though he was trying hard not to let it show how much pain he was in.

"Arm, maybe we should try and loosen you up some more first.  I don't think it's supposed to be this tight."

"Maybe I was too hasty,"  Armin panted through his grimace, hands gripping tightly onto the sheet below him.  "But I'll adjust, so just... don't move for a minute, okay?"

It took Jean every ounce of his self-control not to pull out and slam back in the way his instincts were screaming at him to.  But Armin's pained expression made it easier to remain still, watching carefully for his body to relax and accept him.  He glanced down to see that Armin was at least still hard, and figured he may as well do something to help.

He released Armin's hip with one hand and reached down to give him a light squeeze.  Armin sucked in a breath as Jean's hand moved in slow strokes in an attempt to distract him.

"Better?"

He gave a tight nod and said "Come here."  Jean leaned over him to press soothing kisses on his cheeks, his forehead, and eventually his lips.  He closed his eyes as Armin's fingertips rubbed into the back of his head in an equally comforting manner.  He breathed in the smell of him and sighed.  All he could think was _How did I get so lucky?_

He opened his eyes as Armin whispered his name.  When blue eyes met his own, he understood what Armin was asking for.  Praying that they weren't jumping the gun again,  Jean slowly pulled out and, taking a note of Armin's sharp inhale, and pushed back in.  It didn't seem to be any less tight, but Armin appeared to have gotten used to the intrusion as the discomfort on his face lessened.

Jean tried to set a steady pace, attempting to match his movements in time with the hand that was still stroking Armin.  He struggled to move consistently when one of Armin's slid from Jean's hair to press his fingernails into his shoulder.  The quiet breaths from the boy beneath him turned into shuddering gasps as he thrusted, and Jean couldn't stop the occasional moan spilling from his own mouth.  Hips still moving, he wrapped both arms around Armin's back and buried his face in his neck.

 _F-fuck... What do I do?  He feels incredible but I have to... have to find that place from before, the one that makes him feel really good.  Shit, I can't concentrate... But I had it before, I can -_  

Armin gave a violent jerk and gasped in Jean's ear as his hips snapped forward.  Realising that he must've struck the right spot, Jean didn't hesitate to repeatedly slam into him at the same angle.  He thought he was going to go crazy if the boy below him didn't stop writhing and moaning so shamelessly, and knew that neither of them were going to last much longer.  But despite the intense warmth rapidly flooding his own belly, Jean was determined to take care of Armin first.

Praying he wasn't making too embarrassing a face, Jean raised his head to kiss him then moved one of his hands from his back to knead his chest.  He was still in awe at how perfectly smooth he was, his skin completely unblemished other than the marks Jean's mouth had made.  Momentarily forgetting his original goal, he stared at the darkening circles as he was struck with the desire to create more.  And he did just that, pressing his lips against the white skin and sucking.  His hips still moving, and his hand still working against Armin's chest, Jean's fingertips brushed against Armin's nipple and gave a start when Armin yelped.

"Pervert,"  he whimpered.  "Quit it."

"Sensitive."  Jean murmured and did exactly the opposite, curiously rubbing his thumb against the hardened nub instead.  Armin let out a high moan and tightened around him, causing him to let out a groan of his own.

" _Fuck,_ Armin you have to hurry up and come already 'cause I'm at my limit here, you feel so good oh my god -"

He gasped as Armin suddenly clenched down on him with a cry and then he was coming.  He grabbed him and held him tight, panting through his orgasm as Armin shuddered beneath him.  They lay there for a few minutes, both trying to catch their breath but neither letting go of the other.  Jean steadily felt himself coming down from the pleasured high, a mix of gibberish and profanities running through his head until Armin spoke up.

"Um, oops."

"Eh?"

_Oops?_

Jean propped himself up to stare down at the boy who then covered his face with his hands.

"I came without any warning.  Again.  But it was your fault, _again._ "  A giggle slipped out between his fingers, and Jean was baffled as they kept coming.  However, he soon gave a snort and felt the laughter bubbling up his own throat.

"What the hell are we even laughing at?"

"I don't know,"  Armin peeked through his fingers.  "I'm just happy."

"Hm, did you like that then?"  Jean prised away his fingers to reveal his pink face.  He brushed Armin's sweaty bangs back from his forehead and kissed it.

"Saying I liked it would be a gross understatement.  And although I can think of at least a dozen things we could've done better, I wouldn't have changed anything."

"Glad to hear it.  I had a pretty good time too.  A really _really_ good time,"  Jean kissed him again and Armin hummed contentedly in response.  "Though we should probably get cleaned up."

"Ah, right,"  Armin mumbled as he glanced down at the mess he had made on his stomach.  "Sticky."

After wiping Armin down and discarding the condom ( _Is there any specific way to bin this?  Do I tie it or what?  I can't believe I'm handling my own used condom.  I can't believe I just had sex.  Sex with **Armin**._ ), they both crawled back into bed.  Jean was eagerly awaiting his first post-sex cuddle session, and was all set to just snuggle beneath the sheets.

"Alright, now it's your turn.  Flip over."

"Pfft, what?"

"Flip.  Over."

"You can't be serious."

" _Jeaaaaaaaaaaaaaan._ "

Armin sat up and swung his leg over Jean to straddle his waist, staring down at him with what Jean hoped was only a half-serious expression.

"Let's just get our breath back for five minutes, okay?  You're probably exhausted and I want to cuddle."

It wasn't that Jean wasn't enjoying the view (on the contrary he liked it very, very much), but his mind was still reeling from the first round and he didn't think his heart or his dick could take seeing Armin like that again so soon.  Besides, it was barely lunch time.  Not that that had much to do with it, but he was feeling a little hungry.

"How weak do you think I am?  I may not have as much stamina as you but I'm definitely ready when you are."

Jean stifled a smile at his determined expression before pulling him back down and tucking him under his arm.

"I'll bet.  Just rest for a bit first, yeah?  Then lunch, cause I'm starving."

After some grumbling, Armin relented and pressed himself up against Jean's side.  However a trilling sound caused both of them to start and glance over at Armin's phone on the beside table.

"Hm, that's a weird number,"  Jean squinted at the screen.  "That's not from anywhere nearby is it?"

Armin seemed to hesitate when he looked at the number before twisting back and burrowing himself underneath the duvet, pulling Jean with him.

"Leave it."

"It could be important."

"I doubt it,"  Armin yawned and curled up against Jean's chest.  "I don't want to deal with anything outside of this duvet right now.  I'm gonna rock your world in a minute."

"Yeah, yeah, go to sleep."

 

*

 

It was safe to say that Jean found his world sufficiently rocked by the end of the day.  However, much to Armin's feigned annoyance, it was Jean that did the majority of the rocking.  He had waved away Armin's advances with a "Next time we'll switch, I promise" or the more ridiculous "You've been gay longer than me, I'm not ready for it yet!"  The blond's impatience with him always withered the moment Jean had kissed the scowl off of his face.  Jean knew he hadn't gotten out of it yet, but he was happy for now taking every opportunity to screw his boyfriend into the sheets.  The latter of which seemed to have no complaints either during said screwing.

Armin fell back from Jean's lap, landing on the bed with a bounce.  His chest heaved, legs still wrapped around Jean's waist though much more loosely than they were just before.

"Wha... Ahh... W-Was that the door?"

"I'm surprised you could hear anything above all the noise you were making."

"S-Shut up... Seriously though, did you hear anything?"

"Some pretty insistent knocking, then I think your phone -"

A strange chanting filled the air, abruptly cutting Jean off.

"... Your phone made that noise.  What the hell is that?"

"It's Eren's ringtone,"  Armin sat up, removing himself from Jean's lap to reach for his mobile on the bedside table.  He tried to breathe more steadily and placed a hand to his chest as though to stop the racing heart inside.  "It was probably him at the door too."

"Thank god we bolted it."  Jean muttered as he watched Armin stare at the flashing screen, the ringtone starting to grate on his nerves.  What a time to interrupt.  Sure they were technically finished, but Jean had had no intention of stopping there.

He glanced at the time on his watch that he took off earlier, lying abandoned on the floor next to Armin's socks.  He noticed that it was almost dinner time, and realised why Eren had been trying to get a hold of Armin so urgently.

"Go ahead and answer it,"  Jean stretched out across the bed and laid his head in Armin's lap.  "If it's what I think it is, you'll wanna talk to him."

Armin shot him a doubtful look.  "I don't think I want to talk to him when I'm naked in bed with you, covered in my own - "

"Well, he doesn't have to know that.  Hurry up and answer, that noise is frigging annoying."

Armin answered the phone in an odd overly-casual voice, as though trying not to give away what he had been doing.  "Hi, Eren.  What -"  He swatted away Jean's hand, giggling as it traced down his stomach to his bellybutton.  "- hehehe - _S_ _top it_.  No, not you... Nothing, just Jean being annoying.  Yeah, he's still here.  We're just hanging out."

"Literally."  Jean whispered and received a sharp smack off the top of his head as his wandering hand reached lower.

"Studying?  Yep, that too.  Of course...  Hm?  ...No, he hasn't told me anything,"  Armin squinted down at Jean who kept his expression blank.  "...You did?  That's great, Eren!  I'm really glad for you... You'd better make sure you work hard, okay?  And don't forget about your school work! ...Yeah, you can tell me more about it later, go tell your mum and Mikasa.  I'll talk to you late- Hm?  ...Yeah, I'll tell him for you.  I'm proud of you, Eren... See you."

Armin hung up with a  _beep_ and twisted to set the phone back on the table before turning back to stare down at Jean.

"He got the job then?"

"Yes, he asked me to tell you thanks... You never mentioned anything about this to me."

"To be honest, Arm, I haven't really been thinking that much about Eren today.  I've been a little preoccupied... "

He turned his head to kiss up Armin's stomach, but found himself prevented from doing so as Armin gently stopped him with his hands.  He looked up in confusion to see a very odd expression on his boyfriend's face.

"Why did you help him?  You didn't have to.  You don't owe him anything."

Jean shifted, only a little since Armin's hands held him fast in place.  He didn't like where this conversation was going and was growing more uncomfortable by the moment.

"It's not like I hate him or anything.  I realised that I had the opportunity to help so I did.  It's not much; it's a crappy job with even crappier pay and he'll end up finding something better later on.  But it'll make him feel like he's doing something to help, you know?  He just wants to protect the ones he loves and... I can sort of relate, in a way."

Eager to end the discussion quickly, Jean reached up to pull Armin down to him only to be stopped once again.  Frustrated, he huffed and frowned at his boyfriend who only gazed back at him silently.

"What?"

"Jean... you're always telling me things like how amazing you think I am and how lucky you are but I've never really told you how I feel about you.  You know I love you, but you don't know about the things I think about you daily.  You can be an idiot and a jerk and it annoys me that I don't love you in spite of those things, but  _because_ of those things.  Eren told me about what you did to Roald Coburn, and that was stupid.  You know it was, but I love you for it.  You're a little rough around the edges but you're so kind, and brave, and loyal, and I don't think anyone notices.  But I do.  I've always noticed you, and I fell in love with you because you're the best person I know, Jean Kirschstein.  Even if you try to hide it.  And I'm going to tell you that every day because I'm selfish enough to ask you not to leave me ever."

Armin hadn't looked away from him once while he was speaking, a faint smile touching his lips and the sincerity in his eyes never wavering.  Jean's eyes stung as he stared up at him, an overwhelming mix of emotions flooding his chest and making it hard to breathe.  What was this?  Love?  Gratitute?  Relief?  He flung an arm across his face, covering his eyes.

"Wha... What's with you?  Saying all this embarrassing shit... I'm not a fucking girl, you know.  I d-don't need you to tell me all this crap.  I'm not any of those things you just said, I-I'm j-just - "

Mortified, he cut himself off as his voice wobbled.  He bit his lip to keep it from trembling and cursed himself for being such a mess.  Later he'd blame his lack of composure on just being physically tired, unable to admit that he'd ( _Almost, ALMOST_ ) cried out of gratitude.  He felt Armin's forehead press against his own, his hair and breath tickling his face.

"Don't argue with me, Kirschstein,"  he murmured as Jean shook with the effort to control himself.  "I know that you are fucking incredible, and I happen to be a great judge of character."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jean and armin sitting in a tree, k-i-sex-ing-i-n-g
> 
> so yeah idk how to write sex but um voilà. i tried to keep the awkward teenage jearmin vibe alive so it's not really sexy at all but that was mostly intentional. it's not the most important thing to happen in this chapter anyway. sexy sex may occur at a later date. and hey, next chapter includes vday so.


	15. In Which Eren's a Big Dumb Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean's done with Eren's shit. That's pretty much it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MADE IT IN TIME FOR JEAN'S BIRTHDAY
> 
> this one's really dumb though, i'm gonna tone down the boy drama after this one.

Jean soon realised that no matter how "okay" with each other they pretended to be, Eren Jaeger was never going to stop pissing him off.

He could deal with the strained greetings at work, and the forced smiles (that were more like grimaces) in the school corridors.  He could even just about put up with the green eyes boring into the side of his head when he sat with Armin at lunch.  What he couldn't handle was this.

Armin stood before him with an apologetic grin, held tight between an indifferent Mikasa and a smug Eren.

"I, uh, mentioned that you were going to take me out running and they wanted to come with..."  Armin trailed off sheepishly as Jean threw him a glare.

"Problem, Kirschstein?"

He took in Eren's self-satisfied smirk, the arm thrown casually over Armin's shoulders, the challenge in his eyes.

"Nope,"  He spoke through gritted teeth, determined not to give Eren the satisfaction of knowing he had successfully pissed him off.  "No problem."

 *

_"You know, Marco and I go out running sometimes since a gym membership is kind of expensive.  If you're serious about getting fitter then you could join us, or just you and I could... Uh, Armin?"_

_"...Hm?  Oh!  Sorry, I was just picturing... the image is... really nice.  Uh, never mind.  You were saying?"_

_"Okaaaay... Well, I could take you out for a jog or something and see how you feel about it."_

_"Hm, I don't know.  I don't think I want you to see me all puffed out and sweaty and gross."_

_"Er, if that's what you're concerned about then you don't need to worry.  It's not anything I haven't seen before."_

_"What do you mean?  When have I been... Oh my god, you're talking about when we had sex aren't you?  Was I really that bad?"_

_"No, no!  It's not bad!  If anything it's a turn-on!"_

_"...A turn-on?"_

And that had pretty much sealed the deal.  They'd agreed to meet at the park early on Friday morning (though not too early since it was a holiday; Jean had learned the hard way that Armin was not a morning person) for a jog.  The weather was decent for February, so Jean was pleased to find that Armin had settled for wearing his cycling shorts.  He was always pleased whenever Armin's shorts were involved.  What wasn't supposed to be part of the package were Armin's self-appointed bodyguards.

Jean glanced over to look at them; Eren was screeching, almost bent double as Mikasa "helped" him stretch to his toes.  It looked and sounded painful but Jean had no sympathy.

"Seriously, what is the reason we're doing this?"  He turned back his boyfriend who was raising his arms high above his head in an attempted stretch.  He stifled a smile at the sight and corrected his position.  "You didn't care much for exercising like this before."

"Well, I just want to be more like you when we... you know.  I want to be able to keep going for longer,"  Armin bumped his hip shyly against Jean's.  "Especially if we're going to switch at some point."

"T-That's why we're doing this?  Jesus, Armin... "  Jean glanced down as Armin bent to touch his toes and reached to steady him.  "That's not something you need to worry about.  Though if that's what's on your mind, we could ditch those two and go workout at yours... "

"Nuh uh.   _That_ workout is the reason we're doing  _this_ workout, so hands off."

"I'm just helping you stretch!"

"I don't think the current placement of your hands is very helpful!"

Jean grudgingly slid his hands around to Armin's hips instead with an over-exaggerated sigh.  He'd been looking forward to this; the two of them finally somewhere together that wasn't school or Armin's bedroom, even if this technically wasn't a date.  It would've also given him the chance to show off, something he had never turned down the opportunity to do.  But now it seemed as though Jean would have to compete for Armin's attention again today.

He risked another glance at the others to realise that they had been watching them.  Unsure whether to shudder under the intensity of Eren's glare or smirk to deliberately set him off, he imagined what thoughts were running through Eren's head:   _"I saw where you were just groping, you asshole, and I know exactly what you're thinking but if you lay one finger on Armin in front of me again I'll break your hands and rip your -"_

_God, It's not even fun to imagine anymore.  Either I've stopped caring so much or I'm not as creative as I used to be._

Deciding to ignore the daggers directed his way, Jean suggested to Armin that they start moving now.  He figured that the sooner he could get Armin tired out, the sooner he could carry him home and have him to himself.

With Eren and Mikasa following close behind, Jean set off with Armin, trying to set a light pace to begin with.  If he was being honest, he wasn't entirely sure what Armin's limit was.  He couldn't judge based on his performance in PE since Armin tended to use his brain more than his body, but his slight frame and already flushed cheeks suggested that he wasn't used to a lot of physical activity (until recently).  Jean tried to think of a way to distract him.

"Hey, that weird number didn't call you again did it?"

"Wha-?  Oh, that,"  Armin laughed without mirth, struggling to keep up with Jean.  "Yeah, that was my parents.  They called again to tell me that they're coming home in a few weeks for some reason.  I didn't ask."

"Isn't that good though?  I mean, it's been a while since you've seen them."  He couldn't understand the lack of enthusiasm in Armin's voice.  He'd have thought this was great news.  Then again, Armin had always seemed bitter whenever he spoke about his parents.

"Not really.  This happens all the time; they tell me they're coming back then something more important crops up and they end up moving to the opposite side of the globe instead.  I don't see the point in bothering to get my hopes up anymore."

"I see... "

A quick glance at Armin's glum expression let him know that he didn't want to talk about it.  Jean internally cursed himself for bringing up such a sensitive topic, even if he had done it unknowingly.  He was almost relieved when Eren caught up to them and gave him a hard look, obviously also blaming him for bringing down his best friend's mood.  Eren then directed his gaze to Armin jogging lightly between them and spoke in a cheerful tone.

"So, I'm pretty sure Keith hates me.  As of yesterday, the number of plant pots I've broken on shift is eight.  But to be fair, there are some frigging ugly flowers in there."

"Oh my god, Eren,"  Armin rolled his eyes, but he was smiling again.  He seemed grateful for the change in subject.  "You'd better be more careful if you don't want to get fired."

"Nah, that won't happen.  If Keith's gonna fire anyone, it'll be  _him_."  Eren jerked his head in Jean's direction, a mischievous grin spreading on his face.

Jean forced himself to smile back.  "That's not gonna happen seeing as my own broken plant pot tally is zero."

"It's his face, you see.  He scares away all the customers with that permanent scowl whereas I,"  Eren continued as though Jean hadn't spoken.  His grin widened.  "Happen to be the hit of the store.  Nobody can say no to this face."

Jean bit back his retort; he wasn't about to let Eren see that he'd gotten to him.  Especially when, though he'd never admit it to anyone, there was some truth to Eren's words.  Armin had been right before about Eren having a nice smile.  There was a childlike glee to it, which immediately made his face more appealing to the customers.  Even if he had no idea what he was talking about (which he often didn't), it didn't make him any less popular with both the staff (minus Keith, but he hated everyone) and customers.  Whereas Jean was usually tucked away in the stock room, usually only on the store floor when it was more likely to be empty.  He came to dread the shifts they worked on together.  Somehow every aspect of his life had become a competition with Eren, and he was growing tired of it.

_I can't complain about it though.  I'm the one that got him the job, and I knew I'd have to deal with him when I started dating Armin anyway._

"What can I say, I'm not a people person."  Jean tried to shrug casually, noticing that their pace had increased a little at some point and that Armin's breaths were now coming along in short puffs.  He hadn't realised how warm his own body had grown, though that was more to do with his flaring temper then the physical exertion.  He opened his mouth to suggest slowing down a little.

"And he's so  _slow._ It takes him twice the time that I take to do one thing -"

"Eren."  Mikasa's quiet warning from behind them was ignored as Eren kept talking, his voice grating on Jean's ears and nerves.

"- and even then it's not half as good a job as I've done."

"I'm not the one breaking pots left and right,"  Jean snapped, his patience having reached its limit.  "And stop talking about me like I'm not here.   _You_ 're the one that's not supposed to be here, so why don't you shut up?  Or better yet, bugger off and go home."

"Well I'm sorry to interrupt your _date,_ but you've been hogging Armin for weeks now.  We've hardly seen him since _you_ became his boyfriend,"  Eren spat out the words, as though he couldn't wait to get the bad taste of them out of his mouth.  "What was I supposed to do?"

"Guys, stop."  Armin panted, fumbling for his water bottle.

Jean knew he should probably shut up but he was already way too hacked off to listen to reason.  He hadn't bargained on dealing with Eren so early in the morning, and certainly wasn't patient enough to let him get away with embarrassing him in front of Armin.  He was more than capable of humiliating himself enough on his own, and he had a vague feeling behind his anger that he was probably going to come out of this looking extremely childish.

"We've already been over this.  If he wants to spend his time with me instead of you now then you need to grow up and deal with it."

"If Armin didn't want me here he would've told me,"  Showing no signs of tiring himself, Eren looked to a heavily gasping Armin.  "Right?  What do _you_ want, Armin?"

"I want you both to  _stop."_

"Fine then.  Race me, Kirschstein."

"You've got to be  _kidding_ me."

"Eren, stop it."

"Once around the park.  Loser goes home, winner gets the day with Armin."

"I'm not doing this.  Armin's not a trophy.  I'm here 'cause he asked -"

"Oh, I see.  You're afraid you'll lose because you're so damn _slow_."

"Once around the park."

"Oh Jean, for the love of - You're  _both_ idiots."

Jean locked eyes with Eren, his blood boiling.  Despite his anger, the single thought  _I'm so gonna regret this_ rang through his mind as Eren yelled "Go!" and they both ran.  He could've sworn he heard Mikasa mutter "Fools" before they took off.

Perhaps it was because Jean was exerting his energy into his anger that he immediately knew he wouldn't be able to run for long.  He risked a look to his left to see that Eren's face was screwed up in determination.  Jean wondered if he was as pissed off as he was.  Neither boy could get ahead of the other.  Despite Jean's longer legs, Eren's apparently inexhaustible supply of power made him extremely difficult to overtake.  Jean swore aloud as he stumbled and skidded around the path's sharp curves, though he lost no ground due to Eren having to swerve around an annoyed dogwalker.

 _Why the hell did I rise to his taunts again?  It's petty. **He** '_ _s petty, but he'll get away with it because he always does somehow with Armin.  I bet **I'm** gonna get lectured later,  **again**_ _.  Argh, damn it.  If I'm gonna get yelled at then the least I can do is win against this asshole._

Preparing himself for one last spurt of speed as the edge of the park approached, a sharp grip on the back of his shirt yanked him backwards and he came to an abrupt stop and gasped at the sudden motion.  A choking sound on his left let him know that Eren was suffering the same treatment.

Panting, Jean bowed and grabbed on to his thighs for support until he got his breath back.  He caught Eren staggering out of the corner of his eye before he dropped to the ground with his head between his knees.  He didn't need to look up to know that Mikasa was standing there, having caught up to them quickly and brought their race to a halt.  He didn't need to look up to know what expression she was making either.

"Armin's right.  You're both idiots."

Neither boy responded, both either too embarrassed or too out of breath to contradict her.  As soon as his heart rate returned to normal, Jean straightened up and stared down at Eren.

"What the hell is your problem?  I thought we were okay."

Eren only shook his head, staring at the ground.

Armin approached from the opposite direction, apparently having deemed it more practical to turn around and meet them at the end instead of following them around the entire park.  He still seemed short of breath though.

" _You,_ " he glowered at Jean before directing his gaze to Eren on the ground who looked up sheepishly.  "And  _you_.  You're both jerks.  Leaving me behind like that to run off like a pair of lunatic children.  You're supposed to be helping me, not going at each other's throats like usual.  That doesn't help me at _all_."

"Sorry, that was stupid,"  Jean muttered.  "Did you see how fast I was though?"

Armin gave him an exasperated look.

"I'm kidding!  I promise, we'll start again more slowly and I won't leave your side the entire time,"  Jean leaned closer to him, lowering his voice so the others couldn't hear.  "We'll get you ready for... that thing you wanna do, okay?"

He watched with some satisfaction as Armin opened and closed his mouth wordlessly, obviously flustered.  Jean poked his side playfully, surprising him and prompting an involuntary loud giggle.

"You know, he's more ticklish behind -"

"Behind the knees, I know,"  Jean cut off Eren's words with a smile at Armin who tried to look annoyed without really pulling it off.  "But the last time I tried that I got a kick to the face."

Mikasa gave a snort of approval before she led Armin to a nearby park bench to cool down, a silent threat in her eyes directed at the other two.  The look clearly said  _Talk it out.  Neither of you are getting near him until you behave._

Feeling a little like he'd just been scolded by his mother, Jean crouched in front of Eren and stared at him closely.  He was going to deal with this with as much tact as he could muster towards this boy.

"You're acting like a kid.  And what's worse, you're making me act like a kid.  We can't keep doing this.  We have to at least  _try_ to get along, but you're making it really hard for us to do that.  There's only so much crap I can put up with, and you know Armin's not going to let you keep acting like this.  You saw the way Mikasa looked at you too, even she knows you're out of line."

Jean wasn't expecting a response, and he didn't get one.

"Oi.  I get it.  You miss him.  I know what you're feeling, and it sucks but -"

"Shut up already, you pretentious git,"  Eren sighed.  "You have no idea what I'm feeling.  You don't know how weird it is to see him be so close with someone else.  Nobody else is supposed to know him that well.  He doesn't _let_ anyone else know him that well.  It was always only me.  I thought... I thought that I was enough."

_He still has no idea, does he?_

"You're crazy if you thought Armin was gonna settle for being alone for the rest of his life.  And before you say _'He wouldn't be alone, he'd have me'_ like you're about to,"  Jean added as Eren's mouth opened to protest.  "I'll tell you that that's not what I mean, and you know it.  Maybe you're just a complete moron and forgot that some people actually wantboyfriends or girlfriends, or you just stupidly thought that Armin wasn't interested in getting one." _  
_

"I... didn't think Armin was interested in that sort of thing,"  Eren looked embarrassed as he spoke.  "I couldn't imagine him with a girl or a guy or... doing anything like that."

_Clueless.  So freaking clueless._

He looked behind Eren to see Armin prodding Mikasa's abs, exclaiming that they were "even harder than Jean's".  He was relieved that they didn't appear to have heard anything they were saying.

"Whatever.  If you're just looking for someone to put up with your shit when Armin's not around you have Mikasa for that."

"It's not the same,"  Eren muttered.  "She's my sister."

"And he's your brother."

"Right."  

Jean gritted his teeth, not sure if Eren was even listening to him.  "Look, you're acting like Armin's _leaving_ you or something. He's not, he's just... making his world a little bigger. You should think about doing the same."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means get a girlfriend."

Eren wrinkled his nose in confusion.  "Why would I do that?"

"You really are a moron."

 Jean didn't want to speak about this anymore, and hopefully he'd never have to speak about it ever again.  Heaving an impatient sigh, he ran his hand through his hair in an attempt to calm his thoughts.

"Look, talk to Armin tomorrow.  And don't him that _'I'll get used to it eventually'_ bullshit because he'll see right through it.  Tell him all the stuff you just told me, and figure something out.  I'm working the morning to afternoon shift tomorrow, so I won't be in your way."

"Uh, tomorrow?  You don't have plans?"

"No, I just told you I'm working."

"On Valentine's day?"

"... Crap.  Are you serious?"

"Well yeah.  Reiner's having his "Singletons" Valentine's day party tomorrow so I'm pretty sure,"  Eren rolled his eyes, raising his fingers to form annotations around the word.  "I've nothing better to do, so I'm going."

Jean slapped a hand to his forehead and swore again, almost losing his balance and falling on his ass.  He couldn't believe he'd forgotten about Valentine's day.  He'd never had a reason to remember before, and he'd never cared much for the holiday but he had a reason to care this year.  He should've remembered, and asked to switch shifts.  Now he couldn't even pretend that he had known since he wouldn't have time to buy a present or make plans.

"Did you seriously forget about Valentine's day?  Boy, you're an even crappier boyfriend than I thought you were."

"Fuck off."

 

*

 

Eren had refused to switch shifts with him, using the excuse that Jean had already told him to use the time to speak with Armin.

"You're too late, Kirschstein,"  he had said.  "If Valentine's day was that important to you then you would've remembered."

If Armin and Mikasa hadn't been nearby to witness it Jean would've strangled him on the spot.

He broke the news to Armin there in the park, figuring that the sooner he disappointed his boyfriend the sooner he could make up for it.  However, Armin didn't appear to be the least bit bothered by missing out on Valentine's day.

"It's alright, you know I don't really care about holidays like that anyway.  We can go to Reiner's party together in the evening instead.  Besides, my grandpa's going to be home tomorrow night so you couldn't come over anyway."

The smirk Eren had been wearing the entire time Jean was breaking the news slid right off.  Despite Eren's natural obliviousness, Jean was pretty sure that he didn't miss the meaning behind Armin's words.

_What's he getting all upset about?  He gets the day with Armin and I'm not gonna get laid._

Jean spent the majority of his shift grumbling to himself.  Working halfheartedly as his head filled with thoughts of Armin and Eren in Armin's room, talking about how  _close_  they were and how  _important_ each boy was to the other then maybe Eren would say something  _really_ dumb and Armin would fall in love with him all over -

"Kirschstein, those shelves are a disgrace.  Do them again, and stop thinking about whatever's putting that constipated look on your face."

Jean pulled himself together and did as he was ordered, knowing from experience that dwelling on these thoughts was no good for him.  He tried to focus his mind on something he  _could_ do something about; Armin's Valentine's present.

He soon discovered that there was little more stressful than the pressure of getting your other half something for Valentine's day.  He hated the feeling of obligation; that not to get him something would make him a bad boyfriend.  He thought of the people that bought the stereotypical trinkets for their partners without a single thought and hated them too.  They made it seem so simple, believing that their partner would be so easily satisfied with flowers or the promise of being a better person, if only for a day.  For some it might mean more than that; some people might do it right and adore the chance to lavish their loved one.  Jean didn't think he was either of those kinds of people though.

He finished what felt like the longest shift of his life and hurried into town to quickly scan the shops before he went home to change.  He stared at the sickening array of displays; so much pink and fluff and grossness.  He looked to the shelves of cards for help, disappointed to find that they were either disgustingly over-the-top romantic or downright porny.  There was no inbetween.  He shrugged off an overly eager shop assistant; his pride wouldn't allow him to sink to that level.  No way was he asking for help from an old lady.  However he knew he was no closer to finding a solution and his own and figured it was time to bring in the professionals.

"Help."

"Happy Valentine's to you too, Jean.  Um, now's not really a good time."

Jean held his mobile away from his ear gingerly.  His best friend sounded short of breath and he could hear Mina grumbling in the background.  He could only imagine what they had been doing before he'd called.

"Then why'd you answer the phone?  Look man, I'll be quick, I really need your help."

"Okay, shoot."

Jean was starting to feel embarrassed standing alone among the Valentine's displays.  The shop assistant was still hovering nearby, watching his every move, and a group of young girls by the dirty cards were starting to giggle.  He knew without a doubt that he was the cause, red-faced in front of the stuffed teddy bears.  He had to get out of there as soon as possible.

"What the hell do I get Armin for Valentine's day?"

"You haven't got him anything yet?"

"I might have forgotten."

He heard Marco clicking his tongue, and mumble something to his girlfriend who gave an exasperated sigh.

"If you're not going to help, I'll just hang up and let you guys get back to it."  Jean said irritably, trying his hardest to ignore the girls watching him from behind the cards.

"Right, right.  Okay, let's go through the clichés.  Chocolate?"

"Nah, he wouldn't eat it."  Jean had been surprised to discover that Armin hadn't much of a sweet tooth, much preferring the tastes of savoury snacks to chocolate.

"Some cute stuffed thing?  Like a toy bunny or something?"

"I don't think he's into them either, he doesn't have any in his room or anything."  He couldn't imagine presenting Armin with a stuffed toy; he had a feeling it would just confuse or annoy him.  Armin wouldn't want something so impractical and useless.  Overall, it would be a mortifying experience for the both of them.

"A mixtape?"

"Dude, no one has tape recorders anymore.  And I don't have the time to make a CD."

"Uh... lingerie?"

Through the speaker Jean heard a muffled "Oh, for goodness sake -" and some shuffling until a female voice rang in his ears.

"Look, Jean, get him something personal.  Something only he would like.  Tell me what Armin likes."

"Er, well,"  he was always surprised when Mina took charge of the situation, forgetting that she wasn't as timid as she had originally seemed.  "He loves books, but they're all huge non-fictional ones that I don't understand so I wouldn't know what to look for.  He likes maps too but how many maps of the world does one person need?  Um, science-y shit... Oh no, wait -"

Jean pulled his wallet from his bag and looked inside.  Empty.  He'd forgotten that his wages were still going towards the repaying of the science centre tickets he had gotten for Armin's Christmas.  He swore loudly, earning gasps from the girls by the cards.  He shot them a glare, and more than one of them blushed.

"I don't have any money right now.  I can't afford to get him anything anyway."

"I didn't spend any money on my Valentine's present to Marco either."

"How come?  What'd you give him?"

"Me, of course.  He gets to spend the day with me.  That's something only he would like."  They both ignored Marco's laughter echoing down the phone, calling out that Mina was broke too.

"Honestly Jean, I wouldn't worry about it.  There's nothing Armin would want that you can't give him yourself anyway.  Just make sure you tell him how important he is to you and remind him that you love him.  If you love him that is.  You do, don't you?  You're probably aware, but it's pretty obvious."

"About as obvious as how much you love Marco."

Mina squeaked and shushed him, prompting a "Huh?  What did he say?" from her boyfriend in the background.

"I'm kidding.  Mostly.  Thanks though, Mina.  Be good to him."

"No problem.  I plan to be."

As soon as the call ended, Jean marched straight out of the shop and headed home.  He didn't need a dumb box of chocolates or a stuffed toy to show Armin how much he meant to him.  Armin knew how Jean felt about him, and he didn't need some silly trinket to prove it.

_As soon as I see him, I'll kiss him and tell him that.  We both think this holiday is dumb anyway; today is no different from any other day.  I don't love him any more or less than I usually do._

Despite Mina's reassuring words and his own reasoning, Jean began to feel the unease seep back under his skin, thinking that perhaps he should've gotten Armin something after all even if it was only a small thing.  He could've baked him something, damn it!  He could picture all of the ingredients in his kitchen cupboard at home at no extra expense.  If only he had had the time today or had remembered earlier.

His feet dragged as he reached the familiar street, not looking forward to the rest of the evening at all.  He forced himself up the garden path and knocked on Armin's front door, only remembering his promise to himself to kiss his boyfriend straightaway moments before the door opened.  He blinked as a person who certainly was not his boyfriend stood in the doorway.  And he certainly wasn't going to kiss him.

A grim-looking man around the age of sixty stared down at him suspiciously, his narrowed eyes immediately making Jean tense on the spot.  The man didn't say anything and continued to study him, picking him apart with his eyes as though he could know everything about him with one good look.  Either that or he was waiting for Jean to speak.

"Uh... Mr. Arlert?"

The man grunted in response.

"I'm here for Armin... the, uh, the party... Is he here?"

"He's here."  His voice was as hoarse as Jean expected, nothing at all like his grandson's.  Between his gruff exterior and probably just as tough personality, the only indication that he and Armin were related were the intelligent blue eyes they shared.  However where Armin's were wide and filled with curiosity, his grandfather's were narrow and calculating.

"Er, okay... Can I see him?"

The man in the doorway didn't move an inch other than raising his hand to scratch at the grey stubble on his chin, his eyes locked onto Jean's.  "I haven't decided yet."

Struck dumb, all nervous thoughts of Valentine's presents vanished from Jean's mind as he stared back.  He didn't know what to do.  He thought dealing with Eren was difficult, but this was a different situation altogether.  There was nothing Jean could do if Armin's grandfather had decided to keep them apart.  He couldn't very well argue his way into the house; he was pretty sure that would go down badly.  Feeling helpless, Jean tried to telepathically send SOS messages to Armin's mind.

"Grandpa, what are you doing?  Let him in."

Jean peered over the older man's shoulder.  Armin stood at the bottom of the stairs, shaking his head in exasperation before nudging his grandfather aside and pulling Jean inside.

"I've still got to change, do you want to come upstairs -"

His grandfather snorted.

"- Or you can stay down here.  I'll be down in two."

He watched Armin scurry up the stairs in dismay.  He couldn't believe he was leaving him alone with his grandfather when they'd only just met.  Jean had no idea what to think of him.  Wasn't he a scientist of some sort?  A man devoted to his work like Armin's parents were?  The dark shadows under his eyes suggested as much, but he seemed very much on the alert as he continued to scrutinise Jean who shifted in discomfort.  It only felt worse now that they stood at the same height.

"You're the boyfriend, huh?"

Jean gulped.  "Yes, sir."

"I always thought that Jaeger kid was his boyfriend."

"Well, he's not."

"Good.  I don't like him."

"Me neither, sir."

Their mutual dislike of Eren appeared to work in Jean's favour, as the older man gave another snort of approval.  Jean risked a halfhearted grin, and the two of them remained silent until Armin came down the stairs dressed in a tight fitting waistcoat over a white tshirt with shorts and leggings, his hair pulled back in a loose ponytail.  Jean felt his heart swell as Armin smiled at him and took his hand.  He hadn't realised how long his hair had gotten.

_This is so unfair.  He's so cute._

"I'm ready.  Let's go."

"Don't let him drink too much."  Armin grandfather growled in Jean's ear before they left.  Jean gave a him a nod and a look to assure him that he would take care of his grandson.  He was relieved when the door closed behind them and he no longer had to squirm under the old man's scrutinising eyes.

"Don't mind him, he's just a bit grumpy sometimes,"  Armin squeezed Jean's hand reassuringly.  "He's hardly ever around, but recently when he is he's been weirdly protective."

"He's... a little scary.  But I'm glad he worries about you."

"Me too.  It's nice to know he actually cares."

As soon as they reached the end of the street and Jean was sure that Armin's grandfather couldn't see them from his window, he stopped and pulled Armin in for a deep kiss.  He held him close and kissed him slowly but thoroughly, trying to put all of his feelings into this one action.  Minutes passed before Armin pulled away to breathe, looking more than a little dazed.

"Mm... That was intense.  Happy Valentine's to you too."

Jean wrapped his arms around Armin's shoulders and pressed his face into the top of his head, careful not to mess up Armin's hair since he had been scolded for doing so in the past.  He didn't want to go to this party; he'd had enough of people that weren't Armin.  Honestly, he just wanted to curl up with his boyfriend on his bed and do absolutely nothing else.  Armin must've realised Jean's reluctance to go, as he twisted in his arms to reach up and kiss him in reassurance.

"Let's go.  We'll make a brief appearance, then we'll leave and it'll be just the two of us.  Okay?"

"... Alright.  Did you talk to Eren today?"

Armin bit his lip.  Jean wanted to bite it too.  "I did.  It could've went better.  He's been at Reiner's since this afternoon and I'm a little worried about both of them.  Apparently Reiner and Bertholdt are on a break and Reiner's pretty upset about it."

"Seriously?  I can't imagine the two of them arguing... What happened?"

He shook his head.  "I don't know.  Probably nothing we can do anything about, but I'm sure whatever it is they'll fix it.  Either way, I just didn't want him and Eren moping around on their own.  I'm not sure whether this party will be a welcome distraction or a complete disaster."

If Jean's previous experience was anything to go by, he was betting on the latter.

 

*

 

"Take a walk."  Jean growled, his hand clenching around his fourth drink of the night.

The third stranger to hit on his boyfriend so far shrugged his shoulders before wandering back into the crowd, apparently not in the mood to argue further.

Armin gave a nervous laugh as Jean pulled him tight to his side, his teeth still bared in the direction of the stranger.  "Wow, I've never been so popular before.  At least Eren's having a good time."

Jean wasn't sure if that was entirely true.  The boy was half-laughing half-sobbing onto his sister's shoulder, belting out the lyrics to "I Would Do Anything For Love" between guzzles of whatever was in his can.  He could see the vein throbbing on Mikasa's temple as she attempted to hold him upright, receiving an unwanted kiss on the cheek from her intoxicated brother.

Reiner had met them at the door an hour before, looking thoroughly miserable as he hiccuped between his slurred words.  He waved away their concern and allowed them in only on the condition that they not "flaunt their new-found love in the faces of the sad stupid single people".  Jean wanted nothing more to leave on the spot, but one pleading look from his boyfriend persuaded him to stay.  He figured it might not be so bad as long as he stayed with Armin.  The pleasant buzz he'd gotten from the Godfather he had earlier was helping him hate the world a little less too.  The stream of people trying to flirt with his boyfriend weren't.

"I should've known this would happen.  Dating the cutest boy in town has its drawbacks after all."

"Oh please, you're being overdramatic.  Besides, look,"  Armin nodded to the opposite side of the room where a group of tipsy girls were giggling and looking in their direction.  " _They_ 've been staring at _you_ all night.  Hurry up and kiss me before they think they can come over."

"You're adorable when you're jealous."

"Do you think I'm kidding?"

"Arm, they know I'm with you.  I've been glaring at every guy that comes within five feet of us, so they're not gonna come over.  Girls don't usually look at me so much though.  Hey, do you think I've become better looking recently?  I heard that people become more beautiful when they're in love."

"You're obnoxious when you drink."

Armin hummed in satisfaction when Jean ducked down to nuzzle against his neck.  He felt the pleasant warmth spread throughout his body and hummed back.  Jean was happy to stay there, tucked away in the corner where the music wasn't so loud, with a drink in one hand and Armin's hip in the other.  As long as neither hand was empty and no one else bothered them, he was sure that he could have a good night after all.  

He refused Armin's suggestion to dance with a:  "No freaking way, I'm not nearly drunk enough.  You can dance and I'll watch if you like."  Then he smiled when Armin whispered a "Maybe later" in his ear and stole a sip from his drink.  He vaguely recalled his promise to Armin's grandfather before dismissing it from his mind.  Armin was being sensible tonight; it was far more likely he'd be the one taking care of Jean later.

He reluctantly allowed his boyfriend to slip out of his grasp, agreeing that getting some water was probably a good idea.  He still had to return home after all, and his mother wouldn't hesitate to cuff the back of his head and lecture him thoroughly if she caught even a whiff of alcohol on him.  He watched Armin push past the mass of drunken teenagers to the kitchen, keeping an eye out for any guys whose gaze lingered a little too long on Armin's retreating figure.  He hadn't forgotten what had almost happened last time they were here, and was anxious to avoid a repeat.

As soon as Armin was out of sight, Jean found himself at a loss of what to do.  He looked to the empty can now warm in his hand.   _Damn,_ he thought.   _I want another one of these, not water._

He glanced up and caught the eye of one of the girls that was staring at him before.  She gave him a hesitant smile, and Jean found himself thinking that she was actually kind of cute.  She raised a hand shyly in hello and Jean immediately felt guilty.  Unsure how he could silently convey  _Nice try, but I'm taken_  across the room at a "Singletons" Valentine's party, he just threw back his head and feigned a drink from his empty can.  When he risked looking up again, he was relieved to see that the girl had looked away and that Armin was making his way towards him.  He raised his finished drink with a grin, pleased to see Armin smiling back until he abruptly stumbled sideways, the glass of water slipping out of his hand and spilling on the floor. _  
_

Jean started forward immediately, unceremoniously shoving people aside until he could see Armin more clearly.  He was both relieved and irritated to find that it had been Eren who had jumped his boyfriend, and fought the urge to grab him by the scruff of his neck when he reached them.  He could barely hear Eren's slurred mumbles over the music.

"Amrin Amrin, no wait -  _Armin_ yeah, I didn't tell you before.  'M sorry I've been a complete pishbaby recently but you're my besht - no, my _besht - fuck_ , why can't I say that word?  You're my besht friend an' I don't ever wanna lose you, 'kay?  I don't like Kirschhhstein but he was right, you deserve more than just me and Mikasa so you have my blessing or whatever.  C'mere -"

Eren leaned forward to press his mouth against Armin's.  Before Jean could do anything but yell "Oi!" and leap forward, Armin pushed his friend away with a shocked "No!" and held him at arm's length.

"Look, it's great that you're okay with it and everything but you can't do that sort of thing.  Even if you're drunk and just being friendly, you can't, okay?"

He noticed Jean seething beside them and held out a hand towards him, his eyes widening meaningfully.  The look said _Don't freak, I'll deal with it._ It took Jean every ounce of his self-control to remain still, crushing the can in his hand until it hurt and grinding his teeth together.  The pleasant buzz he'd gotten from the alcohol earlier now only served to fuel his fury.  He didn't listen to Armin's stern words towards Eren, and barely felt the palm pressed reassuringly against his chest.  All he could do was stare at Eren, and picture his mouth against his Armin's, again and again.

It wasn't until Mikasa hauled away an insistently apologising Eren that Jean found himself moving again.  He allowed himself to be led through the kitchen and out into the empty back garden.  The door shut behind them and abruptly cut off the music.  It was cold outside, and the sky was black already.  He dropped onto the doorstep and leaned forward, his head hung low between his knees.  Armin sat quietly beside him.

Jean was hesitant to speak, not sure how he should tackle this.  His anger had somewhat dissipated due to the shock of the cold, only to be replaced with what felt like overwhelming despair.  He knew the alcohol was affecting his sharp mood swings, and retained enough sense to know that whatever he did now would likely be viewed as an overreaction.  He guessed he could blame whatever he did on the alcohol later.

"Don't overreact."

Jean let out a mirthless laugh at Armin's hesitant words.  "God Armin, I don't even know  _how_ to react.  Whether I freak or not, you're gonna sit there and tell me that Eren didn't mean it the way I think he did.  Then I'll half believe you and won't argue because nothing ever good comes of that, but I won't stop thinking about it every time he looks at you and wondering whether he did mean it that way or not.  Whatever I do it's not going to change the fact that every time -  _every fucking time_ \- that things seem to be going well for us something like this happens.  When it's just us it's so good, it's almost _so_ perfect, then Eren or someone else comes along and wrecks it.  Sometimes I wish it was just the two of us all the time and we wouldn't have to deal with anyone else."

"It's not like we can just go off somewhere and leave everyone behind, never talk to anyone again."

"Don't you wish we could though?"

Armin spoke quietly.  "Sometimes I do.  I know how hard it must be for you, but -"

"You don't understand how much it tortures me, Armin.  I think about it all the time; about him taking you away from me.  It's constant.  But I keep trying anyway.  I try to be supportive and help  _him_ but it just keeps backfiring on me.  You said all those great things about me the other day but I don't think I can be like that all the time, even for you.  I just don't know how to deal with any of it.  I'm tired of trying to."

"... You sound like you're giving up."

Jean lifted his head and turned to look at him.  Armin's voice had caught mid-sentence, and Jean hadn't noticed the tears swimming in his eyes.  He reached up a hand to rub against Armin's cheek.  "Not on you.  Never on you.  But I'm done with Eren.  I won't be around him any more than I have to, and I don't want to talk about him.  If I don't see him then I won't think about it.  If there's a way we can both stay with you without seeing each other then I'll take it.  We'll both feel better that way."

"I'm not sure I understand,"  Armin turned his head to press his mouth against Jean's palm.  "But if you think you'll both be better off then I'll try to go along with it.  I don't want to lose either of you.  Though for a moment there I thought you were going to ask me to choose between you."

"I would never ask you to do that."  He knew he would be too afraid to hear the answer if he did.

"Good because I'd be so mad at you if you did,"  Armin smiled faintly, looking a little less miserable than he did before.  "But jeez, I can't believe the amount of boy drama we've been suffering lately.  I think we need another drink."

An hour later (much later than Jean had intended to stay) they sat cross-legged on the damp grass, having "borrowed" one of Reiner's blankets from the house, and were giggling into each other's shoulders.

"I 'member what Marco said to me _aaaaaaaaages_ ago when I was being a dick to you and he was trying to get me to apologise.  About how you were the cutest cutie that ever cuted.  You're a cutiepatootie you are."  He pressed his index finger against Armin's button nose.   _"Boop."_

"Jean, you are so drunk."

"Only a bit.  Doesn't make what I'm saying any less true though."

 Armin smiled, his eyes still shining in the dark.  Jean wondered if it was possible for him to fall into them.  "You really love me don't you?"

"I'm about one hundred... and twelve percent sure that I do."

"Hm, then where's my Valentine's present?"

"Ah, about that,"  Jean grinned sheepishly.  "I couldn't think of anything decent in time.  Come over tomorrow and I'll cook you something to apologise."

"Wow, you can cook?  Well, aren't you just the man of my dreams."

"It's only paella; it's basically chopping stuff up and putting it all in one pan.  My parents are going out so it's my turn to cook for the rest of us and chicken paella is George's favourite.  Anyway, where's mine?"

"Your what?"

" _My_ Valentine's present."

Armin brought his hand up to his mouth, eyes widening in mock surprise, before giggling into his palm.  "I didn't get you anything either."

"Wow.  I'm taking back my dinner invitation."

"I've an idea.  Give me your iPod."

Jean obediently handed it over, watching his boyfriend thumb in the password to unlock the screen that he had already figured out long ago.  Armin snorted as the screen displaying the most recently played song.  "Owl City?"

"Shut up, he's cool."

"Mmhm."  He scrolled through the artists, occasionally  _tsk_ -ing or shaking his head with a grin.  He finally found something he didn't scoff at, pressed play and stood up.  "Oh, I actually really like this album.  I was worried you wouldn't have anything decent."

"I have fantastic taste in music."  Jean watched Armin begin to dance across the grass, twisting his body and swaying his hips.  Jean wasn't sure if Armin was _trying_ to be seductive as the blond flashed a smile in his direction and shook his hair out of his ponytail, but he grinned appreciatively because he was greatly enjoying the view anyway.  Armin sang the lyrics, punctuating the end of the lines with a hair toss or a blown kiss in Jean's direction.

_"'Cause there's always time for second guesses, I don't wanna know,"_

_"If you're gonna be the death of me, that's how I wanna go,"_ Jean murmured along with him, still mesmerised by the display.  He'd never been so glad to be sitting with a damp backside in Reiner Braun's garden.  He wasn't thinking about Eren, or the party going on behind them.  He didn't care that he'd have to face Eren at school in a few days and pretend like he didn't want to wring his neck, not if it meant he could sit here a little longer.  If he could listen to the delighted laughter spilling from Armin's lips as he spun around in circles, having given up on dancing in time with the music, then he didn't mind having to deal with anything else later on.  Right now anything other his boyfriend dancing for him was completely blurred in the background.  For a moment, Jean felt almost blissful.

"Armin, not that I'm not enjoying my present 'cause I am, but when you said earlier that you might dance for me I was thinking more along the lines of a lap dance."

Armin burst out laughing and shook his head, still moving across the grass.  "I'm not going to give you a lap dance in Reiner's garden, Jean."

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"Probably not, but I'm not nearly drunk enough to grind against you in public."

"There's no one around!"

His eyes gleamed as he grinned down at him, slightly out of breath.  "If you stand up and dance _with_ me, I might reconsider."

"On second thought, this is fine."

Armin laughed again and reached down to pull him up.

 

*

 

_I know I said I was willing to try it if it was with Armin but this is too much.  I take it back.  I can't do it._

"Jean, look at me."

"No."

"Jean, please!  I'm really sorry!"

"Don't care."

_Kina probably thought she was doing me a bloody favour when she took George out of the house.  But I wouldn't be suffering this pain and humiliation if she hadn't._

"It was an accident!"

"That's what you said the first two times you did it.  I'm not risking a fourth."

Jean stubbornly pressed his face into his pillow, refusing to react to Armin's pleas or the hand rubbing soothing circles around the already forming bruise on the back of his thigh.

"Well  _maybe_ if you were on your back -"

_"No."_

Armin groaned as Jean felt a heavy weight collapse on his bare back.  "I ruined it again, didn't I?  And you were finally going to let me do it too... "

Jean had been having a really good day.  He had somehow escaped the killer hangover he had been expecting and invited Armin over much earlier than he'd originally intended to.  Armin had been more than happy to play video games with George throughout the day, and for once Jean didn't mind sharing him.  He'd watched the two of them from the kitchen as he cooked, and he didn't think he'd ever laughed so hard as Armin's kart fell off Rainbow Road again and again.  Watching Armin trying to bite down his curses around his little brother was greatly entertaining.  Even Kina's sly comments couldn't dampen his spirits when Armin crept up behind him to wrap his arms around his waist and say "Do you have any idea how good you look in that apron right now?"

He had been in such a good mood that when Kina whisked George out of the house with a "Have fun, kids," and a wink, and Armin had asked that they try switching tonight he hadn't protested as much as usual.  He'd actually enjoyed Armin taking charge, kissing him against the wall on the way up the stairs until they reached Jean's bedroom and Armin had pushed him down onto his bed.  Although he had flat-out refused to lie on his back, certain that he'd make expressions more embarrassing than he could bear to show his boyfriend.  It had turned out that that was the least of his problems when Armin had gotten a little too nervous and somehow rammed his knee painfully into the back of Jean's thigh on multiple tries to prepare him, immediately putting Jean right out of the mood.

"Let's try it one more time.  I'm calmer now and I'll be careful, I swear."

"Honestly, Arm... I'm not really feeling it any more."

Armin rolled away to lie on his back, sighing in defeat.  Jean turned his head slightly to peek at his disappointed expression.  "This is so embarrassing."

"I'm the one who had his ass stuck up in the air."

"Yeah, but you weren't the one that ruined the mood  _again._ We were having such a good day until I practically  _assaulted_ you.  No wonder you weren't turned on anymore."

Armin looked thoroughly miserable.  Feeling a little more forgiving, Jean reached over to press a consoling kiss against his jaw.  "It's still a good day.  Cuddling at the end of a good day can be fun too.  Besides, you were pretty hot when you shoved me down like that earlier.  Don't think for a second that I wasn't enjoying it."

"Really?"  He twisted around to face him, a sheepish grin blossoming on his face.  If Jean didn't know any better, he'd think that Armin wasn't actually as depressed as he'd appeared to be two seconds ago.

"Well, duh,"  Jean gestured towards himself.  "You literally seduced the pants off me."

Armin ran an appreciative eye down Jean's body, humming thoughtfully.  "True.  If I did it once, then I can do it again."

"Not today though."

"We'll see."

A few hours later when Jean walked Armin home, he was still pink-faced while Armin hadn't stopped grinning.  He had found himself unable to say anything the entire journey, too distracted by the pleasant shivers still tingling down his spine and the feel of Armin's hand in his.  He couldn't stop imagining where Armin's hands had been just a half hour ago and felt his skin burn at the memory.  He wished that his boyfriend would stop looking so pleased with himself; it only served to distract him further.

Jean had intended to part with Armin at the corner of his street, partly out of the possibility of coming into contact with Eren and partly to due with the fact that Armin's thumb brushing against the back of his hand was driving him crazy after what they just did.  The blond was still mumbling some nonsense about the game he had been playing earlier with George, both of them knowing that in actuality his mind was far away from what he was saying, when he came to a sudden stop as they turned the corner.

Fearing the worst, Jean looked in the direction Armin was staring and was relieved to see that Eren was nowhere in sight.  He had no idea what made Armin freeze like that though.

"What's up?"

Armin's mouth had dropped open in genuine surprise, his eyes wide as though he hardly dared believe what he was seeing.  "That's my dad's car."

Jean glanced along the street and realised that there was a car he didn't recognise parked outside Armin's home.  "They're early.  I thought they weren't coming until next week?"

"I thought they weren't coming at all.  I-It's been so long, I... "  Jean registered the panicked look on his boyfriend's face.  He was still rooted to the spot, staring wide-eyed at the house where his parents waited as though it might vanish if he looked away for even a second.

Forgetting his own nerves, Jean brought their clasped hands up to his mouth and kissed them.  "Well, I think you've waited long enough.  Let's go see them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> glad you enjoyed your present, jean. i know armin did too.
> 
> ps , the song armin dances to is collar full by panic! at the disco because it's fantastic and i accidentally forgot to put it onto the playlist i made for this fic.


	16. In Which Armin's a Lil Trooper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the parents. They're just lovely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoa, it's been a while since i last updated. i sorta lost my motivation to write anything so i procrastinated on this chapter a LOT. but because this fic is so close to the end, there's no way i can give up on it. there might be longer gaps between chapters from now on though.
> 
> if some parts seem hurried and unchecked, that might be because they are. i set myself a goal of finishing this chapter before i went on this trip tomorrow and gah... i'm not very good with deadlines (i'll maybe come back and check over it when i return). but i made it! six hours before i need to leave...
> 
> to all those who have stuck with me, and pretty much anyone who reads and enjoys this fic - thank you. i love you guys, you keep me going. i hope you enjoy this one!

"Grandpa?"

Armin had called out hesitantly, but Jean could still hear the tentative hope in his voice.  He just prayed that he wouldn't be disappointed again.

A familiar grunt of acknowledgement from the kitchen startled them, and Armin's fingers tightened around Jean's as he slowly moved through the hall to the doorway to the kitchen.  The room was as untidy and uncared for as ever, but the two figures leaning against opposite counter tops didn't appear to take any notice.  Jean recognised Armin's grandfather, and they exchanged nods before Jean's gaze settled on the stranger across from them.

His first reaction was to think _'_ _Holy shit'_  before he reminded himself that the man before him was his boyfriend's father.  Still a young man, Jean guessed around his mid-thirties, he looked the part of an young professor in steel-grey glasses and a surprisingly well-pulled-off elbow-patched jacket.  With blond hair hastily cropped short and a stern blue-eyed gaze that Jean knew only too well, he had no doubt that this attractive nerd was the old man's son and Armin's father.  Though where Armin's features were rounded and soft, his father's were all sharp angles and edges.

_God, I can't wait to see Armin in twenty years._

"Armin.  How are you?"

"I... "  Armin hadn't shifted an inch, staring wide-eyed at his father who hadn't appeared to have moved either.  "I'm goo- great.  I-I'm great.  How was your flight?"

"Long."

"Oh... Right..."

"Your mother's upstairs picking up some things, but we won't be here for long,"  he uncrossed his arms to glance at his watch before running a hand through his hair impatiently.  Jean could've sworn that he looked sort of... _bored_.  "Like I said, it was a long flight and we have a meeting to get to so we'll have to catch up tomorrow."

Armin's face fell.  "But I thought... No, of course you must be tired.  There'll be more time to talk tomorrow.  Though I have school so... "

It was only then that Armin's father seemed to notice Jean who froze under his gaze.  His look was filled with barely contained disinterest, but when his eyes dropped to their clapsed hands, Jean fought the urge to gulp.

Maybe he should have let go of Armin's hand before they came in, or perhaps he shouldn't have come in at all.  How were his parents going to react to his first boyfriend?  Come to think of it, he had no idea whether Armin's parents knew that their son was gay.  It didn't seem likely that they did since they had only visited rarely, and the way Armin's fingers trembled in Jean's grip suggested that he was just as anxious for his father's reaction.

He gave Armin's hand a reassuring squeeze, and he was sure that the gesture did not go unnoticed as Armin's father raised an eyebrow ever so slightly.  However Jean's act of encouragement seemed to give Armin strength as he began to speak, looking directly at his father.  "Dad, this is my boyfriend Jean.  Jean, this is my dad Dr. Arlert.  Dad, I know this isn't something we've ever talked about, but Jean is... H-He's really important to me and even though we've only been dating for t-three months and... and two days, I... "  He trailed off in dismay as his father waved a hand in dismissal.

"I didn't ask.  Save it for your mother; I'm sure she'll want to discuss it at great length."  Dr. Arlert rolled his eyes and Jean felt a surge of annoyance.  It had taken Armin a lot of courage to speak up to his dad and it had apparently meant nothing to him.  He hadn't bothered to listen.  Couldn't he have at least shown a little interest in what he had to say?

Jean's irritation went unnoticed, or was simply ignored, as Armin's father turned his back on his son to face the old man instead.  "I wish you'd move out of this dingy little house already, Dad.  Living in this kind of area is bad for your professional reputation."

"I think you mean  _your_ professional reputation,"  He grunted in reply.  "I don't give a damn about any of that.  Armin likes it here and so do I."

"No he doesn't. What he likes is that broken family living across the street in an equally dingy house.  We already heard about _"Dr."_ Jaeger's disappearance.  God only knows what he got himself involved in this time, though I can't say I wouldn't be surprised by whatever it was.  And apparently his children are involved in some sort of ridiculous fight club in the neighboring town like a pair of savages."

Jean didn't think he'd ever disliked someone so much so quickly before, other than Eren (and even now he couldn't even claim to dislike Eren _that_ much despite their last interaction).  He couldn't believe this man's complete disinterest in his son after months of being apart from him.  Had he always been like this?  He must have been, considering the way Armin was usually so resentful when he spoke about him.  However now that he was here in front of him, there was no trace of that bitterness, only a desperate want for his father to notice him.  It made Jean sad to see the way Armin's eyes were glued to his father as though he still couldn't believe that he was there.  However the look was filled with conflicted admiration; Armin seemingly torn between defending his friends and not wanting to displease his father.

The old man's eyes darted to Armin and back to his son.  "You only arrived a few hours ago, how do you know about these things already?"

Dr. Arlert shrugged and glanced at his watch again, seemingly having lost interest in the topic already.  "Audrey was concerned."  was all he gave up.

The room fell silent, neither man apparently having anything else to say on the subject.  Armin's mouth opened hesitantly before closing again, his eyes continuously glancing between his feet and Dr. Arlert.  Though as the silence stretched on (Jean realised he hadn't said a single word since they arrived and immediately felt rude), his eyes began to dart up towards the ceiling.  Jean wondered if he was itching to see his mother, and whether she was anything like her husband.  For Armin's sake he hoped that she wasn't.  Though as soon as they heard soft footsteps on the stairs above them, Armin started and whipped around to look out into the hallway, his eyes wide and searching.

The footsteps came to a sudden stop as a woman appeared at the end of a hallway, carrying a large box full of folders and papers.  She sat them down with a huff and turned around.  The moment she caught sight of them in the doorway, she paused and breathed "Oh, my boy," before crossing the hall in a few short streets strides.  Armin released Jean's hand and met her halfway to fall into her arms, sighing contentedly into her shoulder as she kissed the top of his head.

Jean didn't mind being abandoned in the doorway with Armin's father and grandfather hovering behind him, not if he could witness Armin finally being reunited with his mother.  His mother that appeared to be a whole lot more affectionate towards her son than either of the other Arlerts.  Despite her severe haircut (severed straight along her jaw) and impeccably neat trousersuit, there was genuine warmth in her grey eyes as she greeted Armin that had been absent in Dr. Arlert's.  She was older, early forties perhaps, though that didn't make her any less attractive than her husband.

_Well damn, no wonder their kid looks like a freaking angel.  How young were they when they had him?_

"Your hair has gotten longer,"  Mrs. Arlert gave a tired smile, and it was only then that Jean noticed the dark shadows under her eyes.  She raised a hand to brush back the blond strands, her fingertips lingering on Armin's cheek.  "It suits you, darling."

Armin beamed, his hands still clutching onto her jacket and his cheeks flushed with pleasure.  "I thought about cutting it short like Dad's, but Jean likes it long."

"Jean?"

Jean stiffened, wondering if he could disappear before Armin could introduce him.  Although caught between the two of them in the hallway and the formidable father and son duo in the kitchen, he quickly realised that there was no chance of escape.  Armin turned to him excitedly and thrust out a hand towards him as though to say "Ta-da!"

He felt as though he was being x-rayed when her eyes swept up and down him, his eyebrows knitted in confusion.  He wished he was wearing something other than his scuffed trainers and his "PARENTAL ADVISORY" tshirt.  Wondering if he smelled okay, he was struck by a horrible thought.

_What if she can smell the sex on me?  Can people tell?  Does she think I've defiled her son??  Well technically it was Armin that did the defiling today -_

He mentally swatted away such distracting thoughts, praying that his face wouldn't burst into flames at the memory.

"Darling, this is -?"

"The boyfriend."  Dr. Arlert drawled from the kitchen.  "Evidently our son is gay."

"Oh."  She stared at him harder, and Jean fought the urge to look away.  It was much harder to maintain eye contact when the warmth abruptly drained from her eyes.  "This isn't the boy from across the street."

Jean caught Armin's father roll his eyes out the corner of his own.  It appeared that he thought as little of Eren as Armin's grandfather did.  His scathing words about the Jaeger family earlier had proved as much.

"No, Mum, Eren and I are just friends.  This is... This is Jean."  Armin's smile slipped as he cleared his throat, clearly anxious that his introduction of Jean hadn't gone as well as he'd hoped.

Jean watched the panic return to Armin's expression and decided to hastily introduce himself before the situation got any more awkward.  If he was being honest with himself he was itching to just grab Armin and get the hell out of that house.

"Um, Mrs. Arlert -"

"Doctor."  Armin muttered.

" _Dr_. Arlert, sorry um -"

"Oh, you can call me Audrey."  she smiled with her mouth, though Jean noticed that the suspicion still hadn't left her eyes.

"I'm afraid that you'll still have to call  _me_  Dr. Arlert."  Armin's father spoke disinterestedly.  Jean wondered if he was joking, but the lack of reaction from anyone else in the room suggested that he wasn't.  "Audrey, we're going to be late."

"I can't have two minutes with my son after missing him for so many months?"  She frowned at her husband.  When he didn't respond she sighed sadly and turned to face Armin once more.  "I'm sorry, darling, but we do have to go.  There are still some things we need to arrange before we get settled for a little while."

"I understand.  How long are you staying?"

"That's... "  Another glance at her husband.  "That's still undecided.  We'll talk about it tomorrow after school.  Let's go out for dinner, wherever you like.  And of course, bring Jean with you if that's alright with him."

She smiled coldly at him again and Jean tried to respond with a twitchy grin of his own.  "Uh, sure.  I'll come if Armin wants- "

"I do."

"...Then I'll come."

Audrey (Jean tried to keep addressing her as "Armin's mum" in his head, even if it was a little weird to call her by her first name but she had insisted...) beamed at them both before kissing Armin on the head once more.  Jean resisted the random urge to pull him away from her.  "Splendid.  I'll call you tomorrow, darling.  I love you."

"Love you..."  Armin murmured as he watched his parents turn away from him and walk down the hall for the Jean-couldn't-even-guess-what time.  The disappointment on his face was unmistakable, and he looked as though he was trying to fight the rising resentment within him.  Jean gave his arm a squeeze before following them down the hall once he saw that Dr. Arlert had no intention of helping his wife with the heavy box.  Hoping to win some approval in spite of his misfit-like appearance, Jean stooped to hoist up the box and smiled at a surprised Audrey.  She quickly recovered herself and gave him a thin-lipped smile.  "What a gentleman.  Can we give you a lift home, Jean?"

He considered the prospect of sitting alone in a car with Armin's parents and tried to suppress his horror.  He didn't think he wanted to be interrogated in such a closed space with no escape and no Armin for support.  Luckily Armin called out with an excuse that they had a project to work on and Audrey immediately backed down, saying that they'd have plenty of time to get to know each other at dinner tomorrow.  With that, Jean stuffed the box in the boot of their car and scurried back indoors to Armin as quickly as possible.  They said goodbye with stiff waves and forced smiles that felt far too familiar for Jean's taste.

As soon as the door slammed shut, and before Jean could heave a sigh of relief, Armin turned to him and spoke nervously.  "You don't have to come tomorrow if you don't want to.  I can think of some excuse for you because god only knows how they're going to react to you and I don't want to put you through that if -"

"Do you definitely want me there?"

"Well, um, yes I'd rather you were but -"

"Then I'm there."

Armin smiled gratefully and took his hand.  Suddenly he seemed very small in the dim hallway, his slender fingers entwined with Jean's and his shoulders drooping with a weary sigh.  "Now I'm going to spend all night thinking about what I'm going to say to them tomorrow.  There's so much to tell them but... "

_But you're afraid they won't listen._

Jean had always thought about whether Armin's parents would be as neglectful when they were around as much as they had been away.  It was certainly the case with Dr. Arlert.  Armin's mother might be different, but she still seemed like a woman whose first priority was not her son.  Just now she had ran off to deal with something probably work-related before Armin could get more than a few sentences out.  Jean didn't know what to think of her.

He sensed Armin's reluctance to speak on the subject any further and offered to stay the night.  He didn't say it aloud, but he tried to convey his meaning through his gaze:  _I won't force you to talk and I won't touch you, not like that if you don't want me to.  I just want to be here for you._

Armin shook his head.  "It's alright, really.  Besides, you still have the biology report to finish."

"Crap.  It's due tomorrow, isn't it?  Can't I just look at yours?"  He was half-joking, knowing from experience that asking as much was futile.  As expected, his boyfriend only smiled at him.  But he could never resist that mischievous upturn of Armin's lips.

Jean leaned forward as Armin raised himself on his toes.  Lips almost touching, both of them tensed as they heard the old man give a conspicuous cough.  They had completely forgotten that he had been standing there the whole time.  Jean suppressed a gulp as he recalled his offer a few seconds ago to stay the night and prayed he had spoken softly enough that the old man hadn't heard it.  Armin dropped back on his heels and allowed Jean a quick peck on his forehead before he cleared his throat with a "Bye then!" and left.  He made sure that night, after he'd finished his homework of course, to text Armin with a "love you.  next time i'll kiss you goodbye properly." before he fell asleep, dreading the next day.

 

*

 

It's one thing to meet the parents of your boyfriend; it's another thing altogether to meet the terrifying and suddenly-not-so-absent-anymore parents of your boyfriend who can't seem to decide whether he's happy about their arrival or not.  

The following day, Armin was silent on the subject and quiet on all others.  He alternated between shifting restlessly in his seat, fidgeting with whatever objects were nearby, and remaining completely still, staring blankly at Hanji during their lecture.  Due to his silence, Jean couldn't determine the factors causing his shift in behaviour.  He spent most of the morning nuzzling his head against Armin's as though trying to dig his way inside and read his thoughts.  No such luck, as the blond only gave little sighs or reached up touch his face gratefully in response.  It wasn't until they were gathered with the others in the cafeteria that Jean decided to go for a more direct approach.

They sat at the end of the table, allowing Jean to twist his body to face him and block off their conversation from the rest of the group.  He lowered his voice and gently prised the spoon from Armin's hand that had been chasing the food around his full plate.  The blond jolted at the touch, as though having forgotten that Jean was there.  "Hey, Arm... you alright?"

"I'm just a little nervous, I guess.  How about you?"

"I'm shitting bricks here."

He felt a little relief when Armin smiled faintly at his comment.  Then he remembered the beaming smile he had worn when he had met his mother the day before; and how quickly it had faded.

"But hey, your mum seems nice."   _For the most part._

"Yes, she's great.  We usually get along really well."

"Except when it comes to Eren, right?"

"Well, no.  She doesn't like him."  Armin shrugged and picked up the spoon again to prod at the untouched food.  "Maybe the two of you can bond over your mutual dislike of him during dinner tonight."

"Nah, I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm a hooligan too."

"You're right.  She probably won't like you much either."

_Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence._

He nervously laughed it off and encouraged Armin to eat, reminding him that baked potato was his favourite.  He waited until he had swallowed several mouthfuls before inquiring whether he had spoken to Eren or Mikasa yet, and was surprised when Armin shook his head, his cheeks bulging as he stabbed moodily at the potato.  Jean was reminded of an irritable chipmunk.  "Nope.  Haven't found the time."

"Well, here's your chance."  Jean immediately scraped back his chair and stood as he spotted the sibling duo approaching the table.  Operation "Zero Contact with Eren" was a-go.  Jean ignored his boyfriend's eyeroll as he swallowed down his food.

He bent to kiss Armin's cheek, the blond muttering something unintelligible.

"Huh?"

"I  _said_ where's my proper goodbye kiss?"  he huffed, and Jean couldn't help but grin and remember his promise the night before as he ducked down once again to meet Armin's mouth.  He had already decided that he wasn't going to hold back in front of the others anymore.  Screw them, and screw Eren.  He'd damn well kiss his boyfriend if he wanted to.

 _ _He tastes like butter.__ He thought as he pulled away from a slightly pinker-faced and a much more pleased Armin.  Jean ignored the raised eyebrows (and one particularly shocked open-mouth) with a "See ya tonight." to his boyfriend, and left.

"Wow, get a room."  Marco laughed at Jean's side, apparently having gotten up and followed him out of the cafeteria.

"Hm, we did already."

"Oh, I know,"  Marco leered at him, lowering his voice in the empty corridor.  "I know all about what you did yesterday."

"Hah?"  Jean recoiled, the knowing smirk spreading across that usually sweet freckled face was grossing him out.  "What are - ?"

"Or rather, I know what Armin did.  To you."

Jean's face burned as he realised what Marco meant.  So far he had managed to push all indecent thoughts to the back of his mind to make room for panicking about Armin's parents.  However, his best friend's words caused the memories to flare up once more.

 

_"Um, are you okay?"_

_"Y-Yeah.  Just gimme a sec, okay?"_

_It wasn't that it was painful, not really.  Armin had prepared him too thoroughly for it to hurt anymore than a dull burn.  That was fine, he could handle that.  What he was struggling to adjust to was the realisation that it was **Armin**  inside him.  If someone had told him four months ago that he would be sticking his ass in the air for none other than the sweet little Armin Arlert, he would've ran a mile in the opposite direction because obviously that someone would have been insane._

_He'd tried before to dismiss the attitude he'd taken towards their relationship; to forget the belief that he was the protector and Armin was the one that needed his protection.  Soft, gentle Armin was always the priority.  It had just seemed logical that this idea would apply to their sex life too.  Jean just wanted to make him feel safe, and feel good.  He hadn't really considered the idea that Armin might have a fierce desire of his own to... you know.  Do stuff.  To him._

_Putting his mortification to the side for Armin's sake, Jean deliberately tensed around him.  He felt the fingers on his hips tighten their hold as the boy behind him sucked in a breath._

_"W-Wow, um.  Wow.  D-Did you mean to do that?"_

_"Yeah.  You can... You can move now."_

_"Are you su-?"_

_"Armin, I swear to god."_

_He still stubbornly refused to turn around and show his face; his inability to bite back his groans was embarrassing enough when Armin's hand reached beneath him to rub between his legs.  Not even when Armin's chest, slick with sweat, pressed insistently to his back did he let himself give in.  It didn't matter how pleasurable it was, how **fucking insanely good** it felt to have Armin moving around him and swelling inside him; he wasn't relenting.  _ _Instead he twisted his hands into the sheets, gasping and internally cursing himself for being such a wuss._

_It wasn't until Armin urgently murmured his name in his ear that Jean turned his head to look at him.  He allowed Armin a split-second to stare with unfocused eyes at his red face and then, with a groan of resignation, motioned for Armin to pull out so he could shift on to his back.  It was the look in his eyes that he couldn't refuse.  It was always those damned blue eyes._

_"Yes.  Love you."  Armin breathed with a self-satisfied grin that sent a pleasant shudder through Jean's body.  Jean hooked both arms around his neck and brought his mouth down to his, but that didn't stop Armin from murmuring his name against his lips as he pushed back inside._

_"Jean... Jean... O-oh god, Jean..."_

 

"Jean, you listening?  Jeaaaaaaaaaaaan?"

Jean bite down hard on his lip as he remembered where he was and who he was with.  He whipped around to stare at Marco who looked as though he was trying hard not to laugh.

"That good, huh?"

"Shut up."

 

_"Was that okay?  Was it good for you too - I mean, you definitely looked and sounded as if you were enjoying it but -"_

_"YES, ARMIN, IT FELT REALLY GOOD OKAY?  PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT AGAIN."_

 

"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything that time!"  Marco laughed.  "But seriously, just out of curiousity... what's it like?  Does it feel as great as Armin says it does?"

_"Marco.  Can we not?"_

"Wow, you're pretty stingy when it comes to the details, aren't you?  Armin's usually much more informative."

Jean squinted at him and opened his mouth to ask just how much Armin had told him.  He quickly snapped it shut when he heard a familiar call from behind them, and turned around to brace himself for the worst.  This was the last thing he needed right now.

"Hey, uh, Jean.  Can I talk -"

"I'd rather you didn't."

"I just wanna say sorry for -"

"I don't care.  I don't wanna hear it."

Eren blinked, apparently taken aback that Jean had immediately rebuffed his apology.  He looked to Marco for help, who appeared to be completely bemused and no use at all, before turning back to Jean and speaking with an urgent tone.  "Okay, fine.  I doubt you'd forgive me no matter what I say anyway.  But whatever, I wanna talk to you about Armin's mum and dad."

Jean snorted.  "What could you have to say to me about them?  They hate you, you know."

"Yeah yeah, I know.  Just listen,"  He glanced behind him at the empty corridor, as though Armin might hear them all the way from the cafeteria.  "His dad's a dick, okay?  Don't bother trying to get in his good books, because it won't make a difference.  He probably won't give a crap about you, because he doesn't give a crap about anything important to Armin.  You might be able to get on his mum's good side though."

"I really don't think any advice from  _you_ is gonna help me here."

"Just don't wear those dumb hipster tshirts, 'cause she won't appreciate them.  Wear a cardigan or something, or let Armin pick something out for you.  And don't make any any of those stupid jokes you think are funny, especially about sex or anything because they don't really go down well.  I know from experience."

"Anything else?"  Jean said irritably.

_Any dipshit would know not to make sex jokes in front of parents.  And I don't own any cardigans._

"Don't mention me."

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"Just don't.  And don't bring up the fact that they keep abandoning their kid.  Been there, and it's not pretty.  And just... just don't give them a reason to think that you're not good enough.  Keep your mouth shut and just support Armin, alright?  Oi,"  Eren grabbed his arm as he moved to turn away.  Jean glared at him, and only hesitated to rip his arm out of his grip as he caught the pleading expression on Eren's face.  "I mean it.  They're probably gonna end up making him feel like crap all night, so you gotta make it better, alright?  They'll do it unintentionally, but they'll still do it.  If they start banging on about me or my family, just nod along or change the subject.  Don't let Armin stand up for me, they won't like that.  If they bitch about the fact that he's gay, get him out of there.  He doesn't need that crap.  Just... look after him, alright?  Promise me."

Jean spared one last glance at the desperate look in Eren's eyes before shrugging him off.  "I don't need you to tell me that."

He took off down the corridor with a confused Marco by his side, leaving Eren behind.  He assuaged Marco's curiousity with a simple "Armin's parents are in town, and I'm meeting them tonight," to which Marco returned to his usual teasing self.  Jean wasn't sure how much Armin had told him about the events of last night, but he was certain that Marco didn't know the depths of the situation between Armin and his parents.  He was glad he had chosen not to go into too much detail.

He didn't know what to think of Eren's attempt to apologise for his behaviour on Valentine's day (he assumed that's what he was going to apologise for anyway) and advice on meeting his parents.  Surely he must have thought it would be in Armin's best interest if he tried to patch things up, and it would definitely benefit Armin if his parents didn't completely detest his boyfriend.  Still, Jean didn't appreciate Eren's interference or his fashion advice.

"Hm, I wonder where you guys are going for dinner.  What are you going to wear?"

"I have no idea."

 

*

 

To his own disdain, Jean heeded Eren's words and searched his room feverishly for some relatively decent clothes.  His own wardrobe held nothing suitable, unless the suit he wore to his cousin's wedding last year could be considered suitable.  Somehow, Jean didn't think so.

While wondering if he could get away with wearing his black school trousers and changing his shirt for the umpteenth time, Kina poked her head around his bedroom door and mocked his hair, which admittedly looked as though an electric current had ran through it.  Feeling self-conscious, he almost called Armin in a panic to cancel until Kina stopped him.

"Jesus, just chill, okay?  I know it's scary meeting the boyfriend's parents, but you can't let it get to your hair.  Well, your haircut is ridiculous either way actually.  We're going to need some hair gel."

"I can't tell if you're trying to help me or make me feel worse."  Jean snapped, though secretly relieved when she tossed him a brush and started rummaging through his drawers.

"You know, for someone who's so vain about his weirdass hairdo you have nothing even remotely nice to wear.  Where's that v-neck jumper that Aunt Ellen got you for Christmas?"

"That ugly brown thing with the diamonds on it?"

"It's not ugly!"

"It itches."

"You're wearing it.  Put on a shirt underneath, then find your least-worn jeans and your cleanest shoes."  She pulled out the jumper from where Jean had stuffed it down the back of the lowest drawer in hopes of never seeing it again.  She shook her head at Jean's disgruntled expression and threw the clothes at him.  "Maybe iron it first though.  But trust me, Armin'll like it."

She wasn't completely wrong.  The moment Armin saw him as he stepped out of the front door, he seemed to be fighting a smile.

"What?"  Jean demanded, tugging at his collar and feeling even more self-conscious than before.  

"Nothing, it's just... You look like my dad."

Jean almost marched straight back in the house and shut the door until Armin hastily assured him that he meant it in the nicest possible way.  He then pulled him down the garden path towards the car.  "No really, you look very smart.  Where have you been hiding that jumper by the way?"

"Somewhere where no one was supposed to find it."  Jean said darkly.  Though he supposed it wasn't so bad to be compared to Dr. Arlert; he was a dick, but a handsome one at that.  

He glanced at his boyfriend's attire and found himself admiring the blue shirt and black sweater vest combination.  Though he already knew that Armin would look good in anything (and nothing).  "We look like a pair of fucking nerds."

Armin laughed and admitted that they did.  "Mum will be pleased though."  he said just before they reached the car.  He seemed much more relaxed than he had been during the day.  Perhaps he'd had the opportunity to speak to his parents and calm down before they'd arrived.  Or maybe talking with Eren and Mikasa had inspired some courage within him.

Jean took a deep breath before opening the door and greeting the two adults inside.

Armin's mother twisted in her seat to look around at him and say hello with a smile.  Dr. Arlert, his fingertips drumming impatiently on the steering wheel, glanced at him in the rear-view mirror and gave him a cursory nod.

"Where's the old m- Uh, where's Mr. Arlert?"

"All tied up at the lab, I'm afraid.  We're glad you could join us though, Jean.  I'm looking forward to getting to know the boy whom my son has told me nothing about."

_Because you weren't around to hear about it._

Keeping his thoughts to himself, Jean forced a smile and endured the conversation that followed between Armin and his mother.  He hadn't the faintest idea what they were talking about, only recognising the odd scientific term from biology class and assuming that they were discussing the Arlerts' work.  He sneaked a glance at Dr. Arlert and wasn't surprised to find that he didn't seem to be listening, merely directing his attention to the road in front of him.  All of Armin's and Audrey's efforts to include him in the conversation seemed to be in vain.  The disinterest on his face suggested that he was thinking of the hundred other things he could've been doing instead.

By the time they reached the restaurant, Jean was feeling very much like a third wheel.  He tried to convince himself that he didn't mind; that he was glad that Armin and his mother were getting along so well.  But watching them follow the maitre d’ to their table, chatting animatedly with linked arms, filled him with a strange sense of resentment.  He took his seat next to Armin, across from Dr. Arlert, and quickly glanced around at their surroundings.  

The restaurant didn't seem too full, but the constant low murmuring of the others seated around them and the clinking of glasses let him know that there were enough people to keep the chefs busy well into the evening.  The alarmingly well-dressed waiters waltzed effortlessly between the tables, clearing tables swiftly and carrying dishes with far more grace than Jean had ever handled a plate with.  He arched his neck to look at the high-rise ceiling with low-hanging, blindingly bright chandeliers.  He didn't know very much about what qualified as quality in a food-serving establishment, but he knew enough to recognise a high-end place when he saw it.

 

Dazed, and wondering whether they were even in Trost anymore, Jean returned his gaze to his current company and was startled to recognise the corner of Dr. Arlert's mouth curving slightly upwards.

"Not quite what you're used to, is it?"

"It's... probably a little out of my usual price range,"   _And comfort zone._ "I'm more of a home-cooked-meal guy to be honest, but this... this is nice."  Jean finished lamely.  He hoped that he didn't come across as ungrateful, but he caught Armin smiling at him and immediately felt more at ease.  Armin's smile was much warmer than his father's.

"I'm not really used to this type of place either.  Microwave meals and takeaway is more my style."

Audrey pursed her lips in disapproval.  "That's not very healthy, darling.  Don't you think you should be more careful about what you eat?"

"It's what Grandpa eats,"  Armin shrugged.  "Neither of us know how to make anything more complicated than toast.  But it's okay, I have someone else feed me.  Jean's a really great cook!  His mum taught him, and he makes a killer baked potato.  Way better than the ones they serve in the school cafeteria."

"Is that so?"

"I'm really not that great,"  Jean spoke hastily, anxious that Armin was drawing attention to him as Audrey's gaze settled on him.  "My mum's way better, I've just picked up a few things so I can cook for us when she's not around."

He was spared from talking any further when the maitre d' reappeared with the menus.  Jean quickly snatched one and hid his face behind it, squinting at the italicised text with a growing unease.

_The hell does any of this mean?  This is French, right?  Stupid fucking pretentious menu at this stupid fucking pretentious restaurant._

He glanced towards Armin for help, however the blond appeared to be frowning at his own menu.

"I've never understood why they do that.  It's so frustrating."

"What is, darling?  Do you not understand the French words?"

"No, I understand them well enough.  What I don't get is the  _why_ these restaurants feel the need to list the meals in French.  It's not as though any of these dishes are French in particular, and I'm pretty sure we're not currently in France."

Armin's mother shot Jean a dirty look, as though Armin's disapproval of the menu was somehow his fault.  "You know, the word 'menu' itself is originally French -"

 _"C'est ridicule, est ce qu'il est."_ Armin muttered, and Jean knew just enough French from his second year classes to snort into his menu.  They exchanged childish smirks as Audrey lectured her son on his incorrect pronunciation. 

Jean was relieved that his boyfriend seemed to be just as uncomfortable in this place as he was.  Perhaps he wasn't completely unused to it as Jean was, but Jean knew that he'd feel much more at home in Jean's kitchen or curled up together with a pizza box on his bed.

He reminded himself that it was just one evening he had to get through, since it already seemed unlikely that he would meet Armin's parents again after tonight.  It wasn't as though they were going to stick around for much longer if history was anything to go by.  But in the meantime, he knew he'd better be on his best behaviour.  He may not see them often, but he still didn't want them to think he was a complete idiot.

Unsure that the restaurant would serve fizzy juice, Jean asked for water when the waiter requested their drink order.  He figured that he'd better be safe and avoid all potential embarrassing situations, thinking wistfully of the chilled Dr. Pepper bottles sitting in his fridge at home.

Ordering the meal was much more tricky.  He stared at the foreign text, trying to will some understanding to suddenly come to him.  When the waiter returned with their drinks, and presumably to take their meal order, Jean panicked and decided to just have what Armin was having.  To his horror, the waiter turned to him first with a "Your order, sir?"

"Uh... I will have... s-something, um -"

"You know, if there's nothing on the menu you like we could always ask the chef to whip you up a baked potato."  Dr. Arlert spoke up with the smallest hint of amusement in his voice, still perusing his own menu.

A little embarrassed, and more than a little annoyed, Jean couldn't stop himself from retorting.  "Nah, I'm not too keen on it.  It's Armin's favourite though, but I'm sure you knew that."

Dr. Arlert only blinked, apparently unaffected, whereas his wife looked momentarily affronted before composing herself to order her own meal.  Jean glanced at Armin to see that his cheeks were glowing.  Either with embarrassment or something else Jean couldn't tell, and just jabbed his thumb at one of the cheaper meals at the bottom of the menu and tried his hardest not to mess up the pronunciation.  He recognised the word  _pâtes_ and knew that pasta was something edible that he could work with.

The moment the waiter left with everyone's order, Jean was allowed a brief moment of relaxation before he had to face what he was certain to be the most stressful evening of his life.

"So, Jean,"  Audrey placed her elbows on the table and rested her chin on his clasped hands.  Jean swallowed, nervous to be sharing direct eye contact.  "Armin's never mentioned you before, which leads me to believe that this is a recent development."

"If you count three months and three days ago as recent, then yes."  Dr. Arlert said wryly.  He had been listening after all.

"Three months?"  Audrey looked to her son sharply.  "You didn't think to mention the fact that you were in a relationship in any of the numerous emails you've sent me since November?"

Armin mumbled something about "a work in progress" and "slipped his mind" to which Jean made no comment.

"I see.  And do you think you have time for such a relationship?"

"Time?"

"Doesn't your school work keep you busy?  You finished your fifth year prelims last month, didn't you?"

"Yes, I-I got all As."  Armin spoke up eagerly.  "I swear, my relationship with Jean hasn't affected my studies at all."

Jean thought back to the numerous occasions that their homework lay forgotten while they found themselves somewhat distracted by engaging in certain other physical activities.  He decided not to mention it.

He then glanced at both of Armin's parents, expecting some form of praise or pride upon hearing that their son had excellent grades.  However neither seemed to react at all, as though top marks were the minimum standard for Arlerts.  As apparently renowned scientists, he guessed that it was the case after all.  He hated the forlorn expression on Armin's face as he also realised that an impeccable report card was no accomplishment to them.

He snapped back to attention when he realised that Audrey's gaze was on him once more.

"Do you attend the same school as my son?"

"Er, yeah.  Yes."

"Same year?"

"Yes."

"But you weren't always friends?"

"No I, uh, not until a few months ago."

"So you weren't friends in first year?"

Her tone was innocent enough, but Jean could see the steel in her eyes.  He struggled to contain the rising anger in his chest as he realised he knew exactly what she was implying.

_So they were aware of what was happening._

Jean had always known that his appearance didn't exactly scream "good Samaritan"; he'd been told on more than one occasion that he had a particularly vicious look on his eye sometimes, and been judged because of that before.  But never had it bothered him as much as it did now.  This woman didn't even _know_ him.  To be silently accused of having participated in the bullying of his boyfriend sickened him, and he couldn't stand the thought of  _anyone_ thinking for a second that he might deliberately hurt Armin.  Audrey was looking him the way a biased judge might look at a criminal and he tried not to flinch as her eyes narrowed when he took too long to answer.

"Like I said, we only became close a few months ago.  I didn't really know him before then, but I wish I had.  If I'd known what he was going through then I would've -"

"Jean, enough,"  Armin murmured, his hand reaching under the table to place over Jean's.  "You've done more than enough for me over the last few months.  You don't have to prove anything."

He gave Jean's hand a gentle squeeze before returning his own to his lap.  "Subject change please."

Jean took long gulps of his water to prevent himself from saying anything else, the twisted feeling still burning in his chest.

"Alright... I'm sorry I brought up such a sensitive subject, darling.  I know you don't like to discuss it.  And Jean, I didn't mean to accuse you of anything."

_Liar._

She gave a deep sigh and reached for her glass of wine.  "I should just be relieved that it's not happening any more.  And to have to hear about it from Carla Jaeger..."  she shook her head.  "But I noticed that you've still got your dreamcatchers up in your room.  And the walls... they're very interesting."

Jean wondered if Armin was embarrassed of his small act of rebellion when he flushed pink and shifted in his seat.  "You don't need to keep sending them.  I don't have the nightmares any more, and I'm running out of space for them all.  Come up with a better subject change please."

"Fine then.  About the condoms and lubricant I found in your drawer- "  Jean choked on his water.  "- Can I assume you're being safe?"

 _"Mum!"_ Armin's face flared bright red and he hastily rubbed his palm against Jean's back.  "Your were looking through my stuff?!"

"Safe sex is important, darling.  I just wanted to make absolutely certain, since it's clear that you've reached that age."  She gave Jean a hard look as he coughed into his hand, determined not to say a word.  Though he couldn't help wondering if she thought he was one of  _those_ boys who were only after one thing.

"That's not something you need to worry about,"  Armin muttered.  "It's not like either of you took any interest in educating me about it."

"Well, I don't think either of us expected you to be -"

"Sometimes I think you forget that I'm a teenager.  I'm sixteen, remember?  I did actually age in the time you were away.  Now, can we please talk about something else?"

"You reject every subject we bring up!"

"Excuse me for not wanting to talk about my traumatising experience with bullies or my sex life!  I'm sure you didn't come home just to interrogate me!"

"We certainly didn't."  Dr. Arlert said dryly.

His wife shot him a quick warning look, but Armin caught it.  He looked to his father and seemed to hesitate before he spoke.  "What do you mean?"

"He doesn't mean anything, darling -"

"I mean,"  Dr. Arlert drawled, talking over his wife unconcernedly.  "That your mother is beating around the bush and wasting all of our time.  The reason we're here is -"

"Jonathan, stop."  she spoke in an urgent undertone, twisting in her seat to face him.  "We already agreed not to tell him immediately and you know why.  We haven't even told your father yet."

"Audrey, the boy will understand.  He's not stupid."

"You  _know_ he'll get the wrong idea... "

Dr. Arlert rolled his eyes as his wife continued to talk insistently in hushed tones.  Jean, well aware that he had been completely forgotten, glanced at Armin who was watching his bickering parents with a look of confusion on his face.  Feeling very much like a child, he resolved to watch them in silence and ignore the rumbling of his stomach.

"...no, we  _didn't_ discuss it at length, Audrey.  You decided all on your own without listening to me, as always.  Pretend all you want, but I'm not going to sit here and lie to him.  He's not a child."

"He  _is_ a child.  He is  _my_ child, and -"

"Okay, Mum.  I'm going to stop you there, and ask you to just tell me what's going on."  Jean recognised Armin's  _stop-bullshitting-and-get-to-the-point_ voice, having been on the receiving end of it more often than he would've liked.

Armin's mother looked at him doubtfully, as though unsure whether saying any more would be a good idea.  However when her husband drew a breath to speak, she quickly silenced him with a look before clearing her throat and turning to her son.

"Alright...  Armin, do you know what the BBVA Foundation Frontiers of Knowledge Awards are?"

Jean blinked as Armin immediately answered.  "Of course.  What about them?"

"Well, your father won the ecology and conservation biology award for our research in Africa."

"Really?  That's great!  But why -"

"The Foundation is having a ceremony to present them all next month."  Dr. Arlert skewered a roll from the basket with a knife and began to butter it.  "Apparently it's essential that we be there in person to receive the award."

Jean didn't have to be an Arlert to understand what he was saying.

_Oh... Ugh, damn._

 

However, Armin still seemed to be trying to process this information as his mother began to protest her husband's words.  He waved a hand at her to shush and stared incredulously at the two of them.  "Wait, wait... Are you telling me that the reason you came home - the  _only_ reason you're  _in the country_ \- is because you couldn't get out of accepting some stupid award in person?  You're not here because you haven't seen me in almost a year?"

"Darling, of course it's not the only reason we came home!"  Audrey looked at him pleadingly, reaching her hand across the table only for Armin to withdraw his own.  "We obviously wanted to see you!  I know that we're well overdue for a visit, and we're here a good three weeks before the actual ceremony.  We just thought -"

"You just thought you'd kill two birds with one stone."  Armin muttered bitterly.  "Obligatory award acceptance, obligatory visit to the son you forget that you have.  Next time, don't bother with the latter."

Audrey seemed to be stunned into silence, obviously not used to her son speaking to her in this manner.  Jean opened and closed his mouth, unable to articulate any of his own thoughts either.  He knew that if Eren were here in his place, he would not have remained silent on the subject.  No way would he have just sat quietly while Armin was being treated like this.  Despite knowing that, and despite the discomfort and anger stirring in his chest once more, he still couldn't bring himself to say anything.

"You see, Audrey?  I told you he'd understand."  said Dr. Arlert as he skewered another roll.

 

*

 

Jean hadn't expected tonight to go well, but he didn't expect to spend the remainder of the evening in more or less complete silence.  Each attempt at an apology or mere conversation on Audrey's part was immediately snubbed by her son who refused to discuss it any further beyond stiffly asking whether he would be allowed to attend the ceremony too.  When his mother said that he would, he responded with a blunt "I'm bringing Jean then." before lapsing into silence once more.  Dr. Arlert didn't seem to notice the tense atmosphere at all, seemingly content to eat quietly and occasionally leave the table without a word for a cigarette.  

Jean, ashamed at not having spoke up in Armin's defense, tried to convey his own frustration and sympathy by gently bumping his knee against his under the table.  Armin nudged him back in acknowledgement, but didn't speak.  Knowing that he wouldn't get a chance to talk to him in private tonight, Jean resigned himself to eating his meal without a word.  He could tell that it was of a high quality, but he couldn't enjoy it at all.  The pasta felt like rubber in his mouth, and no amount of sauce or herbs could rinse the bad taste from his mouth.  He still ate quickly, hoping to leave as soon as possible, and was relieved when Armin's mother declined to order any desserts.  His eyes widened at the figures on the bill, but he didn't say anything.

Not even when the Arlerts drove him to his house and Armin stepped out with him did he speak.  Instead he hovered by the pavement and waited for what was likely to be another disagreement.

"Darling, where are you going?"

Armin ducked his head to peer down at his mother who had rolled down the car window and was staring at him in confusion.  "I'm staying at Jean's tonight."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm staying at Jean's tonight."

"It's a school night."

"It is."

"You're planning to sleep at your boyfriend's house on a school night."

"I am."

Jean bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.  He might've felt a little awkward, but he always enjoyed watching his boyfriend be blunt to people other than himself.  And he couldn't help but feel a little pleased that Armin was no longer meekly standing by and waiting for his parents to notice him.  Though he hadn't been aware of Armin's plan to stay the night, he certainly was going to back him up this time if it was necessary.

"Armin, I really don't think -"

"Christ, Audrey, let the boy do what he wants."  Dr. Arlert said impatiently before leaning across her to address Jean.  "You.  Assure my wife that you won't molest her son tonight and that he'll be on time for school tomorrow so that we can leave."

"Uh, my entire family is home... "

"That's good enough.  See you later, kid."

"Jonathan, don't you dare -"

The rest of her sentence was lost as the car started forward and rolled down the street, putting them outwith earshot and eventually out of sight.  After a few moments of staring in the direction of the car, Jean turned to Armin and swore.

"Yep, pretty much."  Armin responded dully.  "I'm sorry I just invited myself over, but I don't think I could've stood another moment with them tonight.  I can catch a bus back home though -"

"Nah, you may as well stay.  My mum won't mind.  Probably."

And she didn't really, as far as Jean could tell.  She had raised an eyebrow when Jean first asked, but when he pulled her to one side and quietly mentioned in the most respectful terms he could bear to use that Armin's parents were Class A douchebags she had no more objections.  Mrs. Kirschstein was a family-orientated woman and, despite Armin's conviction that she disliked him, was genuinely fond of Armin.

She set to work preparing the guest room (Jean hadn't really expected her to allow them to share a bed), which left Jean to find Armin some pyjamas while Armin himself attempted to entertain George with a spirited disagreement about the decreasing quality of The Land Before Time films.  Of course, this meant they had to watch as many of the films as possible before George's curfew so that one of them could be proved wrong.

Despite the events of the evening, Jean felt content to sit on his bedroom floor and listen to his brother and boyfriend playfully argue about the cheesiness of the songs.  It made him especially happy to watch Armin repeatedly roll back his sleeves and wiggle his hips as he tugged up Jean's too-big-for-him pyjamas.  He liked to think that Armin enjoyed being here; that he felt like part of the family, because Jean knew that's how everyone else felt about him.  George babbled about Armin constantly, and Kina and their mother were always inquiring after him when he wasn't around.  He was so grateful that everyone had taken to him so well in such a short time, and only hoped that Armin felt the same.

It couldn't last though, and Jean tried to conceal his disappointment when Mrs. Kirschstein demanded that they haul George off to bed.  Armin declared that he'd better go to sleep soon too.  He kissed Jean goodnight, laughed when George demanded a kiss too and then complied.  Jean watched them go before turning out his own bedroom light, slipping into bed, and staring at his phone screen expectantly.  Sure enough, after a few minutes once the house had gone quiet, he received a message from Armin.

 

 

Smirking, Jean responded eagerly.  The light, teasing text messaging went on through the night, each reply only seconds apart.  It was easy and comforting, and it wasn't until after midnight that the mood took a turn.

 

 

Jean had guessed _(hoped)_ that Armin might indicate something like this.  He would've brought it up himself if it weren't for the fact that he thought he heard his mother stirring in the room across the hall.  He told Armin to wait another ten minutes just in case before making a move.  He counted seven before his bedroom door opened with a quiet creak and watched a small figure slip inside, close the door behind him, and climb into the bed.

With his back against Jean's chest, Armin pulled the duvet up to his nose and sighed.  "It smells like you."

"It'd be weird if it didn't."

It was silent for a few heartbeats before Armin began to murmur in a low tone.  "I don't know why I thought it'd be different this time.  You'd think I'd have learned by now not to expect anything."

Jean waited for him to say more, and pressed his nose into Armin's hair to encourage him.

"For a few hours I let myself hope that they weren't here for any other reason but to see me.  Like maybe they  _missed_ me, or something crazy like that.  Apparently not.  If they had their way then they wouldn't be here at all."

"I'm no expert on workaholic parents, but I wouldn't say that they didn't care about you,"  Jean rubbed his hand up and down Armin's arm in what he hoped was a comforting manner.  "Your mum wouldn't have asked you all those questions about me otherwise.  I'm not making excuses for them but... I don't think they know  _how_ to be parents.

There was a pause before Armin replied.

"No, they're just douchebags."

"Yeah, I can agree with that."

"Jeez, first Eren and you and now my parents.  Why don't you have any drama to deal with?"

Jean snorted.  "Armin,  _your_ drama is my drama."

"Maybe I'm just a problem child.  My parents ditched me for work. My best friend slash ex-unrequited love was in some sort of fight club.  I'm a victim of physical and emotional bullying. I'm a liar. I'm an underage drinker.  I have sex with boys and sneak into their bedrooms when their parents are sleeping."

_"Boys?  Plural?"_

"It sounded more dramatic than just "I have sex with Jean and sneak into his bedroom when his parents are sleeping." so I went with it.  Don't freak, it's just you.  Only you."

Armin wriggled backwards to press himself more closely against Jean, holding on tighter to the arms around him.  Jean smiled faintly at his words, feeling his eyelids growing heavier and his thoughts becoming sluggish.  He guessed it was about time to sleep, especially since they had school in the morning.  He'd also have to get up early to make sure Armin was back in the guest room before any of his family found them.  It wasn't as though they were doing anything indecent, but he'd prefer to avoid an awkward atmosphere over breakfast.  He amused himself briefly with the realisation that Armin would have to wear  _his_ clothes to school tomorrow.

Suddenly Armin squirmed in his arms, and Jean stiffened as he felt the warmth of Armin's backside press against him.

"Armin,  _stop._ "  Jean moaned quietly into the mussed blond hair.

"It wasn't intentional."

"Liar."

He sighed as Armin rolled his hips back once more.

_He's feeling pretty rebellious tonight._

"Seriously, we can't.  My family are sleeping, we have school tomorrow, and I don't have any stuff to -"

"They're  _sleeping_.  And being chaste on a school night didn't seem so important to you yesterday.  As for the other thing -"

Armin pulled Jean's hand beneath the duvet to massage between his legs.

"- Like this is fine."  He breathed, still grinding backwards against Jean, and Jean couldn't find the discipline within him to say no.  The blood in his brain was already rushing south, making his tired thoughts even more sluggish.

"Ngh... Do you think you can be quiet?"

"Do you think  _you_ can be quiet?"

Jean blushed.

 

*

 

"Hey... did they ever work?"

"Did what ever work?"

"The dreamcatchers.  Did they ever stop the nightmares?"

"Oh, those.  Of course they didn't."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, keeping track of all the Arlerts is really annoying. i hope i didn't mess up any of the names while writing this.
> 
> Dr. Arlert/Jonathan - Armin's dad  
> Audrey - Armin's mum  
> "the old man" - Armin's grandfather
> 
> but yo, we're so close to the end... two or three more chapters? epilogue? who knows? i don't.


	17. In Which Jean Doesn't Kiss Armin as Often as Armin Would Like Apparently

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Armin talk and kiss for a bit. Then they don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well bugger me if i didn't have a million problems with this chapter. after completing it the first time, i scrapped it 'cause i hated it. i nearly finished it a second time, then my laptop had a freakout and died so none of it saved. then ao3 crashed and i lost attempt no.3. at that point i was ready to give up entirely.
> 
> BUT I PERSEVERED. eventually. shit happened between attempt 3 and 4.
> 
> and hooray for unrealistic and unnecessary smut. i kept removing it and adding it back and well, i tend to stick with my first draft ideas anyway so i left it.
> 
> um, also this is probably the second last chapter. i was going to split it, but really not a lot happens in the first half so i just shoved it all together. so the next is probably one big final chapter including an epilogue type thing. though honestly i have like ten unfinished drabble type things for this story so i might make that a separate thing. but now for the love of god please just take it away from me i'm so done with this chapter so done

Jean was kind of distracted.

It was hard to pay attention to his boyfriend's words when said boyfriend was continuously huffing and puffing, wringing his hands and rolling up the baggy sleeves of Jean's shirt.  He'd already complained that he had to keep subtly pulling up Jean's boxers as he moved, cursing his own narrow hips and scowling at a grinning Jean.

"You could've worn your own, you know."  Jean had said before they left his house that morning.

"No, I couldn't have and you know perfectly well why."

"You say that as if it's my fault."

"It _is_."

"Armin, you literally took my hand and shoved it down -"

"Shh, we're going to be late."

Armin still hadn't settled down by third period biology; grumbling about how the others had mocked him as he drowned in Jean's clothes.  He seemed unusually flushed and talkative, which made Jean wonder if Armin was actually enjoyingbeing playfully teased about his boyfriend.  Jean knew  _he_  was secretly enjoying it.

As they leaned against the wall of the corridor to be let into the classroom (Hanji was unsurprisingly late for teaching their own class again), Armin was shooting a half-annoyed, half-pleased look at a snickering Mina.  

"...so frustrating, god."  He huffed.

"Hm, yep.  Hey, you done?"

"I suppose so.  Why, am I boring you?"

"Nope,"  Jean cupped his face and brought it up to meet his own, muffling Armin's little "Mm!" of surprise as he kissed him.  "I was just thinking about how I hadn't kissed you since this morning, but I didn't wanna interrupt."

"What, so you weren't listening to what I was saying at all?"

"Uh, of course I... "

A snort to their right spared Jean from answering.  They both turned to see Mina biting down on her lip to stop from grinning so hard.  "You two are so gross, it's like you  _want_ us to make fun of you."

Jean's response was to stick out his tongue at her as he slung an arm around Armin's shoulders.  He didn't bother defending himself as Armin spluttered, content to watch his boyfriend argue with their friend about the hypocrisy of her words when she and Marco were often pretty disgusting themselves.

Since the night before, neither of them had made any mention of Armin's parents or anything remotely close to the subject.  Armin had seemed lively enough that Jean didn't want to bring it up for fear of tainting his good mood again.  It wouldn't be the first time he'd done it.  But the way Armin had spoken last night before they slept implied that his feelings about his parents weren't resolved at all.

_What would Eren say?  How would he comfort him?_

He shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts, reminding himself of the promise he made.  He had to stop comparing himself to Eren.  He knew better than that by now.

"Jean?"

He glanced down at Armin, who looked up at him with slight concern on his face.  "What's wrong?"

"Eh?  Nothing's wrong."

"Do you think I can't tell when something's bothering you?"  He leaned his head against Jean's shoulder and spoke more softly.  "What is it?"

Jean hesitated, torn between just flat-out asking and getting it over with or keeping his mouth shut for the sake of peace.  The fact that Mina was within earshot decided it for him (he didn't want to be scolded by her too).

He tried a smile, twisting his mouth unnaturally.  "Nothing that can't wait.  We can talk later."

Armin gave him a doubtful look, but wasn't given the chance to say anything as Hanji finally bounded down the corridor towards them with a screech.

He continued shooting him little concerned glances every now and then, to which Jean tried his hardest to ignore.

_What's he so anxious about me for?  He's the one I'm worried about!_

However, the moment Hanji absentmindedly wandered out the classroom again, Armin twisted in his seat to face Jean, his eyes wide and determined.  "Is it me?  Did I do something?  If it's about me pretending to be annoyed when you kissed me earlier, I swear I wasn't really annoyed, seriously I mean, kiss me whenever you want; I  _encourage_ it - well, maybe not in the middle of class or when I'm speaking or anything but really, we don't kiss enough -"

"Oi, oi, you're rambling a bit.  That's my job, remember?"  Jean sighed as he leaned back, tipping his head to stare at the ceiling.  "It's nothing to do with anything like that.  It's just... I don't get it.  I just... I dunno how you're so freaking calm right now."

"Calm about what?"

"You know.  The thing.  Your mum and dad."

"Oh."

Jean turned his head in time to see Armin shrug.  "I already told you that I was upset about it last night.  There's no point to me moping around about it anymore, especially when it's not exactly something I'm unused to.  I've got so many other things to be happy about.  Like that fact that you worry about me so much."

As Armin smiled, Jean couldn't resist grinning back. It was like a reflex now.  He was so attuned to Armin's moods that they often overrode his own. "I thought you didn't like others worrying about you."

"Jean Kirschstein is an exception.  It's rare for him to care so much about someone else."

"Ouch, thanks."

"So to be fussed over by him is a great privilege."

"Is that so?  Would a date with me also be a great privilege?"  Jean smirked, ignoring Mina's disbelieving "I can't believe you two."  from behind.

"Yes, please.  Let's do something ordinary, like go see a movie or something."

"Let's go see a terrible rom-com and make out in the back row."

"No way!  What a waste of money."

"You'd love it though."

"I probably would."

They grinned at each other, oblivious to the exaggerated retching noises behind them.

 

*

 

 _Flick._ He missed.

"Is this careers advisement appointment mandatory?"

 _Flick._ Unless the back of a yelping Thomas Wager's head counted, he missed.

"Not this one I don't think.  It's only really if you still don't know what you're planning on doing after school.  Jean, you've never going to get that in -"

 _Flick._ It went in.

"- the bin.  Okay, I eat my words.  Nice shot.  But really,"  Marco sighed, swiping the remains of an eraser from Jean's desk, forcing him to look at him in annoyance.  "Don't you think you should go?"

"Why should I?  The last three times I went weren't helpful - why would this one be any different?"  Jean frowned, and promptly started tearing shreds of paper from their 'Careers Advisement' pamphlet and scrunching them up.  Balancing one on his thumb, he pulled back the tip with his index finger and allowed it to spring forward.  The scrap bounced off of Thomas' head again.  He didn't seem to notice this time.

"Do you think messing around in registration is going to help you instead?"

"It's easy for you to talk about it, you've always known what you're gonna do."

It had been one of the first things Jean learned about Marco.  He remembered it clearly.  On the first day of nursery, some chubby freckled kid had wandered up to him when others had avoided him and announced proudly that he was going to be a policeman when he grew up.  Jean had only looked at him with an "Oh yeah?  Well, I'm going to rob a bank and become a millionaire.  Try and stop me."  Their friendship had been pretty much instantaneous.

Marco's ambition hadn't changed since then (though Jean had given up on any hope of his own).  He had always talked about protecting the public and making the world a better place; all with the same sincerity he'd had when he was four, and with those unchanging determined eyes.  Jean had scoffed at him, but secretly envied his best friend for being entirely convinced in his goal.  As for Jean... well, he'd just tried not to think about it.

 

_"Why don't you join up with me?"  An eager, ten year old Marco said.  "It'll be so much more fun if we're together!"_

_"No way.  Sounds like way too much effort and not enough perks."_

_"Jeaaaan!"  Marco pouted.  "The job **is** the perk.  Helping people is a reward in itself."_

_"Not really.  Helping people would be preventing crime in the first place.  The police's job is just to clean up after.  The damage has already been done and no one can fix that."_

_"That's... "  His best friend faltered, momentarily confused before shaking his head determinedly.  "Putting away the bad guys makes sure that they don't hurt anybody else.  That's got mean something, doesn't it?"_

_"For every bad guy put away, there are like ten more to replace them anyway."_

_"Are you saying that it's pointless?"  Marco demanded, and Jean couldn't find it in him to tell him yes, that was exactly what he was saying._

 

Jean shook his head and flicked another scrap, embarrassed of his overly cynical past self.  Even if he felt differently about it now, and though teaming up with Marco for the rest of his life sounded pretty appealing, there was no way he was cut out for police work he thought.  Too many judgement calls to fuck up, and way too much responsibility.

"So have you?"

"Eh?"

"Asked Armin what he plans on doing after school?"

Jean's hands stilled over the pamphlet for the briefest of moments, before resuming shredding the paper.  His hesitance didn't go unnoticed.

"Ah, you don't want to think about it do you?"

"He's staying on for sixth year too.  There's still ages before I need to think about it."

"Not really, Jean.  Though by the sounds of it, Armin's in the same boat as you."

"You think?"

"Well, yeah I - _Jean_."  Marco grabbed the pamphlet from Jean's grasp with a stern look, receiving an irritable grunt in return.  "Take an interest, would you?  Talk to him."

Jean wasn't sure how to describe his feelings about this conversation other than a loud  _NO._ The mere thought of asking Armin about his future made his old anxiety resurface in his chest, and his patience snap.

"What about you? Do you talk to Mina about this stuff?  Have your whole future planned out together, do you?"

"Um,"  Marco looked startled at Jean's harsh tone before shrugging unabashedly.  "Well, yeah actually."

Jean stared.  The idea of having a whole future figured out with another person sounded crazy.  He knew they acted like a married couple sometimes, but to go this far?  They weren't even seventeen yet, and Jean couldn't even plot out the rest of the week, never mind the rest of his life.

"Seriously?  Like, you've planned on the assumption that you're gonna stay together?  What if you break up?"

"Then we change the plan."  Marco shrugged again, speaking as though it were the simplest thing in the world.

"That easily, huh?"

"Well... yeah.  I guess."

"You guess?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"I dunno why I ever thought you were wise."

"You think I'm wise?"

"Obviously, I'm just as stupid as you are."

 

*

 

He turned the conversation with Marco over in his head as he waited on his front step.  Not that there was much advice to be gleaned from Marco's words, but it inevitably got Jean thinking about what he'd been desperately trying not to think about.

What  _was_ Armin's plan?  He remembered making a mental note to ask him about it months ago, though obviously that had been forgotten in light of other events _(freaking Jaeger drama)_.  He also vaguely recalled Armin mentioning something about wanting to work with Hanji when they'd first spoken, and Jean had been less than warm towards him at the time.

Shaking off his shame at the memory, Jean didn't want to assume that Armin had been sincere then.  Maybe his ambition had changed, and it still could again.  Though Marco had said something about Armin being in the same boat as him... Was Armin now unsure too?

_I'm never gonna know unless I ask him, am I?_

Steeling himself to take a deep breath and practice his _I-swear-I'm-not-freaking-about-anything-I'm-no-longer-your-panic-ridden-boyfriend-I-am-so-secure-in-our-current-relationship_ smile, Jean shifted into a more comfortable position on the step and checked his phone.

 

 

Jean sighed; he had a pretty good idea of what was happening.

They'd arranged to meet at Jean's house and walk from to the cinema from there, since it was closer to Jean's - and once again Armin had put his foot down on Jean coming to collect him.  However, it was quite dark outside for this time and Armin had been complaining about his mother hovering around his house all week...

Sure enough, a familiar dark car pulled up outside his house within minutes of receiving Armin's text.  Jean suppressed a jolt as the car horn tooted, and then a smile as he heard a faint exasperated  _"Mum."_

"Hey Mrs - Uh, I mean Audrey, sorry."  Jean fumbled over his words as he slid into the backseat of the car.  He didn't think he would ever be comfortable calling Armin's mum by her first name.  Or being around her at all for that matter.

"Hello, dear."  She gave him the briefest of glances in the rear-view mirror in a gesture not unlike her husband's who, Jean was glad to notice, was not present this time.

Armin sat stubbornly in the passenger seat, his arms crossed and his gaze focused forwards, deliberately not looking at his mother.  Resigning himself to the awkward atmosphere once more, Jean was forced to listen to the strained one-sided conversation happening in the front seat as the car crawled towards their destination.

Perching himself on the edge of his seat, and hoping Armin's mum wouldn't notice, Jean slipped his hand through the narrow space between Armin's chair and the wall of the car to lightly touch his elbow, and then his hand.  He glanced in the wing mirror to check Armin's reaction and smiled as Armin gave the tiniest of sighs and closed his eyes.  They remained like that for the rest of the journey, their fingers constantly brushing against each other's in an oddly ticklish yet comforting manner.  Jean made a halfhearted attempt at conversing with Audrey to distract her from the dreamy look on her son's face.

Jean only drew back when the car finally drew to a slow stop in front of the cinema, and was mildly startled when Armin grabbed his hand to prevent him from doing so.

A moment passed, and Armin let go and exited the car without a word.  Jean followed, only to pause when Audrey called her son back.

"Darling, just... promise you'll consider it, okay?"  She spoke softly, but it almost sounded as though she was pleading.  "That's all I ask."

"...I'll think about it."  Armin replied just as quietly before closing the door, taking Jean's hand and leading him up the steps to the building.

Mind suddenly buzzing with questions, Jean kept quiet as they bought their tickets and made their way into the dark screen.

He was annoyed to find that the screen was busy, thinking that no doubt he'd have to shush that already rowdy group of twelve year olds up the back at some point.  Though he'd expect no less from seeing a superhero movie on a Friday night.

Eager to keep a light-hearted atmosphere, Jean leaned over to whisper in Armin's ear as the adverts began.  "Have mega cheesey date for the next three hours, and then scarily serious honest talk after?"

His boyfriend gave an appreciative smile and turned his head to gently bite at Jean's nose.  "Concluding with a super hot make-out session behind the car park?"

"Deal."  Jean responded in turn with a quick kiss, and settled down to watch the movie.

Though it was safe to say that Jean was having a hard time paying attention.  Each time he thought he was getting into the plot, stray thoughts such as  _Would it be super lame if I held Armin's hand right now?_ or  _Would those kids up the back notice if I slouched and put my head on Armin's shoulder?_ would consume his mind and distract him completely.

He kept glancing to see how invested Armin seemed to be in the movie, and was struck by the sudden change in his expression.

_I've seen that look before._

Armin was staring at the screen with his teeth digging deep into his bottom lip, and an intense gaze that had previously made Jean shiver.  In a really really good way.

Smirking, Jean tilted his head towards him and spoke in a low murmur that made Armin jolt:  "You know, I'm pretty sure I could pick up a Captain America costume somewhere if you're into that kind of thing."

He watched with satisfaction as Armin's cheeks grew pink in the dim light.  "Oho, am I detecting a superhero fetish?  Or is it spandex?"

"Actually, I was just thinking about how much he reminded me of Mr. Smith."

"... Tell me you're joking."

" _Hnnn_ , can you imagine him in that tight-fitting -"

"Please stop talking."

"- bum-hugging - "

"I'm gonna throw up."

" _God_ , that  _butt_ -"

"I have a firm butt too, you know."  Jean interjected a little louder than he'd intended, receiving numerous shushes from the clusters of others around them.

"Oh, I know."  Armin was the one smirking now.  "I am _intimately familiar_ with the firmness of your butt."

Almost choking on air, Jean leaned over in mock-rage to smother his boyfriend's giggles with his mouth.  Armin's squeals earned several more shushes and one particularly irritable "Shut up!" from behind.

Jean finally drew back, half-scowling and half-grinning at the breathless boy next to him.  However, a small squeak drew both of their attention to the right.

A boy stood in the aisle, a packet of popcorn clutched tight in his hands.  He stared at them with wide eyes, his mouth half-open as though he were debating whether to call out.

Jean felt himself grow cold, involuntarily imagining all the possible scenarios that could happen.  He knew the boy must belong to the group of noisy kids in the back row; the typical type of pre-adolescents with that brutally honest way of mocking you and killing your self-esteem in an instant.

If that boy were to run up to his friends and inform them that there were two boys fooling around at the front... Jean didn't want to think about what might follow.

Before he could react, Armin moved instead.  Staring straight at the boy, he lifted a finger to his lips and winked.

The popcorn packet burst with a sharp  _pop_ , and the boy's face grew a deep shade of red before he turned and fled back the way he'd came.  His friends didn't seem to notice.

The corners of his mouth twitching, Jean turned back to look at his boyfriend.

"Well... that was risky."

"I actually... feel kind of bad for him now."  Armin bit back a smile, and Jean found that he didn't feel bad for the boy at all.

After an hour or so, and many more outbursts of laughter later, the movie ended.  Neither boy noticed until the room lit again, forcing them to be discreet once more.  Jean found himself genuinely surprised that they hadn't been asked by a staff member to leave the cinema altogether.  Sure, the other cinemagoers had seemed annoyed at their noise level, but soon the film grew loud enough to cover the majority of their antics.

 _I've become what I hated the most._ Jean realised.

They exited the screen, and Jean smirked as Armin waved at the boy from before.  The boy spluttered, his cheeks still scarlet, and sped up to catch up with his friends.

"Are you in the habit of making younger boys flustered?"

"Hm, well it  _is_ fun."

"Did you have a good time tonight then?"

Armin turned to face him on the steps outside of the cinema, and embraced him.  "I did, thank you.  But don't talk like we're finished.  I'm not planning on calling my mum for a while yet."

Jean had been relived when Armin told him earlier that although his mother had demanded that he allow her to pick them up afterwards, he had not yet informed her of when the film ended.

"Well, I'm glad but... "  Jean shuffled the two of them down to the bottom of the steps and a little to the right, ensuring that they were no longer blocking the cinema entrance (or publicly broadcasting their _we're-clearly-more-than-friends_ hug to the entire car park).  They sat side-by-side on the bottom step with their shoulders pressed together.  "This is the part where I ruin the date by asking something I'm scared to hear the answer to."

"I love how straightforward you are."

"It's both a blessing and a curse.  But really, I think maybe we should talk about this."

"Okedoke, then let's.  Wait, it's not about Eren again is it?"

"N-no... "

"What do you mean  _'N-no'_?"

"I mean,"  Jean shifted in discomfort, the cool concrete already numbing his butt.  "That he and Mikasa could be a potential factor in... this."

"O- _kaaaaaaaay_... I swear if you're about to ask me what I want to do with my life after sch-"

Jean coughed.

"- ool.  Damn, that's it isn't it?"

"A little bit.  I mean yeah, pretty much."

Armin let out a deep sigh and threw his head back to look at the sky.  When he didn't immediately respond, Jean took it upon himself to start babbling.

"See, I thought it was too early to start thinking about it because really, I don't have a freaking clue about what I want to do.  But Marco said I should probably talk to the careers advisor - and  _you_  to see what your plans were, and if you even _have_ a plan.  Though I dunno whether your plan would affect  _my_ plan, 'cause we haven't been together long and who knows if we'll still be together in a year's time because... "  He trailed off as Armin twisted his head to look at him, eyes unblinking.

"... because well, let's face it; I love you, but we're both realists and this whole thing has been shaky from the beginning."  He finished lamely.

When Jean had thought about how he was going to broach this subject with Armin, he certainly didn't think he'd blurt out his thoughts so bluntly.  Though he when he looked at his boyfriend, he didn't appear to be surprised by Jean's words.  Instead, he merely looked away and brought his fingers to his mouth.  Jean caught the flash of teeth as Armin bit at the skin around his fingernails.  It took a great deal of effort to stop himself from pulling Armin's hand away.

"I don't know either."  Armin admitted quietly.

The way he didn't immediately rebuff Jean's words scared him and made him wish he'd never opened his mouth in the first place.  Hoping to get back to the flirty carefree atmosphere from before, he playfully knocked his knee against Armin's and kissed his shoulder, the closest part of Armin he could reach with his mouth.  "But hey, live in the present right?  We've still got loads of ti- "

"Mum said I- " Armin spoke suddenly then broke off.  He swallowed and started again.  "Mum asked if I wanted to go with them when they left.  When they go back to Egypt after this award thing next month.  I told her no obviously,"  He added hastily at the shocked look on Jean's face.  "And she realised how stupid it was to ask, especially when I said I definitely wanted to stay on for sixth year.  But she... She said I could join her and Dad after that, if I wanted."

Forcing himself to rearrange his face into a less horrified expression, Jean cleared his throat hesitantly and dared himself to ask the next question.  "And do you?  Want to go, I mean."

"No! I... I don't know!  She only asked me today and I didn't want to think about it during our date so I haven't really, well... thought about it.  She asked me what my plan was -  _god,_ will people stop asking me that? - and I told her I didn't have one because I can't decide!" _  
_

Jean could tell that this was one of those rare times when Armin just cracked and let all of his thoughts spill out loud at once, gesturing wildly with his hands.  Prepared for the worst, and listening carefully, Jean knew not to interrupt until Armin gave his signature huff.

"I mean, of course I've fantasised about joining my parents to learn and work alongside them!  But I want to do something that's mine too, you know?  Like, I could go to university and find something I want to pursue all on my own.  But of course, if I want to do that I'll have to decide pretty damn soon because I'll need months to research universities and send my applications away before the end of the year... Or I could travel the world on my own and just  _look_ at it without taking notes or writing papers or whatever.  Because there's no rush, right?  Why can't I?  Or I could stay here with Eren, and Mikasa, and Mrs. Jaeger and Grandpa and... "

Armin's hands stilled and he took a deep breath before turning his head to look at Jean, who pointed to himself with a small smile.

"What do  _you_ want, Jean?"

He shrugged in response, switching his gaze to the ground and scuffing the heel of his trainer against the step.  "I want you.  I wanna get out of this town.  I wanna still see Marco every day and have him tell me off when I'm being a dick.  I want my mum around to nag me and help me fix things when I screw them up.  I wanna play video games with my little brother and pretend to teach him about girls (or boys).  I wanna just have everything figured out already."

He didn't look up, not wanting to see the pitying look he was sure would be on Armin's face.

_I can't believe I said all that mundane crap after he talked about university and travelling the world.  He must think I'm some kid that doesn't wanna grow up.  Pathetic.  I've always been that way._

When Armin didn't say anything and the silence stretched on, the urge to look up and demand a response was growing like an itch.

_Tell me off, damn it!  Tell me I must have some ambition, **some** inkling of what I wanna do with my life just like everybody else does._

Just as he was about to angrily verbalise his thoughts, Armin suddenly stood up in a single fluid motion.   _"We,"_  He spoke firmly.  "Are going to put a pin in this conversation.  We'll have it later.  Because right now, we're going to go behind the cinema and make out."

Jean stared up at him, the surprise dissolving his previous frustration.  "What,  _now?_ It's hardly the time, Arm."

"Why not?  When else are we going to have the time?  We're on a date, aren't we?"  Armin demanded, and gestured impatiently for Jean to get up.  He did, numbly, and let himself be led around the back of the building.  The path was cut off by a high wire fence, beyond which was an empty stretch of ground meant for a new restaurant which was still in its planning stage.  There was no reason for anyone to be nearby.

Well hidden from the view of anyone still lingering in the car park, Armin pulled Jean into the tight space between wall and fence and reached to put his arms around his neck.  When Jean hesitated a fraction too long to return the embrace, Armin drew back.

"What, you don't want to?"

"It's not that - I just - Arm, we can't just stick a pin in it.  You just told me you might be flying away to Africa next year and you expect us not to talk about it?"

"Fine, I'll tell them no.  Is that what you want to hear?"

_Yes._

"Armin, I just want... I want us to... "  Jean let out a groan, raking a hand through his hair in frustration.  "I'm no good at this, okay?  I'm just tired of having this kind of information thrown at me without talking through it and processing it -"

"You want reassurance?  Okay -"  Armin's hands slid to the back of his neck, holding his head in place and forcing him to look into Armin's eyes.  "For the next year and a half, it's us.  I'm with you, and you're with me.  And if we screw it up along the way, we'll fix it or we won't.  A lot of things can happen in a year, and I don't know what I'll want then but I know what I want now.  Right now.  I want you, I want you to hold me and kiss me because that's what you're good at, Jean.  So do it already."

And then Jean didn't know what to do other than what Armin had told him to.  

A little more forcefully than he'd intended, he pushed Armin back against the wall and brought his mouth down hard against his.  Fingers squeezing tight at Armin's hips, he moved his own to trap Armin's between his and the wall.

He didn't want to be rough with Armin, he never did; but somehow he instinctively knew that seeking comfort in gentleness was not what Armin wanted right now.  The way the smaller boy whined against his mouth when he grabbed his butt let him know that his instinct was correct.

Armin's hand then immediately went to Jean's hair, pulling him down so eagerly that Jean almost thought it seemed desperate.  What was he so desperate for?  Comfort?  Distraction?  It wouldn't be the first time he'd used Jean that way, nor would it be the first time Jean really _really_ hated it.

_You always do this.  You always **always** do this._

He couldn't be sure whether he'd spoken aloud or not, but the way Armin's grip in his hair tightened and how he kissed back harder let Jean know that he understood anyway, but he wasn't about to stop and have a conversation about that either.

_Fine._

Gritting his teeth as he pulled back, with some effort, Jean dived back down to Armin's neck.  Armin whose mouth fell open and made a noise like a wounded animal as he tilted his head back, allowing Jean to run his tongue along the skin there.

Jean figured that if he was going to be a distraction for Armin, then he may as well be the best damn distraction ever.

He slid a hand down and between them to palm at Armin's crotch, half-expecting Armin to stop him but wasn't surprised when he didn't and pushed against his hand instead.  Satisfied with his response, Jean reached inside Armin's underwear and stroked the hardness there.

He was dimly aware that they were still technically in a public place.  After all, although it was highly unlikely for anyone to do so, if someone were to take a peek around the corner they'd immediately be discovered.  But it was difficult to care too much when Armin was sighing in his ear and making little upwards thrusts against his palm.

Struck by an idea (an extremely reckless idea), Jean briefly slowed his hand to re-position their bodies.  Armin made no complaint at the pause other than a small exhale at the momentary relief, and eagerly moved according to Jean's guiding hands.

With his own back now against the wall, Jean inhaled sharply as Armin grabbed onto his arm tightly and panted into his shoulder.  Then, cautiously, and still unsure if it was a bad idea or a really good one, Jean traced finger down Armin's spine, causing the smaller boy to arch his back and jut out his bottom slightly.  Jean was glad that he did, as it made this next part a lot easier.

He slipped his hand below the waistband of the back of Armin's shorts (god bless Armin for wearing those tiny shorts in the winter months for the sake of one stupid date), and gave his buttocks a light squeeze before trailing a single finger elsewhere.

Armin's breathing stuttered as he must've realised what Jean was intending.  However, he didn't raise a single word of protest then either.  If anything, he curved his lower back a little more to give Jean better access.

He gave a little frustrated whimper as Jean circled the puckered entrance with the tip of his finger.  "Aren't you... going to put it in?"

_Tempting, but -_

"No, I'm not."  Jean said calmly ( _ **calmly** , how was he so freaking calm?_), lifting his finger to his mouth to give a brief suck before returning to where it was before.

"It's fine... I d-don't need... don't need lube, just put -"

"No."  Jean said firmly, adding pressure to the finger over the blond's entrance without ever going in.  He had to admit, he was refusing partly out of purely wanting to tease Armin a little more.  But the added risk of hurting him was too much to even consider it.

And it was just then that Armin's phone began to buzz in his pocket.  But the way Armin gasped out a rare " _Fuck_ "  and bucked his hips forwards as Jean twisted his wrist at the same moment made Jean believe that he was going to ignore it.

"Aren't you going to answer it?"  Jean asked mildly, as though he didn't have a finger against Armin's ass or a hand around his cock.  "If you don't, you mum might think you've been abducted and molested or something.  We can stop for a second if -"

"Don't you dare."  Armin gritted out.  "Besides... I don't believe you'd stop anyway."

_Well, he's right about that._

Armin pressed his open-mouth against Jean's shirt in a futile attempt to muffle his whines.  He seemed to be torn between pistoning his hips forwards into Jean's hand or grinding backwards against Jean's finger.

"Would you please pick an area to focus on?"  Armin hissed, and Jean grinned, feeling a little triumphant.

"Sure thing, love."  He pressed a kiss to the top of Armin's head before withdrawing the hand from behind to wrap around his waist.  Knowing the fastest way to make Armin come, Jean increased the pace of his pumping hand to jerk Armin off hard.

 _"Nn - Jean,_ I... I'm almost... god, I'm -"

Jean knew that Armin was mere seconds away from his orgasm.  And for a moment, Jean considered taking away his hand before it happened.

It would be a low thing to do, Jean supposed, but so was deliberately walking away in the middle of an important conversation that he had worked up all of his courage to start.  Sticking a pin in it wasn't good enough.

Then Jean caught a flash of blue and Armin was looking up at him.  Looking up at him with a mix of something both needy and apologetic, as if he knew what Jean was thinking of doing.  Then -

"You're so _good_ , Jean."

_Ah.  Shit._

So that's what the apologetic look was for.

_Don't fall for it, Kirschstein -_

"Nobody else can make me like this, I - I _need_ it to be _you -"_

_Don't -_

_"Baby, please let me -"_

Cursing the fact that he was so tightly wound around Armin's little finger that he could barely refuse the boy anything, he didn't cease his hand movement for even a fraction of a second and crashed his mouth down against Armin's to stifle his gasps.  Moments later, Armin came with a soft shuddering whimper.

Not forgetting to note that this was the second time he'd made Armin come in his underwear this week, Jean smirked to himself.  He _was_ good.  If a little annoyed at himself for giving in.

Assuming he wouldn't mind too much, Jean wiped his sticky hand on the inside of Armin's underwear (he may as well).  He gave him a concerned glance when he realised that the shorter boy still hadn't relaxed his grip on Jean's shoulders.

"Tell me."

Jean didn't even need to ask to know what he meant.

"I love you.  You make me crazy, but I do."

Armin nodded, still breathing hard.  "Okay.  Okay.  Me too."

"What, I make you crazy too or?"

"Jean, _look_ at me."

He did.  He took in Armin's flushed face and neck, his hair plastered to his forehead and cheeks, and his hazy half-lidded eyes.  Definitely crazy.  And definitely the nicest view Jean had ever seen around the back of a cinema car park.

"I wasn't just saying that stuff before to be a brat,"  Armin glanced down and mumbled self-consciously.  "I meant it when I said that you - well, that no one else - anyway, you heard me."

Feeling a little embarrassed himself, Jean coughed and mumbled back:  "Yeah well... Me too.  Too.  And, I... I know I said all that stuff before about us not being a sure thing... But we'll still try and figure something out, right?  We'll come up with a plan?"

Armin reached up to brush his fingertips against his cheek, alongside his jaw, before flattening his palms against his neck.  "Of course we will.  We're a team, remember?"

Heaving a sigh, Jean let himself be pulled into a kiss much softer than before.  As much as he enjoyed having Armin pressed tight against the wall before, he think he loved these quieter moments more.

Of course, that wasn't to say he was eager to find out where Armin's downward-tracing fingertips were going.

"Now... I think I'm going to get a little revenge for -"  Armin's eyes flicked down between them and back up.  "- that.  And I'll probably get it faster if I use my mouth, won't I?"

 _"Yes."_ Jean blurted out without thinking.

Really, he was too easily sidetracked.  Even if getting sucked off behind a cinema car park wasn't the classiest thing Jean had wanted, he couldn't deny that he  _did_ want it badly.  

 _Besides_ , he thought,  _We may as well behave like the trashy horny teenagers we are while we have the chance._

Armin's eyes twinkled at Jean's outburst as he slipped a hand up his shirt to caress his chest, before dipping down to his knees and nosing against Jean's navel.

"One day when we have time, I am going to just lick you all over here for  _hours._ "

"I'm holding you to that."

Smiling sweetly up at him, Armin tucked his hair behind his ear and reached for Jean's belt.

Before his fingertips so much as brushed the buckle, a horribly familiar  _toot_ sounded from nearby just as Armin's phone began to vibrate once more.

"Mother _fu-"_ Jean bit down on his curses as Armin gave a disappointed groan.

He stood up and fished out the unrelentingly buzzing mobile from his pocket.  "Mum, why are you in the car park?  I said I'd call when... It was a long movie, Mum.  And it is  _not_ late.  You're aware that it's a Friday night, right?  We're just sitting for a bit... ' _Why?'_ Because I like being with my boyfriend, Mum, that's why.  Sometimes we actually have conversations."

_Not tonight we didn't._

"We'll be out in a few minutes, okay?"  Armin sighed and hung up before his mother could respond.  "I don't remember her being this annoyingly overprotective."

"It's because she's convinced you have a delinquent boyfriend now."  Jean pulled off his hoodie and gestured for Armin to raise his arms.

"Considering how we spent the last ten minutes, I suppose she's not entirely wrong."

Jean couldn't exactly disagree.  He wouldn't have been surprised if they had gotten arrested for public indecency had they been caught.   _I wonder who'd kill me first._  Jean mused as he tugged the hoodie down Armin's arms.   _The mum or the childhood friend patrol._

"But haven't you always been surrounded by delinquents?"

Armin gave him a withering look as his head popped out the neck of the hoodie, tugging it down to cover the front of his shorts.  "Mikasa and Eren are not delinquents."

"I think more than a few would argue with that statement."

"As their unofficial public defender, I'd like to say that those _'more than a few'_ could try."

"Okay, Mr. Self-Proclaimed Problem Child.'"

He received a light smack to his arm for that comment and a reluctant smile.  "Shut up.  Anyway, we'd better go.  Have you calmed down yet?"

"Gimme another minute."

Armin shot one last longing glance at Jean's crotch.  "Such a waste..."

"You're damn right it is.  Don't forget about the licking thing you mentioned."

"I won't.  Everywhere, I promise."  Armin reached up to peck a goodnight kiss on Jean's lips.  Then a mischievous gleam came into his eyes.  "Hm.  Here too."  He gave Jean's butt a sharp pat before abruptly taking off around the corner in search of his mother's honking car, leaving a flushed Jean momentarily rooted to the spot before stumbling to catch up.

 

*

 

Jean hurled his English jotter across the room where it smacked against the door and fell to the ground.   _"Shit."_

He flopped face-first onto his bed and twisted his head to scowl at the jotter.  "Fuck you."

_And fuck Rivaille for setting this essay over a weekend.  Fuck these incoherent notes I took.  What the fuck was I even doing in class this week?_

_...Looking at Armin probably._

He groaned into his pillow as the door clicked open.  He peeked over the pillow at his mother's "Tsk tsk."

"Jean, there isn't a word terrible enough to describe the mess in here... "  She picked up the jotter at her feet and flicked through it, pausing to blink at what Jean assumed were his absent-minded doodles he penned (when he dared) during Rivaille's class.  "...These are nice.  I didn't think you liked sketching anymore.  You never let me see any of your drawings."

"They're nothing worth seeing, Ma."

She snapped the jotter shut and tossed it on his desk before wading over the piles of clothes and papers on the floor to sit on Jean's bed.  "Okay, Jean-boy.  You've been moping for the last two weeks now.  George is worried that you're angry with him since you've refused to play with him on that Xdiggity - whatever that console's called.  So spill."

"Don't -"  Jean bit down on his tongue.

 _"Don't call me Jean-boy."_ He had been about to say.

He knew that he'd been snapping at her and his siblings recently (well, snapping more than usual).  Even Marco had been on the receiving end of Jean's cutting comments and hadn't masked his hurt quickly enough for Jean not to notice and feel guilty as hell for.  He still hadn't apologised though.

He just didn't feel like saying _"Hey buddy, sorry I've been a huge jerk lately.  You see, my boyfriend completely rejected my 'wanna talk about the future?' idea and I haven't seen him outside of school for a fortnight since.  He's been chilling with his pain-in-the-ass parents instead, who also by the way are threatening to whisk him away to Africa in a year's time which is about ten million miles away from me.  And he **won't fucking talk to me about it.** Can you see why I'm a little bit upset right now?"_

Nah, he wasn't going to tell his mum that.  Unless she asked.

"Is it something to do with Armin?"

"Uh... Yeah."

"Did you break up?"

"Wha-?   _No,_ Ma.  We're just... I dunno.  Having a lapse in communication?"

"A lapse in communication?"

"Yeah, like... I feel like there's something important we need to talk about but he keeps dodging the issue.  And I feel like it'll upset him if I keep trying to bring it up, especially right now with his parents hanging around and he's barely keeping it together with them as it is and...  _arghhhhh."_

Mrs. Kirschstein hummed thoughtfully as she used a hand to push back Jean's hair.  He didn't bother protesting.  "Is this issue something that can wait until his parents leave?"

"Maybe... But they kind of have something to do with it, depending... depending on what he wants."

"You're not really giving me much to go on in terms of giving you advice, Jean-boy."

"I'm not expecting advice, I just... "  Jean closed his eyes, sub-consciously leaning his head into his mother's palm as it cupped his cheek.  "Tell me I'm worrying too much."

"Alright.  You're worrying too much."  Mrs. Kirschstein said.  "So toughen up, and talk to your boyfriend already."

"I told you, he dodges the topic -"

"If he knows it's important to you and he cares about you, then he'll listen.  If not, then my boy can do better."

_I really really can't.  Nobody can do better than Armin._

Only feeling comforted in terms of knowing his mother was on his side, Jean managed a weak smile.  "Right.  Thanks, Ma."

"Mmhm.  Now go play with your brother.  He's been missing you too."

 

*

 

He almost fell out of his seat when he realised who was calling.  He jumped up and reached across the desk to snatch his phone and answer it immediately. _  
_

"Armin?"

"So yeah, I finally get a minute to myself for the first time in weeks."  A weary laugh sounded through the receiver.  "I wasn't sure you'd still be up."

"Yeah, well, I've still got to do that report Hanji set us to finish... "

"Oh, sorry of course you're busy, I should have checked before calling.  You probably don't have time to talk... "

Swallowing the bitterness rising in his throat, Jean refrained from giving the sarcastic response he wanted to.  "Nah, I'm good.  What's up?"

"You sound mad."

"Mad?  I'm not mad."

"Liar."

"Fine, I'm mad."

Another tired laugh.  "Jeez, I've missed you too."

Jean "Tch"d and remained silent.  He figured he'd waited long enough for Armin to approach him after being rejected so many times.  Now it was Armin's turn to patch things up.

He hadn't been exaggerating when he claimed that Armin had been avoiding the issue like the plague.  The only other information he'd gotten out of him was that Jean was only person that he'd told.

 

_"Oh, and can you not tell Marco or anyone about it?  I don't want any fuss or anything..."_

_"Why would there be any fuss?  It's not there's any reason for anyone to fuss anyway."_

_"I know, but I just don't want Eren or Mikasa catching wind of it and freaking out before there's anything to freak out about."_

_"You mean **because** there's nothing to freak out about, right?"_

_"Yeah, sorry, that's what I meant.  Hey, have you taken a look at that textual analysis Rivalle set us yet?  I was looking at it last period and... "_

 

Jean hadn't even been able to feel pleased at the fact that Armin had confided in him before anyone else.  He hated to admit it, but it felt more like a burden than anything else.  He had somehow managed to convince himself that their biggest worry in the future would be the travelling expenses for going between their respective after-school locations.  This was him thinking under the assumption that he would stay in Shiganshina and Armin would leave for some highly prestigious university.

He had been listening seriously when Armin fantasised aloud about travelling abroad without the pressures of his parents or teachers, but he honestly couldn't picture Armin  _not_ going straight to university.  Jean had seen Armin during classes; watched him eagerly drink in all the knowledge and facts and stories like it's never be enough.  That was just one of the many differences between them, he supposed.  Armin was never going to be done learning, whereas Jean was just  _done._

It wasn't that he was struggling with his schoolwork, not at all.  He just thought that anything he learned in a classroom wasn't likely to be of any use at all.  What had he even been learning for the past five years?  Was any of it even  _worth_ knowing about?  He didn't even have to understand it, just memorise it and he'd fly through his exams as usual.

He'd voiced these thoughts aloud to Armin before; and wearily sat through a list of reasons why he had to "broaden his mind" because of it.  Jean hadn't felt like giving Armin the satisfaction that he probably had a point.

And it seemed that Armin was just as reluctant to admit his own wrongs.

"I know I've been really busy lately, and we haven't seen much of each other in the past few weeks... "  Armin paused, and Jean (as indifferently as he could) made a noise at the back of his throat to indicate that he was still listening.  "I, uh, I guess I've just had a lot to think about what with what my mum suggested and - god, I think she's trying to keep me away from you; she's spent every second since trying to convince - Eh, anyway, and I know we said we'd figure out something together and I haven't exactly kept that promise... "

Jean held his tongue as Armin cleared his throat.  "I guess I just needed some time on my own to process and think about it on my own.  But I shouldn't have just told you about it and then pretended that I didn't.  I didn't mean to scare you with it, especially when I know that I'm definitely not going."

"But you did at least consider it a little, didn't you?"

"...For like a day maybe."

Jean rubbed his eyes and sighed, feeling very tired all of a sudden.  "I guess it wouldn't have been like you if you hadn't at least thought about it.  And it's selfish of me to wish that you hadn't."

"So... You're not mad about me considering going with them?"

"Nah, just... Just sad, I guess.  I was just kinda pissed that you hadn't talked with me about it, especially after all the grief you gave me before about not being honest with you."

"Urgh, I know.  I know.  I'm a terrible, hypocritical boyfriend and I don't know why you put up with me."

"Because you're cute."

"That's all?"

"You also make me laugh on occasion."

"On occasion."  Armin repeated, deadpan.

"Well, we can both agree that I'm the funny one in this relationship."

Allowing himself a small smile at Armin snorting down the phone, Jean picked up his pencil once more and stared down at his unfinished report.

"You sometimes also help me with my homework when you're feeling generous and/or guilty."

"But usually I don't because you'll benefit from it more if you do it on your own."

"Nerd.  I thought we were in agreement that you owe me one?"  Jean tilted back his chair to look at the bulletin board above his desk.  It wasn't used for post-it note reminders or class work sheets like Mr. Kirschstein had intended when he bought it for his son.  Rather, Jean had tacked up the dumbest photos of himself and his friends that he owned.  He'd been inspired by Armin's own bedroom's theme, and had been slowly gathering memorable items over the past five months or so to tack onto the board.

The items ranged from a bus ticket to Colferton and torn out pages from his biology notes, to Connie's and Sasha's photographed selfies at the lunch table (they had spammed his Facebook page as a joke, but Jean had been secretly amused and saved one or two for this reason).  And it hadn't taken long for Marco to present Jean with a photograph taken of himself and Mina together at the Christmas fireworks display.  "So you remember the perfect relationship that you and Armin need to aspire to,"  he had said.  Jean had smacked him in the face with it, but stuck it up on the board all the same.

Of course, there were many Armins scattered here and there throughout the board.  They varied from self-taken photographs (occasionally featuring a reluctant Jean), to Jean's own attempt at capturing his boyfriend on camera.  Those were always slightly blurry though; Jean having taken the minimal amount of time to take the photograph for fear of being caught and having to cover up his embarrassment.

It hadn't taken Jean long to realise that he was a sentimental bastard after all.

"I was thinking I'd pay you back in terms of sexual favours."

"Well, I'd appreciate those but they aren't going to help me much right now."

He could picture Armin smiling and shrugging as he said "Oh well.  Good luck then."

"So what are you doing while I'm slaving away over this report?"

"Me - oh, I'm just lying in bed.  I'm too tired to do anything really.  ...Actually, I was thinking earlier that you should leave some of your clothes here sometime."

"What, like just come over, strip, and walk home naked?  Or should I just bring you my laundry next time?"

"No, like just... Just little things at a time."

"Like a sock?"

"A _sock -_ Jeez, Jean, no,"  Armin let out a soft laugh.  "Like a jumper, or a shirt or something... Oh, you should at least leave a pair of pyjamas here for when you spontaneously stay the night."

"Alright, I get the pyjamas thing.  But the shirts?"  Jean curled his lips into a smirk.  "You're not gonna do pervy things with them are you?"

"No, oh my god... I just think I'd like it if you... Um, if you left little traces of you here.  It'd be... It'd be comforting, is all."  Armin spoke quietly, and Jean drew a deep breath.

"So, you mean like... you would wear them?  Not 'cause you had to like you did a few weeks ago, but... "

"Yes, I would.  I'd wear them if I hadn't seen you in a while, or if I was just thinking about you or anytime really.  I'd want to sleep in them."

"You'd get my shirts all crinkled."

"Jean,  I'm trying to be romantic!"

"It'd be even more romantic if you gave me some of your stuff too."

"I don't think my highly fashionable clothes would fit you."

"I disagree.  My ass is trim enough to get into those teeny tiny shorts you have that I love."

Armin hummed, the sound tickling Jean's ear.  "That'd be a nice sight.  But I love them too; I'm not giving them up so easily."

"Damn."

"You can try them on next time you're over though."

"Try and stop me."

"Oh, I won't."

Jean smiled to himself, knowing that Armin was probably doing the same.  He was relieved to be back to this.  To return to the comfort of flirting and laughing, secure in the knowledge that at least for now things were better than just okay.  The only question was would it last?

"Um, Jean?"

"Yeah?"

"You do know that... that I'm really in love with you, right?  I hope you know that."

"Well that's awkward, 'cause I'm kind of in love with Connie."

There was a split-second of stunned silence before-

_"Jean!"_

He grinned as Armin's laughter sounded down the phone once more.  He just couldn't resist.  "I'm sorry, but have you _seen_ him?  He's so short, and... and his head's so round and fuzzy... Like, how is that _not_ sexy?"

"Well, now that you mention it actually -"

_"And I'm going to stop this conversation right here."_

"God, you're the one that brought up Connie's sex appeal in the first place."

"What sex appeal?!  He's tiny and bald!"

"He has a cute face though.  Also, he's not _bald._ And his forearms are nothing to scoff at."

"Man, you really  _did_ look in the changing rooms didn't you?"

"My only regret is that Bertholdt and Reiner weren't in our class... "  Armin let out an exaggerated dreamy sigh, and Jean acknowledged it with an affirmative "Mmhm."

He felt the ache in his cheeks from grinning too hard and tried to relax his facial muscles.  It wouldn't do to forget what Armin had just said, and Jean had already sworn to himself that he would never give Armin any reason to doubt how he felt.  He had to let Armin know that he was wanted.

"And Arm, I'm so in love with you back.  Seriously, I dunno how many times I can tell you that you drive me crazy."

"Drive you crazy in a good way though, right?"

"Most of the time."

"Most of the time... "  Armin murmured almost to himself.  "Most of the time is enough though, right?"

"Yeah, it's more than enough.  It's definitely more than enough."

He heard Armin sigh in his ear, and then whisper so softly it was almost as though he were right beside him.  "Thank you, Jean."

 _I can't ever not have this,_ Jean thought.   _I'll make this last if it kills me._

 

_*_

 

He hadn't expected his boss to have actually listened to his shift requests.  Sure, working a 7.00AM start on a Saturday sucked but it was the only Eren-free shift that weekend and Keith had agreed to give it to Jean.

He was still actively avoiding his boyfriend's relentless best friend.  But recently, trying to do so had become much harder with Eren's unshakable resolve to make up with Jean.  He had been attempting to corner Jean between classes, during classes, and at work; even deliberately showing up for his shift early to try and catch Jean before he left.

_He's a persistent bastard, I'll give him that._

But for all of Eren's determination, Jean had managed to slip away every time.  He still had nothing he wanted to say to him (nothing appropriate and that Armin wouldn't mind at least), and had no interest in hearing what Eren had to say either.  He briefly considered the idea that he might be overreacting, but shook it off and convinced himself that staying away was the best thing to do.

_I just get more hotheaded when Eren's involved.  It'll be easier to tolerate his existence when I don't see him._

Jean wasn't trying to think too much about Eren's annoying persistence though, as he reluctantly left the quiet stock room and trudged back to the bustling shop floor upon Keith's demand.  Not when there was something far more relevant and pressing on his mind.

Tonight was the awards ceremony that Armin's parents had to attend.  Jean had forgotten about it until Armin sent him a would-be casual text the night before about ensuring he had something decent to wear.  He could tell that Armin was dreading it too by the way he had deliberately not mentioned it in the past few weeks.  He couldn't even think about trying to wriggle out of it though; no way was he about to let Armin go with no emotional support.  Assuming Armin needed it anyway, but Jean liked to think that his presence would be appreciated.  Armin had demanded that he be permitted to attend from the beginning after all.

_No doubt Mrs. Arlert is pissed about that._

Well, at least he had the comfort of knowing that Dr. Arlert wouldn't care either way.  And Armin's grandfather didn't seem to dislike him too much, not as much as he disliked Eren anyway.

 _Maybe it's a good thing Armin's grandpa is going tonight,_  Jean mused as he tried to look useful by shuffling tins of paint from one shelf to another.   _I don't think he'll let them give Armin any crap tonight, if they even notice that he's there at all.  He's an alright guy.  Just a cranky old bas-_

"Jean?"

He started at the unfamiliar voice and turned his head, almost dropping a tin of Mondrian Blue when he spotted who had called him.  "Mrs. Jaeger?"

She smiled at him, and once again Jean was struck by the resemblance to her son.  With her hair tied back in a loose ponytail and her head tilted to the side as she looked up at him with a kind expression, Jean couldn't even fathom _how_ she reminded him so much of Eren but she did.  But he was genuinely relieved to see that she looked far less anxious and weary than the last time he had seen her, and tried to smile back.

"Uh, hey there Mrs. Jaeger.  How are you?"

"I'm doing well, thank you.  I've just come by for some new gardening tools, since Eren won't allow me in the store when he's working.  He's afraid I might embarrass him."  She rolled her eyes and Jean immediately liked her.  Suddenly smiling was much easier.

"Embarrass him how?"  He grinned as he led her towards the section of the store that sold the tools she was looking for.

"I have no idea."  She said seriously.  "I'll have you know I'm a very cool and trendy mother."

"I sensed that."

Figuring it would be rude to just leave her to it, Jean lingered in the aisle by Mrs. Jaeger as she crouched down to perused the garden rakes currently on offer.  He would've offered assistance outright, if he could tell a shovel from a spade.

"And speaking of Eren, thank you so much for getting him the opportunity to work here."  She dropped a set of pruners into her basket and stood to face him.  "He might not show it, but he's actually very grateful to you."

"Ah, it was just... Yeah."  Jean rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged in embarrassment, not really sure what to say to the mother of the boy he couldn't stand.

"I was so surprised when I realised it was you that helped him and brought him home.  Jean... Kirschstein, is it?  Eren talks about you all the time when he's not talking about Armin or that English teacher of his.  Jean this, Jean that.  It wasn't... necessarily always positive of course since you two don't really seem to get along, but Eren always seemed like he was having fun at the time."  She beamed, and Jean was almost blinded by the Eren-ness.

"Ahaha, yeah I guess we... I guess we don't really get along.  PE with him's always a laugh though."  Jean added, not wanting to seem like he had nothing nice to say about her son.  "He and Armin make quite the lethal combination to be honest."

He almost panicked when her smile slipped and her eyebrows creased in concern.  "How has Armin been doing?  I haven't seen him in a while."

Jean felt a familiar tug in his chest when he recognised the sadness in her eyes.

_She misses him too._

He knew that she must still be unaware of the offer Armin's parents had made him.  Of course she never would know.  Armin was going to turn them down anyway, so why would he bother worrying her or her children unnecessarily?  Jean certainly wasn't going to tell her, not when he could barely stomach the idea of Armin going away either.

"He's doing okay.  With his parents back and everything he's a little... disorientated."

Mrs. Jaeger nodded, biting her lip concernedly.  "I heard that they were back for a while.  I thought about going over to see Armin myself, but I wasn't sure whether I should interfere.  His parents can be... difficult to get along with.  Have you... "

Jean's expression must have darkened as she gave a small smile and said "I guess you've met them.  And I suppose they haven't changed any then."

She ran a hand through her hair, looking weary again.  "I wish that boy would rely on us more.  Stubborn as a mule that boy is, all three of them are."

"I guess that with... Everything that's been going on and what you've done for him already, he just doesn't want to burden you any further."

"Burden?"  She blinked in surprise.  "Oh god, is that what he thinks?  Armin could never be a burden.  He should know by now that he's as much my family as Eren and Mikasa are.  Jeez, that boy... Trying to take everything on his own shoulders as usual."

Jean had already known as much, but now he thought he could see it much more clearly.  The Jaegers had adopted Armin as much as they had adopted Mikasa.  Surely Armin had realised that too; that he had a whole other family in the house across the street.

"Armin's just... like that.  He doesn't like depending on me too much either."

"I see... You're dating him, aren't you?"

"Uh... "  Jean mouth went dry as he watched her fill her basket to the brim with more tools from the shelves.  She caught his shocked look and reassured him that she had always known about Armin and supported him.  "Uh, yeah we're together.  Since... Since November I guess." _  
_

"Well, Mikasa assures me that you've been very good to him.  I'm grateful for that."  She smiled as Jean felt his face grow hot and coughed.  "Could you ask him to come over and see me sometime soon?"

"Course, yeah I'll make sure to tell him."  Jean bowed his head towards her before gesturing towards her overflowing basket, eager for the conversation to end.  "I can get you a discount on those by the way."

After serving Mrs Jager at the till _(Haha fuck you Eren, your mum says my customer service is excellent)_ , Jean spent the rest of his shift in quiet thought.  He didn't complain when Keith ordered him to re _(-rerere)_ assemble the outdoors displays in the drizzling rain.  Nor did he grumble when his break was cut short due to a throwing up incident in the home electronic appliances aisle.  He didn't even bat an eyelid at the customer that screamed at him for refusing to refund a smoking lawn mower outwith its warranty.

All he could focus on was making it through the day as efficiently as possible so he could mentally prepare himself for the evening to come.  Jean figured that if he had to spend several hours in the company of the Arlerts and a bunch of other stuffy professors at a university, then he may as well practice feigning interest and being as polite as possible.  It was all for Armin's sake after all.

_Say as little as possible without coming across as a rude piece of shit.  Don't force yourself to smile if it feels unnatural because it'll look like you're dying inside.  And remember to keep your grabby hands off of Armin when you see him in his tailored suit.  Piece of cake.  Tough, overbaked, hard-to-swallow piece of cake._

Jean was well aware that this was probably his last chance to make a good impression on Armin's parents before they left the country again.  He practiced his greetings and responses in his mind on his way home after work, and all the time that he was showering and changing and carefully sculpting his hair with the gel Kina had lent him.

He steadily became more unsure of himself as he twisted and turned in front of the mirror in the hall.  His only option was to wear a dark suit Mrs. Kirschstein had bought him for a neighbour's funeral the year before.  It hadn't quite fit him then, but he'd grown into it much better now.  Maybe a little too much.  The material seemed a little strained at the shoulders.

_I can't tell if I look amazing or like an absolute twat._

Kina reassured him that he looked fine with a "Not bad, loser."  He felt a little better with her approval.  Armin's own reaction was a much needed confidence boost also.

"Um, wow."

"What?"

"You look... not sixteen.  I'm not saying you look bad!"  Armin added hastily as Jean raised an eyebrow, wondering if they were going to go through this every time he genuinely made an effort with his appearance.  "What I meant is that you... You look like a man, I guess."

"In case you hadn't noticed, Arm-"

"Yes, but... "  Armin smoothed his hands down Jean's chest, straightening his tie.  He seemed a little flustered as he took a deep breath.  "I mean that you look older somehow.  You look  _good._ "

Jean grinned, unabashedly pleased with himself.  "Well, thanks.  You look great too, but -"  He lowered his head to place a chaste kiss on Armin's cheek.  He was still trying not to think about how fantastic Armin himself looked.  "I'm going to be the perfect gentleman tonight.  No inappropriate butt-touching.  I've been practicing my son-in-law skills."

"I'm a little disappointed about the no inappropriate butt-touching."  Armin murmured before returning the kiss.  "Wait, did you just say 'son-in-law'?"

 

*

 

Jean had expected a night of constantly feeling inferior to everyone around him.  It wasn't an unusual experience for him.  But when he found himself intimidated by the  _car_ they rode in to the university (a shiny black vehicle complete with tinted windows and a stone-faced chauffeur), he could already feel the nausea churning his stomach.

As if sitting across from Armin's parents in the tiny enclosed space wasn't difficult enough, Jean couldn't help but read the expression on Mrs. Arlert's face as _I-would-dearly-love-to-have-you-thrown-from-this-moving-vehicle-if-it-weren't-for-the-fact-that-my-son-would-maybe-object_.  He thought about her attempts to persuade Armin to break up with him and leave Shiganshina, and couldn't even bring himself to fake a smile at the woman.

_Why bother trying?  We both know she's not going to stop hating me._

Jean did try to bluff his way through a compliment on her appearance; a "You look lovely tonight, Mrs. Arlert."  to which she responded with a stiff "Thank you."  and continued staring him down.  He didn't even look at Dr. Arlert.

"So, John - "

"Grandpa, it's  _Jean_ and you know it."

Armin's grandfather waved a hand at him impatiently.  "Yeah, I meant that.  So, boy.  What is it that you do?"

"...What I do?"

"In general life."

"Well, I -"  Jean coughed, and shifted in his seat as he straightened his tie for the dozenth time.  He'd been fidgeting with it the entire journey.  "Other than school, I have my part-time job.  Just for that little bit of extra money, you know?  I guess I spend a lot of time with my family too.  I hang out with my little brother a lot, playing video games and I like to draw and... uh, yeah stuff.  I've also kind of tried to get into cooking more lately -"

"Oho, so _you're_ the reason my grandson won't eat my food anymore."

"Oh, come on Grandpa, you can barely stomach that disgusting mushroom stroganoff either."  Armin snorted.  "We've already learned our lesson, and we should just stick to oven and microwave meals."

Mrs. Arlert looked as though she were say something typically discouraging, but the old man cut her off and gestured between Armin and himself.  "Cooking's a science, boy.  We're scientists."

"You're a biologist, Grandpa."

"So?  I've studied yeast in my time.  Oi, John.  Tell me how  _you_ cook stroganoff."

"Leave him alone!"  Armin laughed  _(Laughing._  Jean marvelled.   _He's **laughing.** ).  _"And it's  _Jean."_

Mrs. Arlert looked slightly put out that she hadn't been included in the conversation.  Jean was happy to just listen and watch Armin steadily grow more comfortable in the small space.  He could even swear that he saw his grandfather crack a smile when he commented that Armin's own attempt at an apple crumble ended up looking like gravel.

"Tasted like it too."  Jean added.

"Hey, it wasn't  _that_ bad.  You ate an entire slice."

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"Well, consider them hurt anyway."

Jean held back the urge to kiss away Armin's pout.

_Control yourself, Kirschstein.  His parents are within spitting distance._

He let himself away with nudging his knee against Armin's (they'd been bumping them together constantly during the journey anyway.  It was hard not to in the space that they had), and just smiling knowingly.

Jean sense of ease was quickly dispelled as soon as they arrived at the university.  He suppressed a gulp at the large regal-looking building before them, and bit back a smartass comment when he noticed the awestruck look on Armin's face.

The car drove away, their driver parting with a reminder that he could be summoned at any point in the evening, and left them at the foot of the steps leading to the entrance.  They didn't make it half-way up the steps before they were swarmed by a horde of people desperate to congratulate the Arlerts and shake hands with each of them in turn.

"Oho, and this must be the son!  How are your studies going, young man?"

"Very good, sir."  Armin answered the man without missing a beat.  "I'm thoroughly enjoying them."

"That's what I like to hear."  The man latest in the long line of admirers nodded seriously, only just letting go of Armin's hand.  His round face was red and his suit looked cheap.  Jean took him for some kind of middle-class researcher; clearly not quite on par with the Arlerts by the way Dr. Arlert's lip was curling in palpable disdain.

"So, what are your plans for this young scholar, Jonathan?"  He was speaking to Dr. Arlert but his eyes hadn't left Armin's face, drinking him in greedily.  Jean was both repelled by him and hated him instantly.  The urge to step in front of his boyfriend and shield him from the stranger's view was overwhelming.

He found with surprise that he didn't have to when Dr. Arlert himself clapped a hand on to a similarly shocked Armin's shoulder and subtly pushed him behind him.  "No plans as of yet, I'm afraid.  I think you'll find that my son is capable of making his own decisions when it comes to his future."

"O-Of course, I only meant -"

"If you'll excuse us, I think I hear the melodious voice of my wife calling me."  Dr. Arlert gave the man an uncharacteristically charming smile, with characteristically cold eyes to match, before steering Armin away towards the others.  Jean hurried to keep up with them and overheard Armin's father muttering in his ear:  "- already telling everyone you've made up your mind.  You'd better set her straight sooner rather than later."

Armin shrugged his shoulder, causing his father's hand to drop.  "I know.  I can't help that she doesn't listen to me."

Dr. Arlert gave a sigh as though to say _"She doesn't listen to me either."_

"Ah!  Jonathan, Armin -"  Audrey beckoned to them, beaming next to Armin's scowling grandfather and a tall slim man that Jean didn't know.  "Come meet Professor Pixis!  He's the Dean of this university -"

"And also chairman of the Foundation."  The tall man said smoothly, inclining his head towards them as they approached.  "Good to see you again, Jonathan."

"And you, sir."

"So,"  Pixis turned to address Armin, raising a hand to brush thoughtfully at his mustache.  "Your mother's been telling me all about you, Armin.  Top of all your classes; good stuff.  Looking forward to working with your parents in the future then, are you?"

"I-"  Armin hesitated, eyes flickering towards his mother.  "Yes, I am."

Jean flinched.  He couldn't help it.  And his reaction didn't escape Pixis's attention as he turned towards him and raised an eyebrow questioningly.  "Ah, and this young man... ?"

He didn't even manage to open his mouth before Audrey hastily stepped in front of him to exclaim that he was just a friend of Armin's - his partner in most classes including biology, and was "extremely interested" in the Arlerts' work.  "Aren't you, Jean?"

She widened her eyes at him meaningfully, and Jean felt Armin tense beside him as he gave a strained smile at Pixis.  "Oh, yes.  Fascinating stuff.  Can't get enough, sir."

It clearly wasn't the response Audrey wanted by the irritation that flashed across her face, but was gone in the second she took to turn back to the Dean.  He cut off her hasty explanation by proclaiming his strong desire to retreat inside and locate the nearest bottle of brandy.  She shut her mouth as he swept back up the steps and ushered the rest of them inside.

Jean felt simultaneously blinded and suffocated as he tried to take in the scene in front of him.  The lights were bright in the way fast food restaurant lights are at two in the morning and you're only vaguely sober.  He blinked numerous times before he stopped seeing stars and was struck by the sheer volume of people in the hall.  There was a constant hum of murmuring and clinking; and the occasional bout of polite laughter that sounded a tad too airy to be genuine.  The scene was complimented by the faint sound of jazz music coming from the main hall.  Jean supposed it was supposed to be relaxing, but instead it made him feel so out of his depth that he was convinced his stomach was going to fall out of his arse.

"I'm gonna barf."

"Oh god, don't you dare.  You do look kind of green though, are you alright?"

"I think my tie's choking me."

"Your butt looks amazing though, so it's worth it."

 Instinctively, Jean grasped Armin's hand.  The blond shot a sidelong glance towards his mother to gauge her reaction.  She hadn't even noticed; engrossed in chattering away excitedly to her husband who seemed, as ever, unimpressed with their surroundings.  Armin squeezed his hand back as he took a breath.

"My mum's telling everyone that I'm going back with them next year,"  Armin murmured so quietly that Jean had to tilt his head towards him to hear.  "I haven't really had the chance to talk with her about it yet, so just bear with it for now okay?"

"Haven't had the chance?  You've had nearly three weeks to tell her.  What's stopping you?  You decided you weren't going weeks ago, didn't you?"

Armin was silent for a moment before:  "Not... not necessarily.  Jean, I -"

_Of course._

Jean dropped his hand like it had burned him.  He walked away to stand in a darkened doorway leading to a secluded hall, hands tugging at the tie around his neck that was starting to feel more like a noose.  The implication in Armin's hesitation was like a kick to the gut, knocking the wind out of him and making it impossible to breathe.

He leaned against the doorframe, chest heaving and barely acknowledging the small hands pulling insistently at his waist as he stared down at the floor.  He thought vaguely that the green and yellow hexagons were the ugliest floor tile pattern he'd ever seen before stepping in to the dark corridor and whirling round to face his panic-stricken boyfriend.

"God, you _scared_ me - Are you okay?  I thought you were having an anxiety attack or -"

"So tell me; did you just change your mind or were you full-on fucking lying to me the other night when you said you weren't leaving?"

Armin seemed to be momentarily rendered speechless, his mouth having fallen open with no sound coming out of it.  He recovered when a faraway call of his name from behind him snapped him into action, pushing past Jean into the dim hallway so they were both hidden from the crowd.

"Don't try and distract me again, Arm - We are actually going to talk f-"

He held his hands up in a calminggesture and shushed him quietly.  "I know, I know, I promise that's not what I'm doing."

"Then what the fuck _are_ you doing, Arm - you're _killing_ me."  Jean pleaded, forgetting about the gel in his hair when he ran his hands through it before grabbing Armin's from the air.  "Please just- just tell me what's been going through your head these last few weeks."

"I've just... I've been thinking about what I want."

"What  _you_ want?  Or what  _they_ want?"  Jean gestured towards the others - the Arlerts still surrounded by a flock of adoring fans/colleagues/whatever they were supposed to be.

"I..." Armin looked helplessly back and forth, his hand quickly pulling down Jean's arm and squeezing desperately around his wrist.  "Can we not talk about this now?  Please?  Tonight is going to be difficult enough without you against me too."

"Then when are we going to talk about it?  In a few months when it's official?  Or maybe at the airport next year when you're about to get on the fucking express flight to another continent."

Armin swallowed, and it took every ounce of willpower Jean had not to cave in and shut up at the way Armin's face crumpled.  And every inch of patience not to turn and a yell a "fuck off" to Mrs. Arlert's incessant calls.

"And I have to ask, were you always planning on leaving Mikasa and Eren behind one day?"

He bit his lip, eyes dropping to their feet.  "Well... I said before that I've worked hard at school with the idea of university in mind.  Somewhere further away with more options than Shiganshina can offer.  University, Africa... It'll make no difference.  And I knew it'd be difficult to be somewhere without them, but they'd understand.  They'll know this was coming.  And it's not like I'd never see them ever again or break contact.  They're my best friends - more than that.  Best friends doesn't even begin to cover it, which is why I know they'll eventually be okay with it."

 _They'll pretend to be okay.  If that._ "And what about me?  Where do I fit in to this plan of yours?"

Armin glanced up with a faint smile, reaching up a hand to smooth down Jean's hair.  "You were never part of the plan, if I'm being honest."

Jean bit back a scathing comment about "honesty"; also fighting the urge to lean into Armin's palm, close his eyes and cry.  "Okay, so we've already established that I'm an anomaly - a wrench in your otherwise flawless plan.  So what?  Don't I affect your decision even a little?  You said we were a team - that we were going to figure something out together.  Were you lying about that too?"

The boy before him squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head frantically.  It looked as though he were in physical pain.  "I can't let my world revolve around you.  I've been there before, you know that, and it stopped me from doing things I wanted.  I can't let that happen again.  I love you, and of course you factor into my decision, but please understand that this isn't something to think about lightly.  This is a huge opportunity for me to do something with my life - study what I love, as well as make up for lost time with my parents.  Don't tell me you wouldn't jump at the chance too."

"Sounds like you've already made up your mind."

Armin's gaze fell again, hesitantly moving his hand to hook his index finger around Jean's who reflexively curled his own back.  He murmured so quietly Jean almost didn't catch it.  "I thought you'd encourage me.  Well, I hoped."

_He's ruined me.  This boy has completely and utterly ruined me._

Heaving what was likely to be the most dramatic sigh of the night so far, Jean wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders and kissed his forehead.  "If you'd told me all this earlier maybe I would've been more supportive.  Why didn't you?"

"Was scared you'd get upset,"  Armin mumbled, returning the embrace.  He lifted his head, angling it towards Jean's who looked away.  "Which you are."

"Because either you and I have different definitions of  _'definitely not going'_ or you lied to me.  I've had enough with the manipulative bullshit.  Anyway -"  Jean stepped back, gently pushing Armin away and pretending he didn't see Armin wipe his rapidly blinking eyes.  "As fun as it might be if your mum finds us alone together in a dark corridor, we better head back before she pops a blood vessel."

 

*

 

The Arlerts spent all of two minutes at their assigned table with the boys before the three of them were swept away again by a flock of awed elderly scholars.  Armin barely got the first word of protest out before two of them were left at a table far too big for just five people.  He then fell silent, his eyes constantly sweeping the crowd to follow his parents as they moved from group of group, each more fawning than the next.

And Jean, well... He was just trying his hardest not to snap again.

He didn't want to argue anymore tonight, he was already stressed just being in the same room with all these stuck-up people.  At least four separate groups had approached their table to get a look at Armin and attempt conversation between shooting questioning looks at Jean.  He'd responded with a shit-eating grin each time before reaching for the courtesy wine bottle and pouring himself a generous glass.  Apparently all that practicing manners at work was worth bugger all.  Instead he felt a grim pleasure at the disapproving looks on their faces, and a twinge of guilt at the worried look on Armin's.

_Why should I feel guilty?  I haven't done anything this time._

He ignored the wave Professor Pixis gave them from across the room and emptied his glass down his throat.  He found that his irritation in being here was overtaking his previous anxiety.  No point in stressing about something that hadn't even happened yet, or may not even happen - especially when he still had the rest of tonight to get through.

He was already getting restless just sitting in silence at the table listening to the jazz band on stage cover Elvis Presley's _Can't Help Falling In Love With You._ For all his irritation, he could actually feel his head bobbing slowly in time with the music.  Either the band weren't half bad, or the alcohol had worked a little too well.  That and Armin's chewed lip was driving him crazy.  As angry as he thought he was, he still couldn't bear seeing his boyfriend miserable.

"Oh, fuck it.  D'you wanna dance?"

_Whoa, maybe I am drunk._

Armin shot him an incredulous look.  "Um, I don't think anyone's expected to dance here, Jean.  Besides, you  _hate_ dancing."

"Who cares if we're the only ones?  And the music's not too fast, so I reckon I can sway on the spot for a bit."

"Jeez, do I really seem that depressed?"  Armin shook his head and smiled weakly, but took Jean's outstretched hand anyway.

Jean led him between the tables, quickly weaving in and out the way of the people around them that either gave them disapproving looks or paid them no mind at all.  He didn't stop until they'd reached a space near the corner of the room; not so out in the open that their presence was distracting, but not secluded enough to make it seem like they were hiding their actions.

He held Armin close to his chest, an arm around his waist and their entwined hands in the air, and tried moving his feet to lead both of them in a vague back-and-forth manner.  He caught Armin glance behind them nervously, his eyes darting about the crowd - presumably searching out his parents - until the mutterings of those nearby drew both of their attention.

_"...isn't that the Arlerts' son?  Are they... ?"_

_"Good grief, how brazen..."_

_"That's just a prime example of poor parenting..."_

Armin stiffened, rigid in Jean's arms.  His eyes dropped to their feet, and the way his fingers twitched against Jean's let him know he was itching to tear at his fingertips with his teeth.

_"Is Shiganshina **that** kind of area?"_

Jean snorted, startling the other boy and causing him to stare up in surprise.  "Jesus, listen to them.  Or don't, rather.  Doesn't matter how smart they are, they still gossip like old women."

Armin didn't say anything and dropped his head onto Jean's shoulder.

"We don't have to if you're not comfortable, you know.  We can always go back to the table..."  Jean murmured in his ear, causing Armin to shake his head, mussing his hair against the material of Jean's suit.

"I don't care what they think... Not really."  He mumbled, releasing Jean's hand to instead put both arms around his neck.  "Let them talk." 

"Maybe they'll liven up a bit if they actually play some decent music in here.  Do you think the band'll take requests?"

"Jean, I don't think -"

"How do you feel about some Kanye?  Oh wait, Owl City maybe -"

 Armin shook his head again, biting his lip to keep from smiling.

"Or we could just go make out in the men's room."

"Jean!"

"We could do other stuff too.  Loudly.   _Really_ give them something to talk about, eh?"  Jean ducked his head to meet Armin's eyes, grinning and jerking his head towards the mull of people.

"Stop it, you're terrible."  Armin said, but then lifted his head to touch his nose against Jean's.  "And I love you.  Really, I do.  Please don't ever stop being terrible."

"I love it when you talk dirty to me."

"You're an asshole.  Jeez, you reek of alcohol -"

 _"God_ , I'm so hot for you right n-"

A shocked  _"Armin!"_ abruptly cut off Jean's sentence and Armin's giggles.  Mrs. Arlert strode towards them, a mix of anger and anxiety on her face that turned Jean's stomach as she glanced behind her at the whispering crowd.

"What do the two of you think you're doing?   _Here_ of all places?"  She hissed as she approached, red splotches appearing on her cheeks as she realised just how closely pressed together her son and his boyfriend were.

Armin's arms dropped from around Jean's neck and quickly stepped out of his embrace, his own face flushing in shame.  "Mum, we weren't -"

"Never mind now, the damage is done,"  She snapped, snatching Armin's wrist and tugging him away back towards the tables.  "Come sit back down, the food's about to be served."

Armin stumbled after her, just barely catching Jean's sleeve with his fingertips to pull him along.  He didn't say anything; just silently accepted his mother's angry mutters as the three of them weaved through the disbanding crowd like the world's most embarrassing human train.

Jean himself knew not to waste his breath either; he was done trying to please this woman.  Not that he'd made a great effort to begin with, but even so.  Perhaps he should've felt guilty for deliberately flaunting their relationship when it was clear that Armin wasn't entirely comfortable with it around his parents yet - but he didn't.  It was their problem; not his.

He had to wonder why Armin was so meekly accepting his mother's scathing words.  That hadn't been the case a few weeks ago after their "family dinner" - he'd stood up for both himself and Jean and made it clear that he wasn't happy with the way his parents had been treating him.  What had happened since then?

 _Two weeks of her actually giving him attention for once and bitching about me and the others._ Jean thought bitterly, and wondered how Eren had managed to put up with it before.

_Well, I'm guessing he didn't by the look on her face whenever he's mentioned._

For a bizarre moment, Jean actually wished Eren were here to give him courage to stand up to this woman.  His head jerked in surprise at the thought of relying on Eren and the moment passed.  Surely he wasn't that desperate yet.

They reached the table where now sat Dr. Arlert and Armin's grandfather, and again Jean recognised the family resemblance at the near identical expressions of boredom on both men's faces.  It was difficult to tell which of the four males hated being here the most.  But Mrs. Arlert didn't seem to be paying any attention to them.

"Here."  She pushed on Armin's shoulders to force him into the seat beside his grandfather; his hands in his lap and his head bowed so low Jean couldn't see his face.

"And _you."_  Mrs. Arlert whirled around to face Jean, her eyes hardening.   _"Control yourself."_

Jean stared down at her.  "Yes, ma'am."  He said coldly, ignoring her recoil as she caught the alcohol on his breath, and took the seat between the old man and Dr. Arlert.  If either of them were curious about the abrupt change in mood, they didn't show it.  Although both looked up eagerly when a waiter arrived with plates of food.  Mrs. Arlert, however, was still muttering away:

"Honestly, we may as well have invited the entire of Shiganshina for the impression we're making."

"No one's going to care about a couple of teenagers canoodling in the corner, Audrey."  Dr. Arlert said as he studied the second bottle of wine (Jean guessed he'd drank more than he thought) just served to him with interest.  "Those who do clearly aren't worth getting concerned about."

"They're our  _colleagues,_  Jonathan."  She snapped, causing Armin to wince beside her.  "It matters what they think."

"Our _colleagues_ need to get a grip and stop gossiping."  Dr. Arlert sniffed.  "We're scholars, not celebrities."

 ** _Parents._**  Jean gritted his teeth, ignoring his own meal in favour of watching his boyfriend's mother and father bicker while their son still hadn't raised his head since he sat down.   _You're supposed to be **parents** before anything else._

"At this stage in our career we're practically both."

Dr. Arlert didn't respond, clearly thinking it wasn't worth the effort when he could be indulging in food and drink instead.

"Anyway, that's not the point.  Armin -"  She twisted in her seat, raising a hand to tuck Armin's hair behind his ear (Jean resisted the urge to reach across the table and smack her hand away).  "You do realise what that looked like, don't you?"

"Like I was dancing with my boyfriend?"  His voice wobbled.  "Because that's what I was doing, Mum.  Whether you or anyone else likes it or not."

"Honey, you have to understand that some of the people here aren't as open-minded as... As we are -"

Jean suppressed a snort.

"- and they can say some hurtful things.  I don't want you to have to go through that.  But you will if you insist on -"  She gestured between Armin and Jean.  "Then I can't protect you from it."

Armin's grandfather didn't even attempt to hide the contempt in his voice.  "Oh, don't pretend that's all you're worried about.  We all know what you're really concerned about, Audrey."

"I'm  _concerned_ about my son and his future.  If he continues to associate with good-for-nothing hoodlums like that Eren boy then who knows how it could affect his career!"

"Jaeger's not a bad kid."  The old man said with surprisingly sincerity as he tucked into his pie.  "Just a bit of a fool."

"Grandpa, stop,"  Armin's voice shook.  "You're not helping."

"Good kids don't get involved in street fighting.  And I remember the way he spoke to us last time we were here."  Mrs. Arlert shook her head in disgust.  "That boy has  _no_ respect for adults and the sacrifices we make.  How the two of you became friends is beyond me.  And how you would rather stay here for him than come with us -"

"I didn't say I wanted to stay for Eren, I -"

"Darling, there is  _nothing_ left for you in Shiganshina.  I don't understand why you -"

"Eren isn't nothing."

Jean was surprised to find that it was he, not Armin, that had spoke those words aloud.  Audrey stared at him, nostrils flaring and Dr. Arlert blinked in mild surprise.  Armin's mouth had dropped open, either shocked at Jean's boldness or that fact that he just defended Eren.  The old man spared him a brief glance, his mouth twitching, before returning to his pie.

Jean swallowed, but their shocked stares did little to dampen his temper.  He'd surprised himself by finally speaking up, but decided to press on before his courage abandoned him, or before Armin's mother interrupted him.  The alcohol had made him feel a little braver tonight.  "I'm not nothing.  The old man isn't nothing.  And the Jaegers aren't _nothing_.  You shouldn't judge them solely on the mistakes they've made.  They're good people, even Eren.  He may be a tool, but he loves Armin - they all do.  The Jaegers have been more of a family to him than any of you have.  How can you encourage him to give them up?"

 _"We_ are his family -"

"No, you're his relatives."

Mrs. Arlert's mouth formed a hard line, her eyes narrowing.  "Excuse me, but what right have you to decide who his family are?"

"I don't have the right, but he does."  Jean gestured towards a horrified Armin.  God, he was on a roll now.  He'd better shut up before he said something  _really_ honest.  "Do you even know about all the crap he's been through since you first left?  Have you asked about it?  Do you even care?"   _Shit._

She shook her head in disgust.  It didn't escape Jean that she probably wouldn't answer him.  "I knew it.  You're just as bad as the other one."

"Probably.  And you'd be right in saying I'm not good enough for your son, but you know what?"  Jean steeled himself to say it, forcing himself to ignore that impossibly wide-eyed look Armin was giving him from across the table.  "Neither are you.  You're nowhere near good enough for him.  And at least I'm  _here._ At least I give a damn whether he's actually happy or not.  You know, you shouldn't have had a kid if you weren't planning on taking care of him properly.  I mean, don't get me wrong I'm glad you did have a kid 'cause Armin's the best fucking thing that's ever happened to me.  But that's not the point."

"Then wha- "

"What is your point?"  All eyes slid to Armin as he spoke over his mother, white-faced and still.  Anyone who didn't know him might think he was angry, or even appalled.  But Jean did know him.  He knew exactly what truth Armin needed to hear.

Without lowering his gaze, Jean replied with a steady voice.  "That you don't deserve this.  That you deserve what makes you happy - and if that means leaving Shiganshina then okay, I won't try to stop you.  But if by some miracle it's staying here with me that makes you happy, then that's freaking fantastic because I'm yours already.  I love you, so whatever you decide, Armin... I'm here.  And I'm always gonna be, so don't you ever worry about that." _  
_

Armin made a noise that sounded like a cross between a hiccup and a sob before dropping his face into his hands.  Jean immediately scraped his chair back to stand and go around to table to crouch by Armin's chair.

"Ahh, that was very... moving."  Dr. Arlert punctuated the end of his sentence with the clink of cutlery against china as he set down his fork and glanced curiously at his wife.  She was still staring in mute shock at Jean as he murmured soothingly to her son, a hand rubbing reassuring circles on his back.

"And don't feel like you have to decide right now - you have loads of time to think about it.  There's no pressure, not from me at least.  Hey, hey..." He gently pried a hand from Armin's face to kiss reassuringly.  "I didn't say all this embarrassing crap to make you cry, you know."

"Well that backfired on you, didn't it?"  Armin mumbled, dragging his free hand across his still water eyes before looking down at Jean.  "Making me cry in a place like this... Jerk."

"You love me though."

"I do."  Armin leaned down, bumping his damp cheek against Jean's in a clumsy attempt at a kiss.  "I want to go home."

"Mm, then let's go.  Think there's a bus to Shiganshina for less than the change in my pocket?"

Pulling Armin up by the hand, they were already halfway around the table before Mrs. Arlert finally found her voice; spluttering protests that they couldn't leave, don't be ridiculous, they've just sat down - 

"Jonathan, _tell_  him!"

Dr. Arlert glanced up at his wife wearily and held her furious gaze steadily for a good five seconds before sighing and switching to Jean.

Jean refused back down as Dr. Arlert considered him carefully over the rim of his glasses.  He struggled not to look away in discomfort; he didn't think he'd seen the man pay so much attention to something other than a meal for so long.

After an excruciating eight seconds - it was probably eight seconds, but for Jean it felt like eight agonising hours - Dr. Arlert finally exhaled and looked away, adjusting his glasses before reaching for his wine glass.

"Honestly, Audrey... he could've done a lot worse."

Confused as to whether he'd just gained his approval or been insulted, Jean ignored Mrs. Arlert's outraged splutters and turned to Armin, quirking his eyebrow to convey  _Good enough for me, you?_

Armin, paying no attention to his mother's rants, smiled at him before practically skipping around the table to duck down and quickly kiss his father on the cheek.  "Thanks, Dad.  We're going to go now.  Can we take the car?"

Dr. Arlert blinked at the sudden show of affection before giving a tired nod.  "That's fine.  Just send it back when you're home, alright?"

_"Jonathan!"_

"We're not going home before midnight then, are we?"  Armin's grandpa grumbled.  "I suppose I have to stay, do I?"

"Yes, Grandpa."  Armin dropped a kiss on his head too before taking Jean by the hand and leading him away from the table towards the exit.  "Call me when you're on your way home!"  He called over his shoulder.

Jean couldn't help it.  He glanced behind him, unable to stop grinning at the Arlerts behind them - the old man grumbling into his soup, _Audrey_ lecturing her husband in hushed tones, and Dr. Arlert blatantly ignoring her in favour of his wine glass.  Whatever shitstorm she was planning on unleashing next time they saw her... Well, they'd worry about it then.  Either way, she was pretty much the last thing on his mind.

"Armin, are... Are we...?"

"Yes,"  Armin said.  "We are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, do you guys want the happy epilogue or the sad epilogue?


	18. In Which Jean and Armin Finally Get All The Kisses They Deserve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah we've reached the end!! it might seem kind of rushed just cause a. i've really been struggling with writing anything recently cause i know i used to update like every few weeks and well i know i kinda had a dry spell of like five months oh jeez - and b. i cut a huge chunk of this and wanna save it for later when i throw a bunch of 'deleted scenes' together in a collection (maybe involving an alternative ending but idk if my jearmin-beating heart could take it)
> 
> epilogues are supposed to be annoyingly vague anyway
> 
> ps please have safe sex everyone, unless you don't wanna have sex then don't and just be safe crossing the road or whatever anyway always be safe

Jean tripped over the doormat and knocked over the coat stand on his way in. It wasn't his fault, not really. They'd both underestimated Armin's strength when they stumbled through the front door and Armin pulled Jean down to kiss him.

Jean grabbed the stairway railing with one hand and Armin with the other, laughing as he tried to stand upright. "Steady on, Armin - We haven't even shut the front door yet."

Armin growled something against Jean's neck that sounded a lot like "bugger the door" before reluctantly allowing Jean to slip from his grasp to close the front door and lock it. When Jean turned around, he burst out laughing again to see Armin's shoes and suit jacket already discarded on the floor and his boyfriend already making fast progress on his shirt buttons.

"Can't wait, huh?"

"Nope." Armin shed his shirt, crossed the hallway in a few quick steps and flung his arms around Jean's neck. He shrieked and clung tightly as Jean grabbed his thighs and hoisted them on to his hips, staggering backwards as he did so. "Are you trying to kill us? Put me down! It's going to take us ages to get up these stairs if you carry me like this."

"Oh, I'm sure it'll be worth the  _weight."_

"Oh my _god_."

"Oi, I'm hilarious; how did you not fall in love with me sooner?"

"I honestly wish I _had_ fallen in love with you sooner." Armin said quietly before kissing Jean just as softly.

Jean hummed low in his throat, tightening his grip on Armin's waist as he carried him upstairs to the second floor, alternating between kisses and... not really looking where he was going.

He tripped again, breaking their fall with Armin's bedroom door as they fell against it.  He managed to both keep a hold of Armin and reach a hand up to cup the back of his head before it hit the door.  His hand throbbed as Armin's head crushed it, but Jean found that it was well worth the pain.  He had his boyfriend pressed up against a wall. And he liked having his boyfriend pressed up against things.  

 _T_ _his could work._ He thought and rolled his hips forward, grinning as he realised just how hard Armin was already.  He grinned harder at the strangled sound he received and kept grinding against him.

It had been difficult enough to control himself on the journey back to Shiganshina. As soon as they'd hailed down Jim and slipped into the car, Armin had burst into tears and allowed Jean to cradle him in the back seat until he'd eventually calmed down and decided to vent his emotions in the best way he knew how.

 

_"Jesus, Arm we're in the back of a moving car with some old guy in the front."_

_"Jim won't see or hear us, there's a soundproof screen between us - Jean, please just kiss me at least, please -"_

 

Jean guessed a handjob didn't count too much considering the circumstances.

 _I am a weak weak man._  

“Wait, Jean I - oh _crapcrapcrap - ahh! -_ Jean, not yet, please just wait -” Armin gasped sharply as Jean sucked hard on his shoulder and slammed their hips back hard against the door again.  “The bed - we can -”

“That’s the great thing about being young, Armin,”  Jean grinned into his neck.  “Can come as often as we want and still have some left over.  I got plenty of stamina for the two of us, love.”

“That’s great, I be-  _Nnn -_ b-believe you but I… I don't want to come until you’re inside me.”

Jean just managed to stop himself from whining out loud, his head dropping on to Armin’s shoulder.  His arms trembled under the weight of holding them both.  “Jeez, you... Keep saying shit like that.”

“Like what?  What, that -”  Armin moved his arms from Jean’s shoulder to lift his head and look him in the eyes.  His pupils were blown wide as he breathed hard against Jean’s mouth.  “That I want you inside me anyway I can?  That I spend every day thinking about how you touch me and unravel me in every way possible?  That I spend  _hours_ thinking about your hands on me and your mouth and your cock and the way you look at me when I come and how it’ll feel when -”

Armin didn’t get to finish his sentence.

Jean crashed his mouth against his while fumbling for the door handle.  He opened the door and miraculously kept them both upright long enough to reach Armin's bed and fall on to it.  He quickly set to the task of relieving Armin of the rest of his clothing.  It then only registered with Jean that he was still fully dressed in his neighbour's funeral suit.

_Better fix that._

He made to strip, then glanced down in surprise when small hands pulled his own away from his top button.

Armin looked up at him with pleading eyes, looking impossibly aroused already laid bare beneath Jean with his hair spread over the pillow.

"Would it... Would it be awfully kinky of me to want you to keep it on?"

Jean's already tight trousers grew even more so at the thought.  "It's a pretty mild kink to be honest if you can even call it that... And I hate to disappoint, but if I go home tomorrow with a rumpled suit..."

"Urgh.  Okay, gotcha.  But you didn’t let me finish -”

“I’m not planning on letting you finish for a good while, Arm.”  Jean kissed him quickly before undressing faster than he'd ever undressed in his life.

“I  _mean,_ ” Armin grabbed Jean’s wrist.  “What I was going to say - I-I think about how it’ll feel when you come inside me.”

Jean stopped in his tracks, underwear caught around his knees, and blinked owlishly down at his boyfriend.

“What?”  He said dumbly, caught between being utterly confused or painfully aroused.

“I... want you to come inside me.”

“Again, what?”

Armin stared at him.  “I don’t want you to wear a condom is what I’m saying.”

“Ah…” Jean hesitated, still trying to process what Armin was asking of him.  Truth be told, he wholeheartedly wanted to fulfil his boyfriend’s request - especially when he looked at him like  _that._ But he was pretty sure they’d stacked up on protection for a reason.  “Arm, that’s… Unusually impractical of you.”

“Because _'practicality'_ is what this relationship is based on.”  Armin breathed a laugh, propping himself up on his elbows to reach up with one hand and cup Jean’s cheek.  “But I don’t see any need for it.  Neither of us have ever slept with anyone else, and I don’t plan to either.  It’s only you I’m ever going to want, and I want to  _feel_ you, Jean.  If you’ll have me.”

Jean swallowed, knowing full well he wouldn't have been able to deny this boy anyway.  “Oh, I’ll have you.  Damn it.  Okay.  But I’m drawing the line at no lube.”

“If you insist.”

“I insist very strongly.”

Armin gave him a fond look and kissed him, rubbing a thumb along the line of his jaw.  Then he reached over to the bedside table and pulled the bottle out from the top drawer to place into Jean's open palm.  Armin gave him a moment to kick off his underwear before crawling into his lap, bracing his knees on either side of Jean's hips and wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

Jean opened the bottle cap, considered it for a moment then snapped it shut again and dropped it on to the bed.  He shook his head at the growing excitement on his boyfriend's face.  "I'm still going to use it.  I just want to get you ready first."  He grazed his hands up the back of Armin's thighs, stroking the tender skin there to make him shiver.

"You mean you just want to feel me up first."  Armin murmured, nuzzling against Jean's hair.  "Jeez, it's all foreplay with you.  Not that I mind."

He certainly didn't seem to mind by the way he arched into Jean's body with sighs and gasps when Jean's hands and mouth roamed all of his favourite places, committing to memory every soft line and curve he could reach.  Armin's white skin flushed and darkened where Jean made his marks, and he appeared to be enjoying himself when he reached down to grip himself with a moan before Jean pulled his hand away.

Jean himself was getting a little lightheaded; dizzy from the taste of Armin's sweat and the lingering scent of whatever sweet cologne he had put on earlier.  "You always smell so good."  He mumbled into Armin's shoulder, finally reaching for the bottle and holding Armin steady in his lap as he prepared him.  He ignored Armin when he claimed he was ready far too early, twisting and crooking his fingers inside to stretch him thoroughly until Armin, impatient, nipped hard at Jean's ear with his teeth.

Message received loud and clear, Jean withdrew his fingers and lay Armin back on the bed - taking a moment just to look at him and marvel at the sight.

_Jesus Christ I'm so lucky, I'm so freaking lucky - he loves me, he does - even if he does leave these times'll be worth it, I'm gonna make them count I swear -_

His boyfriend smiled shyly up at him before tracing his fingertips down Jean's torso.  "Yeah, you're beautiful too."  Then he moved moved his hands from Jean’s waist to his hips, pulling them towards him and guiding him inside.  “I’ve missed you.”

“I’m here.” Jean murmured, and for some reason felt immediately embarrassed that he’d said it.  Armin kissed his red face, his grip tightening around his hips as Jean pushed further inside.

 _“Ohhhh my god,"_  Armin breathed, his eyelids fluttering shut, and Jean thought he might come then and there.  The new raw friction against Armin’s inside wasn’t helping him any either.

He knew the atmosphere had changed from when they had first walked through the front door.  Not that it was surprising; both boys had been through the wringer tonight and emotions were still running high between them.  Although Armin's body had turned to jelly under Jean's touch, the tremor in his lower lip gave away his lingering uncertainty.  He wasn't alone in his anxiety - Jean himself felt a tightness building in his chest that had little to do with what they were doing.

_Don't think about it.  Not now.  Not now._

“So, I uh…  _unravel_ you, huh?” Jean panted, taking Armin’s hands from his hips and entwining them with his own.  He reached to pin them on either side of Armin’s head and leaned over him so their foreheads touched.  "Armin, can I...?"

Armin exhaled shakily, his head jerking a  _'yes'_ until Jean took his quivering lip between his own and sucked gently.  He responded by squeezing Jean's waist with his thighs, urging him to get a move on.  So he did.

Jean moved against him at a frustratingly slow pace that had him going hot all over and Armin panting beneath him.  He wasn't going to let himself focus on anything but ensuring his boyfriend knew he was loved and supported no matter how confused and conflicted he was - and Jean knew very well by now that a big part of that assurance was physical, so he was going to make damn sure that Armin saw stars before the night was over.

He remembered well from before, angling himself and thrusting forward deeply enough in the right place to make Armin suddenly cry out and clench around him.  Jean let out a low groan, hips stuttering for a moment before he could recover.  “ _F...Fuck,_ Armin don’t just… _Jesus_ …”

Armin’s eyelids fluttered open weakly, his breath coming in ragged gasps.  Jean's breath hitched as he watched Armin blink rapidly to dispel that tears he hadn't realised had gathered already.  He was convinced his heart would stop at any moment, brushing his lips against the ridge of Armin's ear, causing the boy to tremble beneath him.

His self-restraint was waning fast as Armin let out a small sob and turned his head into the pillow.  He felt himself throbbing, his abdomen tightening uncomfortably.  But he didn’t move the way his body was screaming at him to.  He ached to reach release as quickly as possible, but the part of him that was focused on Armin’s glazed over eyes and the hands tightening around his was desparate to drag it out as long as possible.

So he did.  Despite Armin’s heels pressing bruises into the small of his back and his fingernails cutting dark semi-circles between his knuckles, Jean moved as slow as he could bear, making controlled thrusts as deep as Armin’s body would allow him - lingering for a moment or two before Armin begged him to move and he pulled out just as deliberately.

Jean didn’t need to look to know that Armin was a mess below - wet and twitching despite being untouched other than the unbearably light brushes against Jean’s stomach.

He wanted to look though, but that would mean tearing his eyes away from red-rimmed blue ones.  Instead Jean indulged himself in peppering kisses all over the other boy’s face; whispering all the things he would’ve been embarrassed to say before now.  Desperate, honest things that would be humiliating if it were anyone but Armin listening - a sobbing and overwhelmed Armin who looked as though he were about to melt into the mattress there and then.

"I love you.”  Armin whispered, his cheeks damp and scarlet as he slid his arms around Jean’s neck and pulled him down to meet his mouth.  “My Jean… My handsome, _brave..._   _wonderful_ _Jean…_ “

Jean curved his arms around Armin’s back, cradling his weeping - and flawed but perfect, oh so perfect - boyfriend in his arms and murmured adorations against his lips.

They didn't finish together but neither cared at that point.  Armin orgasmed twice before Jean finally did; the smaller of the two stroking the hair of the other that came gasping inside him.  He then determinedly ignored Armin's smile when he sniffed and dragged his forearm across his own damp eyes.  It was a while before either of them could find the energy, or even the will, to move.  But eventually Jean shifted first, knowing he'd regret falling asleep naked and sweat-soaked on top of Armin when no doubt someone would come home and find them - plus they'd feel pretty gross in the morning.

He coaxed a sleepy Armin from the bed, scooping him up and carrying him to the bathroom when they'd realised how unsteady he was on his feet.  He wiped them both down, cleaning Armin thoroughly both inside and out.  He struggled with the urge to scold him and ask if it was worth it when Armin squirmed in discomfort, because he knew Armin was just say yes out of stubbornness.

Back in the bedroom, Jean pulled on the only clothes he could (his underwear) and smiled as he watched Armin make the laziest attempt to dress himself he had ever seen.  He couldn't even muster the energy to bend down and pull up his pyjama bottoms.  He gave up and gave Jean a desperate  _'help me'_ look.

"What am I, your slave?"  Jean asked, but helped him dress anyway.  Armin bit his shoulder gently for his cheek before giving an affirmative "Mmhm."

It didn't take long for Armin to fall asleep once they crawled into bed, having tucked himself into a ball under Jean's arm as tight to his body as possible.  Feeling too content to worry about anything else, Jean dozed for an hour or so before he jolted to fully consciousness when Armin spoke.

"Jean, I... I think we just made love."

Jean propped himself up on his elbow to squint down in confusion.  He was pretty sure Armin hadn't realised they'd been both napping for for the last hour.  "You _think?_   Arm, I was there - we definitely -"

"No, I mean - Um,"  Armin lay on his front, head resting on his crossed arms as he glanced shyly up at his boyfriend.  "Well, that last time there felt different.  I think it's like... Before was awkward teenagery sex where we were just kind of fumbling through it and trying to get off as fast as possible.  But here, just now... It felt like more than that.  Like something..."  He trailed off at Jean's amused expression.

"Well, at least that's what it felt like to me!"  Armin squeaked before burying his face in his arms again, causing Jean to chuckle.

"No, come on tell me - what did it feel like?"

"Nothing, it sucked."

Jean laughed again at Armin's mortified mumbles, reaching over to press a kiss between his shoulder blades.

"You're so cute when you're embarrassed."

"I'm not _embarrassed."_

"You're not that good a liar, love."

"Just you wait - next time I'll put _my_ penis in _your_ butt and ravish you and you'll be so physically and emotionally satisfied that you'll be bawling like a baby.  I swear to god I'll make you _weep_ , Jean Kirschstein."

Jean didn't doubt it.

"Oh yeah?  You gonna feel me up first too?"  He teased and Armin flipped on to his back to scowl up at him.  Jean bent down to kiss the scowl away.  "Mm, I love your mouth, Arm."

"It loves you too, that's why I'm going to feel you up with it.  In fact, I'm going to take my tongue and -"

"And I love you here..." Jean ignored him, kissing his forehead and cheeks and nose and chin until Armin relaxed beneath him.  "Here, and here..."  Down the hollow of his neck and along his shoulders.

"Even here."

"Gross."  Armin giggled when Jean kissed underneath his arm before tracing his mouth down his ribcage.

"Also -" he pressed his open mouth to Armin's navel, puffed up his cheeks and blew, smirking when Armin shrieked and wriggled to get away from him.

He slid his hands down Armin's bare legs, the fine blond hairs rising under his touch.

"And I love you,"  He slid his hands underneath Armin to lightly rub against his backside before ducking his head to mouth the fabric over Armin's crotch. "Especially here.  And if I wasn't so exhausted I'd show you just how much."

"I think you've proved your enthusiasm for that area enough already for the night."  Armin smiled before reaching out his hands towards him to pull him back.  "Just direct your energy here for a while."

Jean let himself be pulled into a long lazy kiss that he knew wouldn't go any further than soft closed mouths and a comforting embrace.  There'd be plenty of time for everything else in the morning.

 

*

 

Armin's room was surprisingly and uncomfortably hot in the morning.  Probably because they were underneath a double duvet, the heating was on, and Jean had a blond bundle of warmth curled up at his side.

Armin's body was radiating heat against his, with the odd exception of his toes which he had pressed against Jean's calves, trapping Jean's leg between his thighs.  Jean tugged the duvet down a bit, exposing his bare chest to the open air with a sigh - which was all very well until Armin mumbled incoherently and wriggled against him before yanking the cover back up to his chin.  Oh well, he tried.

"Arm, you awake?"

Armin snored gently in response.

Relieved that he was still asleep, Jean let himself relax for a few more minutes.  He had made a decision late last night before they passed out for the second and final time (and the quietest, and sweetest make-out session they'd ever had), and was determined to carry it out first thing in the morning.  And he had to do it before Armin found out.

Stifling a groan, Jean tried to disentangle himself from his soundly sleeping boyfriend with some difficulty - Armin was particularly possessive despite being unconscious.  When he finally wriggled away out of Armin's reach without disturbing him, Jean stood and pulled on last night's clothes minus the tie and jacket.  He splashed some water on his face in the bathroom to waken himself up, checked that Armin's still, deep-breathing figure was still huddled underneath the duvets and made his way downstairs.

He paused at the foot of the stairs, noticing a pile of neatly folded clothing at the bottom - Armin's clothes from last night.  They certainly hadn't folded them before they'd staggered upstairs and spent the remainder of the night having sex on Armin's bed.  Which meant that someone else had certainly come home and done it for them.

 _"Shit."_ Jean whispered, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms before steeling himself to take the final steps.  He peered around the staircase banister and smothered the rising panic in his chest at the sight of Armin's grandfather glaring at him from the kitchen doorway.

"...i-it's not what it looks like."

The old man's scowl deepened.

"No seriously, I'm going straight back upstairs -"

"Are you now?"

" _Shit_ , oh my god I didn't mean - that's not what I - look, I'm just going out real quick to do something for Armin and I'll be right back I swear -"

_Kill me now, fuck fuck -_

"Okay fine, it is what it looks like - we're having sex, but we're both legal and I'm one hundred percent committed to him, and I swear I'm not sneaking out on him or anything, I'd never do that to him -"

"Look boy, you don't have to tell me."  He rolled his eyes, beckoning for Jean to come to the kitchen before turning his back on him.  Jean approached hesitantly, and was surprised when the old man turned back to offer him a mug full of coffee.  Jean took a sip and struggled not to make a face at the taste.

"I'm not my daughter-in-law, you know.  I know better than to try and get in the way of something that makes Armin happy, and it's obvious that you do make him happy.  Last night made that crystal clear to all of us.  Also, about the two of you being... Well, you aren't exactly subtle.  I'm not an idiot.  And neither's my grandson so I know you're being safe, blah blah -"

Jean tried not to choke and die on the bitter coffee.  Instead he nodded and pretended that his face and tongue weren't burning.

"- and if you're not sneaking out on him, then... I got nothing to say.  Just go."  Armin's grandfather took another sip and wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Tastes like shit doesn't it? Armin makes it better.  Not much better, but better."

"Because you're buying a shitty make."  Jean agreed, still not quite able to look him in the eye. He downed the coffee anyway - he needed to be alert for this.  "I'll go to the shop when I'm out, get you the good stuff."

"Deal."  The old man grunted, and waved away Jean's protests when he pressed a note into his hand.  "Hurry up and go, before my grandson wakes up and thinks I've chased you out the house."

 

*

 

Needless to say, Carla Jaeger looked very surprised to see Jean at her front door at 7AM on a Sunday morning.

"Jean?  Oh, good morning!  I... What are you doing here?"

"Um, morning Mrs. Jaeger.  I was... in the neighbourhood.  I'm actually looking for Eren.  Is he up?"

She looked startled at Jean's words, glancing behind her at what looked like an empty hallway.  "He's not actually, but I can wake him if it's important?"

"Well, if -"

"I already woke him."

Jean bit back a curse and managed to stop himself from stumbling backwards off the step at Mikasa's voice.  She'd appeared in an instant at Mrs. Jaeger's side and was staring at Jean with an odd look he couldn't quite read.

"Jeez, uh... Morning, Mikasa."

"Good morning, Jean."  She said, stepping back when Mrs. Jaeger beckoned him inside.  Mrs. Jaeger then excused herself upstairs, still looking confused, and Mikasa turned to face Jean in the hallway.

_"In the neighbourhood?"_

"Eavesdropping, huh?"

"Yes."

He followed Mikasa to the kitchen where Eren stood looking positively bewildered as he stared at the magnets on their refrigerator.  He was still in his pyjamas as far as Jean could tell, barefoot and boxer shorts in all their glory.

"Jean's here."  Mikasa said before moving to exit the room.  Jean was surprised to that she was giving them privacy as she shut the door behind her with a sharp snap.

Eren jolted at the sound, whipping his head around to face Jean.  His eyes widened and he took a step forward, arms outstretched as though to grab Jean.  He stopped abruptly and dropped his arms as Jean raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Um, something you wanna tell me, Eren?"

"Shit.  I dunno, I've been trying to talk to you for weeks and you suddenly turn up at my door.  I'm half-asleep, I...  Wow, your bedhead is something special by the way."

"Courtesy of Armin's pillow."

Jean regretted the words the second they left his mouth.  Eren looked momentarily stunned before covering it with a shaky laugh and running a hand through his own hair.

"Yeah, it can get kind of static-y sometimes. But I guess you know that."

They both fell silent, Eren seeming very uncomfortable as he shifted from foot to foot and looked anyway but Jean, and the other boy cursing himself for the obviously suggestive comment he made.  Even through it was true, he knew he shouldn't be rubbing it in Eren's face.

Scratching the back of his head for something to do with his hands, Jean sighed and forced himself to speak up.  "Right, okay.  I'm just gonna cut the bullshit and be honest with you."

Eren's head snapped up and he immediately started babbling.  "Me too, I know I've been a moron and I needed to -"

"No, shut up - this only works if you don't talk."  Jean shook his head, holding up a hand to silence him.  "Just let me get this out first before I change my mind.  Look, I shouldn't have avoided you when it was obvious you wanted to try to talk things out and make it work for Armin's sake.  That was my bad, and I know it's probably made things awkward between you two so I'm sorry about that.  I should've given you a chance, so that's what I'm doing now.  So, basically... yeah."

Eren swallowed again and nodded.  It was obviously paining him a lot to have this conversation in his pyjamas in the middle of his kitchen, especially with Jean dressed in last night's ceremony attire.  "Okay.  Well, I... wanted to apologise for being a jerk to you on the day before Valentine's day.  And... and on Valentine's day.  Seriously, I dunno what happened.  I've never done that before and I've never wanted to, I swear."

"You get why I was pissed though, right?  You understand the concept of Armin being in a relationship with me and not you?"

"Of course I do.  You don't need to be so sarcastic about it."  Eren grumbled at him.  "You sound like Armin when you do that.  I don't think I kissed him because I like him like that, or was jealous of you or anything.  I think I did it 'cause I was sad, 'cause it felt like I was losing my best friend, you know?"

"I'd feel a whole lot better if you stopped saying  _'I think'._ "

Eren gave a helpless shrug.  "I was drunk, my head wasn't too clear.  Apparently I can get a little too friendly when I'm out of it.  Seriously, you don't have anything to worry about.  And I swear we won't ever have to have this conversation again.  Though we actually said something similar last time, didn't we?  Jesus, uh... I mean it though.  You were right before, what you said at the park about Armin not leaving me.  I overreacted, but I get it now.  You and him, I get it.  You're good for him, so I want that.  For him.  If that makes sense..."

Jean stared at him, trying to figure out whether he was going to trust his words or not.  Eren held his gaze steadily, with a wide-eyed intensity that reminded Jean of Armin.

_Hell no, I did not just make that comparison._

And he wasn't forgetting that Mikasa was still just standing outside the door listening to every word - he could imagine her burning holes in the back of his head, trying to make him make peace with Eren by sheer force of will.  He could imagine her forcing him physically if he made a choice she didn't like.

Heaving an enormous sigh and running his hand through his already messed up hair, Jean gave in.  He knew he would've anyway; it was the whole reason he'd come by this morning in the first place.  Even if Eren's answer hadn't been to his liking, he would've tried this anyway for Armin's sake.  As if that wasn't already the reason he did anything anymore.

"Right.  Okay, fine.  I accept that."

"So we're good?"

"Yeah.  We're good."

Eren's shoulders sagged in relief and he gave a short laugh.  "Thank god, okay.  Okay."

They stood awkwardly for a moment, having had this conversation from opposite ends of the room and now neither boy knew what to do next.

_I... don't think there's anything more to say really._

Clearing his throat for a goodbye, Jean took a step backwards.  "So, I guess -"

"We should hang out sometime."

Jean felt his eyes widen and mouth drop open to form an "Uh", when Eren hastily backtracked.  "The four of us, I mean.  Me, you, Mikasa and Armin.  We should like all hang out together or whatever."

Recovering, Jean gave a shrug that would've been casual if he hasn't just swallowed the enormous lump in his throat.  "Yeah, sure we can do that.  It'll make Armin happy, I guess."

Eren gave an eager nod, now oddly bouncing on the balls of his feet, before crossing the room in hurried strides to grab a rigid Jean into a tight embrace.  Not sure how to respond, Jean settled for stiffly patting Eren on the back.  He wasn't quite there yet with the hugging.

When Jean slipped back into Armin's room twenty minutes later after his run to the shop (his visit to the Jaegers' had ended immediately upon the end of the brief hug he shared with Eren - and he wasn't going to tell anyone about that _ever),_ he couldn't fight the giddy feeling spreading through his chest at the sight of his boyfriend exactly where he left him.

He knew he would tell Armin about his conversation with Eren later; it was only a question of when they were both fed and relaxed, and sure that neither of them were going to kick off in a teary tantrum again.  Not that he thought that was likely, but he could never be too sure where they'd end up when it came to Eren.

_It's not like anything bad happened.  We made up, I guess.  For now._

Shutting the door with his foot (hands occupied with two mugs of the  _good_ coffee mix), he started when Armin spoke.

"Where've you been?" Armin mumbled, his eyes still closed.

"Coffee run, want some?"

"No. Want my boyfriend."

Jean smiled and sat down the mugs on the bedside table. He leaned over the bed, combing Armin's hair with his fingers. "You sure?  Coffee's hot."

"So's my boyfriend.  Take off your clothes and get in here."

"Armin, your grandpa is downstairs."

"Urgh." Armin turned his head to press his face into the pillow. He was silent for a few moment before he spoke, his voice muffled: "I can be quiet."

Scoffing, Jean reached over and pressed his open mouth between Armin's shoulder blades and blew.  Armin snorted a "Quit it" and tugged the duvet over his head.  Jean dove underneath and tickled every part of Armin he could reach.

Armin shrieked and rolled away, wrapping himself in the duvet and peeking out at Jean who felt like he was falling in love all over again with every moment he spent with him.  "I changed my mind.  You're not allowed in my bed."

_"Not allowed?"_

"Not allowed."

"Well then," Jean grinned.  "It's a good thing I never do as I'm told, isn't it?"

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Jean woke slowly to the smell of something fruity and the feeling of something soft rubbing against his cheek.

_Apples._

"Mm... Morning, love.  What... the hell are you doing to my face?"

"I'm feeling it with _my_ face."

After a couple of lazy attempts, Jean opened his eyes to find his favourite person smushing his nose into his morning-stubbled cheek.

"Are you keeping this little chin beard thingie? I want you to keep the little chin beard thingie."

"Then I'll keep the little chin beard thingie." Jean mumbled, barely moving his lips and still not entirely awake.

The cutest nose in the world (in Jean's opinion) nudged impatiently at his own.  With a quiet _'yeah, yeah'_ sigh, he raised a hand (with some difficulty; his arm dead from the weight of a certain someone's head laying on it throughout the night) to run his fingers through that impossibly soft blond hair now past shoulder-length.

"S'rare for you to be up so early."

_And not be grumpy as hell about it.  Especially considering how energetic you were last night._

"That's because I have a surprise for you."

"Another one?  Last night's was more than satisfying to be honest."

"Yes, but then you went and ripped it."  Jean felt a warm puff of air against his neck as the blond huffed.  "Now we can't reuse them for another occasion."

"I'll buy you new ones, okay?"

"They'll never be as nice as the pair I bought."

"I'll get them in pink."

"I thought you preferred the blue?"

"You're sexy in every colour, love."

"Yes, but which colour do _you_  like best?"

"I..."  Jean coughed, tracing his fingertips between Armin's shoulder blades down to the small of his back.  "I, uh, like all the colours."

Armin shivered and rolled so he was lying with the entirely of his weight on Jean's outstretched torso.  "Stop trying to distract me.  Why can't you give me a straight answer?"

"Because saying I like you in white is gonna make me sound like a total perv."

Armin hummed, having propped up his chin up on his folded arms across Jean's chest.  A coy smile spread across his face as his legs crossed in the air behind him.  "White, huh?  Noted.  And I already know you're a total perv."

"So what's my other surprise?"

"Right!  We're going to laser-tag at eleven."

...did Jean hear that correctly?

_"Laser-tag?"_

"Aw, come on!  You've always wanted to go!"

"I am twenty-two -"

"You're twenty-three."

"I am twenty-three years old, damn it."

"And still the biggest baby I've ever met."

Suddenly Armin's mouth was smiling against his own, and Jean didn't feel like complaining anymore.

Besides, what Armin said was true.  Ever since they'd moved here Jean had been dropping heavy hints to his partner to take a trip to the local laser-tag arena with no success.  He'd found that home-cooked food and sex wasn't enough to bribe Armin into taking him.  And he was more than a little alarmed to realise that Armin seemed to favour Jean's Thai spiced breast of chicken over any bedroom activity lately.  But apparently birthdays were another story.

"Mm, I even booked the whole place out for us.  So there won't be any brats running around ruining our fun."

"What, just the two of us?"

"Well, I didn't want to tell you until this morning... But Marco and Mina are flying in for ten o'clock, they'll meet us there."

"M&M are here?"  Jean grinned.  It'd been so long since he'd seen his best friends.  "Sweet, it's been a while since I've kicked Marco's ass in combat."

"Mmhm... Connie and Sasha'll be here too.  Reiner and Bertholdt said they'd probably be late, but they'll definitely make dinner.  Though they were still stuck at Belgium's border last time I checked, so I don't know how true that is."

"What do you mean they're stuck at Belgium's border?"

Armin closed his eyes and shook his head in a way that made Jean regret asking, as he always did when Reiner and Bertholdt were involved.  "Something about a public indecency charge.  I didn't ask for any details."

"Jesus.  Okay, I won't mention it at dinner then."

"And Eren and Mikasa arrived last night.  I didn't tell you because I didn't want anything to distract you..."  Feather-light kisses on Jean's chest made him hum contentedly.

"So basically, you just wanted the birthday boy to yourself."

"As your lonely fiancé, I think I was justified."  Armin sat up, legs straddling Jean's waist as he pouted down at him and crossed his arms against his bare chest.  "We've been so busy lately, and I've been missing you... So excuse me for not wanting to share our bed with our friends on your birthday when we both _finally_ have some free time at the _same time_ for once..."

"I know, I know.  Look... "  Jean reached to pull Armin back down, smiling as he slid his hands up Armin's cool arms and kissed his cheek.  "I just have a few more commissions to finish off, and your classes end next week - so what d'you say we take a little time off and have... an engagement vacation."

Armin gave a sigh and melted against him.  "That sounds amazing... But Jean, we can't really afford to go anywhere right now."

"I know, I know but we can just spend a week here.  Take a walk around the city, have a picnic by the lake like we said we were going to when we first moved here but never got around to doing.  We can stay at home for a weekend and order in - make a fort in the main room, watch movies in the fort, play card games in the fort, do other fun things in the fort..."

"Mm... could you maybe make that Thai chicken thing again?  I love that."

Jean gave a frustrated grunt and Armin giggled, squirming in Jean's arms.  "I'm half kidding.  You're just so easy.  Now come on, we're meeting the others in an hour."

He detached himself from Jean's limbs, and climbed out of bed to pull up his underwear.  Jean, still lying unmoving in bed, smiled as he watched him hop on the spot as he struggled to get his foot through the gap in his shorts.  After a slight stumble, he was successful in dressing himself before standing up straight and casually tucking his hair behind his ear.  He seemed a little flustered and Jean couldn't believe that his heart still gave a hard thump each time he caught that embarrassed look.

"Hey, Armin?"

He turned at the sound, spotted Jean's outstretched hand and took it between his own as he sat on the edge of the bed.  "What is it?"

"I'm just so glad I fell in love with you."

Armin smiled, shaking his head slightly before letting it drop so his hair swung forward to cover the embarrassed yet happy look on his face.  "I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of hearing that."  He murmured, bringing their entwined hands to his chest.  "Seriously though, how many times are you going to spring that line on me?"

"For as long as you're willing to have me."

"Hm, forever then?"

"I guess so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i couldn't let our boys be anything but happy together in the end and gross it's so sappy
> 
> about the timeskip - i know exactly what happens between their last school year and their living together (in Germany by the way) and believe me, the journey's not all sunshines and rainbows (like really really not) but like i said, i'll maybe get to that later when i can write without wanting to cry into an empty vodka bottle
> 
> but gosh yeah thank you to everyone who stuck with this fic for so long!! wow a year nearly holy moly  
> i hope you've all gotten some enjoyment out of reading this, and the feedback has been overwhelming over this whole thing which i really appreciate. seriously, thank you. love you guys, keep the jearmin love alive !!


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